Home Hare line Jokes Contact List Hash History Links Run Reports 2011 Email us
RUN REPORTS 2005
Day Run in Monda
Sunday 25th December 2005
Hares: The Willy´s
Over 20 hashers gathered at Finca Mermaid on a dull damp day ready for the xmas day run. We were expecting an shortish run but it turned out to be a well set run with 2 beer stops with great views.
Shortish circle & then the days festivities started. Well done to the cooks all working extremely hard. Acouple of quizzes, some singing & dancing all added to a great hash xmas.
Town run in aid of Cudeca
Sunday 18th December 2005
Hares: Dogs bollox & Up yer bum
25 hashers met up on the beach at 1:00 for a town run all dressed up in Xmas finery (Except for scrooge El Cid). First beer stop at Sir roys house for mulled wine. Difficult to get hashers out of the house after that! Next beer stop in the port & finally beer stop at Magmums bar where Peter supplied all beer proceeds to Cudeca, thanks Peter.
Short circle was followed by a buffet style curry at Mira India. Finally Mince pies & ice-cream & more drinks at Hostel dogsy.
Sir Roy could not attend the run as his nieces had arrived for Xmas.
Sunday 11th December 2005
Hares: Mummy´s boy
Staggering up from La Cala village and having been passed by Perve and Jerry Can in the Porsche saying they had no room for me, Bag Puss gallantly stopped and gave me a lift to the run start in the hills above La Cala.
Considering this was a Hair of the Dog run it was very well attended by approximately 40 eager hashers, several very much the worse for wear. Although I´d been standing patiently in the circle awaiting its commencement, I´d walked away to obtain a bottle of water and was then classified as the last hasher in the circle and received my punishment in the way of a can of Cruz Campo. I was also presented with the onerous task of scribe. Limp Toed Sloth eagerly stood in for our GM as Stiff Fanny et famille had telephoned to express their apologies for running late again.
The run was surprisingly unhairydoglike as it comprised several, for me, steep hills. Spittoon, Karma and another able bodied person appeared not to tackle the first steep part owing to the distress of our newish harriet Ann who suffers breathing difficulties (moral don´t ask for a BJ!). They did their own run and came back from the opposite direction.
Several hashers lost the trail and others thought they´d completed the whole trail only to find out they hadn´t. Limpt Toed Sloth continued with the circle after the run despite Stiff Fanny´s presence in the circle. Trail foulers were encouraged into the circle for downdowns and Jerry Can uttered a few words something like “phew, I got away with that”. Dipper reported him and he duly completed his penance by consuming a large beer diligently, without spillage, on his knees.
Spittoon, Dipper, Willy Wanker, Karma and I were called into the circle for various anniversaries.
Mummy´s Boy received a good mark of 8 and several compliments for managing to set a run after the successful and boozy Xmas Bash. However, many thought that if he´d done it on foot, and not on the bike, it would have been more akin to a Hair of the Dog Run as it was a little longer than several people managed and who disappeared before the circle … maybe through sickness of perhaps footy?
Mungo´s guise had been blown and he was rechristened. Apparently he was slightly embarrassed by his name and had purported never to have had one … something to do with looking like, many years ago, Mungo Jerry?
The weather became progressively colder in the circle and after several down downs and announcements, namely the 900th run, it was closed and hungry hashers sped off for a wonderful ON ON at the 9 Dragons where we ate and drank superbly for 12 euros a head.
Scribe : Stitched UP
Sunday 4th December 2005
Hares: Willy Wankers WW & Shit shoveller
Sunday 27th November 2005
Hares: Knockout Neptune & Shit shoveller
Report needed please
Sunday 20th November 2005
Hares: Lilo Lil
Calahonda followed by a curry.
Report needed please
Sunday 13th November 2005
Hares: Flakey, HymenHacker & Mummy´s Boy
We gathered underneath the motorway for a prompt start at 2:30. Gangplank lost the way cos he thought Belenmadena was on the coast. First 20 mins was on tarmac down to the Cable car where hot chocolate, food & bright yellow T-shirts were waiting.
Up on the cable car where we were entertained by some captive birds. Then the real run started. We made our way to the first check where some dodgy calling on non-existent marking led most of the hash run downhill for about 2 kms. By the time we found out we were not on trail, rather climbing back up to the top we decided to make our own way down to the cars. We ended up miles from the cars & needed Dogsy´s van to get everyone back for the circle.
Meanwhile the third of the hash who were not fooled managed to do the whole run & apparently said it was well marked. We were worried at one point as it was getting dark & a couple of stiffs & Semi-retard were still on the mountain but they eventually turned up with the aid of a torchlit search party.
The circle was bloody cold so we didn´t stay too long awarding the hares a respectable mark of 8/10 since they only let the hashers who did the true run mark it.
On-on was at Route-66 where after a slow start we had an excellent meal & were entertained by Cucumbear.
Well done to the hares & cucumbear for an excellent effort.
On-on Dogs Bollox
Sunday 6th November 2005
Hares: The Stiffs (Run report needed please)
890-Alhaurin Golf .
Sunday 30th October 2005
Hares: Sparky & Kindergarten Cop
I am writing several weeks after the run and unfortunately the run’s most memorable event is that 6 or so cars were broken into.
It was a great turn out, maybe 50 runners. With my son , Ginger Minge and grand daughter, Band Aid here for a long weekend, ostensibly to visit me but in reality to make the Halloween run. Having attended the ‘nail bar’ for Halloween black painted fingernails we arrived late for the registration at the roadside near Alhaurin Golf, on the Mijas/Coin road: Thus Ginger Minge was obliged to sport the Donkey hat that run.
The run briefing was on top of the highest hill around and with new shoe down downs, it was off down, down, slipping and sliding, with sea views ahead of us. False trails and check-backs encountered and intelligently negotiated, the trail inevitably assumed a northerly direction and we climbed for ever upward, through prickles, factor 10, towards the Mijas Sierras. Skirting the golf course and on on, huffing, puffing and bleeding, to the beer stop along side the carretera.
Suitably refreshed, it was off across the road for the second part of the run, but with a warning that it was ‘a little steep’ and being with Band Aid, I choose the WW (Whingers and Wimps) back along the road, as did Golden Cascade. A wise move as it transpired. As the ‘real hashers’ arrived back at the circle we received stories of mountain ascents and sheer cliff face descents. The worst discovery was though the break-ins to the cars and the thefts of credit cards, cell phones, cash, ID docs and personal papers. I missed the circle trying to assist so cannot recount any down downs etc.
The On On was at the Venta just to the east of the run start.
On On ( your stand-in-scribe) El Cid
|Group pose||The hares||JointWinners|
|A couple of Witches||On-on||Circle|
Bandaid with some help
Golf road near the river.
Sunday 23rd October 2005
Hare: Sir Roy & Oxfam
Excellent effort. The hares found some new trails. Good beer stop overlooking the mountains & sea with sir Roys speciality - ginger beer shandy.
On-on at Triggers stables where Trigger made the usual mouthwatering (& bum-burning) curries.
|Dogsie being cleansed||Dipper in charge||Circle|
|Too much talking by SpermAid||5 mil downs a big one||El Cid & Golden Cascade|
Sunday 16th October 2005
Hare: SpermAid & Rubherturd
Run started on tarmac, continued on tarmac, and ended on tarmac! There's all that countryside just a few k's out.............
But, Rub her Turd and Sperm Aid obviously put a lot of thought into the run and was eventually given around-about a 7-point something! Well done! There WAS a nice part of the run for us hill-billies from Alhaurin/Coin area, and that was the beach section. (Nipple-count was very low!) We are not normally allowed down at sea level very often, because we get carried away and become almost human! That Everton supporter bloke, Flakey, had a tremendous day as Hash-Aberdasher and managed to sell an over-sized tee-shirt to a Yank who, or is that whom, is about to be deported! But good luck LA (the Yank), (so good it was named once!) Anyway, hate Benal-whatever-its-ucking-called, got sodding lost trying to find the start, but enjoyed another Mijas Hash with Stiffany as Grand Mattress, and Dipper As RA to cleanse us of our sins. Spittoon was pis.......unable to award marks again......I had to pis.......go early to have Sunday lunch with my beloved......and then went home to the wife! Sir Roy, bow and courtsy you peasants, read his autocue for next weeks' run, which will start opposite "hole 19" at Mijas golf.
YOUR SCRIBE, SEMI-RETARD
Sunday 9th October 2005
We met at Coin Feria ground for registration and in convoy made our way to Casa Blanco in the campo on the Rio Grande.After introductions for our visitors we set off down to the river we then lost one of the visitors and her dog , was it on purpose ? ..After crossing the river for about the 19th time we then made our way up a hill, then another hill .couple of check backs some said not enough, and guess what .. another hill to see a sign telling us the beer stop was only 2 km away so golden cascade and myself hailed a passing Moroccan taxi!! on his way to Algiceris . He looked like he needed a beer.We harriots found the beer stop many more didn't on seeing the frb making their way down the hill the back runners ..crawlers followed on .Through lots of scratchy bits down through a field and onto the riverbed. More wet feet , On in to limited beer , before the hairs,We raided the fridge drank all the g + ts some even found the shower.Lots of down downs we even saw some rainbows maybe it was the alcohol. And the lost visitor turned up she was not happy,Anyway we had birthday cake Stiffanny kept that quiet. Stitched up finally got her T shirt she very kindly bid for, she also had a second Sunderland T-shirt signed by the Hashers in recognition of her generosity.On On was back at Casa Gangplank to Pumpkin soup Traditional roast and pud ,lots of wine and Pacharan thank god no green ti curry, He,s a star. Great hash 32 runners good score .On On Willy Warmer.
Sunday 2nd October 2005
Sunday 25th September 2005
Hares: Limp toed sloth/SFD
This will teach me not to leave the circle without permission. It was an excellent run & a great effort put in by the hares. Run was not so long so we could all compare scratches as we moved along crawling & climbing with the horrendous thorns that tore at our delicate bodies.
Great beer stop with wonderful views over the mountains & after a cool drink a simple run in.
Very long falsies & checkbacks with numbers just to annoy Flackey who loves them as dearly as he loves everton, well maybe not so considering their last few matches!!!
Circle was formed & points given for the run a huge 8.5. Nice to see visiting Hashers from donnington UK. They were celebrating 30 years of Hashing next year, maybe we can make it to their party.
We also has visitors from Penang who thououghly enjoyed the run I did tell them we set good runs after the disasterous Full moon run of the previous week.
Gangplank 6 mummy´s Boy cleansed our sins 6 a great job they did.
3 new shoes were spotted & tradition followed of drinking beer from the shoes.
Ann at last was christened as Lilo Lil with much flour & beer.
A visitor from Donnington called Dogs bollox created quite a confusion with our Dogs bollox, but this was the only thing they had in common. She was tall, thin, fit & had no balls our own Dogs bollox was ....not.
Annerversarios: Flaky-250, Up yer bum, sir roy, Limp toed & a few others.
On to the ON-ON & a great one it was too. Th e most delicious paella I have ever tasted. Paco was bribed with a few kisses in exchange for more beer 6 wine. entertainment was provided by Paco who sang us a lovely song as well as a hungarian waitress- my my my Delila...& we all joined in la,la,la, etc. Lorraine also provided some entertainment 6 was drooled over by a few hashers.
She enjoyed our company & we enjoyed hers, hope to see her soon.After a few more hash songs & more kisses for Paco & a few went to Casa Gaudi for Pacharans 6 champagne until 2:30 as Stiff Fannies Dick had to go airport at 8:30. Hope he caught his flight.
Golden Cascade. (Visitors-6, Virgins-1 VirginMary-no joke)
|Group Shot||Gangplank etc||Dogs Bollox (2)||Sharing the ice-bucket|
|Lilo Lil baptism||Lilo Lil baptism||Circle||A few down-downs|
Sunday 18th September 2005
The Full Moon Debacle began with a measly string of the Mijas hash, most of them were still recovering from the Charity Bash at Casa Gaudi the night before. 3 Virgins joined us and Big Willy and Ma flew in especially from Penang. If it were not for Stiff Fanny and her Dick’s party I reckon they would be wondering why, they came half way round the world for this sad effort – one of the crappiest runs in Mijas history.
The live hare – Salmonella Rushdie – bless him – is he always that vague? Managed to trail one bag of flour through the building site of Finca San Antonio on the Mijas Road. The security guard had the most exciting time, when we climbed over the sewage pipes and rushed at him waving torches. From then on it was down hill. There seemed to be utter confusion from the beginning, but honestly the best bit was the on in when we all marched down the road like the Seven Dwarfs off to work.
The circle was strategically placed next to a rotting corpse inside a skip (well it smelled like it) and it was declared a thoroughly shit hash.
Onwards and upwards! Silver lining on the cloud for Salmonella – he got 2 out of 10.
|Group Shot||Big willy & Ma||Salmonella-deserved hash shit||A few down-downs|
Monday 12th September 2005
Hares: Flakey & Karma
Although it was a lovely evening the run was a wet start for Salmonella. Did he fall or was he pushed into the pool?.
Starting a bit late due to late comers we covered good campo, various terrain which became a bit rough. Sir Roy had a fall, good display of bravery blood all over his head. Part of the run was more of a crawl through a storm drain which seemed to go on for ever. Those who had torches were the lucky ones, after many bumps on the head and more blood we emerged like something out of the great escape.Blinking into the welcoming site of the beer stop. After much needed refreshment we set off to finish at a jovial walk.Every one thought it was a good run and an award of eight was given. Good to see the returners who have now migrated back to warmer climes. A few visitors and virgins who thoroughly enjoyed themselves. Brilliant curry and tapas mucho vino and for the die hards pacharan flowed.
your scribe Willys Warmer.
|Group Shot||Night time circle||Cheers||Mountie look a bit over weight!!|
to School Run
Monday 5th September 2005
Hares: Perv & Willy Wankers WW
IT WAS THE FIRST COOL EVENING OF THE SUMMER, LESS HUMIDITY AND A WELCOME BREEZE. THE SEA WAS ROUGH AND THE BEACH WARM........WE NUMBERED 22......MOST MADE A GREAT EFFORT AND TURNED UP DRESSED AS SCHOOL CHILDREN.....SHIRTS ,TIES AND CAPS,GYM SLIPS ,HAIR BUNCHES, FRECKLES. THE RUN BEGAN ON THE BEACH, PASSING ANDY'S BAR, THEN ACTUALLY RUNNING THROUGH THE LARGE ADJACENT RESTAURANT, FILLED WITH DINERS, AMAZED,AMUSED EXPRESSIONS ON THEIR FACES, SOME WAVING AND WISHING US GOOD EVENING. WE HAD TIME TO ENJOY THE BEAUTIFUL GARDENS IN THE URBANISATION'S VILLAS ON NEXT PART OF THE RUN, THEN ON TO SOME SCRUBLAND, BEER STOP AND IN NO TIME AT ALL, WE WERE BACK, EPECIALLY QUICK FOR SOME WHO HAD THE CHEEK TO TAKE A SHORTCUT, NAMING NO NAMES . DOG'S BOLLOCK'S WAS THE LAST TO JOIN THE CIRCLE. SOMEBODY SAID THEY SAW HIM BEND OVER TO PICK SOMETHING UP......THAT WAS WHY HE WAS LATE...I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANT...THEN SOMEONE ELSE SAID HE HAD RETURNED FROM THE DIRECTION OF THE GAY BEACH------SO THERE WE ARE----- DID HE BEND OVER ON PURPOSE? STEFFITA CELEBRATED HER 8TH BIRTHDAY BLOWING OUT HER CANDLES TO THE SOUND OF HAPPY BIRTHDAY FROM THE CHORAL HASH. EL CID'S GRANDAUGHTER WHO IS ONLY 5 YEARS OLD, CONFIDENTLY TOLD THE BEST JOKE I'VE HEARD IN AGES . SHE WAS ALSO VERY TAKEN WITH FLAKEY'S TIE, WHICH WAS ONE THE SCHOOL WOULD HAVE HAVE KICKED HIM OUT FOR WEARING. HER COMMENTS ON LENGTH AND SIZE, ESPECIALLY ,DADDY'S ,WERE VERY INTERESTING. PERVE AND JACKIE ,THE HARES, WERE AWARDED six and a half .SOME THOUGHT THE RUN TOO SHORT, BUT PERSONALLY I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST RIGHT FOR THE TIME OF YEAR.......THE ON ON TOOK PLACE AT SAFFRONS INDIAN RESTAURANT, ELVIRIA...VERY NICE AMBIANCE BUT NOT A LOT TO EAT.....THANK GOODNESS FOR A PIECE OF STEFFITA'S DELICIOUS CHOCOLATE AND CHERRY BIRTHDAY CAKE FOR AFTERS. ONON
|Group Shot||Our hares||Nice tie Flakey||Las Chicas with Knockout|
Real Beach Run
Monday 29th August 2005
Hares: Stiffanny & SFD
The run started well enough with some up & down stuff then a long stinky river section thru a dark tunnel to the beach.
The pack lost the trail then but eventually
arrived at funny beach for a great beer stop with go-cart races.
The second half was a predictable retirn on mostly tarmac.
Great T-shirt supplied by the hares got them an
8.5 marks - Well done.
BBQ on the beach went on thru the night, lots of good food & drink
|Group Shot||Our hares||Carribbean shirts||Las Chicas|
|Salmonella on ice||Great hats!||Circle (1)||Circle (2)|
Monday 22nd August 2005
Run 879 - Coin Road
Monday 15th August 2005
Hares: Semi Retard/Spittoon
Don't you just love these people:
visiting the Ass Hash from Madrid, you find that the HHH sign is only visible
for those coming from the south, so you get a free tour of the neighbourhood and
on top of that, they volunteer you to do the write up as well; lovely crowd!
Anyway, after being lost for a while, we were kindly picked up from miles away by DOG´S BOLLOCKS & UP Y'R BUM, who escorted us to the illusive site. Upon arrival, we found that a good crowd had gathered and one look at the Hares told me that these people would definitely know the A to B of Haring. Soon, we were ready to set off towards what looked like a lovely pine-forest. But, as usual nothing on a Hash is what it appears to be, so after a brief stint of running through luscious green, we ended up running through an endless stretch of urban wasteland instead. Nobody seemed to mind too much though, especially since this choice of terrain meant no hills, something I am always partial to. Even more importantly, this particular route allowed the Hares to drive their beer-mobil to a strategically placed rubbish dump in order to replenish the pack with oranges and amber liquid.
No transcendental incidents on the run, just the usual stuff with SIR ROY taking flight elegantly (well, trying to, anyway), GOLDEN CASCADE trying to stay ahead of TWICE A DAY without being seen to do so too obviously and myself naively following KARMA CHAMELEON for miles in the wrong direction ("Oh, don't worry, I know exactly where this run is going").
The run was awarded a 9 by 6 people, so that averages a 6.9, I suppose.
VIRGINS: Rodney No Name and Iris No Name. Iris was not sure about the concept of being a "Virgin" ("I lost my virginity a long time ago, although I still have the box it came in"), but once this was explained she took her down down like a true veteran.
VISITORS: JUST IN, 2 X DAY & BOSSY from the Madrid Hash
MILESTONES: BAGPUSS 15 runs, KNOCKOUT NELSON 30 runs, KARMA CHAMELEON 105, FLAKEY 245 & EL PULPO 370!
DISRESPECT: FLAKEY when confronted with a "fish hook" (a lesser known Hash signal, which is meant to bring the front runners back to the pack) decided that what you don't know can't hurt you and thus proceeded to rub it out.
NO 1 HARES: By "total coincidence" (I don't want to write "Get a life!" here), there was a Hasher wearing the t-shirt of the number 1 run, accompanied by the two Hares who had set said run: El PULPO & FLAKEY.
SHIT OF THE WEEK: Some stiff competition here between SIR ROY & POLLY, both accused of fouling the car park. I can't remember who exactly got the award in the end, but I think it went to the one that not only fouled the car park, but also squatted while doing so.
ANNOUNCEMENTS: There will be a big dinner party on September the 17th, to celebrate..er.. er… well, to have a good time and get sloshed communally, I suppose. Please check with the usual suspects for more details and get out your spondulicks pronto!
|After the run||5 Mil wearing Run 1 shirt plus Flakey & El Pulpo the original hares!!!||Flakey & Karma||New shoes!|
- Mijas golf Road - Hoyo 19
Monday 8th August 2005
Hares: 5 Mil
Run started 7pm. We were joined by visitors from Madrid Ash and Constitution
From Nigeria Huge cum balls and wife Joan of Tart. The run had a distinctly bad smell from the start it stunk so bad we all run as fast as we could out of the river bed.... The trail was laid on dead chicken , dead sheep, pig stench ,what ever happened to good old paper or flour or cholkFurther in to the campo we did discover chalk and shredded paper at last and green trees and and a new golf course as we have a desperate need of golf courses in our area. I just have to mention the lovely young smiley shepherd gathering together his 250 sheep with the help of the hash hound. Several of us got completely lost yours truly Bagpuss constitution, Welsh rabbit, Stitched up and last bet not least Up yer Bum and Brandy who, who was eventually retrieved and just made it in time for the circle. 5 mil was awarded with 8 points for the smelly run we"re expecting a huge turnout for Spitoon´s run in Coin next week. With Spitoon´s expertise we"re guaranteed a good run and for those of you who haven´t heard , Perv has promised us an update each week of his escapades in his recently acquired love wagon or should i say penis extension. We wait with baited breath. Come on Perv, with a name and a car like you´ve got, you´ve got to do better than last week.!!!!! ON ON Your scribe.
|Hash Flash||Group shot||Rare visitors||Circle|
|Venta meal||Perv||Sir Roy & Stitched up||Ash & Lee Marvin|
Monday 1st August 2005
Hares: Semi Retard/Spittoon
We met up outside Alhaurin. A low turnout of a dozen or so runners, oh I nearly forgot Flakey who turned up late & got sidetracked on the trail, by whom or what we never found out - only to say he was out of breath when the hares picked him up on the way back in.
The run itself was
good up into the pine forests, and then further up, & even further up!! As you
may guess at the beer stop we got to heaven & the only way back was down - down-
The circle was lively as always & the hash house served Paella.
- In the Campo
Monday 25th July 2005
|Group shot||Dipper in charge|
For what was a wedding weekend, Perv impressively carried on with the theme into Monday and was fashionably late, keeping the hash waiting for 20 minutes as he ever so delicately manoeuvred his new Porsche through the Campo.
An immediate circle was formed, and Dipper, the Hare, did the usual instructions. It was at this point it became apparent the hash had been taken over by the SNP (Scottish Nationalist Party) who had all joined Nipple Ripple and Go Large on their ‘honeymoon’. Apparently Scottish custom is that after your wedding unless you tell the guests to f*** off they stalk you for the following week and this was going to be no exception for the happy couple.
The run was great, up and down, through the campo, usual stuff. Despite leaving flour bags on the campo, and having to step in to guide us when the trail went cold, Dipper deservedly received 8 ½.
The On On was at the 9 Dragons in La Cala. El Cid knew it like the back of his hand, drove off like an FRB, and lost the trail. When we eventually arrived Perv had eaten all the veggie food. The rice was great though, OK wine, and the brandy stuff courtesy of SFD went down very well. Talking of going down well, back to those honeymooners – hope you both had a great night and managed to get some time alone!
- Puerto Banus - Full Moon Run
Friday 22nd July 2005
Hares: Perv & Stiffanny´s dick
Waiting for report & photos
Monday 18th July 2005
Hares: Knockout Neptune/Mermaid
Waiting for report & photos
- In the Campo
Monday 11th July 2005
Hares: Willy Wanka & WWWW.
|Group shot||Las Chicas||John christened as ?||The Circle|
- The Racecourse
Monday 4th July 2005
Hares: Sir Roy Rogers (Unhelped by Oxfam)
|Winners of July 4th||Group shot||Perv & Hare Sir roy||New mugs|
|Nice pose!||The Spanish caberet||Golden Cascade & steve||Mere cowgirls & Indians|
Run 871 - La Cala football ground
Monday 27th June 2005
Hares: Golden Cascade & Karma
Anniversarios: Peter (5), Golden Cascade (100), Spittoon (350), Perv (355), Nipple ripple (105)
Prompt at 7 p.m. it said! Up yer bum & Dogsy arrived with the Wankas at 7:10 to find everyone had set off 10 mins previously. We were told how to cut off the first part of the run & for a change found ourselves as front running bastards.
I think it was a case of deja vu cos I distinctly remember this as the St Patricks Day run cunningly disguised by setting off from the footy ground. We got to the beer stop to find half the pack missing having been totally confused by Jerry Can (I´m innocent he cried). The second half was a predicable but pleasant run thru the woods with no checks cos everyone knew the way anyway. We got back to find some refreshing rain falling. Hares received 7.5 marks out of 10.
The on-on was in La Cala at the 9 Dragons chinese restaurant, great food & wine all for 10ˆ.
Good effort from GC & KC.
On-On Dogs bollox.
|Group shot||Up yer Bum, Dogs & Karma||Late comers||Wanka|
|Cooling down(1)||Cooling down(2)||Grey Beard, golden Cascade||Raining in June!|
Run 869 & 870
Nerja caves camping weekend
Sat/Sun 18th/19th June 2005
Hares: Mummy´s boy & Stiffanny´s Dick
Scribe: Jerry Can
After another hard night on the beer/wine/pacheran(?), the assembled hashers were not a pretty sight! And enthusiasm for the run was dwindling as every minute passed. “Can we not just have a quick stroll round the campsite” (in a Cornish accent). And several Hashers had already buggered off – Perv and Sparkey were nowhere to be seen (don’t want to start any rumours here!) and DumbArse Ditchwater cried off with a dicky tummy (or was it something about his dicky?).
Stiff Fanny called the circle together at 11.30 (probably waiting for Stitched Up to get her act together again) and the Hares told us that it was a shortish run IF we didn’t do all the falsies, checkbacks (as opposed to Saturday’s ‘medium’ mountain climbing expedition). We were also told (truthfully as it turned out) that the steepest bit would be the out section of Saturday’s run.
Well, this front-running bastard found the same checkback as the previous day, and Pig in Shit found the previous day’s check which had miraculously become a false trail. And so it went on. Without any decent terrain to get a circular run, the hares had to resort to long false trails to give the FRBs a workout and keep the knitting circle remotely in touch. Stiff Fanny tried some acrobatics, but it was a hard landing – lesson: when you’re running down hill, look where you’re going! Much was made of a potentially broken thumb, damaged ligaments, etc but it was all ok.
After 30 minutes the beer stop beckoned. Last in was Spitoon…and what a sight! Two steps sideways, a tilt backwards and then a bit of a lurch forwards. He’d been on the red wine since 7am (Gangplank had given him a bollocking for waking everybody up shouting “ where’s my f***ing tea”). The hares then pointed us in an outward (further away) direction, but nobody could work out how the trail could get back to the campsite, unless the hares had dug a tunnel through the mountain – which they hadn’t! The longest falsie imaginable! And the lead runners hid round the corner and didn’t call it – bas***ds! “We thought you’d want to enjoy the scenery” they said. Yeah – sure!! Back to the 2nd beer stop – which seemed to me to be in exactly the same place. Felt more like a beer this time. Then On In to the camp. The park rangers had visited in our absence and said “no camping” – just as well we’d taken all the tents down.
As the GM was unwell, Jerry Can was again called on to take the circle. And he can’t remember who he gave down downs to! The run was scored at 7.5, the hares and anniversarios got their down downs. As the stand-in RA had buggered off, the circle was thrown open to everybody to have a go .. and they did!…like Vikings!.
Lunch was then served and we all went home.
|El Cid at beer stop||Group shot||Spittoon/Bagpuss||Up yer bum & Bagpuss|
|Mummy on ice||In the circle||Sunday on the beach||More down downs|
|Sundays group||Stif relaxing||Hare in his lair||Saturday evening meal|
|Evening meal||Stif cooking||Gangplank´s Erection||Spittoon at work|
Sunday 12th June 2005
Hares: Dogs Bollox & Up yer bum
On arrival at the meeting place behind Dunnes Stores in Fuengirola, disaster struck Bagpuss, she had just become a victim of the local gypsies, her bag was snatched from her car. After much debate we moved the cars to a safer place.
Back at the circle having sorted keys, bags & dogs the run started on a winy dusty trail. Across a road up a hill to find our first false trail, on to the right track and on to a check which got us hunting in all directions. Perv, Stiffannys dick Wally wanker, dumb ass & the virgin missed the loop with the beer stop so made their own in the Fuengirola beach hotel, the rest of the pack arriving in various stages. Our Gm had to go to collect the AWOL´s & deliver them safely to the circle. A summer ball was suggested & final numbers for the Nerja weekend collected. Up yer bum got to sit on the ice as did Dogs bollox in true hash style bollock naked, he seemed to enjoy it. Maybe he´s a bit of a hot ass. Gangplank got to wear the hairy knickers having hit the big 60. Yours truly got to wear the hash hat. Up yer bum & Dogsy go a pat on the back for stepping in at the last minute, which was pretty darn goos & awarded an 8/10. The on-on was at ringos stable, plenty of food & wine to round off a good evening.
Your virgin Scribe Willy´s Warmer.
|New Car ashtray down-down||Dogs on the ice||Gangplank & Splinter||After the run|
|Harriets||Great pants!||Full group||New tankard for Stifita|
Sunday 5th June 2005
Hares: Limp Toed Sloth
So another 4 pm start (2 pm GMT) sun at its hottest! Mad dogs and all that stuff !!
Swiss Roll had kindly offered me a lift to the run. At 2.45 she called to say she would be late picking me up, nevertheless at 3.15 we were on our way. Progress was not too fast but, had I not insisted that we take the junction 157 turn off, we would have made the start. The 157 junction is the Toll Motorway back to San Pedro.
Eventually, after a sight seeing tour of Estepona city centre, we arrived at the lonely cars and hunted around for the start of the trail. After a relatively short time we heard the ON ON calls of the pack but unfortunately choose a short cut to the voices by way of prickle factor 110 !!!!
Having finally caught the pack we joined them in making ever increasing circles to discover where the trail may have gone. Dipper, Gobichov and I found what might have been the true trail but it petered out and despite playing the ever increasing circle game again failed to discover it. Thus we were forced, to follow the example of the remainder of the pack and cut across country to the beer stop. It was a saving grace that the beer truck was visible across a valley. On reflection that may have been Limp Toed intention, maybe knowing he had fucked up the trail.
Finally, all have quaffed the amber liquid, it was off through a building site to the beach. Limp personally directing us as we crossed a roundabout. A gentle amble along the shore line brought us to an under pass, where again Limp was waiting, just in case, and then ON IN on the road.
The circle was called to order by GM ( Stiff Fanny) Sins were invented and forgiven by the RA ( Dipper). El Cid was awarded a superb 550 Run hat ( good choice !!!)
Runners about 12 Returners: several, Virgins/ visitors Nil Points awarded 5
Scribe: El Cid
|Swiss Roll||Flakey||Hash Shit of the week||Down Down|
Sunday 30th May 2005
Hares: Spittoon & Trolly Dolly
MISSING signs - not an unusual thing on Mijas H3 - resulted in several overshootings" of the runsite and the first complaints on this weather changing afternoon.
At 1600 hours the hashmaster took his horn out - everybody else put theirs away! The motley crowd of 38 or so incl a couple of virgins were called to order and Spittoon gave run directions whereafter the pack was sent off in direction of the Coin rd. The paper went left before the tarmac and on right up a long hill where the first checkaround was spotted. Whilst Limp Toed Sloth waster time taking the righthand fork, RubHerTurd followed paper left and very cleverly continued right at the next check locating paper at the bottom of the hill. Shorttime later another check and other frontrunners had time to catch up, paper was found and the run continued into the woods until finally at a very smartcheck with 3 obvious choices, Limp Toed Sloth somehow picked up the right trail , crossed the tarmac and arrived first at the beer stop.
The trotters, walkers, strollers and limpers arrived over the next 20 minutes.The 2nd part of the run was surprisingly good, eventhough hashers with brains got to know we were heading for the castle. A long left loop however, managed to slow the frontrunners down and made this part almost as long as the first. First runners in around 1720.
Virgins, returners and visitors duly awarded down2. Anniversarios KarmaKamelia 100 runs, Mermaid 15 - gratulations! Dripper as RA did a super job handing out rewards and various jokers were likewise penelised.
Announcement: Mammy´s Boy - Nerja weekend 17-19th June.
At the very end of the circle, Perv appointed RubHerTurd scribe and this is yours truly´s recollection of last sunday.
ONON to hare Trolly Dolly´s residence on the Mijas Rd with great BBQ, postre, wine and beer. Thanks a lot for the efforts, good run and delicious food.
Believe you got an 8!!!
|Group shot (1)||Sparky & New friend||Virgins||Shit of the week|
|Dogsy & Gangplank||What is El pulpo up to?||New Shoes||Drinking from the New shoes|
Monday 23rd May 2005
Live Hares Karma Chameleon and Golden Cascade
|Nipple Ripple & friend||The meal||Signing the bum||Loose in Banus|
This was total Hash madness…. after drinking copious
amounts of alcohol and rolling in at 2.30am after Sunday's hash in Alpajata, I
woke up on Monday morning with a horrendous hangover and a nagging feeling that
I had arranged to do something… I made a few phone calls and it was true, a full
moon hash had been arranged, for tonight! Karma Chameleon and Flakey were
supposed to be the hares, however, after being grounded for being a naughty boy
and staying out far too late the evening before, Flakey was replaced at the
eleventh hour by Golden Cascade.
The evening started well, with hashers meeting outside Sinatra’s bar and replenishing their alcohol levels, we were receiving a lot of attention - it could have been some thing to do with the fake bum!! We then had a short circle, and the Hares where off. A ten minute start and the cries of "On On" and the blowing of whistles alerted the somewhat bemused onlookers, we ran along the front of the port, past the Ferraris, the yachts and all those posh folk dressed to kill.
A check followed by another check and another check, we knew by then we had no prospect of catching the hares, but the moon was out and a gentle stroll along the beach was called for, followed by a speedy run back into town. After dragging the Harriet’s away from the shops and out of the bars we managed to have another quick circle.
The hares were awarded an excellent 9 and an unbelievable 8 from Spittoon, no returnees; we had all been there the night before, no virgins, although Perv tried to recruit a few along the way. We think we had three anniversaries Karma Chameleon had done 100 runs, Spittoon had done a lot, and my Dick had done 30.
After lots of very loud singing we decided it was time to leave before we got arrested, an excellent pizza accompanied by lots and lots of red wine and then back to casa Stiff for even more alcohol and a game or three of pool.
Thank god the Jacuzzi has gone on strike…
Your scribe Stiffanny
Sunday 22nd May 2005
|Group shot (1)||K.Cop & Daughter||Gangplank & Willy´s warmer||Picnic|
|Gangplank & Bagpuss||WW & WWW||Carlos & Lola||Group shot (1)|
the Rio Grande
Sunday 15th May 2005
|Birthday knickers||Virgins||Runners||On the run|
|Up yer bum||After the run||In the circle||Baptism|
Hares – Gangplank & Dumb arse Ditch dummy
Around 30 runners gathered at Gangplanks finca with the promise that he has found some virgin territory. After a long convoy to the start by the banks of the rio Grande we set off down the river. Then after 5 minutes - no more signs. It took all our experience to find the trail again (at least 500 metres away on the other side of the river). A huge hill & then lots of undulating tracks thru some superb countryside. Long falsies - I think Gangplank set this on his bike! Beer stop set on the river - good choice. Short second half then back to Gangplanks for the circle. Excellent marks of 8 awarded . We had a baptism, welcome to Willy Wanker.
On-on was of course in Finca Gangplanks where a fine spread of Curries and BBQ food and all the beer/wine you could all for 8 Euros.
ON ON –
Saturday 7th May 2005
|Gobbi wasting beer||On-On in the Venta||Part of the circle||Sir Roy,Salmonella & Flakey|
|Has anyone seen my cock?||New Committee||Perv/Dipper looking colourful||Last years Committee|
|Group shot||Stiffanny our new GM||Beer Stop||Beer Stop|
Hares – The Originals from Run 1: El Pulpo & Flakey
At 3:30 prompt the old committee retired
for the year & simultaneously voted in the New Committee mainly themselves doing
At 5.00 the run started with about 30 runners. Flakey had promised virgin territory & wonderful terrain & so it turned out. Superb running in a hidden valley with lots of river crossings, just like the old days. The beer stop was held in the river requiring wading over to obtain a beer. The second half was once again along the river so any chance of dry feet was forgotten. When the run finished we were all thirsty but alas the beer wagon had disappeared looking for Salmonella. lost them a few points that. Champagne down-downs made up for it. Excellent marks of 9.5.
On-on was in the venta nearby for a tasty Paella & BBQ meat. Music kindly supplied by Cucumbear.
ON ON –
Run 861- Enterrios 1st May 2005
Hares – Perv and Trolley Dolly
Virgins – Sarah
Visitor – Peter “Jersey Bergerac”
Returners – El Cid, 5 Mil, Dogsy, Perv etc.
Christening – Plain Jane (our first time hare) now - Trolley Dolly
25 hashers showed up promptly at 4.0. p.m to the picnic area on the Mijas Golf Road. I was five minutes late and hence became your first time scribe!! Sorry to inflict this punishment on you undeserving lot. I am new, so learning the rules - will be careful not be so tardy in future.
Thanks to Perv and first-time hare Trolley Dolly for a short and easy run through the Mijas Campo and riverbeds. In contrast to last week’s Monda/Guaro 3 hour marathon it was a “walk in the park” They kindly allowed for those who had not had time for a Sunday shower to bathe their feet and to squelch their way back to the campsite. Spitoon showed off his massive UPPER bodystrength by being a rider for at least three of the harriet jockeys who were reluctant to wade through beechers brook which appeared very quickly on the run as the first hurdle. All my carefully placed plasters, a just punishment for new strappy summer sandals, were quickly washed downstream and now like El Cid, I must spend this May Day with my leg up until the re-blisted blisters heal.
The terrain was for the most part flat and fairly uninteresting, however busloads of transvestites would have been in heaven for the array of skirts, blouses and cardies in a fetching red colour and available for free along the trail. A few budding trannies modelled them for our approval at the On On!!
A big welcome back to El Cid. What with him and (Peter) the Jersey Bergerac on this hash there will soon be as many ex-coppers on the costa as expat criminals. Also great to see that the Afrikanders did not incarcerate Gangplank, returned to us 5 kilos heavier after stuffing his face, and who knows what else, in the South African bush. Did I say bush? Of course I meant brush. Gangplank arrived back just in time to provide the paella pan for the superb On On. However, he has asked me to say a big perdone to Mijas Ayuntamiento for the burnt tree trunk!!
As I was pouring the luke warm, frothy beer for the down downs and did not realise at the time I would be the scribe, I was not paying close attention to the scores but 861 was definitely worth an 8.5 in my opinion. The On On deserved a 10. Many thanks to Perv and congratulations to Trolley Dolly for her first hash set.
ON ON – your scribe – Bendover
Run 860 - Guaro
Guaro Sunday 24th April 2005..Hares: Stiff / Shaggy
Bravefart lay in an alcoholic slumber, contemplating the back of his eyelids having consumed a large Sunday lunch& copious amounts of alcohol in the manner of hashers worldwide. He was now indulging in a siesta in the quiet village of Guaro.. Far from the desert sands of Dubai where he regularly dragged his sweaty body thru the heat & dust to be ritually humiliated in the circle, & all for the sake of a few cold beers. This was much more like living.
But then faintly at first & then getting louder came the cries of on-on seeping into his befuddled brain. Was this a bad dream? It certainly was not, it was the Mijas hash on their run in guaro.
The run had been set by the hairs, Stiffannt, shagadelic & Jerry-Can. Having meandered thru the quiet 6 peaceful streets & rendered them quiet 6 peaceful no more the hash set off into the campo with not one but 2 beer stops! And so it turned out, a good long run in virgin territory including a ball-breaker for the FRB´s which included Little white bull, who was back from his diplomatic mission to Vietnam repairing US/vietnam relations.
After many hours spent completing a comprehensive survey of andalucia the hash returners tired but happy (2 beer stops worked wonders)
The circle was conducted by our standin RA El Pulpo. Bravefart was introduced & downed for malingering on a hash day & given instructions of how to find the hash again.
Meanwhile a sumpious BBQ was being prepared by Stiffanny´s Dick who managed to beat off the hungry hashers until the bangers were properly cooked.
All in all an excellent hash.
Moral of the tale: you can run, you can hide but whereever you go in this world there will be a bunch of alcoholic reprobates, just waiting to drag you back to the hash.
Long may it remain so.
On-on Limp toed Sloth.
Coin Sunday 20th March 2005.........
Torreblanca Sunday 10th April 2005....14 runners. Hares: SpermAid/Rubherturd.
|Group shot||Christening||Beer stop||Spring is here.|
Monda Sunday 3rd April 2005...............20 runners. Knockout Neptune, Mermaid & Sparky
Date: Sunday 3rd April 2005
Mijas HHHRun Report
Virgins: Jervis family: Richard, Therese, Lauren &
Georgina (or was it Georgia?), also Leigh
Returners: 9, (They missed Sir Roys' tremendous bash, LOVEDthe Wailing-Wall!)
RUN857 Hares: Sparky YOB,Knockout Neptune Location: Monda
THE MONDA RANCH RUN.
The route to "Rancho Knockout Neptune" was well signed from "The Marbella Gun &Country Club", but I went sightseeing before going to Monda! A warm welcome to the Jervis Mafia who were hoodwinked into coming by the Grand Mattress, they have already made their excuses for not turning up next week! But I'm sure that when they are back in the UK reflecting on the tremendous wit and huge egos of the Hashers they will be rushing back on their next holiday to participate! LEIGH,the remaining virgin told us that he works at the stables down the road from the KN's ranch. Hence his connectionl The first "half' of the run went well, with checkbacks keeping the FRB's and the rest of us together, and laid out in flour. The length and ruggedness (of the run) made me pleased to see the first beer stop. (Did I really enjoy that last half-pint of Gin and Tonica last night?) Good use of the campo, and virgin hash-country for all except the locals. The second "half" to the next beer stop took us through more scenic countryside and then along the streets of Monda and ON-UP to the castle carpark. Two sex-starved pervs showed up twenty minutes after Spittoon! Can you believe Spittoon as a FRB? (Without Joan behind him?) Then it was discovered that Brandy, the datschund, was missingl Up-Your-Bum forgot that stupid bloody lead that has been tripping us up for ages! Asearch-party motored off retracing the route back to BS1 whilst the rest of us happy hashers tramped along the ON-IN on the final "half' of the run. The randy bitch was eventually found, and so was Brandy! The Circle was sacrosanct! The Pope has kicked the bucket! Those catolicks, (sic) present had a down-down for His Ex-Holiness! And, then, Patricia, Gang-planks' current, was baptised in the River Jordan by our RA,Arch-Deacon Mummys' Boy. ( I tell 'ukin'lies, it was carried out in the gunge,sorry, plunge-pool) But then, your New Scribe, with so much spring in the air, got a stiffy, requested a pass-out, and popped off to give his beloved a good talking-to, and then went home to the wife who had Roast Beef, Yorkshire Pudding, Roast Potatoes and OXOgravy waiting sad bastard!!! (Missed the fags and wine-in-a-box at the ON-ON!)Although Spittoon has reported back that the post-hash fodder was extremely good, but couldn't get any ice cream for his strawberries! I'm shit at telling jokes but before he "came out" did George Michael actually sing about asking your son not to go down on him? AND has David Bunkup claimed fathership of one of your kids yet? AND how did he know what he was shagging? Put it where Walt ? Can't bloody remember the final score, but I have decided that it was worth 9. Good Hash!
On Onl Your Scribe, SEMI-RETARD
|Group shot||Las Niñas||Stiff & Mummy´s boy||Christening of Bagpuss|
|Group shot||Hares-Sir Roy/Oxfam||Sperm aid/Rubberturd||Spittoon
Winner of Easter bonnet
Estepona Sunday 20th March 2005...............No photos, no report, 9 runners.
St Patricks Day Run Sunday 13thMarch 2005
Stealing our beer
Cordoba weekend Sat 5th/6thMarch 2005
Pan Iberian Hash
5th and 6th March 2005, but most people tipped up on the Friday.
On our journey from Mijas it was raining most of the way but miraculously
Registrations were taken in the bar of the main hotel by Stiff Fanny (Mijas GM) who was ably assisted by her daughter Stiffita. In fact I think Stiffita may be voted onto the committee at our next AGM, let’s get some intelligence in there!!!
All was going well with most of the some
119 hashers from
Saturday morning saw a clear blue sky and around 15ºC. Depending on who managed to get their beer before the bar ran out, or found / failed to find, another supply, we appeared either in time to check out the Mosquito or to just make the convoy to the run site.
To be fair the run was probably the shortest ever Hash, not to mention an away run, but, as it goes, maybe now we have a new TRADITION !!! Another ‘NEW TRADITION ’ was no ice, NO ICE !!!! Well, TRADITION !!!!! I don’t remember too much about the circle except for Wobbly Bob creating a variation on ALMANCIL ….. to I’M A SEAL ……..
Back to scrub up and onto the ON-ON. Hey don’t some of us Scrub Up GOOD !!
Excellent meal, loads to drink, incredible entertainment from all Hashes, the off to bed or whatever.
Sunday also bloomed fair with wall-to-wall blue sky. This time, having assembled on the far side of the Roman bridge, it was live hare run thro the street, alleys and squares of this beautiful old city. After many checks, falses and confusing ‘assistance’ from los vecinos, the BS was stumbled upon and then it was off back to the bridge for the circle. Which was much to amusement of the tourists, `los guiris están estúpidos’.
The On-On was again excellent and being subsidised, cost us a huge 2 euro a head, who said HEAD …..
At this point I was in the ‘ÒK lets call it a day’ group, although many stayed on and I guess had a very sober evening, NOT !!!
Thanks to everyone who contributed to this fun weekend and for making it such a memorable meeting.
On-On El Cid
A FEW LINES OF FEMININE WISDOM:
I. If you think the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, you're aiming too high.
Wet cold run in the Belemadena/Mijas area.
Run from Gangplanks house, followed by Thai Green curry.
Hares: Stiff Fanny & her Dick
I had to write this cos I wos last to turn up. Wasn´t my fault but it meant I did the first half following paper with stitched up & fanita in my car trying to find the beer stop. Finally got there to find Gangplank with a smug smile on his face after spending a month in Thailand. Can´t think why - we only went for the hashingJ The marks varied from 1 to 9 but the final result was 8/10 - not bad.
The second half was fairly short but who cares, the beer was cold & the sun was out, great to be back. Lots of down down including an inspired ice-cold tsunami from Pervi.
The On-on was in Casa Stif, that fantastic Gaudi inspired house built by Russians with more money than taste. All proceeds of the meal, which by the way was fantastic , went to victims of the tsunami. Well done to the hares for their tremendous effort.
Lots of bodies in the Jacussi and sauna. We left about 10 p.m. but having seen some distinctly dodgy photos of the action later on I think we should have stayed!! Spittoon should set up his own web site www.spittoonsknob.com.