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                  RUN REPORTS 2007

RUN 1015   30th December 2007  

Hares – Tight arse



Last run of 2007! Tite Arse had managed to find a sunny day on the mijas road ready to scale the mountains and rummage in the undergrowth and to get the assembled 30 plus (thatŽs number not

age!) hashers tired, pissed and smelly, sweaty, and smiling! We met at the digger off the roundabout on the mijas road, with clear blue skies, and anticipating a fun run!!!! Tite Arse did not

dissapoint, GM called the circle and obligatory virgin was introduced and the crowd were baying to set off..........lots of

flour, cbŽs, falses, checks were all well marked up hill, down dale, up hill, down dale and up hill, up hill, up hill was the

order of the day, markings were brilliant and alot of effort put in,including a supreme effort by the hare to kill everyone off

on the last hill before the beer stop where lots of whingening and moaning and likening to Kilamanjaroo did not stop the crowd from making it to the

beer stop where we were amply rewarded with beer and cake, before setting off for the second half up yet another hill.

Pack all well kept together and no lost soles by the end of the hash, but lots of heavy breathing (or was that two hashers in the

bushes hmmm!!!)Back in the circle the Hare was blessed with everyone being in a good mood and the high scores came flooding in to praise

a good hash with an average of 8.3 awarded. It was said in the circle that there was some lesbian activity on the hash, and the hashers (particularly hombres) were eager for more

details but this is a sunday and a religious day so some imaginations will have to be kept in waiting until another day!

On On at the Octagon on the Mijas road was brill, lots of food, sunday roast and apple crumble, lively atmosphere and lots of hungry but happy hashers.

ON ON Strawberry Nipples.



RUN 1012   9th December 2007   La Cala

Hares – Karma & Dipper


Once upon a time in Andalucia, a motley crew of semi attired scruffbags descended upon a rubbish tip behind Mercadona in La Cala. All credit to the Hares however, as this particular rubbish tip, was equipped with, alfresco toilets and a waiting room fully equipped with sofas and chairs, which in itself created a flurry of activity from the assembled hashers, who were all seeking to upgrade their homes. After a considerable amount of pontificating and procrastination a circle was eventually “assembled,” (evidence that hashers do come flatpacked) and with much prompting our GM, “peace be upon him,” managed to carry out the introduction to this particular Hash and to those poor deluded fools who were visiting, or indeed, Virgins. The Hares were coerced into the circle and proceeded to explain the finer details of this epic assault on the local countryside, although one of the Hares seemed to have little or no idea what signs had been used, or indeed what they represented. (Bit of a give away, there Ken!!!).

The run eventually set off into the distance, to find an assortment of checks, checkbacks, (that is a T, Ken) split trails, false trails and such, marked in chalk, flour and paper. There was excellent use of the countryside, a varied, sometimes confusing system of marking and some truly wonderful scenery, all of which was slightly overshadowed by a grinning buffoon lurking around in the pack trying to entice the hashers to try each and every false trail and gurgling with delight at every curse or blasphemy he heard. He nearly fell over laughing when “Bigus Dickus” fell over for the second time. Perhaps Hares should stay in their cars, at the beer stop or gloat from a distance, thus reducing the excess on their personal accident insurance. All in all, it was a very enjoyable, well set Hash. Pat on the back for the Hares, or maybe a knife in the back, if you happen to be “Bigus Dickus.”

The circle was again duly assembled, and with much prompting, mostly from “Gangplank,” our erstwhile GM, “peace be upon him,” managed to perform his duties admirably as usual, with one exception. After introducing “Hash Shit” who led the marking which consisted of a good number of nine’s interspersed with a smattering of three’s four’s five’s and six’s, he reached into his pocket for his abacus and after much deliberation awarded a score of eight point seven!!!!!!! Come on Flakey, dig deep and buy back the negatives, then you can give them the correct average score. He then handed over to his RA’ness, for the purpose of cleansing our souls, or is it arseholes? The RA proceeded to add two more handles to the legend that is the “Mijas Hash,” by christening “Mushy Peas” and “Bigus Dickus.”  At this point, and as a matter of protocol, the RA, who had actually been a grinning buffoon, oops I meant to say Hare, handed over the proceedings to an apprentice “oik.” Said apprentice “oik” then proceeded to make a complete Bolognese of this very reverend ceremony. However, during his rant, he did manage to get Dipper the sleeve (2-1) although not by design, as he was forced by the braying pack, to introduce the implement of shame. He also managed to deplete the stocks of bottled Cruzcampo, mostly into “Gangplank” and the Soviet Block branch of the “Mijas Hash.” The circle was once again returned to the very capable GM “peace be upon him,” who brought the event to a close.

If you wish to know about the “On On On’s” go to, as I was not there.

Quote of the day was from Karma Chameleon, “We are running out of water, because all those bastards have been drinking it.”

Keep the faith and may your powder stay dry, on on, Fender Bender.

Doggy Hash Run Nº1 – Saturday 8th December 2007 

Hares: Strawberry Nipples and Willy Wanker´s Willy warmer

Set up in a very warm sunny day and within the lovely landscapes of Alozaina. 

The circle was held at Willy Wanker and Willy Wanker´s Willy warmer´s beautiful countryside home. 

Plenty of shits around that reminded all of us that it was a doggy Hash day.  It also was joyful to se 16 dogs running like maniacs, arse sniffing, attempting sex, growling, etc.  Marvellous!  

The run was low hill and low prick factor (pricks meaning as forest pricks).

There were a few splits but no check backs or false trails.  Hashers had a choice of a longer rut if wanted. 

At the beer stop we enjoyed soft drinks, crisps, cakes which occasionally where snatched off our hands by clever Hash dogs, specially by “Ben” known as “Spotty Dick”.  And how not; plenty of beer too!. 

Back, at the circle, very important points where raised as per our dogs Hashing behaviour.

Hares where called at the centre for the traditional down down and they had a doggy Hash response of an average punctuation of 8.9999999… and so on.  Well done!!!!Then it was pointed that Hash dog Blue, (apologies for the absence of his owner “Flakey”) had beaten all of us by being the fastest front runner followed by our Hash member Strawberry Nipples sucker.  A great talented dog.  Cheers to Blue!!

Harry, oh Harry! Having only four months of age, our puppy Hash dog Harry, had the audacity of trashing our markings on the campo.  The punishment was taken all by his owners Brian and Andria excluding little Lucas as he could not down down properly from his milk bottle.  Naughty, naughty!!!

Then, the appearance and looks of all the dogs was an important issue, and… oh my…!!!!  Aureola´s dog “Quira” (more likely to be a dirt retriever than a golden retriever) was spotted looking like a tramp’s dog by getting her self bi-coloured after rolling in a pond full of sewage and after in a pond full of red mud…eeeew!!!!  Her owner took punishment and “Quira” was baptised “Dirty Bitch”.  Her owner does not want to be called after her!

Then, also it was raised that at the beer stop our Hash dog “Poppy” owned by “Cosmic Whore” had been trying to make cocktails in the water bowl by sticking his mucky paw and stirring all the water.  Pour soul didn’t get the fact that all the water was mostly more outside than inside the bowl.  Spillage!!!

Other punishments were being been dealt with but the writer of this run report was too distracted and busy chatting (as usual).

 A new generation of Hashers have been noticed as little Lucas with only two years of age, was heard singing along in de background: ¯down¯down¯down¯¯…Amazing!!!! 

On On was served by the kindest of all, Willy Wanker´s Willy warmer, starting with delicious slices of “Serrano” ham and crusty bread and followed by a superb roast dinner where the traditional Yorkshire puddings became “flat pancake puddings” (still delicious!).  Plenty of wine and beer on the go to finish a day where 14 and a half Hashers and 16 dogs had much, much fun!!!

Our day’s main characters: 

*       Brian, Andria and young Lucas with Scooby, Lilly and Harry

*       Shagadelic with Jack, known in the rural Spain as “El Duque”

*       Fender Bender and Goble Goble with Summer

*       Mummy’s boy with Blue (adopted for the day)

*       Cheap as Chips and Cheap as tits together with Bear, Bocker, and Bumble known as “The Bears”

*       Strawberry nipples and Strawberry nipple sucker with Socks and Beethoven

*       Cosmic Whore with Poppy

*       Willy wanker and Willy wanker´s Willy warmer with Patch and Enya

*       Full of shit with Ben known as “Spotty Dick”

*       And last but not least Aureola with Quira known as “Dirty Bitch”

 Special thanks to Willy Wanker and Willy Wanker´s Willy Warmer.

 T-shirts of this run still available – contact Willy Wanker´s Willy Warmer


On On!!! 

(Sorry for the Spanglish writing, but you all know what I mean!!! You know what I mean?J)

RUN 1011   2nd December 2007   Benahavis Scottish run

Hares – Strawberries



RUN 1010   25th November 2007   Sierra Gorda

Hares – Kindergarten Kop & Fender Bender

30 Hashers turned up for the Sierra Gorda run hared by Kindergarten Kop and a bit of help from Fender Bender.

We set off on tarmac in the Urbanisation and after 10 mins hit the first Check. Very hard to spot the flour but eventually we were on our way cross country. We were warned about a pack of dogs loose outside one of the houses on the trail. One of the pups ended up doing the entire run with us helped along by Streak of piss.

Amongst the various Checks, Splits and False trails were some spectacular views of Coin and surrounding Villages. The most stunning were at the top of the mountain where the Beer Stop was held.

The second half of the run was a rock climb up and then down to the BS.

The run received a very respect 8 and the only complaints were the poor directions and lack of flour on the first part.

Big Dipper used the sleeve a few times to celebrate it's 1 year Aniversario.

Jane was named using the first ever computer naming as "Cosmic Whore".

After a 1 and a half hour circle with many a Down for all sorts of missnomas and equally important reasons the On-on was at Leslie's bar and bistro. 12 euros got you the usual 3 courses with wine.

Loved it!

Collonic Irrigation.

RUN 1009   18th November 2007   Club La Costa

Hares – Dogs Bollox, with a little help from the "Virgin Mary"



RUN 1008   11th November 2007   Marbella 

Hares – Stiffanny, Streaky, with a little help from Birthday boy-Flakey


Excellent fare of Chicken rolled in bacon , good red wine , many songs, much laughter ,  cake and candles for birthday boy flakey , (must be 68 by now ) And that was just the ON ON.
The run however was something else ,
How lucky we band of Mijas hashers are, we should wonder the rain and permanent grey our patriotic UK dwellers suffer at this time of year , whilst us X pats enjoy the beauty of this area we reside in ……
 With a  warm day, light refreshing breeze, ,and the occasional cloud to give contrast and subtle shade and break for the azure blue skies, We were able to enjoy the beautiful scenery , stunning views , climbs a plenty and the customary dry riverbeds to reconnoitre ,
This band of merry hashers bunched up , spread out , short cutted , and ran in circles , but finally negotiated an excellent run set by Captain catamaran flakey,  G.P.S  (we never get lost) Stiiffany,  and Cheeky streaky bum !
The run was considered somewhere between masochistic  and perfection personified.
After marks from minus 2 to 8.5 were given by all the contributing hashers a healthy   7.9 was the given run mark average !!!!
It  appeared mummy boys maths was suffering from “lackof calculaterous”
This hasher was welcomed back and made to feel immediately at home after having been absent for the previous two months , thankyou x
Trailer Trash  fka  one hung low


RUN 1007   4th November 2007   ??? 

Hares – ???

No run report, no photos!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

RUN 1006   28th October 2007   Somewhere near Coin  

Hares – Dumb Arse


RUN 1005    21st  October 2007   Somewhere near Coin  

Hares – Mork and Fender Bender



It was a beautiful day, the sun was shining as the pack waited for the off. 4pm came and went and the numbers swelled to 30+ before Stiff Fanny set us off at 4:30pm.

The run started with a split with the right hand split being the way to go, up the hill, of course. At the top a check took us left through the prickles before hitting a dirt track road which led to a checkback at the top of the hill. The trail then headed right across uneven scrub to another dirt track road. This gave the FRB’s a chance to stretch their legs before a split sent them right down to another dirt track and another split. This time we went left before a checkback brought everyone to the beer stop. Beers, softies, crisps and dip were enjoyed by all in the sunshine.

Little did we know that the beer stop was about halfway and not the normal three quarters of the way round. Off we set along the dirt track before a checkback turned us round and sent us off to the left through the olive grove. The second half turned into a runner’s run as various splits and checks took us on different dirt tracks before bringing us back to the start. The Hares were awarded 7.5 for a good well marked run.

Stiff Fanny took over the circle and had Spitoon and Gangplank on ice for some misdemeanour. Gangplank then took over as RA as Septic Scrotum was resting, for what we don’t know!

Then it was on to Mindy’s for the On On which started with Buck’s Fizz in order to celebrate Aubrey and Maureen’s Golden Wedding Anniversary. The On On was delicious as usual and consisted of lentil soup, assorted sausages with mash and apple crumble with ice cream, what more could you ask for? The wine and beer flowed and all the proceeds for the evening were being donated to charity. It was a lovely evening but it was noticeably cooler in the campo than down on the coast.

Congratulations to Mindy and Maureen on their Golden Wedding Anniversary and many thanks for the delicious On On.


On On

Big Bitch



Run  1004 Sunday  14th October  2007  - Mijas

 Hare:Mummy´s boy




Run  996 Sunday  30th September  2007  - El Coto

 Hares: Streakys Marks 8 



Approximately 47 hashers and harriets arrived, fairly promptly at 1700 hrs, for the 996th run up above El Coto set by Streak of Piss and Streaky. 

Flakey welcomed everyone into the circle including 2 virgins, courtesy of the Stiffs, and three visitors: Vomit from Hong Kong, New Zealand et al, and Blitzcreek (phoenetic spelling) and Hole in One from Western Africa.  It was a particularly warm Oct evening and the sun shone brightly as we set off down a very well marked trail after a slightly delayed start with some hashers running down a road and others into the campo.  There were no false trails but some cobwebby tunnels plus check back tunnel.  The pack became fairly strung out but, being for the most part at the end, I cannot comment much on the run apart from knowing the last four tail end charlies, including me, found themselves in the middle of the pack at one point. There were some slippery scrambles for the less agile and a  wondrous scree slope running alongside the toll road which proved challenging for the visitors, Spermaid and the scribe who managed to slip and roll a fair distance.  Spittoon was up the rear and must have achieved some wonderful views on the pushes and pulls, especially under the limbo dancing fence. 

 The Circle 

The run was, apparently, according to some, the best of the year and scored 8 so I am glad I wasn´t on the others. Spittoon proffered a -5 but was a great sweeper.  Apparently there was chocolate swiss roll at the beer stop which proved a bonus, along with fresh oranges and crisps. 

Anniversarios awarded to:Jane 5 runs Fender Bender 20 runs Gobble Gobble 20 runs Ginger Minge 35 runs

Mindy 50 Runs Mork 50 runs Stitched Up 80 runs Swiss Roll 125 runs Mummy´s Boy 165 runs Dipper 475 runs

 Dipper awarded various downs downs for misdemeanours including the misappropriation of a box of tampons, the loss of two pairs of underpants (one sheepishly being claimed by Jerry Can) short cutting bastards and talking in the circle.

The sleeve was used on two occasions: once, very successfully, by Kindergarten Cop who had been caught nonchalantly gazing into the distance whilst leaning on a car peeing, without asking permission to leave the circle.  Lilo Lil and Karma Chameleon had to hold down the unfortunates who had to drink from Dipper´s cock.

 Tattooed hashers were invited into the circle. Lilo Lil did not present herself and suffered as a consequence and was not prepared to show us where the tattoo actually was. 

The Hash Summer Ball organisers were praised after a very successful evening last Friday.  A grand total of Euros 3,285 was raised for childrens´ charities during the evening.

 The successfully and lively circle was closed at 2030 when most of the beer had been suitably despatched

 On On



Run  995 Sunday  23rd September  2007

 Hares: Wally´s
The meeting place was by the river on the the Tolox Road. This is a great location and one that the Hares had used to good effect before. The Run set off up a wide, steep and rocky path and went on … and on … and on. This was a rather boring part of the Run was, I felt, lacking in imagination; but we eventually got to the top and were able to enjoy the great views. Thereafter the Run simply went in a large loop to the Beer Stop. Things picked up however in the second half. After a good downhill run we returned to start point along a very full and muddy Rio Grande. Great! A score of 7 was awarded during a long and enjoyable circle. The On On was at the nearest local venta and was good value for 10 euros.

 On On K C


Run  994 Sunday  16th September  2007

 Hares: Big Bitch, Hash cash

First of all I must note the amazing area of which the run was set ... lakes, forests and picnicers too.. altho I was one of the people that arrived late, the instruction of not to rub out the correct markings was given so the late comers was still able to endure a hash run, altho such a monstrosity was done it didn´t take long for the late comers to catch up the rest of the hash..... even with out short cutting I might add... ok maybe just the one short cut haha...
after 10 checks!!! and split trails that even had two false trials we came at last to the beer stop, with lashings of crisps, beer and softies, the first half of the run was interesting, enduring and most importantly fun.
The second half was a great runners run in and it didn´t take us long to get back, an brilliant effort from the hares for such a great run, no complaints from the circle, and down downs was give out plenty, forgive I cannot mention each one, but for the people that turned up only they will know what happened as punishment for not turning up at last weeks run you will never know... (example hot Russian tottie armed with a peach like cheeks and legs that went all the way to the ground)
OnOn was at the Tarje Mahail Indian (again I might add too) lets try to be creative hashers... food and wine was excellent for a dashing 15 euros!
Streak of Piss signing off..
OnOn fellow hashers!!!!


Run  993 Sunday  9th September  2007 Back to Skool Run

 Hares: Gangbang, Flacky

A motley looking group of 25 ageing school kids arrived at Fuengirola Feria ground to a live hare run, with just William { Flakey} and his school chum Gangbang.
Stiffanny kept the pack at bay whilst the hares got a head start.
We followed the trail of chalk, or was it dog shit? A leisurely pace was made through the roads, then dropped us down into the riverbed then straight out again, the only off roading we did.
Along the trail to the first beer stop and a photo call.We set off around the steets to the next beer stop sampled the local beer then two more stops seems like we were on a pub crawl.
The trail was laid mostly by gang bang at insistence of a local stalker who tried to make out that graffiti on the road was not allowed unless it was done by a woman as the view was much better when chalk was put to tarmac
We finished back at the Feria ground, suitably refreshed and not a bead of sweat in sight,
except for Tight arse who likes to build up a good sweat! { If he,d seen Flakey wearing that frock at breakfast time he would have blown a gasket]  no doubt the photos will soon be for sale.
Various sins were awarded the usual down downs, a score of 7 was given to the hares,
Anniversario was Karma Chameleon with 175 runs.,We celebrated Stiffita.s 10th birthday with chocolate cake, the wind kept blowing the candles out,so they never got lit,Tight arse also had a birthday and the song was sung to both of them.
The sins of Willy Wanker and Flakey were cleansed by Dipper, Their relationship is blossoming after sharing a double bed the night before.
Streaky was elected to bare her arse for the hash 1,000 magazine.An eager show of cameras was at the ready, some great shots were taken of that bronzed botty and pink thong.
The locals were happy too, that is the ones who were hanging over the edge of their balconies.
The drooling hashers were given a good dowsing of beer, and Streak of Piss and Doggsie were allowed to sit on the quickly melting bag of ice.
On on to the sea front where we were treated to the entertainment of the local gypsy singer and the looky looky crowd. A fine feast of massive salads, hamburgers or pork chops puddings, copious amounts of wine and of course pacharans.The pack drifted home at around midnight.
On On WW Willy Warmer.



Run  992 Monday  3rd September  2007

 Hares: Bagpuss, Up yer bum


Run  991 Monday  27th  August   2007

 Hares: Spittoon & Fender Bender


Run  990 Monday  20th  August   2007

 Hares: Fender Bender

A marvelous walk to quote one of our members, we started off running along a path following the flour until we hit a perfect place for a 4–way check which unfortunately wasn’t there. We continued following the flour until it ran out which then set off the headless chickens who ran every which way until the call of “On On” came from upto the left. Up a rough path to a road with another perfect place for a 6 way check but all that was found was a CB and an F. Eventually the trail headed along the contour path on the right. Stiff Fanny was heading uphill and ignored the calls of  “On Back” to do her own thing. The trail was then directed left, when again even a split would have slowed the FRB’s down. Up this trail before, at last, a great checkback took the FRB’s well down another trail before turning them round. By the time they had got back to the trail the back runners had caught up. More of that please! The pack then headed up to a viewpoint where Septic Scrotum was calling On On and Oh the disappointment when you get to the top only to discover a CB! Again this brought the pack together, well done, before we headed down through the trees which had been burnt out very recently. We eventually emerged from the trees at a large crossroads where there was a check (Numero Uno). Here we headed right down towards the fields and then left to the Beer Stop. The beer stop was a veritable feast with melon, crisps and dip and quiche for all those Unreal men.

As we were about to set off again it was discovered that Stiff Fanny, Flakey and Knockout Neptune were missing. They eventually turned up after having a Committee Meeting at the viewpoint! The rest of the run then followed a pointless loop which joined back with the Wimps trail which was 5 minutes from the On In.

We hardly had time for a drink before the Circle was called to order and the GM gave Down Downs to the Visitor from Almacil, the returnees, the Virgins and the Hares who were awarded a mark of 6.5. Anniverserios – Trailer Trash – 40 runs, Hash Cash 45 runs, Big Bitch 45 runs, Cradle Snatcher 50 runs and Knockout Neptune 105 runs.


Septic Scrotum then took over with numerous down downs including various hashers who had been asked to make up 2 lines of a poem.

The best poem was :-


There was a young man called Johnnie

Who only his mother thought was bonnie

He went on the Hash

Came back with a rash

And now he’s called Septic Scrotum


Spittoon tried to tell a joke but ended up on the ice


As it was dark the circle ended and it was all back to Fender Bender’s large terrace for the On On. Fish and Chips or Beef Pie with Maureen’s Mushy Pies. Very nice they were too, a first for me. It was all followed by Debbies Fruit Pies and Cream which were delicious.

Thanks to the Hares for a “Marvellous Walk” and for your hospitality.


On On to Deja Vue next week.


Big Bitch




Run  989 Monday  13th  August   2007

 Hares:  Knockout Neptune alias Two Pies & Mermaid

Meeting at Monda the Run set off almost on time. We ran through fantastic country with great views - perfect for hashing ... in my view, though necessarily there were lots of hills, and therefore not to everyone`s taste.  After about 10 mins the Hare managed to lose us all ... the markings simply ran out and it was a good 20 mins before we managed to pick up the trail some way on. Maybe the goats were to blame! Later we encountered a serious prickle factor and whilst we were warned in advance (a factor of 9/10) it didn`t make it any easier to endure! But overall,a good Hash in great country. It received a mark of 7.75. There were 3 aniversarios - Mork 45, Septic Scrotum 50 and Dumb Ass Ditch Dummy 55 runs.

After we all -yes all, everyone stayed for the On On! - enjoyed a great meal around the pool with as much wine as we all could drink. A great night ... much enjoyed by your scribe.

Kindergarten Cop 







Run  988 Monday  6th  August   2007

 Hares:  Sheep Shagger (Terry) and Grace


On on: Gaspachios  (Jelly Belly)



Beef Steak:   20 runs

Fuck Norris:   30  runs

Streak of Piss:  35  runs

Bagpuss:  45  runs

Sheep Shagger:  55  runs

Willy  Wanka:  100  runs

Kindergarten  Cop:  115  runs

Swiss  Roll:  120  runs

Dogs   Bollox:  495  runs



 Vote  on the run:  average 7  (until it was discovered that the beer had run out….down to  3!!!)


What Happened.


Me and my mate Pauline couldn’t find the run on the 31st of July so we were VERY pleased to see the regular crowd of perverts, gathered in full view of respectable Spanish society, at the back of La Cala this Monday evening.


Five out of the six virgins, presented to the circle, were MINE!! (i.e. Aunty Pauline’s……Check That Crack’s family and friend)

The other virgin on offer was poor, unsuspecting Maurice….. friend of Patricia’s.


Chicken Shit, Clog Dancer and Gardener, our illustrious (HUGE) visitors, graced us with their presence and, desperate for an audience, a clog dance routine.


The beer stop was successfully discovered, by eager participants, shortly after we got started. Chocolate Brownies much appreciated. Nice short run (stroll)


Closing Circle Antics actually took longer than the “run” itself.


Poor old Fuck Norris discovered that thumbing a lift in the fast lane proves a little difficult at times whilst Strawberry Nipple and Mr. Strawberry took possession of a bunch of flowers in exchange for their blue leather sofa! Flakey got a good deal there but will have to take the dog with him on his boat next time.


Excellent tapas on the On On!  Many thanks to the Hares.

Sribed by Check That Crack


Run 987 Monday 30th July 2007
Hares - Aphrodisiac & Cradle Snatcher
Hash Run 986 Monday 23rd July 2007
Hares - SFD & K.K.


Hash Run 985 Monday 16th July 2007
Hares - Tight Arse/Septic - La Cala

The river of moving men and women hashers flowed wedged shaped across the sparsely grassed arid dry riverbed and rolling landscape of La Cala and the local golf course set beneath the mijas mountains.

Over it all hung a fine mist of dust, like sea fret on a windy day, and the sunlight caught and flashed from the burnished surfaces of the golfers, irons, putter and golf buggies.

Further went the mass of hashers , some forty in number , until the bright colours of the cotton t shirts dimmed dramatically in the loom of the dust clouds and tarmac laden way.

Forcing the intense pace (walk) the front running bastards  shaded their eyes from the blazing sun  and tried to see beyond the  multitude of  dead ends that had been strangely  marked as false trials.

Elsewhere the hares had felt the feel of goose flesh up their  arms and the tickle of thick  hair at the napes of their  necks  as they  imagined how later they would be  caught in the crossfire of the angry and Lost hashers, and they fretted much as they waited at the beer stop as a  shepherd would wait and worry for his lost sheep  (beer drinking sheep)

As all was seemed lost a cry was heard from across the dust and shit encrusted river bed and as the hoard turned a cry was heard and direction was offered forth and the trail was again discovered , eventually  beer was gratefully quenched and the end was fortunately   found …

As the circle was drawn and the GM had had his say , the time had come for a new and different strictly temporary assistant RA (  errm Me )

At first The RA seemed to wander , he spoke of the first rays of the sun touching the peaks of the mountains , and feel of the feel of the desert wind in a mans face at noon , he reminded them of the sound of the birth cry of  a mans first born child , and the smell of the earth turning under the plough .. (well sort of anyway )

but gradually an attentive silence fell upon his unruly audience, and down downs were taken and the rabble laughed heartily …

fine food and good fare was had at the on on , marks of 5.5 for the hares and all in all a bloomin good excuse for a Monday …. Now do I get scribe of the year this year or what yer gits ?


 Your scribe:  Trailer Trash, f.k.a One Hung Low, a.k.a Pikey


Hash Run 984 La Mairena 9 July 2007
Hares - Lilo Lil and Tiffany

This one should have been named the extreme hash. Children were recommended not to take part, a bit of a downer as mine had just flown in from England.

As it was the advice was sound. Mountain climbing, lost hashers, broken limbs and wading through water up to our waist was the order of the day. Worse still was the sight of Septic and Trailer Trash who partook in a spot of naked hashing.

Even those that wimped out and went offroading in Stiff’s car looked decidedly shaken at the end.

 Supplies of chocolate brownies, water melon and Bucks Fizz manage to calm down an irate bunch, some of whom thought it was a bit too dangerous. However it was fair to say that a lot of effort had been put in and the hash awarded the hares a mark of 6

 In the circle there was the usual piss taking and laughter, and a Christening where Debbie was named something like Dippy Dopey Debbie.

 Even a last minute change of on on after the restaurant owner was bitten by a mad dog was no problem for the hares who found a good alternative venue (so I’m told).

 Ginger Minge



Away weekend -- Camping, romping and yodelling in the Alpujarras(982 &983)

29th June to 2nd July 2007

 The away hashers were divided into two distinct groups -- the hairy arsed camping brigade, whose idea of a good time is feeling the dirt between their toes as they snuggle down unwashed with earwigs, in between visits to the bushes and/or communal toilets; and the fairy-arsed hedonistic tossers (amongst whom your Scribe is pleased to number himself -- assuming one can in fact number oneself), who prefer the feel of tile beneath their feet and toilet paper between the cheeks of their arse.

 One thing that did stand out amongst the true camping fraternity was the size and variety of their erections -- fat ones, thin ones, tall ones, ones with knobbly bits on, it was indeed a sight to behold.

 Hashers rolled up gradually during the day, and the evening meal at the campsite restaurant on Friday night seemed to surprise everybody, including the restaurant staff, who made a fine job of spreading the ingredients of the 25 meals they thought had been ordered amongst the 40 hungry hashers -- not dissimilar in many ways to Jesus feeding the 5000.  However, plentiful booze kept the punters lubricated and your Scribe is not aware of too many hangovers on Saturday morning.

 Saturday dawned bright and clear and very hot. Trevelez cascaded down the inner thighs of the magnificent high-peaked valley like a succulent clitoris.  People wandered round in it, visiting and revisiting the three shops as though to convince themselves that such tatt might be worth buying.  (Okay, so your Scribe came back with a car full, but guess who was responsible for that?  KK is such a schmuck -- marriage must be having strange effects on him)

 Starting at three (-ish) , the assembled multitude set off with not a little trepidation into the mountains under the broiling sun.  Along a manmade watercourse, up the track, past some horses and mules, off onto tenuous footpaths, upward, ever upward.  Your Scribe, in his capacity as RA, nobly swept up at the rear of the flock, helped by an unwisely large lunch and enormous portions of knobbing on those comfortable beds (any thing to keep KK out of the damn shops).  It might be thought that your Scribe cut a rakish and colourful figure bestriding the mountains in his newly acquired Aussie hat (amazing what they sell in that robbers’ roost).  But I digress.

 Back to the track, upwards still but more gently now, past carefully tended handkerchiefs of vegetables and fruit gardens lovingly terraced out of the hillside and irrigated by the melting snows of the Sierra Nevada; past two manky Alsatians, along another acequía, then up through a plague of locusts to the welcome beer stop; where sadly the front runners seemed to have been waiting some time for the rest of the pack, and insisted upon rushing off in a most unsporting fashion, just so they could show off their competitive prowess by rushing lemming-like back to the campsite.

 Your Scribe, and a number of the more sensible hashers, followed the steep but pleasant in-trail at a more conservative pace, which allowed us to take in the majesty of our surroundings and appreciate the patchwork of fields and watercourses which are so unique to this area.

 Modesty and a surfeit of alcohol forbid your Scribe from waxing too lyrical about the RA’s performance in the Circle, except that he remembers the run was awarded 7.9 marks and that theAxar- spit-quía Hash visitors came in for much well-deserved criticism.  Oh yes, and he recalls liberal use of the Sleeve being required to control a rowdy and drunken bunch.

 The Saturday night barbecue, when served, proved a ‘normous success, at which no one went hungry or thirsty.  Full many goodlie ballads were sung and jokes a-told among the Companie that nighte, and titties faire there were, alle bedecked with creame....

 Sunday morning dawned very similar to Saturday morning, but hazier somehow in the head.  Quivering hashers -- could there have been fewer than the day before?  -- gathered in the village for a short but intense hairy dog run which took us out of the village, over the bridge, up the hillside, back down along the valley and down shiggy to the river, which we followed along back under the bridge and waded across to the strategically situated beer stop. After many watery shenanigans, and duly refreshed, it was back over the bridge and up into the village square where transport was provided back to the campsite.

 Sunday's Circle involved more down Downs for the Axar-spit-quía Hash, and the RA was obliged to upbraid unmentionable members of the flock for drunken violence, excessive tonguing, and bestiality, to name but too many..

 A relaxed lunch at the campsite followed, after which some hashers departed for home, whilst others stayed for a more demure meal in the evening.

 Many thanks are due to those deluded souls who spent many hours of their time organising this event, and in particular acquiring all the food and drink, bringing it to site with all the preparatory materials and cooking it; and to the miscellaneous Hares, which, as we all know, hang down to their knees…


 Your Scribe, and temporal and spiritual Father,



Hash no. 981  - Monte Mayor

The first part of the obstacle was to find the run start. Directions were bona fide but the road works weren,t. Eventually despite a 6.40 prompt instruction 33 runners arrived by 7.15p.m. Salutations to El Pulpo who graced us with his presence after 8 months in South Africa. It was great to see him and to boot his 420 mijas hash. SAD!!!

The Starwberries aibly assisted by The Wankers set the run which to put it mildly was very hilly.

Stunning scenery overlooking Monte Mayor Golf, mountains,valleys,more mountains,more valleys and eventually the floor. We couldn,t look up cos we were too busy climbing!

There were the usual flurry of false trails, however the on-in was set too close to the trail and several of us lead by Stiffany had a wasted decent only to respond to animated screams wrong way. So, guess what, we had to climb all of the way back up!

The drink stop was most welcome.

Poste haste we then left to climb more hills but for every up there is a down. The final descent at last after a run of approximately one and a half hours.

As the light was beginning to fade we drove to the Strawberries Palatial abode who were hosting the on-on, to have the circle.

Bucks Fizz to celebrate the SECRET WEDDING!!!!!

Flakey and Septic Scrotum conducted the circle. Flakey was iced because his flea bitten mut Blue kept interfering in the circle.The usual collection of mis-demeanours and then, guess what? A hash wedding post the SECRET WEDDING.

The pre-nup announced, the media at the ready, Stiffany assisted with gaffer tape, a wig and t.l.c attempted to re-juvenate the groom due to the slight age difference to the bride. The gorgeous bride complete with garter,veil and tiara,also a makeover a la rouge from Lilo, was ready.

Flakey conducted the ceremony with Septic Scrotum. Kalma was most gracious promising to share his wife, money and cars with his fellow hashers and Golden Cascade was suitably genteel and submissive!

The group enjoyed a wonderful buffet,courtesy of The Strawbs and paid for by Kalma.

Again, a wonderful evening!!!!

Scribed by Lilo


Hash no. 980   - hoyo 19  Hares : Fuck Norris & Trailer Trash


It is difficult to write a full report of this run since the scribe didn`t go on it … due to injury. But as it turned out it wasn`t necessary to go on the Run to gain a good impression of Hasher`s opinions. It turned out to be a remarkable Run, for all the wrong reasons!  Wrong that is, unless you are actually trying to get rid of Hash Shit, which I was.

After half an hour the Hares received a call from Flakey asking for directions, the hash was lost … very little flour. The Hares did say that it must have blown away in the strong winds.

Most people got back to the Beer Stop after about an hour. And the complaints began with a vengeance… but it got worse after that! After initial confusion at the beginning of the second half, the hash did a refusal and simply waked back to the cars, which in any case were very close. They in fact arrived back before the Hares.

Trailer Trash was profoundly annoyed at this refusal to persevere with the second half of the Run and promptly left … taking with him the Hash bucket containing, amongst other things, the plastic cups. I did manage to retrieve Hash Shit just in time!

A score of 2 (I think) was subsequently awarded to the remaining Hare, and of course the by now the inevitable Hash Shit.

On on

Hash no. 979    Hares : Dipper & Kalma

Hash no. 978    Hares : Dogsy & Up yer bum


Hash no. 977    Hares : Stiffany & Streaky


Hash no. 976    Hares : Flakey & Septic


Hash no. 975    Hares : Mork & Mindy

We felt as if we’d done a Hash by the time we found the start as we were up and down the main street in Alheurin many times looking for those roundabouts and that Hotel. Eventually, after the 4th time we were becoming a bit conspicuous to the locals so we headed out of town and found the Mirador Hotel 3km out of town!

A good crowd had turned up, 40+, for what looked like interesting hash territory and could have been too. Most people at the start spent the time admiring and playing with 2 of Stiff Fanny’s puppies. She has 5 available if anyone would like one, they look like Golden Labs, email Stiff Fanny for more info. Soon there will be more dogs than checks on the Hash!!

The Hash was a pleasant walk for those who walked but as there were only 2 checks the pack was very quickly spread out. The run/walk went along one forest path then up hill and along another forest path to the beer stop. From the beer stop we continued along the forest track to a split which then took us up the hill before heading back down to that forest track again. A good diversion off the track and through the forest took us back to the bins. The run was awarded a 5.

Down Downs by Stiff Fanny and Flakey before we headed to Mindy’s Casa for a very good On On with delicious chilli and apple pie. Thanks to Mindy and S&M for opening up their home to the Hash.

Hash no. 974 Hares : Rubberturd/Spermaid


Hash no. 973  Hares : El Cid & SpeedyHash no. 973  Hares : El Cid & Speedy


Hash no. 972  Hares : The Wally´s


After yet more drizzling rain on sunday morning I admit to having second thoughts about going hashing...however by the afternoon it had cleared up and there was no excuse. What a good decision.

The directions were clear and I arrived in a scenic spot along with about 40 other hashers, including a couple of Virgin Kiwis and a couple of morris dancing virgins.
A lot of people had made the effort be suitably clad in red and white to celebrate their Englishness and
St. George's Day.
Red and white frizzy wigs were offered by Stiff fanny who got us organised in the absence of Mummy's Boy.
We were told the run had been altered due to the earlier rain so there would be no river walk, just as well since I had new shoes!!!
The sun came out, the temperature rose, along with the humidity and off we went up a long undulating incline. The scenery was magnificent, the Spring flowers blooming but sadly we didn't see any bee-eaters. We did meet a Spanish gentleman who seemed to think we were on his private land. There were a few checks which kept the front runners on their toes and the pack together.
After going through some olive groves and over ploughed fields we arrived at the beer stop. Morris dancing may be doesn't prepare you for the hash but eventually our guests arrived then we were off home.
After a lot of up we had about the same amount of down!!! through beautifully smelling orange groves and back to the river and start.
A 7 and a half was scored for an excellent run in a superb location and good marking.
Down downs were given to many but Tight Arse probably got the most for his constant nesting, being broody, disappearing for a pee, more nesting, misnomers etc.
We heard some good stories about certain hasher's sexual exploits over the week-end and Sceptic Scrotum is aiming to be the second gay on the hash by wearing a very tight black silk cami top which was found in his car.
Finally we all went to the on on which was excellent value at 10 Euros for a 3 course meal and loads of wine.
Well done Hares another good Sunday evening.




Hash no. 971 - El Coto

Hares : The Streaky´s



A hash starting with a check is always bad news, so as we set off we thought we were in for a crap run. But how wrong could we be.

The trail was found going over rough ground before heading down to a 2 way split. Pig in Shit and his friend headed left followed by Hash Cash along a track and into a stream thinking they had guessed right, but oh the disappointment when you find an F. The correct rail was right and on it went until the FRB’s found the biggest CB in living memory halfway up another track.

Here the whole Hash got all back together as the front runners searched in vain at the first obvious trail after the CB. Down 2 farm tracks and up another stream bed they searched for the elusive flour but to no avail as the correct rail was further back down where we had come from. With the Hash back on the proper trail we headed On Up to eventually find the Beer Stop just off a tarmac road. With oranges, carrot cake and crisps on offer it was difficult to set off on the second part of the trail but with Mummy’s Boy sounding his whistle we were off again. Less checks than on the first half and with the Hashers now realising that you waited at the checks to see where Not Coming Anymore (Co-hare) went we were soon back at the bins. All in all a quite eclectic run. (Ed Note : eclectic – composed of elements drawn from a variety of sources, styles etc – Oxford Dictionary)

Just shows you can come on the Hash and learn something. Another new word for your vocabulary will hopefully be provided next week.

In the circle the run was given a good 7.6 mark.


Down Downs were given by Septic Scrotum, in his first solo effort. He did so well that Flakey’s job could be in jeopardy.

Some of the Down Downs were as follows:-

The Hares – for an eclectic run

Stiff Fanny’s Dick – for being a smart arse and using the word eclectic

Big Bitch and Hash Cash – bringing Hashers over from Hong Kong and providing them with crap weather

Anniversarios – for various numbers of runs from 3 to 300

Returnees – for having something better to do last week

Trolley Dolly and friend for being educated about vinegar strokes by Fuck Norris

Sheep Shagger – becoming a granddad

Sheepshagger and Beef Steak – for meeting up at a Swingers Club

Cradle Snatcher for allowing Aphrodisiac to go to Pattaya, Thailand to allegedly work for Hanky Panky Games Co

Kindergarden Kop – for being this weeks gay boy on the Hash

Karma Kameleon – for being on the piss 2 weeks after his heart operation

Many others plus jokes in order to fill in time between the end of the run and the On On at El Potro. The food at the On On was excellent value for 15 euros and maybe we need to start giving marks for the On On.


On On

Hash Cash



Hash no. 970 - The Rat run

Hares : Stiffanny & Flakey


We had been warned to bring a torch and change of clothes as we were going to get wet. One of the hares, “Flakey”

has some fetish for tunnels and culverts, so we were in for some dark places by all accounts. And the Mijas Hash runs

come in two parts with a compulsory “Beer Stop” around half way through. All new potential experiences for LSWH3

runners in a daylight run. And so it turned out!

The run started in a car park by a beach, and so the first part of the run went a fair way down that beach. Then we cut

into (literally) tough and spiky Gorse bush which ripped everything and everyone it touched. Cutting up valleys we

finally started our “Tunnel Rat” experience. Once such tunnel being decorated by the presence of a dead horse in

front of it as an alternate hazard. Wed finally scrambled under some wired into a dark tunnel to find the “ON IN” into

the Beer Stop.

The BS was complimented by chocolate flakes and mini eggs for Easter, giving the Hash a sweet experience, the

same as the kids who were off on their own Easter Egg Hunt down on the beach. What followed after the Beer Stop

was not the “15 minute downhill run” that was rumored at the stop.

A run through dark and deep tunnels with A LOT of water, knee deep, criss-crossing the steam, and a good 30

minutes saw a group of very wet and exhausted runners finish back at “A” with Hopeless being the first hasher back,

leading in three Mijas hashers and then Marmalade Head. The Mijas Hash has another different tradition which is to

“mark” the run during the circle, with numbers ranging from 2 to 8 amongst the small selection of runners asked. An

artificially high “average” of “7” seemed a little generous!

Down Downs awarded by Hopeless, in the middle of Mijas Hash’s “circle”..

Parky – trying to order a “M” size T-shirt for himself when he is plainly an XXL size, even in Europe.

ATM card swallowed by ATM as forgot the PIN (was using the wife’s card, not his own!) – Pinky Comer.

Doug - iPod has selection and filing based on “activities” (e.g. vacuuming with his Dysan, dusting, etc).

Kid’s “Naming Committee” (i.e. all the kids got together to tell us what they nominated amongst themselves for hash

nick names!). And they were :

Sandie Grant (Little Bitch); Ian Etheridge (Forest Bear); Matthew Forbes (Destroyer); Jessica Forbes (Little Fighter);

Carmen Muir (Mountain Lion); Arran Muir (Annoyingly Opposite); Claire Muir (Lemon Shaker); Calum Jones

(Speeder); Jack Comer (Annoyingness); Joe Comer (Hash Crash); Meera Shreedar (CruzCampo [local beer]).

Dan Dastardly – frightened by Louise Parkinson groping his butt.

Son of Paul & Nomad – yes/no changing of minds on coming to the tour.

Shergar – managing to leave Flo behind because “an issue with her visa” – to get a solo tour!

The Comers – “Smash & Grab” son who broke the window of one of the cars parked on the beach.

Old/original LSW’ers (spies) – Colin & Doug.

Hopeless presented two LSWH3 running vests to the Hares of the day, and passed back to their “Religious Advisor”

(Flakey) to finish the circle.

The ON ON was back to “Funny Beach” where the kids had ended up on the Egg Hunt, for a beach BBQ restaurant

and cheap/nasty red wine and greasy meat. The temperature and time dropped away so back onto the Hash Bus to

drop at Hotel Pyr for the hash tourers to split up into a number of groups, one of which ended up in “The Den” near

Casa McLeod to enjoy the English losing (again) to Australia in the cricket and see the end of the Masters golf.


Saturday 7 April 2007

LSW H3 Run 1565 Big Bitch and Hash Cash, Marbella, Spain

Hashers were gathered up by the Hash bus, with Tao causing confusion in the attempts to take over as “Bus Monitor”

from Hash Horn. Despite Tao’s failed “coup”, the bus collected the residents of Hotel McLeod to take us to a run site

down the road by a scenic lake, complete with ducks, with Hash Cash supplying bread for the kids to feed them later.

A bash through the undergrowth (once the Mijas Hashers turned up) took the pack through a tunnel and a four way

check. Hopeless sped up the hillside to a “T” while Dan Dastardly forged ahead with a loud “ON ON” to the hillside. An

excellent series of (we are told 15) checks took us around the hills above Casa McLeod, with superb views down into

the local reservoir. At the top of the hill Boilers, Marmalade Head, Mensa, Doug the Spy, and Hopeless forged ahead

to where the Walkers came out on a shortcut. Boilers steamed off down the hill, scaring the living daylights out of

Sandie Grant as he moved like a gazelle along the uneven path.

The final check did him in as Hopeless and Marmalade Head sped for home via a sneaky check back prior to the “On

Home”. The Walkers came in from a good wander, with a minor “panic” by Nomad as to the whereabouts of the

injured Son of Paul who had shortcutted the shortcut! An excellent run with the pack being kept together over an

almost exclusively “off road” Hash route.

Down Downs awarded by Hopeless, aided by Hashzilla.

The Hares – Big Bitch (BB) and Hash Cash – well laid scenic run.

Doug - Dysan vacuum

Shergar & Hudson - room check in, taking rooms in the name of Hopeless and McLeod.

Old spies – Doug & Colin Jones

Forbes’ – disobeying BB instructions and stuffing up the way to the car hire

Marmalade Head – arriving at the wrong terminal.

First lady back – from Mijas Hash.

Park n Shop – accusing (falsely) Mijas hasher of “cheating”.

Hopeless – unable to pronounce “Mijas” correctly.

Marmalade Head – sick on the bus to Ronda

Boilers freezing in Ronda in his flip-flops

Hudson being typical Yankee tourist

Tao buying poncho to keep warm

“Matadors dress to the left” – Hash Horn

Ian Etheridge fainting at Casa McLeod, parents allowing too much PS2 on the bus.

Son of Paul – own son dropped both Nintendo and “Quiz” electronic games and broke them in the same day.

Couldn’t get his leg over by the Matador statue, “its been a long time” – Colin the Spy

Lemon tree spat - BB

Mensa - sardines on toast lunches, food connoisseur – Sardine Down-Down.

Parky - no mussel paella, individual portion

The visiting Majis Hashers.


On On Hopeless


Hash no. 969

Hares : Up yer Bum And Jerry Can
Photos from Up-yer-bum also some from other previous hashes

A throng of 38 hashers mustered to the rear of the Elviria Supersol supermarket. The number was a tribute to the tenacity and resourcefulness of those hashers who persevered rather than to the hares who considered that clairvoyance was a preferred option to direction signs. Who knows how many hashers are still out there on the N340 wistfully searching out clear direction from non existent signage.


At 4.17 sharp Mummys Boy waddled into an open area and requested that the motley crew should endeavour to form something that represented something other than a square. By 4.30 he had the undivided attention of at least 50% of the hashers and requested further insight into the forthcoming run from the hares who indicated that they had foregone their former spiritual leanings and opted for the more conventional hash signage utilising flour.


A guest of the Stiffs was introduced as the only virgin and the Hash introduced themselves individually. It must be noted at this juncture that Trailer Trash seems to be ashamed of his hash nom de plume and was at pains to remind everybody that in a former life he was called One Hung Low, which had in the past served him well as a chat up line. Sorry Trailer Trash you are Trailer Trash aka TRAILER TRASH !!


A photo shoot was called - the hash flash had forgotten the camera, Trailer Trash, the professional photographer, had no new batteries, Tightarse did not know how to download his photos, so somebody took a photo with their phone (wot happened to phone calls ?)


The run – now the scribe is in a little bit of a quandary. Having only recently committed myself to the ranks of a walker, I have no idea where we went. Enjoying conversation with fellow walkers and occasional giving support to the runners with the occasional Äre You?´´I can only vaguely remember walking through an Elvirian suburb with a bit of a trot along the beach. The halfway Beer stop as usual at threequarters the way provided plenty of beer, lots of crisps and ginger topped brownies. Afterwards we continued our riveting conversation and walked through more Elvirian suburbs back to base.


 In the circle more enlightened hashers were prepared to voice their praise/criticism and gave it a rousing average of 6.45.


The RA stalked into the circle and cleansed those miscreants of their sins. A couple of notables were – Up yer Bum´s dog had devoured a dead squid complete with hook and had had major surgery to remove it at cost of €600 – which left us all musing whether the money would have been better spent buying a new Flakey friendly variety.  It had also been noted that Streaky´s daughter (her with the physical body) had been to the Hash several times and had avoided being christened. If that be the case quoth she I will not come again – she was dutifully christened Not Cum Again.


Cannot think of any more, so ON ON to next week with Flakey and Stiffanny


Knockout Neptune


RUN 968 Limp Toed sloth  - March 25th


Today ladies and gentleman I'll be taking you beyond the borders of Fuengirola that you all know an love on into a area of wilderness, the sunny shores of Estapona (well a few kms inland).

Limptoad sloth and wife (or partner maybe, you'll have to correct me on Sunday if I am wrong) was this weeks Hares, I will have to start my saying what an enormous amount of time and effort went in to this run, so a big well done to them and what a fantastic day for drinking (running) we had!

Apparently a turn out of 28ish people for Estapona was very good and then a circle of happy merry g-up men and woman was formed, after the warning they had not purchased enough flower to complete the track we set of our merry way.

Checks and false trails was plenty! Some of us unlucky enough to climb a 50 meter MOUNTAIN in hope of hearing a faint "False!!!!!!!!" shouted from my fellow joggers that had decided to wimp out of climbing the 50 Mtr mountain and check an easier check route, I would have been victorious and even sniggered a quaint mutter of laughter as I would be able to watch them all attempted the same traitorous path..... But it wasent to be I was only greeted with my one true enemy... The letter "F"!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As everyone was so far ahead of me I didn't get a chance to appreciate the long checks with no flower or flower but someone had forgot the F at the end of the trail, however I did get to here about it as several Hashers most certainly wasn't keeping the views to them selves hehehe....

But at last "BS" beer stop for those who need it in laymen's terms, chirps' and beer just what you need after a good run oh not forgetting water, which I hatent to add we might have ran out of!

The way back home was the best on in I have ever done personally speaking, although some other people might have disagreed but a good runners run in on the way back though, the whole run was had amazing country side, perfect campo for hashing some best campo I have hashed in yet.

Over to the R.A. Dipper for the ending circle, in this paragraph I would have mentioned everyone who was went in but unfortunately dipper had used a unknown hieroglyphic language for his notes e.g. "karma Kam Blue Nob" and thus I am unable to translate all but one...... Our new friendly local lookie Lookie guy.... Fuck Norris!!! If anyone would like any dodgy DVD or albums Fuck Norris is you man.

Over all the run was rated as a 6.2 I think, might have been a 7.2 (god i am only quarter of the age of most of you and I all ready cant remember.)

On On was a Thai at Bancock in the port, wonderful food and wine at only 15€ bargin! I'm sure the On On is increasing in cost every week, my mum will make me pay soon if this keeps up!

Yours in confidence

Streak Of Piss




RUN 9?? Alozaina


UN 967 Dipper & Gobi - March 18th


Well about 6 cars arrived at the dried-up river bed around 3pm only to find that the Hares had not yet set up the Hash signs. By the time the Hares turned up the cars had swelled to 10. The run site was then directed across the road and down and along the dry river bed to a suitable start point.

As it was the day after St Patrick’s Day the green t-shirts and Guiness Hats were out, with the Scots sticking to the Orange of the North.

28 runners started off back down the river bed then left at the end of the fence, only to follow another dry river bed which we followed until we hit a check in stereo, one on either side of the road. Here Rubherturd went left uphill and called On On only to hit an F. Hash Cash checked the back trail only to loose markings. Then the On On was called straight ahead round the hill before heading upto another contour path and another check. This is where the trail became a bit vague with people checking in all directions, some finding flour and some finding F’s and some finding nothing. Eventually DonkeyOT called On and it was up the hill to another double check with the trail heading left round the back of the hill to a large arrow directing us downhill. When we reached it the FRB’s were coming back up to meet us. Further round the hill we ran until we went down and along a wet river bed before finding the BS which was conveniently hidden behind a tree. Gangplank was already at the BS and was bragging he had been there for 10 minutes, and where had we been? Maybe if he had been calling we would have been there quicker! Cold drnks,crisps and delicious green cookies at the beer stop. We waited half an hour for Spitoon, Bendover and the Virgin, who had stopped for a quickie in the bushes before we were off on the second half.

Down the hill and up the other side before the trail ended with the infamous numbered checkback which was supposed to be CB20 but had been read by Hash Cash and Rubherturd as CB8! Eventually a check was spotted down the hill and along another dry river bed before heading up to a contour path and the On In. A good run in nice countryside. The run was awarded a 7.

Green beer Down Downs by Limp Toed Sloth and Dipper to the Hares, Returnees, the Virgin, those dressed as Irish, those not, Anniversaries, those not English etc

On On to El Coto for a roast dinner for 15 euros, the slowest service in Spain and Spitoon entertaining the rest of the guests (much to their horror). Will we be allowed back?


[file:///C:/Documents and Settings/Alexis/Desktop/My Web Sites/mijash3/photogallery/photo00003728/real.htm]


RUN 966 Big Bitch & Hash Cash - March 11th


Although a good number of regular hashers were living it up in Africa, about 30 of us assembled promptly in virgin territory in the depths of Naguelas.
It was perfect weather for running, and off we went through a picnic area looking for the trail. With a little help from the hares we found it and ran through some beautiful countryside, littered with pretty flowers and signs of Spring. The trail was very well marked and the many checks kept the pack together, the beer stop was on top of a hill giving excellent views over to our friends in Africa!!!
After a short scramble down hill, and a bit more in and out and round about, we were back at the start. Even though it was pretty short, the comments from the circle were all positive and a score of 6 “ a good run” was given.
Unfortunately the mini bus crowd had to return to their familiar Fuengirola, and missed an excellent Indian meal with masses of wine, ice-cream and good company.

On On p’Lips.


A few photos from January/February supplied by Streaky


RUN 965 Gangplank and Dumb Arse Ditch Dummy – Coin


Another beautiful Sunday afternoon and once again back in Coin, after a change of scenery in Marbella last week. A good crowd of almost 40 plus the usual assortment of dogs turned up, including 3 visitors, 2 from a Hash in the Lake District Sid and Madge, and Mojo Junkie from San Diego.

By 3:30pm we were ready to go and so we set off up the river before heading left up the hill. A few splits kept the pack together until the trail took us up the south side of the Eiger. This split the FRB’s from the back runners. At the top of the hill it was on along a ridge before heading up another hill and then down the other side. The views from the top were spectacular. Another couple of splits kept the FRB’s together before we headed up another hill and then round a contour path before heading down to the road. Fortunately we weren’t on the road for long before being directed down left to a track which led to the road again and the bridge to Gangplank’s finca. A welcome beer stop as it was hot waiting in the sun for the back runners before we were off on the second half of the run.

The second half was not as well marked as the first. It was back over the bridge and down the river with a few splits which had not been marked with F’s. The Hares had obviously set this half from Gangplank’s bike as the markings were sporadic. The FRB’s managed to find the trail which was basically straight down the river, which we had to cross several times. The back runners did not fare so well with the last arriving back half an hour after the rest and many tales of being lost. Stiff Fanny came a cropper in the river and had to resort to icing her leg to reduce the swelling.


Down Downs were given by the GM and Flakey before most of us headed back to Gangplank’s finca for a delicious 4 course meal cooked by Gangplank himself, very impressive.

Run 964 The Hares - Stiff Fanny, Stiff Fanny's Dick and Stiffita

Your scribe - Shagadelic
The Stiffs excell in reccying virgin territory. They boldly go where only those with long lazy days and and house maids to cover all calls would go. 

Their fortune is our gain. The circle was formed in the Sierra Blanca national park, just above the Don Miguel hotel in Marbella. The hashers had set off - arriving at an empty circle is odd. I found the Stiff's heading off to the beer stop. Steph, pointed me in the right direction proving to be a smart move for me as the rest of the pack had headed up and over the adjoining hill in completely the wrong direction.

 Only the the freshly dropped flour indicated I was ahead of them, so far ahead infact, i could not hear any ON ON cries from the pack. Jack and I waited along the winding forest track. Having already crossed a mountain brook, blobbed in flour in dense forest I knew I would hear them sooner or later. Sure enough the whistles and crys of marauding hashers soon reverberated through this serene and tranquil park. Up they were climbing till a stream of bright t-shirts scrambled and bounced past me. On On! In parts, the climb was unlike any Mediterranean forest, more like a Shakespearian woodland and then just as the forest appeared, it went. We were out on a plateau over looking the whole of the Marbella coastline in bright sunshine.

 There was plenty of time to take in the view as none of us could find the check. Once that was discovered it was on down through a meadow. Yes it was a bit like the wind in the willows hash. Without the wind, it was a scorcher for the first hash in March. And then the track led us across the fast flowing brook and upwards till we got completely and utterly confused. "R U? " - "Checking, Ru?" "no I´ve been there", and "I´ve been there", "well have you been there?" was echoing through the valley and a lot of headless chickens where doing a hash impression.

 A finger tip search of the woods had produced nothing and we headed back to the split trail for the most obvious crossing. From then the adventure deepened as did the river and Tight Arse was able to throw Jack down the waterfall. That's a must do place for a picnic in early summer and surprisingly easy to get to as just a few hundred meters further on led us to the river bank beer stop. Complete with fishing chairs, Sunday papers and hash brownies and not a lidl's own brand beer in site.

 Civilized they may be but sending us off on the second half up a vertical climb, soft they are not. Most of us are used to pointless second halves but heading back we confronted more checks guarded by goats, tracking through an old farm still there despite the town creeping higher and higher up the hill. Then more confusion and climbing past killer guard dogs back through the forest. With the waterfalls, and forest climbs it was a celestial day out. And we made it back all in tact. The dogs started fighting, Jack thought he owned the forest by now. 

 The circle saw Gangplank and Dogsy back in the fold after months of spending their hard earning savings on young lady boys and Thai massage parlors. Do you think we will see Virgin Sarah again?

 Gobi and Dipper were in fine form as market traders and haberdashery extended credit and introduced the new summer line.

 El Cid collected an injury and missed a wonderful hash.

Spittoon gave it a four which must be unsurpassable.

Eight and three quarters was the final mark which under the new, rigorous system is a double first in my book. But what do I know?

 ON ON was at the stylish Casa Stiffs starting with melon drenched in port, Serrano nibbles, vast quantities of wine washed down a spicy green Thai curry in honor of the two dirty dicks that came back from their Pattaya Shagathon.

 I left before I saw the photos! 

 ON ON! 


Run  962 - Coin
Sunday 18th Feb-Swiss Roll & Kindergarden Kop

Chinese New Year run: We met on a sunny yet windy site behind the garage at Trocha.
After a brief circle, the pack set off on a well marked trail down to the Rio Grande with plenty of split trails and checks.The hares redeemed themselves after the crap run in Benalmadena.The pack soon drifted apart though cos the tracks were good running terrain.The walkers came in to the beer stop a good half an hour behind the frbs and a great spot for a few beers crisps and cake was enjoyed by all.
The scenery was fantastic.After the break we all set off on the last leg of the run,again good trails but diminishing markings with hardly any checks or splits.But good campo no complaining, plenty of trail fouling by the four legged and the two legged kind. It seemed more like a doggy outing I think I counted 8 .All arrived back happy and ready for some down downs.Septic Srotum and Tight Arse did a great job as stand in for his Flakeyness along with Limp Toed Sloth as GM. A christening was performed and sheila emerged as Strawberry Nipples, something to do with an incident with Spittoon and a couple of strawberries last week.!! Four chinese warriers were called in to show off their dubious tattoes,we had a virgin Wendy, its likely we will see Wendy again as she seemed to enjoy herself.Visitors in the form of Emily and daughter Ellie the thumbelina harriet.Haley and Joanne rejoined us after a spell in a local bar.Seems theyre only here for the beer.Various anniversarios
El Cid 610 Up Ya Bum 290 Limp Toed Sloth 200 Tight Arse 45 Donkey OT 40 and a Morkless Mindy 25.The hares carried on with what seems to be a trend of getting stuck in the mud.Average score of 6. On on to a good feed at the local chinese with megga amounts of good grub.all for 11 euros on on.
Run  958 - Mijas

Sunday 21st Jan-Septic Scrotum and  Tight Arse  

Your scribe - Jack gggrrrrrffffff!
I have berated these two clowns before, so this time with a respectable 7.5 I'll give them the benefit of the doubt.
It´s usual these days to find most dogs bring their owners, Willy Wanker, Pooper Scooper, Shit Shoveler, Knock out Neptune. Only the Turd on a Rope was missing. Has Turd ran away with the gypsies again?
Despite Septic Scrotum and Tightarse setting the hash, 7 dogs plus 35 hashers turned up.
The Hares looked characteristically smug.  Here we were again, half way up the Mijas mountain . What is it with these two and mountains? We're dogs not goats.
Up on to a ridge overlooking the Mijas coastline. Soaring as high as eagles from our vantage point, then rolling down the craggy rock face like Olympic hedgehogs.
It went awry; the hares had us chasing the IN-trail from the outset.  On seeing their error, they thought they could get away with it by sending us backwards.  Flakey had to intervene and we had to sniff out the Out trail.
Half the hashers were worse for wear and wouldn't have noticed anyway. They had been riding a bucking bronco through the night at Stiffs party. Jeremy 40 years young and giving us canines a run for his money. Happy Barkday! and a big bark to those that made it to the hash.
On on down the valley, past rocks, and streams, dangerous dogs and horses and hens. I was having a field day chasing everything.
Spittoon, the old sea dog pronounced the hash crap and turned back,  seeing no end in sight. He didnt need a beer stop, just a tap in to his artery.Fuck Norris gave up and dragged a zimmer frame out of the skip. It had one wheel and we were going round in circles. A check is 360 degrees - he was the man for the job.
Credit due this kept the pack together, and we were chasing our tails.
One and half hours later, shredded paws and tongue hanging on the floor. Bewildered, bedraggled hashers, some of whom had been electrocuted could hear the cry....
 "On Up!".
Even in silhouette, the two hares looked pleased with themselves, waving in the distance - "beeeeerrr stopppp!"  Through thorn covered scrubland vertically, to reach Tight Arse and Septic and cold cans of beer. I was past caring, all I wanted was water.
A very welcome beer stop refreshed all those who got to the top of the hill. Big bark for Trolley Dolley she was there first. No dog biscuits, I drank from the hash bowl and scavenged some crisps.
Most hashers trekked home on the Camino, Mummy's Boy claiming he was following the trail because he could see it in the distance. My arse, he was knackered. I slinked up the road, satisfied ; fur matted, thick with burrs and smelling of dead goat.
Streaky, whippet like was bucking bronco'd. There's a first.
Only the stalwarts kept to the flour and paper, with renewed vigor, Swiss Roll, Kindergarten, Flakey et al claimed we had short cutted on the best bit. They should start an Everest North Face Hash.
Finally, all the pack were back and I had a growling wish - form a circle and let me konk out. Commando mission over.
For the circle the verdict came in  - great thinking but how many Andy Macnab books had these boys read?  Enough. Get back to a sensible hash and a Sunday afternoon. Any more and we'll all qualify for a stint in Kabul.
With a fine appetite the hashers moved on for a good hearty pasta ON ON at Venta Los Naranjos in Mijas pueblo. I got a doggy bag.
Not one of us poisoned, all dog muzzles intact. Shaggy and I drove home with the aptly named Bravefart. Any smells guess who got the blame? so I stretched out in the back, cocked an eyebrow, farted and fell asleep.
ON ON !  Ruff!

Run  956 - Benalmadena Stupa
Sunday 7th Jan-Swiss Roll & Kindergarden Kop



A minute's silence was held at the start of the run as a mark of respect for our oldest hasher who will be sorely missed.

A good crowd of 40+ runners turned up for the first and worst run of the New Year, including about 7 virgins.  The Hares final words to us were that it was well marked with few checks as he didn’t want anyone to get lost. Well if that was Kindergarden Kop’s idea of well marked I would hate to see his idea of badly marked.

So off we set, some of us running a small detour to the chapel only to find it was a dead end so had to retrace our steps by which time we were well and truly at the back of the pack. It was slow progress down the rocky cliff face by which time the pack was completely spread out. Then we hit the first obstacle – the barbed wire fence – which is fine if you have long legs and can step over it but if you’re a short-arse like me then it’s a bit more difficult. Across the rubbish dump and down onto the road before heading left down a track and past the next obstacle – the donkey which tried to kick everyone as they passed. The trail eventually came out onto the road again and the lack of markings had us searching for the trail continuously. Limp Toed Sloth resorted to asking a security guard which way to go before being directed right along towards the sea. It was a long run along the road before heading down to the beach then a scramble up the steps back to the road again. Few markings meant we never really knew if we were On or not but we were directed down back onto the beach again. A group of about 6 kept going along the beach and back up onto the road only to be called back by Sparky to the tunnel and the river bed. Up the river bed where there were no markings at all, before heading left up the northside of the Eiger to emerge on a road which then took us left and back down to the main road opposite where we had run along half an hour before! Up some steps and through an urbanisation before crossing over a flyover and going into a forested area. This was where 3 small groups of lost souls met up and searched for that elusive trail. Eventually it was found and we headed up to the picnic area where an English woman who was walking her dog told us we should go up to the right but that it wasn’t marked so it was hard to find! The main problem with the markings was the fact that it was marked using paper wrapped round bushes and trees four feet up in the air. When I run I look at the ground not four feet up in the air! So up we plodded following nothing but El Cid who knew the area. We all thought that we had missed the beer stop and that we were the last runners. We then went through a building site and then miraculously we found 3 chalk arrows within the space of 20 yards. Through an urbanisation and barking dogs before hearing the calls of On On from the chapel above. Heaven! Our group of 6 then met the front running group of 8 who had arrived at the beer stop 10 minutes before. So it turned out that there were still around 30 runners behind us. After 20 minutes waiting at the beer stop we headed off back to the cars, those who were sensible picked up their car keys from the hare before heading back. Through the pueblo and then the trail disappeared so we ran in the general direction of the Stupa and the cars. Back at the cars it was great to get some warm clothes on, there was no beer so we just had to stand around and wait.

Eventually everyone was back with the last runners arriving back in over 3 hours in the dark, the virgins had been picked up by the Hare and driven home. Will we ever see them again?

A very generous GM awarded the run a mark of 2/10 and the Hash Shit award. A few down downs as it was cold and dark before heading off to the Bull Bar.


We can expect better things from next weeks hares as things can only improve…..