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RUN REPORTS 2011(See Hash History Page for Years 2010 and previous years)

RUN NO: 1199 – The Guaro Run

HARES: Shaggi & Speed Bumps

Well finally here is the slightly overdue run report for Shaggy’s run, as I keep telling Two Pies, I’m allways late!!!

The run site was in the campo just as you enter Guaro. There were some 30ish hashers turned up ona nice sunny afternoon. The surprise of the day was to see the return of Golden Balls to the hash. Last time he came to a run he was about 10. He arrived with a friend and a couple of attractive young ladies (always appreciated on the hash.) There were a couple of visiting hashers who had brought a suspender belt with them and insisted it was included in the photograph. Nobody offered to model it though, more’s the pity.

The run set of up the road in to the campo. After trecking up the road, there were checks, splits and CB’s that all brought us back to the road until suddenly the trail went off through some beautiful countryside and across a hill in a big loop to bring us down to the beer stop. Here golden balls and his entourage stocked up with beer to maintain them through the second half of the run. Fairplay to them and what a good plan I thought.

The second half of the run went down into the village and was a town run. Much as I hate tarmac I did enjoy  the walk around the village. However the marking was somewhat iffy and the pack split into about four groups that all went different ways back to the circle.

The hares were called in to the circle and received lots of appreciative noises for the run and were awarded a mark of 8.6 (I f memory serves me and it may well not!!!) I was the stand in RA for the day and amongst the offending parties were:

Sceptic for being a complete wayward father and losing lucky lucky man in the pueblo.

Any Cock’ll do for being a complete mother hen and flapping about the well being of lucky lucky man all the way around the hash.

A virgin that had unwillingly abandoned a whole rugby team in Fuengirola to be dragged on the hash.

Lucky lucky man and his pal for exhibitionism as they waved their todgers about while weeing and spermaid for pedophilia for spying on said willies.

Not having the stamina for long circles like Colonic the circle was wound up and the hash headed to Carmens for the onon. I’m told it was very good but I wouldn’t know because I don’t do On on’s !!!

Tight Arse !!!



RUN NO: 1198 – The AGM Run

HARE: Pussy Galore and Septic Scrotum

Well some lot of hashers turned up for the AGM run this week and what a run it was! Great T shirts organised by  the 3 amigos, Sep ,Clonk and Streak!

The AGM took place at 15.15 and was opened by the outgoing GM, Mummys boy:

Who gave us a quick report of the past years balls up and recodnised the passing of our 2 dear friends Fender and Daffa. RIP and on up boys!

After some crap nominations an election prosses was made.

The Results as follows....


Assist GM Septic.

Grand Mat Just say When.

RA Some twat who has done it for the past 3 years (forget his name) Arch Dic Dipper.

On sex Mummies boy.

Hash Gash Streaky

assist Pussy G and Sweet and low.

Choir Boy and hare line tight ass.

Habba Gang Bang

Assist Gobby chov

Hash Flash Jisical Ferk and Shagg,y yogi and whoever has a camera this week.

Webmaster er er the bloke who did it since the war (forget his name too)

GDB´s loads including Li Lo, Yogi, Mindy etc.

The Run it self was like my penis, very long, hard and lasted forever! Also like my dick, it went up and down but very enjoyable, again like my penis.

The beer stop was in Cordoba somewhere and Champas was served by way of pussy¨!! Birthday or something!

The way in was also good and very prickly (scars to prove it)

A great effort guys! (wankers)

We all arrived back for the sit down circle and wished the outgoing Comittee all the worst!

The incoming were given equal respect.

Aniversarios er well, er me and GB, Eggshell and some others (pissed by then)

The fabulious outgoing RA then introduced the new twat!

He did a shit circle and had to go early or something, Twat! idiot, I am not voting for him next year, even though he is good looking and has a massive dick!

Anyway the on on was a great choice! dunno! did´nt go! (doing a tight ass there)

The marks for the Run was a great 7.70ish.

Well done hares for a ballbreaker, you twats!

Kindest Regards,

Your outgoing RA Colonic Irrigation.


RUN NO: 1197 – The Buddist Temple Run Benalmadena

HARE: Swiss Roll & Upyerbum

Almost a week has passed since Mammy´s Boy picked on me to do the scribing and hard to remember run details and the circle, but courtesy of Streaky let´s start with ANNIVERSARIOS:

GangPlank 310 runs, Just Say When 45, 2 Pies 210, Physical Jerk 35,

Radio Kaka 45 and Clare (baptised ANY COCK´LL DO) 5.

48 runners incl visitors Ken & Inger from Cartoon Country (Denmark) turned up at the Stupa cum Buddist Temple in Benalmadena for the announced 4 pm run.

Good location for parking, great view and nice weather.  This scribe has been overseas since December and done his fair share of runs and harings in Indonesia and Thailand, but nonetheless great to be back ¨home¨ in ANDALUZ.

For travellers info, a big mosque has been constructed in the outskirts of

Jakarta (Indonesia) financed by the Arabs – and named AL ANDALUZ.

The Run took us around the stupa and up in direction of the autopista and a very long checkback, so after having been up front, Just Say When and 3 other FRB´s, suddenly found themselves behind the pack.  Located paper and a checkaround close to the tunnel and the run continued on the other side of the autopista where we caught up with the walkers/runners.  The trail took us over the hills, through scrub and bushes and down a tunnel in direction of Benalmadena Pueblo and the beerstop shortly after the bullring.  Several frontrunners seemed to have lost their bearings after crossing under the autopista, but they eventually turned up in Big Mac´s auto just as we set out on the last part of the run.

The Circle

Ken (visitor) owns 40 coffee shops in Denmark and has just added a

Osama Bin Latte

Fluffy head + 2 shots

to the menu.

Colonic dressed as OBL did a great job entertaining the crowd and didn´t miss a beat picking on The Germans incl Gang Plank, now an honorary German - having a Kraut grandson as well as this scribe and his w.m.

Several suggestions came up for Clare, who had accomplished 5 runs.  The best suggestion came from Frank Sumatra a.k.a. RubHerTurd , but unfortunately Colonic´s limited vocab. prevented the name EWE CUNT COUNT for being taken and Clare got instead named ANY COCK WILL DO!

The run was voted a GOOD run with 5,5 points.   Several clever heads suggested that a beerstop after the 2nd tunnel and then a shorter run back in would have improved the quality, but who knows?

On On at the street cafe in Benalmadena Pueblo opp. the post office. Good value.

Thanks to the hares for the hard work.



RUN NO: 1196 – Royal Wedding and Russian Workers Solidarity Run - Torreblanca

HARE: Tweetski Pie and Colonic.

 - sucka  cocka 50 and was awarded her hash mug.
- sweet and low 30
-hobble gobble
- dipper 560

The GM Sir Sparky, firstly appointed a kunoot scribe, but somehow he managed to wangle his way out if it and beacuse I was one of the lost, last ones, which is not normally the case but had an injured knee.. from floundering around on Tightarses  shit hash run... it was re delegated to.. POSH PUSSY... I mean who is this new hasher... rather like the name though...
So here goes...
Some 30 odd hashers turned up on the Torreblanca hills outside of tweeski pies house, for the 30th odd time...
 Welcoming two virgins Hashers, K1 and K2 into the circle, the hash rules were explained... but not followed..
After the first 15 minutes the second half (bloody slow hashers ) of the pack were totally confused, and totally lost, obliviously not listening to hash rules...and  being lead on, in many directions all false by Big Mac who dully said it was completely his fault cause he couldnt even get the co- ordinates right and ended up in Wolverhampton trying to get to the hash...!!! and kunoot... well the less said about him the better..
After calling out in vain to the FRB who had clearly left us behind.. we set off on flour only to find out we were on the in trail.. but having found this one path, we knew it would take us to the BS, we duly set off in search of the promised VODKA stop, thinking that they would be worried about us...!!
 Arriving at the Beer stop nearly first... only Physical Jerk was there...!!! we munched happily on chips,  swallowed lashings of Vodka.. and smoked numerous joints( leaving one hasher totally tongue tied later...and K2 in fits of giggles) before the main hashers came in... when we were told off by Dipper and Gobichov for not hearing them and for not finding him cause he came back specially for us... yeh right... then how come we didnt see you ????
We then decided to do the hash backwards.. as second half was mainly tarmac,  Which NOY YET duly name ( TMT )TO MUCH TARMAC..  this boys' going to go far..

So with the cries of NO NO we set off up the hill and followed the flour and signs in reverse well at least I did.. BIG Mac and Kunoot still got it wrong and did most of the falses and CBs even when it was totally obvious which way it was to go.... they will never learn... thank God I was there to see them right..
Great fun was had by all the elite BSH,  dogs got bathed, and the injured hashers, piggy backed across the rivers by, there fellow hashers,  we then got locked in and out of the private property, shouted at by some posh gentleman in his Sunday attire... who got very upset with us.. UP YOUR BUM  sorted him out in her usual direct style F++++ off.. nice one girl... Diplomacy rules..
The circle was formed with the newly returned Dipper fresh from his travels when we got back... 
 tweesksi pie and Colonic were called for putting the in and out trail way to close to each other and therefore causing half of us to get lost.. BUT with a lot of biased marking from the russian front they were awarded 8.8 for there efforts.
then all the ones that got lost had to drink the penance for getting lost
Followed by all the smokers and then none smokers..
 NOT YET was called in for moving on  /  into Radio KAKA... to definitely has had sex... and now  the general consensus is to rename him  Radio GLUG GLUG GUKLG... coming out the popular choice... !!! For making Kaka way too excited... well something like that , not sure I'm allowed to print that actually context of what was said as it is X rated..
Physical jerk and hobble gobble, we called in for a repeat  performance of the Irish Gig which they both had been caught out doing during the week..
The RA was interrupted so many times by the very very talkative russians, that in the end one was called in and duly given the sleeve, which normally means you have to drink the beer through the sleeve, but she merely poured it  all over her beasts, Fender Bender and Daffodilo turned over in there graves...anyway it was enough then to bring the circle back order.
Up your bum and yours truely were called in for odd colored streaky bits in our hair... talking of streaky she was called in for forgetting the strong box key... and leaving the hares penniless.

After all sinners had repented and cleansed, we went to the on on where excellent fare was had by all for a fabulous price of 8e, though think Colonic managed to short change us all...!!

RUN NO: 1195 – Mijas Road -Easter Run - Mark 8.5

HARE: Septic, Toxic & Julie

A pack of 30 odd hashers set off past the Danish Centre, down to the carpark. First check and we are all lost! Suddenly a hare appears and directs us on to the motorway slip-road!!! Well we followed flour - sparce as it was, back into the campo the only clever sod was Streakyś dog who buggered off home. - on-on and down to the river, no flour so we avoided the river, or so we thought, further on down and we all went for a dip. The cutting of bamboo canes in the river was proffessionally done - by a Sadistic Jap Fighter, marooned on a Pacific Island for 20 years not knowing the war had ended or a timeshare salesman tempting would be buyers that everything is honey and gold here on the coast until you sign on the dotted line. We carry on, in front is Physical Jerk with his Trusty Steed, "Tonto" (why the hell the dog brings him I do not know - what a slow coach!) Shaggy is Hash Flash today and Virgin Mark is keeping going in the riverbed. I am sure Shaggy used a whole Film on Markś bum - come on girl dont give him a "Good" impression of the Hash.
Beer stop - Hot cross buns and 2 Bunny Girls - Definately trying for extra marks - waited 10 mins for Colonic and Business partner to arrive (Gangbang in far better looking , but Colonic does ware glasses)
Second half disaster struck - we all knew where the cars where - so like sheep most of the hash walked over the motorway!!!!! but "Tonto" and his Trusty Steed Physical jerk stotted a check - Across another busy road! So the fearless few (Physical-Shaggy-Alex and Yours Truely) set off followed by 4 bunny girls (yes breeding like rabbits). Following goat trail into lovely campo only to me the hares with cava and chocolate eggs and then on - in through tunnels with running water.
The circle was called and after a short lapse of 15years I stepped back in time to control the rowdy Hash as GM - Virgins, returners and Anniversarios were dealt with and so were the Short Cutting Bastards. How Hashers that only did half the run could mark it 9.9 is beyond me, but in excellent run in my book I had to leave the circle before the end but I think I will be called back to do it again in Nov or Dec - as I heard a Commitee member say "It will be a cold, wet, Day in winter before we have him back"

Oh well keep enjoying the hash.