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RUN REPORTS 2011(See Hash History Page for Years 2010 and previous years)
Run Number 1189 - Sunday 13th March - Russian Women´s Day
Hares: Gangbang/Ruskie Puskie
Run Number 1188 - Sunday 6th March
This weeks Mijas run – a Streakies special - was always going to be running a weather risk in view of the ominous forecasts - but no one expected that we would be minus one hasher - Daffadildo - who died on the Friday of a suspected heart attack at the tender age of 42. He was Shagadelic´s partner and she bravely turned up with Daffa´s and her parents for the run. We held a minute´s stunned silence at the loss of one so young, so energetic and, ironically, so full of life. He packed more into his 42 years than most of us achieve in a lifetime. He will be much missed.
There was a conspiracy of silence as to the goings on at the Javea weekend the previous week in the company of the Madrid Hash. Apart from a police road block to ambush hashers and Yogi´s snoring decibels I learned very little. Radio Kaka has a photo on facebook in which she claims the white liquid on her face is flour but I have my suspicions For those who did not venture north there was some story circulating about Elephant Arse becoming hopelessly lost on the Mummy´s Boy alternative run allowing Colonic to finally offload hash shit. Apparently a search party had to be mounted. The upside was that there was more beer and food to go round and he had paid.
The run was advertised by hares as easy which some of us foolishly interpreted as short. Short it was not as my amazing, solar-powered hashachronobeery logged 4.6km to the beer stop. After some initial tarmac we broke out into glorious countryside and the sun finally put in an appearance. The trail was very imaginatively laid. The absence of false trails was more than made up for by the check backs, the challenging checks and frequent trail options. Although not mentioned at the start there were some water hazards, not surprising after all the rains over the previous few days. Physical jerk bragged that he had arrived at the beer stop before most of use had left the start travelling so fast that he went back in time. The other well known FRB – Yogi – turned up later the same afternoon.
The second half was slightly longer than the first and equally excellent and took us through extremely rural Andalucia, complete with piggeries and turkey farms. The run in was again necessarily on tarmac. I clocked precisely 10km in total with my last stride. Just say when and your scribe, Big Mac, were first back by a long margin. Physical jerk followed having tried and failed to rejoin the trail after we lost him at a check. It was a good 15 minutes before the next hashers appeared over the horizon and some of them even appeared from the wrong direction.
The circle was obviously a subdued affair. We paid homage to Daffa and his mother and father also spoke of their son and our friend. Two Pies and Mermaid had also sent condolences from Antigua. There were the inevitable anniversaries, of which I was one. The run scored highly as was deserved although some consider 10km to be long! Colonic held a remarkably short circle with a tribute to Daffa and Shaggy weaving together our various hash names. The beers flowed as did the tears. I did not make it to the On On so cannot report on it – but I can be sure that Daffa was on everyone´s mind and more toasts and tributes followed.
Run Number 1187 - Sunday 27th Feb
Hare: Mummy´s Boy
Run Number 1186 - Sunday 20th Feb
Hare: Mindy & Just say When
Run Number 1185 - Sunday 13th Feb - Valentines Day
Hare: Radio Kaka & Pussy Galore
Remember ADH? They offered the dream of living a life in the sun, with a slick sales team, posh offices in prominent locations with a great advertising campaign, selling property to northern European’s who wished to break out of their boring lives, and build a dream life here in Spain, tempting treats and offers that would never be repeated.
Welcome to the world of Andalucian Dream Hashing.
Run no 1185 was bound to be a highly publicised affair with lots of titillating offers to tempt Hashers along to Marbella on this Special Valentine Day Hash.
A Day to remember in a romantic setting, the entrance to an abandoned Hotel looking over an unfinished deserted building site, nestling amongst the trees and abandoned household rubbish was the chosen site for the circle. This set the tone, for what will now be known as,
The RADIO PUSSY Hash, but it could so easily be known as the KAKA GALORE Hash by the unfilled expectations that unfolded.
But don’t let that get in the way of a good Hash, as spin and a good presentation can make even the bad look good and scrape something out of nothing.
First the directions to the circle with no reference to distances was a clue it was a feline event. Near a Bus Station didn’t sound attractive, but it did gave me an excuse to leave the car at home. After arriving early with no idea how far I had to walk, I was happy to accept a lift with one eyed jack in the Shaggadelic mobile with co pilot Daffadildo keen to release his insatiable energy onto this virgin campo and anything that happened to fall in his path.
An assortment of Hashers finally assembled with lots of RED on show as requested by our romantic hares. Kiss Me heart shaped signs and heart sweets, along side a Heart shaped cake all on display made the scene complete. A group of Talk Radio I know a celebrity Hash virgins waited in anticipation for the run to start. One got a pink lipstick smacker from me for being over enthusiastic in his urge to hit the campo.
Did they know what they were doing?
The promise of a kiss at each check was a novel idea, would anyone be waiting for me to arrive in my over the top Flamenco transvestite outfit? Not many we thought but Radio Kaka was jealous of my pneumatic bust, and managed to push me out of the circle in a boob to boob bust up. Away we went and before long Dogs and People began to foul the trail, a heinous crime but especially on such a Special day, Suca Cocker said we are all dreaming, life was just a dream and we only wake up when we Die! Yes how romantic I’m so happy I know that and that Bobby Brown’s shit was all in my dream, pleased I didn’t wake up to smell it, or the other defecating bastards that soiled our path. The anticipated water feature never materialised and we all kept our feet dry contra to information displayed on the web site.
Before we knew it, the view point of the arse end of Marbella and the empty Hotel had come and gone and the Beer Stop was upon us, this was situated in Condom Ally, a Bomb site formally an abandoned development now used by courting couples in small hatchbacks. Frustrated by our presence in their chosen courting location we continued with our well proven routine.
The brandy filled Pink Heart Cake was now washed down with pink fizzy wine and relieved any apprehension of what we may have been treading in. The final route in via the empty hotel took us through more Marbella real estate disaster slum clearances and a very risky scrambling along and down a 10foot wall. It was lucky by this time we were all pissed, as disaster was only an inch away. The check back 100 meters from the circle puzzled me, but why would anybody take any notice of it? The F’s for false trails had no effect on deflecting the hashers from their chosen course out on the campo, so why would they comply at this late stage when they could hear fellow hashers slurping down beer at the circle.
Funny chaps these women, they see things completely different, brush things off as being trivia and get away with it, but that’s why they are women. But then Hashers are funny chaps so what chance have we for any common sense.
On with the circle and the silliness! Anniversaries for lots and down downs for the hares and virgins. 65 for me but no chance of a Hash pension in the near future. Dam the austerity cuts, I will have to keep hashing to build up my pension contribution credits. What shit we have to go through to retire in the hash style we have been used to. As Gangplank well knows being a Hash pensioner and active contributor to the Mijas Local police benevolent fund, every Euro counts in these tough economic times. Well done that man, keep up the good work, as always a worthy contender for a down down.
This was turning out to be my down down day, best outfit, best legs but most horrible arse in Swiss Rolls opinion, I gave everyone an opportunity to come to their own decision on this most personal matter in the normal hash tradition.
The voting was a Radio Pussy landslide with a frenzy of X factor type euphoria, Strictly Come Hashing had arrived in the rubble of Marbella. Not even this Bahagdad looking backwater and a brief shower could dampen the enthusiastic voting in the top end of the marking range. Strictly come bollocks I thought as the hype was driving up the score to an exaggerated high, glossing over its unashamed irregularities and missing the fundamentals of a great Hash. When you need Fender Bender he is no longer with us, but a good Reality check was needed. My comments and score of 6 fell on deaf ears as all attention was on our brace of giggling hares as the excitement reached fever pitch. Sadly my attempt to calm the hysteria was discounted by the GM and the average of 9 was awarded. Well done girls! your seduction was complete, it just shows how a bit of gloss and giving the masses what they want gets results, people power works, just see how The Cairo Camel Hash have changed Eygpt.
Radio Pussy could take on the world!
KaKa Galore would never had flown but gave us another challenge following ambiguous directions to the On On !
Mayhem ensued with back checks, radio checks, pussy checks, blank checks and even blank Russians trying to find the El Paco, an elusive restaurant hiding somewhere in the back streets of Kahandahar sorry Marbella, but once we found it what a treasure! Worth a good 9 by any strictly come X factor judge with even the party halfway to Algeciras enjoying the marvellous grub on offer when they finally arrived. Sir Sparky rounded off a good day with a great joke about three dogs talking in the Vets waiting room. We must ask him to repeat it in the next circle as Streakys stand in as Karma Chameleon hash joke teller went over my head, as did Verve Clito’s hand bag presentation. As I said before “funny chaps these women”. Even the rendition of Vincent was never meant for one as embarrassing as that. Just keep your day jobs keep dreaming and never wake up. You have been warned.
Madam Yogi, new to the coast with pneumatic 220 bust, natural and yes to everything with happy ending. In and out calls and all major cards excepted. Try me and I guarantee you will have an experience you will never forget. On On