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RUN REPORTS (See Hash History Page for Years 2015 and previous years)
Run 1596 23rd Sept 2018
Hares Speed Bumps and Dead End.
30 plus hashers turned up on Mijas mountain to be greeted by the two cunning hares. Parking was restricted and it was quite entertaining watching hashers trying to put quarts into pint pots. Two dog offences before the run started and Ayam and Golden Cascade were suitably punished fot their pets demeanour.
So the run commenced and Just Say When led the pack off to the left. The hares were smiling. Why? Because they sent us on a long falsy so we had to return all the way back to the start to commence the run again. The trail took us up the mountain and after a while there was a split. Most of the hounds went off to the left and Just Say When to the right. Both were calling On but I gambled (correctly) and followed JSW to the right. After a while the trail took a turn to the left and we climbed up to a wonderful viewpoint where photos were taken and where we all enjoyed the spectacular 360 panoramic view.
After this it was a descent and then an ascent up to the beer stop. After refreshments the machos followed their trail and us whimps followed the road back to the circle. The circle was entertaining as per normal with many jokes about undertakers and following this we all headed back to Dead Ends house for the On on.
Hounds voted for a good run and a grand time was had by all.
On on CG.
RUN NO:- 1595 The river Run
Hash Scribe Run Number 1955 16 Sept 2018
Hares – Up Yer Bum – From Behind – Just Say When At - Miramar Bridge
Well … finding the Run location was quite difficult given the rather poor directions. But once it got underway it proved to be a good Run, receiving a score of 8.4. Leaving the circle we ran by the river, over the bridge on the sea front and continued a good way along before turning inland through Club La Costa. However we didn't travel very far into the campo, being mostlty on wide tracks close to the town. We continued on to the first Beer Stop and then again onto the second. Two Beer Stops - a popular arrangement with many of the hashers!
Thence to the final circle. This was taken by the Assistant GM, Kindergarden, who told some of the most outrageously funny jokes that some people almost died laughing. (Well ...I'm writing this … and it's my memory!) Notable for a down down was Just Say When who hared two Runs in one weekend. Having organised the Malaga Hash route the previous evening. The RA was ill so the circle continued with Jerry Can bringing people into the circle, followed by gorilla down downs.
The On On was at Ringos and was a barbecue. Unfortunately we had to wait quite some time for the food to arrive and some of the meat was inedible when it did arrive, being burnt to a crisp on the outside and uncooked on the inside. However, since we managed to get a drink of pacharan at the end, that was all forgotten.
RUN NO:- 1594 Back to Skool at the English International College
HARES - Lilo Lil, Egg Shell Blonde and Sweet & Low
ANNIVERSARIOS:- 911 -10 runs, Mussl'im 15, Seaman Stains 185, Colonic 370, Just Say When 320 and Up Yer Bum 670
Twenty odd schoolboys and schoolgirls turned out in their very smart, new uniforms for the start of the new year. Not a good start. The new headmaster, Kindergarden Kop couldn't find his way and turned up late, along with three other cars carrying students, The three monitors were called in to explain themselves before being made an example and punished in the usual way. Hope none of them are math's tutors as they don't know the difference between 1 (right) and 2 (rights).
Off on the first school run of the year, to be a weekly event, to counterbalance all those naughty drinks and sweets they would be taking during the year. Into the jungle like undergrowth and dried up RIVERBED, not more RIVERBED! A good nine, did we hear nine, not for the first time, kilometers which left most of the children tired and exhausted and one seriously dehydrated. Olaf, more used to snow than Sun, being a Viking and over competitive. more or less collapsed at the sight of one more, bloody great hill, in the full heat of the Sun. Fortunately a couple of Scramblers came by at the right moment and took him up the hill to the awaiting refreshments and delaying the school van getting back to the run start, until some two and a quarter hours from setting off.
The children gathered around to hear the Ass istant Head Mr Paydophile remark on their efforts. Two old students, Seaman Stains and Master Bates were given more refreshment, one for diving in a dry river bed, with noticeable injuries and the other for nearly dying out on the run. Two of the monitors, one who couldn't get the figure nine out of his mind, were rightly punished for spending money, not just on flash cars, but on each having personalised number plates, at a time when so many children could not afford a school uniform.
Finally the Headmaster asked the Children to mark the run. A shrewd bunch, not to be brainwashed with the figure, nine, but nearly. Eight point NINE was given and those that had been given pocket money went on to Ticky Tapas for school lunch'
ON ON Your School Reporter, Mummy's Boy
Run 1593 - The Riverbed Run (Who said RIVERBED)
Just Say When and Stiffy
LOCATION: Somewhere past Enterrios
About 40 hashers made it to the run site despite directions from mummy's boy who doesn't know his left from his right.
Run was in 3 halves with 2 beer stops.
The first half took us straight away into a load of shiggy and we then picked up the first RIVERBED which had some lovely rock pools which most hot hashers cooled off in.
The end of the first half was a vertical scramble back up to the beer stop to be met by a swarm of very friendly wasps who decided to help themselves to all the beer and crisps. Time to move on quickly.
Second half started through a smelly pipe and more shiggy on to the driest RIVERBED in Spain. Miles upon miles across ankle breaking rocks with the odd bramble to rip tender hasher flesh.
Most of us were losing the will to live at this point especially our RA Colonic, moaning about RIVERBEDS for at least an hour.
Finally found the second very welcome beer stop for some more cold ones.
The thirs half was the highlight of the run. More like a scene from The African queen (you know the scene - Bogart and the leeches). Up to our waists in some cooling running water, fabulous.
Unfortunately there was a wimps trails back to the end which most hashers took - lazy bastards so missing the best part of the run.
No hash stats this week as no anniversarios but run was awarded 8.9, I think.
On-on was excellent with BBQ food, salads and some great hash singing, another excellent Sunday.
Kattoy Boy from Saigon hash.
Gang Bang and Elvis,
Getting to the run was easy enough, I came alone with Sir Flakey, Stif Fanny, and two more guests of theirs from America. So no problem there. We arrived on time to find plenty of hashers already to go, 40+ I’m told, so the directions given by the Hares must have been pretty damn good.
The rest of my report is taken from a 5” x 4” soggy piece of paper, which is all that was on offer at the start of the circle, so if you appeared in the circle but not in the is report, it likely down to the invisible ink.
Malfunktion (Shetland H3), Limpio Punto and Camel Poo, (USA), and Flower Power.
Sir Flakey called the Hares in, and they proceeded to chalk us through the run markings. And off we went , or, on on we went if you prefer.
A bit of a rocket launch start, up up and away, ( I claimed Mt Kilimanjaro once, this was quite similar). The drink stop was well timed, most welcome and well and positioned, I arrived with the tail end ‘runners’ to find, well I didn’t actually find anything except the drink vehicle, everyone was hiding under a well crowned tree/ Bush, sheltering from the heat, one pair of legs vaguely visible gave the game away. On up a bit more, not quite to the moon.....then down down down, and that was it. A pretty neat, no messing around run.
Sir Flakey called the Circle to order and proceeded with several anniversaries
Number of runs:
Cabin Boy, 5
From Behind, 15
Over and Done with, 55
Desperate Dan, 60
Lilo Lil, 160
Sticky Tart, 270
The GM then had Kannot Kan, on in, and berated him, ( or congratulated him, I couldn’t be certain), on KK’s previous run report, “Longer than ‘War and Peace’,”and containing secret abbreviations, that even the code breakers in the Second World War would have struggled with.
The GM then called in ‘Albert’....’ALBERT,’!!!! Exclaimed the hashshitically correct attendees.
The GM instantly gave himself a down down, and corrected himself, recalling Uncle (Albert) Fester to get himself on ice.
Gang Bang and the cool Young Elvis: what did we think of the run: Varied response as usual, resulting in a 6.9 average.
Kannot Kan on in,
he’s leaving, nice little down down, but....he’s not leaving yet, so maybe another leaving down down next run.
Flower Power in,
she’s lost and beautiful.
..... limpo Punto and Camel Poo, ‘We’re on the road to Morocco’, except Camel Poo forgot her Passport, luckily StifFanny came to the rescue, and it turned out that half a day queuing in Morocco, is better than a whole day queuing in Morocco.
RA takes the circle.
I wasn’t sure if I should get down on my knees, or what. He Looked the real thing for a moment, and it was, just a moment!
Uncle Fester on ice....he’s the meanest.
Airbags on in....she’s a wanker,
At this point I’ve hit a soggy bit, so we move on,
7 year old Elvis in....., give us a smile, (which he did),1 for the money, 2 for the show, 3 to get ready, and ‘drink it down down down down.
On in: Seman Stains and Desperate Dan, for dog poo in the circle, (I didn’t see them do it).
Pinocchio, for parking in the circle.
The two blondes, Titanic and Lost cause, for parking erratically., (looked ok to me).
Golden Shower on ice, RA indicates a nice long song to cool things down. Prick of steel comes across as appropriate, then everyone forgets the words.
RA points out, it’s the 40th anniversary for Egg Shell and Lilo Lille. Congratulations all round there.
Kinda Garden is in for, crisps and water, a likely mix. And at that stage my bit of paper was well gone, I’m writing on thin air.
Lovely day, lovely run and lovely bunch of hashers, I’ll be back. On on, Malfunktion.
Run #1591 – The Colonic Irrigation Birthday Run
Date & time:- Sunday 19th August 2018 12.00h
Location:- back of Lew Hoad Tennis Academy
Hares:- Colonic Irrigation and Five-Knuckle Shuffle
The run information on the website showed the date, time and a nice clear description of how to approach the runsite from either Mijas pueblo or the N340; however, no coordinates for the runsite were offered, which might be a handicap for visitors from far afield, deciding whether or not to attend. Perhaps the GM could encourage all hares to post the map coordinates as a matter of habit.
Likewise, there was a neat description of the On-On, but it was assumed that all attendees would know where El Coto is, and how to get there from the runsite; those who don’t know would then be left to pester their fellow hashers for directions after the circle, and still possibly risk getting lost on the way.
Finally: “LLC Clonk 630729769” is superfluous to those who know him, and incomprehensible to outsiders. MHROTD Clonk 57!
Fortunately, I had checked out the run details during the course of the week, with the purpose of getting my transportation arrangements made early for a change. Although I was surprised to see that the run would start at midday, it was a timely surprise, - far superior to a late surprise! I don’t remember another regular Mijas run (that is, with the exception of weekends away) starting so early – it had been suggested once, and the suggestion rejected with unbridled derision. “So,” I thought to myself, “I wonder what the pack will make of this?” Much was made, as will be seen in this Hash Report...
I had made an impromptu decision to attend Malaga Hash on Saturday, meeting up with Just Say When and Mummy’s Boy, who were also to give me a lift to Mijas Hash the next day. It’s worth mentioning because the Malaga Hash was a birthday run, and the on-on party lasted until well after dark. I surfaced none too bright-and-early on Sunday morning, with only just enough time – as I thought – to jump straight into my hash gear and bolt out the door to meet my lift. However, there was no response to my repeated calls and text messages to JSW/MB, and by about 11 o’clock I was beginning to resign myself to missing the run: finally JSW called me and said she was just looking for her hash gear, and as soon as she was dressed she and MB would come and pick me up. We made it to the Hash just on time; still, there were others who arrived even later than us.
Gathering Of The Pack
Approaching the runsite past the tennis academy, we saw at intervals along the road the letter-perfect hash calligraphy of the Hares, guiding us toward the designated spot – clearly the work of an educated and refined person: well done, that passer-by! A line of cars was parked by the roadside, and then just round the corner a dark green portable pergola! This was a very welcome sight, since the runsite affords little or no natural shade, and the weather was as hot as it had been over the past few weeks. So welcome was it, in fact, that it was already populated by a good dozen hashers, and practically none were visible outside of its confines for longer than needed to pay run fees and grab a cold drink. As more hashers arrived, so more piled into the shade of the pergola, until there was scarcely room to move.
At the appointed time, our esteemed GM, ‘Sir’ Flakey called the pack to order, and made the prefatory remarks, including appointment of this week’s scribe – with a reference to “War And Peace part 2” - and an apology for the ungodly starting hour! Roger The Cabin Boy and Chillian were identified as visitors; no returnees were announced. The Hares were then called in to give an account of their run, co-Hare Five-Knuckle Shuffle earning a sarcastic rebuff from the Hare for daring to intervene in the Hare’s monologue. Perhaps he was jealous of the announcement – made with some theatrical ado - that there would be ‘Plenty Of Shade’ on the trail. No explanation of Mijas H3 markings was deemed necessary for this pack, though as usual snippets were volunteered by Sir Flakey anyway. The announcement of a single beer stop was greeted with muted approval from a pack whose growing thirst was already becoming evident. Finally the twenty-six of us assembled, faces all squeezed together along one side of the pergola, for the traditional pre-Hash group photograph by stand-in Hash Flash Desperate Dan.
Off we went, down the road towards the junction with the road to the tennis academy, a few metres short of which trail turned right, taking us into a narrow gulley by way of a slope bedecked with a horrible rough concrete surface that had evidently been thrown into place without much thought. Slipping and sliding we went down, managing somehow to avoid being grated like raw vegetables by the time we hit bottom.
Continuing along the gulley we passed under bridges and through a couple of short-ish round tunnels, and then through a longer arched tunnel – always a temptation to give vent to a full-throated bawl of “ON ON!”, as demonstrated by yours truly – at the end of which we encountered a sudden drop to a lower level. The pack slowed a little, but the hazard proved no particular challenge even to the less athletic of us.
We continued with some difficulty along a narrow and stony gulley flanking a road, which naturally presented the temptation to climb out. I gave way to that temptation, following the road by the edge of the gulley. I though I was the only one to do so, but a couple of minutes later, after I had climbed back in as the gulley gave onto yet another tunnel, Dog’s Bollox’ smiling face appeared over the wall at the top – he had had the same idea.
The first thing I saw on climbing down to the tunnel entrance was a ladies’ shoe with a four-inch heel and brass stud decorations; I searched in vain amongst my fellow hashers to see if I could spot which forlorn Cinderella would be making her midnight subterranean escape. The next thing I saw was the ominous word “TORCH” marked in the hares’ immaculate script; fortunately some of us were thus equipped, and in true hash fashion, waited for the others not so well-found to catch up. It was as well we did so, because this was indeed a long... dark... tunnel, high enough to walk upright and flat underfoot for the most part, but dotted about to left and right with little piles of concrete where the workmen, having finished making a perfectly flat surface, had then simply dumped the tail ends of the mix. A five minute walk that seemed more like half an hour brought us back to daylight in a continuation of the dry creek.
Somewhat further along the creek bed, a sulphurous odour started to pervade the air. At a certain point, there was a sound of running water, and at the side of the creek a small stagnant pool: surely this is the signature of a Colonic Irrigation run! Yet further along, the creek gave out onto a broad dry river bed, where it wasn’t immediately apparent whether we should pursue left or right. Shortly Dipper discovered a check mark, broken in the direction of a ramped track, which we ascended only to find a false trail “F” mark at the junction with another road. There was considerable milling around amongst those present as we tried to make sense of the incorrectly broken check. Eventually, irregular Mijas hasher Five Mil, having ventured a fair way down the asphalt road, came back and reported having seen from above trail marks in the river bed, which we duly followed.
The next check was broken to the left, taking us out of the river and up a sloping dirt road onto a sort of moonscape, punctuated by electricity pylons and hosting a spread of machinery for grading stones. The path out of this desolate place was headlined by the black silhouette of a gigantic bull-board perched on the hill in the middle distance. We then entered the back end of a light industrial poligono, passing through onto a bridge across one of the motorways that slice through the area, then crossing over a busy road with crash barriers to reach a narrow dirt track that brought us to yet another dry river bed.
At this point, there were audible mutterings of speculation about how far it might be to the beer-stop. Then, all of a sudden, we stumbled across the long-awaited letters “BN” on the track ahead, and with renewed vigour the group of us picked up the pace and fairly bolted along the track to the mouth of – you guessed it! – a cavernous arched tunnel. One or two hashers had already ventured inside when common sense prevailed and they realised that they couldn’t see any trail markings. Small wonder – we had, in our enthusiasm for beer, overshot the trail markings leading up to the pavement to the right of the river bed!
The Beer Stop
And there it was, a couple of hundred metres away along the right side of the road, opposite the Parque Canino Guau Guau... (Who on earth thinks up those names?) A short trot brought us to the very welcome refreshment stop, where we were able to indulge in beer, tinto verano, and probably cake, as promised – though I didn’t see any... I have to say, the Hares lived up to their word on the matter of shade; the spot they had chosen for the beer stop was deliciously cool after the long slog in the sunshine from the last tunnel. It wasn’t long before we were off again into the heat, amidst a flurry of speculative commentary on the probable length of the home-trail.
Any such speculation was quickly cut short by our swift arrival back at the runsite – scarcely time to glug down a ‘roadie’! Most of the way was on asphalt, though we may have taken in another section of dry river bed on the way. My memory fails me, and since all my electronic apparatus had done likewise before even the start of the run, I am left with no option but to make it up as I go along. Fortunately for the Hares, I can’t imagine a better home trail than the one they set – see how my imagination fails me too! Once home, as you may imagine, the pack lost no time grabbing cold drinks and piling under the pergola once again.
Sir Flakey called the Circle to order, and we got down to the business of the day, offering our judgments of the Hares’ efforts. As expected, most of the pack accorded the run moderate to good marks based on the quality and length of the trail, the duly observed promises of plenty of shade – not to mention complete darkness for a section, the provision of a pleasant and well-appointed beer stop. However... and this is a BIG however, points were deducted in various measure for the egregiously uncivilised early start – for which no satisfactory explanation was volunteered (none that your scribe heard, anyway). The final aggregate score was nevertheless a solidly respectable 8.7.
Next came the Anniversarios (Hash awards for run tally): Mijas Hash purportedly makes these awards every five runs accumulated by a member, but occasionally a tally is announced that is clearly not divisible by five, as seen below. This week, it was the turn of the following:
From Behind – 14 runs
Dog’s Bollox – 755 runs
Mummy’s Boy – 620 runs
5-mil – 360 runs
Community Chest – 150 runs
MegaSoreArse – 135 runs
SheepShagger – 110 runs
That’s a whole lotta dedication, fellow hashers!
Now, since our beloved RA was on this occasion not only a Hare but also a Birthday Boy, and thus lined up for the ritual birthday humiliation that is routinely meted out once a year to each unfortunate hasher, it was decided to toast him before conducting the habitual Hash inquest.
Since he had had the foresight to make suitable provisions in advance, it fell to Sir Flakey to call the Birthday Boy into the Circle and sit him on the block of ice the Birthday Boy himself had so thoughfully provided for the purpose. Now typically when toasting a hash birthday, the happy birthday subject is regaled – if that is the proper word – with a cake, ‘baked’ fresh in the Circle with the crucial support of the subject’s head, suitably encircled with a party hat. On this occasion, it was deemed that, given the unearthly hour of the run start, a Hashy Burpday Breakfast would be more apposite. A ‘breakfast bowl’ was thus procured, in the shape of a sunshade, fitted upside down on the head of our subject, and breakfast chef Sir Flakey set to.
But did we have proper ingredients for a hash breakfast? Miraculously, a couple of eggs were produced from a pocket by Dipper, and duly cracked into the breakfast bowl by the chef; two sausages were then unexpectedly volunteered by Sheepshagger, and after a moment’s tenderising against the Birthday Boy’s cheeks they were squished on top of the eggs. Was the Birthday Boy still hungry? Of course he was – just beginning! Just by chance, Desperate Dan had an open can of baked beans at the ready, and these followed the eggs and sausages into the breakfast bowl, now full to the brim. Then Mummy’s Boy followed up with a garnish of a can of chopped tomatoes, causing the breakfast mix to overflow down the Birthday Boy’s shoulders. Time then for the chef to have a quick wash-up into the bottomless wash-bowl the Birthday Boy held in his lap, and breakfast was prepared. But wait! What about a breakfast drink? A breakfast teabag was plopped into a glass of beer for the purpose and presented to the happy diner. A little extra sweetness? Kannot Kan produced a bag of sugar, and the Birthday Boy was suitably sweetened. 5-mil then brought home the bacon; two rashers were duly tenderised and added to the feast. Chocolate powder sprinkle from MegaSoreArse, a decorative squirt of whipping cream from Pussy Galore, and a final dousing of orange juice from Sir Flakey completed the picture.
To a rousing chorus of “Happy Birthday” we toasted the Hare’s attainment of fifty-seven years: rarely if ever has a Hash Birthday been so fulsomely celebrated. Fortunately for us, Desperate Dan lent his smartphone for the purpose of recording the event, and your scribe duly performed the duty, the results of which appear on the Mijas H3 facebook page.
Our ever-svelte RA having stepped out of the Circle for a post-prandial sluice-down, an able stand-in was called to duty, in the no less svelte form of Dipper. Dipper set to with gusto and much aplomb, calling out sundry hash chargees for infractions real or imaginary. The Circle was in a mood of high merriment throughout, and your scribe was so overcome with mirth that he failed to take notes of who and what were the subjects of the various charges. Suffice it to say that justice was doled out, down-downs were drunk, and down-down songs belted out with glee.
Charges done, and with a suitable pause in the general hilarity, a rather damp representative of next week’s Hare (for it was he, our svelte and beloved RA) was invited to step up and tell us about next week’s run: Gang Bang and Itchy are setting trail at Atalaya Macorra, the run to start at – a slight cough of embarrassment from Colonic Irrigation as he announced it – the VERY civilised hour of 5pm.
On that happy note, the Circle drew to a close and the pack repaired to the Palace of India at El Coto for a feast of South Asian treats and wine. It was an agreeable repast, at EUR15 a head, and all settled to enjoy the mellow atmosphere of the On On. Then at a certain point mention was made of the names of some of our fellow hashers that were notable for their absence from the joyful proceedings of the day; it was further mentioned that they might be found carousing at a different establishment not so far away...
As the diners drifted away to their various ports of call, some of us decided to go and investigate at El Brujo, and thus discover what was the occasion for the division of our close-knit community. Sure enough, on arriving there we found a separate set of diners, drawn from our number, enjoying a delighfully private late lunch. I never did get to the bottom of their decision not to patronise the Palace of India – maybe they don’t like spicy food. Nevertheless, we latecomers, having signalled our disappointment to the absconders, then occupied a couple of tables and promptly launched into further rounds of beer and wine.
Eventually, conversation took a turn for the maudlin – as it tends to do with a surfeit of good cheer on a Sunday afternoon, and as earnest entreaties were voiced by some that others should learn to take care of themselves properly, homeward bound was signalled. Thus, with many a fond “Cheerio!” we dispersed into the gloaming...
On On On...
Run 1590 - The Wedding Run
Run Number: 1589
Date: 5th August 2018
Location: Casa Sir Flakey & Stiffanny
Hares: Stiffanny and Streaky
Run Score: 9.3
Anniversaries: Shmoosky 55, Appy Ending 80, French Erection 110,
Colonic 365, Golden Cascade 415, Stiffanny 415
We all arrived at Stiffanny's
for the 5 pools run
A beautiful day it was going to be fun
We had some visitors from somewhere Germanic
But we think one of them was definitely Hispanic
We also had a virgin from Brazil named Edison
The jury was out as to whether this was his medicine
Our first stop was at the pool of Dipper's
Some jumped in but there were no strippers
Many just sat down in one of the pews
Cocktail in hand and admired the views
Once we had a few of Stiffanny's screwdrivers
We started to wonder if there would be any survivors
Then it was on to the pool of Titanic
And at first we began to panic
But there was really no need for caution
As she appeared with some vodka concoction
Next it was on to the pool of Bleeding Bush
Where many jumped in or were given a push
How many could we get into the pool
I've no idea but it was bloody full
On again serenaded with music from Seaman Stains
We were on to the pool of the gorgeous Danes
Now someone shouted tits out for the boys
But none were falling for one of these ploys
Even Titanic kept hers under wraps
So it was down to Gardener to get out her baps
Then it was another cocktail called Seabreeze
We were starting to enjoy all these freebies
Next it was back to Stiffanny's where we started
But there was to be more laughter before we parted
Colonic was called to the floor to entertain us
Whilst his son Elvis took shots at his anus
Stiffanny disappeared and spent much time in her kitchen
Only later to come out with platters of chicken
And with her profit of 250 euros
She donated it to the charity she chose
Scribe: Bloody Pinocchio
Mijas H.H.H Run Number 1588
Sunday 29th July 2018.
Hares Sweaty Orifice & Speed Bumps
To start or not to start that be the question? 11a.m or 4p.m? After lots of protestations a later start it was. Still sweltering hot but thirty three hardy hashers convened after good co-ordinates and an easy tarmac drive to the start position.
A hare or not a hare? That be the second question. Accredited to Speed Bumps and Sweaty Orifice alas no show from Speed Bumps. Heinous crime even a flogging the madding crowd protested! Where was she? At a party!! Well I never. How can she have the audacity to show up at future runs? How can she ever face the wrath of our G.M Flakey and dare I say it the R.A Colonic Irrigation's cleansing? All will be revealed. Watch this space!!!
We were promised a gentle level run with campo, shade, beach and two drink stops. How welcome that was. Sweaty Orifice didn't disappoint. A well marked track with a little scramble kept the pack together. Three kilometres in we arrived at the first drink stop. Convivial, social interaction and slurping the cooled beers we slipped into our comfort zones and stayed rather a long time. On on called and we set off to the second drink stop down towards the carreteria, over a bridge onto the beach at Elviria. Navigating the trail we passed a rock, " Sweaty and Speedy was ere!!!" How reassuring when Speedy hadn't even made an appearance!
Sashaying along the sand then back into campo anticipating another cooling beer, all hopes were dashed.....no second beer stop. A barrier mysteriously appeared to prevent car access. No car no drink stop ...Pussy then went into overdrive convinced of the trail and instructing the pack accordingly, unfortunately, we were then going the wrong way. Undeterred, we pressed on to the correct route with the promise of a haunted house. Hot, sweaty, thirsty but enthusiastic we discovered a former Guardia Seville barracks not quite haunted but old. A little like us hashers. With verve and tenacity we pressed on into a well shaded river bed finally arriving back after seven kilometres in total.
Sir Flakey G.M and Colonic R.A. amused and entertained as usual. A triple birthday celebration ensued. Band Aid, Desperate Dan for real and Ginger Minge was caked for snitching on his daughter Band Aid. Hashy Birthday was sung and a celebratory cake mixed a la tete...
A stand in French Erection was look a like for Speed Bumps (
Specsavers eat your heart out) and Sweaty Orifice to receive hash marks. Mummys
Boy computed an 8.7 average understanding it would have been more if the
promised second drink stop had manifested. Sweaty then explained that a coded
barrier had been lowered on the access road to the second beer stop. Despite
Sweaty's sprained ankle the baying crowd shouted " bring a hacksaw next time "
Anniversarios: Clogg Dancer 55, Gardener 60, Salty Rim 20, Eggshell Blonde 170, Jerry Can 170, Pussy Galore 305, From Behind 11, Bloody Pinochio 30.
A great run then on on at Wakatapas for more social intercourse. Most convivial!!
Scribed by Eggshell
Run Report: Sunday 22nd July 2018
Run Number 1587. “Red Dress Run”
Location: Malaga City.
Hares: Pussy Galore, Desperate Dan & Aqua Sex.
It was that time of the year that Mijas H3 athletes are requested to attend the run in “Red Dresses” it is a worry that some “male” hashers are a little on the keen side to slip into something that shows all their best features, and No your bums did not look BIG in any of the manly outfits, more on this later.
The arranged meeting place was Fuengirola train station at 12.00 mid-day, “Speed bumps” was on hand organising the group as they arrived, this was an easy task when they All stood out in their various Red dress attire! People had travelled far and wide for this even “Beaugest” was here to torment us again. The train departed on schedule and “Up your Bum” wasted no time in collecting money for this chosen charity “AVOI” for the Materno Infatil de Malaga Hospital in Malaga, a very worthy cause.
On arrival in Malaga central the train carriage had been nearly filled to capacity with new Red dressed hashers boarding on route, from the station there was a short walk to the front entrance of the Malaga port to meet up with “Pussy Galore” and the Organisers of the “AVOI” charity, money collection cans were passed out and a circle called to the amusement of the passing locals and tourists. With the hash markings and formalities over with the run got under way, we were promised two beer stops, no hills and a pleasant walk thru town, we were not disappointed, the trail set off up Calle Larios, the sight of “Kannott Kan” in his over the top Transvestite attire had the children fleeing in all directions, “From the Back” the bearded pregnant lady did not fool anybody! On up Larios the pack went, tins rattling frightening locals and tourist alike requesting that they part with their unwanted coins, they all did this to avoid having to face up to “Clogg dancer” who looked like an out of work bouncer in a dress! “Streaky” was getting plenty of looks from all the gentleman in her voluptuous 1960 Soviet airline stewardess in full flight ----
From Larios (After a Song check) we headed to the right hand side thru a narrow Calle, “Froggy” even managed to get a little shopping in!!! on up and our first beer stop, 40cents Cana`s were handed out to very one except “Up your Bum”, “Clonic” ( I knew I should not have had 3 glasses!!) whilst quaffing our well-earned beer we took the opportunity for a video shoot for “I’ll be seeing you” looking forward to seeing it posted !!! Simply lovely. On On again and up to El Pimpi restaurant for more persuasive tin rattling and more tourist harassment to make them cough up some cash for a worthy charity, “Just keep that “Tranny” away from my children and I will pay”!!! Was the usual response, regrouped and a hash photo in front of the Roman Amphitheatre was called, a great photo for the archives, 10 meters further on was a lone South American Busker who got an instant party group in the way a the passing MIjasH3 dancers, lead by Mr, elastic legs himself “Uncle Fester”, it took quite a while to get the group to move on as a festival mood had kicked in!! On On eventually along the main road to another photo shoot with the Castle as the back drop, great photos for the grand kids, says “Sticky tart” the next drink stop was only 5 minutes up the road, we were greeted by “Pussy” and “Desperate Dan” with refreshing “Vino Tinto” in a beautiful road side stop, from here there was a leisurely stroll thru the new port area admiring “Karma Chameleon’s” new cruising yacht!
The run finished on the road out to the cruise ships & Aircraft carriers! With plenty of linear shade in the way of a palm team the circle was called, the GM in his usual “Blue” attire brought in our three guest from the “AVOI” charity, who took their “Down downs” in true hash fashion, next the anniversaries: “Aqua Sex” and 5 Knuckle shuffle 85 runs, Desperate Dan 55 runs, Kindergarten Cop (with nipple clamps) 525 runs (Sad buggers!) Next came the Hares in, they were duly awarded 9.4 for a very enjoyable stroll thru Malaga city whilst collecting for a worthy cause, our Religious Adviser “Clonic” then cleansed all those “male sinners” and made them promise not to dress like that again --- until next year!
On On On was a great little Tapas bar in the port.
Thanks to the hares for a great day out and hope we have made some much needed cash for the “AVOI” charity.
On On forever, YMWGM Sir Flakey, Be seeing you !!!
ANNIVERSARIOS:- Kan not Kan 15, Just Say When 315, Up yer Bum 665SCORE:- 7.6
A mixture of twenty six footie fans and non- believers gathered at the Hares new home. So new, that the furniture had only been delivered the day before and our television technician, Egg Shell Blonde was beaming his Scouse tele onto the new box via a telephone link as we congregated.
Fortuitously, the valley beside Knob's End had been ploughed that very week enabling the Hash to climb without the nuisance of all the usual Summer prickles. Up to the haunted ruin, home to hundreds of bats in years of Hash's past.
Up through a hole in the fence, still there having been made by Mummy's Boy nearly 20 years previous when it was erected illegally. Up to a magical ruin and viewpoint looking out along the coast, where we sat and enjoyed a well earned beer.
Over the edge and down a steep, rock strewn hill (Knobs Hill?), back to the ON IN. Most took a short cut, thanks to some over zealous calling, which took the pack back to the Bat House and a return on the Out Trail.
A few beers and a quick dip and the circle was convened.A number of returners were asked where had they been. Anniversarios were both praised and called sad bastards and the run was scored. Mummy's Boy pointed out that it was the first run he ever set, nearly twenty years previous and many similar runs since. Generally thought a little short but a fine effort for a first run on new territory for the Hares and an area teaming with future possibilities. A score of 7.6 was awarded.
Sandpaper Sally was praised for her horticultural efforts
- planting bulbs in her new plant pots, but as hare her time might have
better spent setting the run, preparing food or putting the beer on ice!
Obviously she thought they were fast growing Iris's!
It was a knitting circle, lazing on loungers and sitting. No crossing of legs and drinks in the left hand only. No problem until you put it down and pick it up with your right. Several dumbheads were brought in and chastised.
The usual camel toe inspection was foregone and replaced by a review of male genitalia.
Kan not Kan was brought in, in his Speedo's and accused of hiding a banana in them (and not the customary can or two!) and Mummy's Boy was singled out for his well packed Hash Cycle Shorts.
Finally a Christening was needed and. Rob the Knob and Sandpaper Sally knelt as flour and beer were thrown over the House. It would no longer be known as No 10 or Casa Cascada, forthwith it would officially be known as KNOBS END.
The Indian Menu del Dia takeaway had arrived and it was coming up to four o'clock. A generous selection of starters, popperdoms, nan bread and individual curries washed down by a decent wine followed.
Our television technician, revved up the screen and gave us a blast from the past with a screening of the 2006 and 2007 Summer Camps. What a fine looking body of Hashers we were in those days
and on that thought your Scribe, Mummy's Boy, will sign off. ON ON