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RUN REPORTS 2011(See Hash History Page for Years 2010 and previous years)

Summer Camp:- June 24/25 /26, 2011

RUN NO: 1205 - Summer Camp Sunday - Hares - Septic & Mummy



After another stellar breakfast and a scramble of tents, beer and very hung over hashers into cars we arrived at the beautiful nudist beach for what was promised to be a gentle hair of the dog *un.  We set off and got to a good start by finding three check backs and wandering around aimlessly as hashers are known to do. With some help from Mummy´s boy we were up the mountain shouting ON ON to the naked people below. It was a bit of rough climb though the view of the sea and surrounding campo was breathtaking. When we finally made it to the beer stop I think we were all in need of a break especially the champ for the day Remo! The second half pushed us down hillsides, through bamboo forests and eventually back to the bathing “beauties” down on the beach.

The hares received a score of 9 on average from the pack mostly due to the second half of the *un as the first was as an American would say a doosey.  Many people need to get lives judging by the long list of anniversaries and they had a celebratory beer to prove it. Then it was time for the beloved RA to take the circle. He wove the story of the evening before with Mummy´s boy shimming up the pipe at the hotel, whilst he and Gangbang nursed their Elvis into a fit of terror. The group of talented condom breakers were rewarded with a beer and a laugh and there was a review of Hail Geezer in case anyone had forgot. (of course Radio Ka Ka had forgotten her name but not her iced bum)  Then came the main event as it was time to christen Adam (not for long he´s fucked). The pact decided unanimously that he shall be called spotted dick, because well, he has one. (I think, ask his girlfriend or Streak of Piss for clarification) He was christened with beer, flour and a bit of Fender Bender´s ashes and he took a sleeve quite well due to Fender´s influence. There were many thanks passed around for all of the wonderful cooking, haring and organizing with a special thank you to the GM, Septic Scrotum. I have to say this was probably the best weekend I have had in Spain yet!

We finished things up with some nice food on the beach served by a tasty waiter and if you stayed around long enough you got the pleasure of feeling up Lie Low´s right tit. All in all a wonderful end to a wonderful weekend! ON ON!

Hope this is ok.... Let me know if you need me to change something.

On On,

Wide Open

RUN NO: 1204 - Summer Camp Saturday - Hares - Tightarse & Shaggi

After a Breakfast fit for a king that Clonk and Li Lo had thrown together we all set off to the run site at the end of the beach! The GM then did a speech about the tribute to Fender and Daffa who didn’t turn up for the run. I didn’t know what he was on about but apparently they were hashing elsewhere that day!

Off we went up hill and across peoples gardens with lengthy falses and CB’s to end up at the beer stop on the beach to witness Golden bollox and crew commit hurry curry off the cliff into the sea.

The way back was also up hill then down with great views to behold everywhere. The circle was then back at the campsite where everyone got punished for all sorts, even we were made to ware and drink beer! Then the RA, dressed as a Roman bloke made some people do something together with a pump and a balloon. We don’t get it!!!

The hares received a 8.8 for the run and then tight ass was iced for about 3 hours!


Mummy’ Boy  320 Hobble Gobble  175 Colonic  165 Gang bang  170 Li Lo 80 Wide open 5 Speedy  25 El CID 635,450

More sweet please for the future?


Itchy, Scratchy and Guy Farts.


RUN NO: 1203 - Torremuelle

HARE: Spermaid & Rubherturd


RUN NO: 1202 - Coin Woods

HARE: Big Mac & Wide open

Well here I am in sooooo much trouble again!!!! I got given the task of hash scribe, completely forgot it, got given it again and then forgot it again oooppps.

Anyway onto the more serious business of what actually occurred up at Alhurin last week. There were about 35 hashers met up on the mountain above Baranco Blanco. The hash was set by good old reliable (so wish I had a sarcasm font!!!) Big Mac and one of our newest hashers the mere slip of an American girl “Wide Open.” They choosing to set it together due to both having a birthday. It was nice to see Hash haberdashery on site and doing a brisk trade.

The hashers laid out the run markings and sent the baying pack on its way, only for them to come to a check within about 500m that completely confounded everyone. Despite following various trails they all seemed to end in an F. Eventually Jizzical ferk who had disappeared over the mountain top, started to call on on (there’s a first.) After this the route was well marked, the trail went up and down, into the trees and out of them until the beer stop was finally sighted down by the road. This can only mean the route back was in an upward direction and so it was.

Back at the run site the circle was called and the run awarded an above average 6.8. The RA then came into the circle and with his usual form punished all and sundry. These included:

Any Cock’ll do after in an exceptionally blonde moment she asked which was longer three quarters or two thirds.

 Sceptic, one tit, streaky and toxic for their drunken shenanigans the previous night.

 Golden balls sidekick, who to date is unnamed wascalled in to demonstrate his ability with the ARM which to be fair he did a very good job of.

The main event of the circle was the birthday celebrations for Big Mac, Wide Open and Swiss roll. Unfortunately Swiss roll was not present so Radio Kaka foolishly volunteered herself as a stand in.

The said birthdayeees were then sat down in the circle taped together by the RA who then proceeded to make a birthday trifle in each of them’s party hats.I just remember cold custard slipping out from under Kaka’s party hat and running into her cleavage, fantastic!!!

All then adjourned to casa Big Mac for the on on. Big Mac had laid on an exceptional spread with Salmon, roast beef, pork, proper English mustard and all manner of other wondefull goodies. A great end to a good day.

Tight Arse.


RUN NO: 1201 - Alhaurin Woods

HARE: Mindy & Wooden Twat - Score: 7.9

We formed a circle and the hares were called in to explain the run. As it was Wooden Twat’s first time as Hare, it was all left up to Mindy, a veteran hasher. His flour markings looked like some kind of weird Yorkshire hieroglyphics, which we didn’t understand at all. Sadly his vocal explanation wasn’t any better. Luckily there were no virgins, so we all knew what we were doing anyway (supposedly)

So we set off into the woods of Alhaurin straight up a hill. The pack got split up fairly quickly, some shortcutting, some not (you know who you are)

Soon enough there was another big hill to climb which we figured Mindy surely couldn’t have set himself…must have been done by some twat. Sorry, Wooden Twat.

The pack weren’t kept together particularly well, but we were thankful that most of it was set under trees, keeping us out of the hot sunshine.

After what seemed like a long first half, we reached the Beer Stop, which was made extra special with homemade flapjacks from Rusty Twat…yummy!

We set off on the second half, with Septic Scrotum convincing Verve Clitot to come along. She was a bit nervous at first but eventually got into it with Septic and I consistently telling her that it’s “Just round the next corner!”

Verve was worried that she had the wrong shoes on, but with Septic and I on either arm, she wasn’t going anywhere. Unlike Septic, who kept slipping and sliding over as Verve kept the path to herself! But she made it - well done Verve!

We arrived back for the circle. Our GM Two Pies came in to talk about what a mess Septic made of last weeks circle, calling him “The Apprentice” He then decided he needed some work experience, and made him take over the circle. Septic wasn’t a happy bunny, but luckily Two Pies gave him a list of everything he needed to know. Although I think it turned out to be his shopping list, as the words lubricant and Mercadona were mentioned.

Septic did a grand job, and handed over the circle to our RA Colonic. Much of the circle centered around stupidity, so there was plenty of material with what hashers got up to in the last week.

I got pulled in for all my travel mishaps in the UK….going to the airport a day early, and then the following day leaving my wallet at my friends house, there for having no money. Colonic revealed that I had to give the taxi driver a blow job as payment. Turns out that the taxi driver was in fact Big Mac. I’ve always liked you Big Mac ;)

We can’t talk about stupidity without mentioning Toxic Bollocks. He lost his keys and his phone this week…and a few brain cells possibly.

Colonic then told us all that someone had left his keys in the ignition whilst going on today’s run. It obviously wasn’t the first time because Willy Wanker’s Willy Warmer immediately looked at Willy Wanker and said “Not again?!”

Tweetski Pie also experimented with stupidity, when he went to fill his bike up with petrol and took his helmet off, placing it on top of a post…only to find out that the post had just been painted with yellow paint. Oops!

The run, as well as being set on the traditional flour, and sometimes paper (which was very neatly tied to branches) was also set with white paint. Yes white paint. I guess Mindy was planning to use the same route for his next run in November.

Somehow though Mindy got white paint in his ears! Although Colonic was convinced it was actually Wooden Twat’s cum after Mindy gave him a much needed blow job. Well, it must have been hard work doing all those hills on his own. He deserved one I say. He was probably thinking of Rusty Twat at the time (so to speak)

Little Elvis is embracing the hasher lifestyle perfectly. See photos below for evidence of his love of beer. Plus he was also caught getting up close and personal with the clay cock. A little boy who likes cock and beer. I wonder who his parents are???

The clay cock then got brought into the circle by Septic and got shared between Colonic and Any Cock’ll Do. We then saw where she gets her name from.

Our new American hasher Wide Open, and my new favourite Taxi Driver Big Mac acquired a song book and shared some new songs with us. One of them was a natural J

Next week is their birthday run, bless. An American taking a liking to a Big Mac. Not surprising really.

Radio Kaka xxx


RUN NO: 1200 - Mijas Hipodromo

HARE: Mary Hinge & Dogsy


Big Macs big mouth again landed him the task of scribing Run 1200, ably hared by Dogs Bollox and Mary Hinge. Not only that but he was also required to multi-task and carry and sound the hash horn.

The venue was the ЁdoggingЁ upper car park of the Mijas Hipodromo. Evidence of the Saturday night activities was still visible. (Quite how Colonic knew of this was left unexplained but I have my suspicions). The pack seemed depleted perhaps due to the absence of Man U supporters who had to flee the country. Septic, the newly appointed GM hastily consulted his crib sheet, and spluttered out some unintelligible instructions. He welcomed (and I think ogled) a visitor and now to be a new runner  – Wide Open – ex Southside HHH Korea, an American teacher (is that an oxymoron I ask myself), now imparting learning to rich brats in Sotogrande.

And so on to the so-called run. The hares proudly announced that it would be without falsies and without check backs (Phuket style apparently). In the event the checks and splits proved no challenge to the skills of the FRBs and the pack soon spilt into two, the FRBs and the also-rans. Their calling and horn sounding was to no avail, but they did mark the checks and splits for which they were later applauded. The trail lent itself to the use of falsies and splits so an opportunity was lost. Our new runner was first to the beer stop (a competitive runner perhaps?). We seemed to be sitting on someones lawn. Dogsy had seemingly got lost on the 700m journey between the start and the BS. Up Yer Bum managed only a few metres of the run before succumbing to an injury (likely story!). Colonic had figured out which of the two halves was the less challenging and opted to babysit Elvis. (He was also spotted drinking coke – something I have never seen before). The FRBs grew tired of waiting for the rest of the pack whose pace must have set a new record in tardiness and were itching to set off on what they hoped would be a long and challenging inward trail. In the event they almost made it back to the start before the beer. It was not even 2km. The FRBs felt they had not even earned their beer and considered forming a breakaway proper hash!

After a long delay, necessary to slow down the arrival at Ringoґs for the On On, the circle was convened. Septic again took to the floor and mismanaged proceedings almost perfectly. >The run was scored at an over-generous 7.3, although the standard deviation must have been 4 resulting in the square root of f**k all.  Anniversarios were the man himself with 175; Streaky with 195, HMV and Nipper (to cries of they always come together) 130; and SheepShagger (where has he been) with 90.  The award for camel toes of the week went to Just Say When.  Colonic then set about his usual business of sinning/sin cleansing. This weekґs punishment was a shock to the assembled company – he had procured a packet of dried worms from Russia (although I am not sure his Russian language skills are that good so it could have been anything really). These said worms were to be ingested. The first to volunteer was Radio KaKa and she certainly squirmed (much to the delight of the males of the species). Jerry Can was ridiculed for supporting the wrong football team. And so it went on, and on, and on, as Colonic tried to fill the time before the restaurant opened. Sperm Aid and Rubber Turd enjoyed the game in a deserted bar expecting to find a great atmosphere. Big Mac and HMV were congratulated on becoming grandfathers (It was Big Macґs first time too!). Jysical Pherk was belittled for his lack of decibels in calling but has since taken lessons from Tight Arse. Goody goodies were left to mop up the remaining beer.

A plug was made for the hash camp out by Streaky. Blackmail and empty promises of unbridled passion in a tent are now being used to get hashers to sign up. 

I imagine that all sorts of s**t went on at the On On but as I was not there I cannot report on it.

When I got home there was a ring at the doorbell and I answered it and was lectured by the callers on the benefits of brown bread for about an hour. I guess they must have been Hovisґ witnesses.

Big Mac