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RUN REPORTS 2011(See Hash History Page for Years 2010 and previous years)

RUN number 1230 - 18 Dec 2011

Hares – Septic Scrotum and One Tit

Location – Botanical Garden Torremolinos

The hares stood in at short notice to organize this Run and as such deserve our thanks.

On this cold December day around 30 hashers gathered for the initial circle. A member from long past, Frany Lipsucker, turned up to join us. Aniversarios were announced in the first circle, the most memorable being One Tit`s 25 run, for which she got a badge.

The run then set off through the picnic areas and after several checks and splits went under the tunnel below the AP7 to climb the mountain on the wild side of the motorway. This was a serious climb and not all hashers made it. At the top the route crossed the ridge and continued along perhaps the best part of the trail, a narrow track on the mountainside. As we progressed this became narrower and finally quite precipitous with a rope to cling onto … before we arrived at the valley bottom. At this point Just say When then did a long and fruitless checkback trail up the valley. But that`s ok because it served her right for being such a skinny and fast, front running bastard. We then followed the trail down the valley and through the rubbish tip to the Beer Stop. Cava and stolen (it`s probably not spelt like that) cake were provided by the hares, along with the usual beer and crisps.

The second half was a simple run down the hill and back through the woods to the cars.

In the following circle the Run was awarded a good 8.7. We then were treated to two RA`s – Dipper and Yogi.  Now came the time for Percy`s christening. Many names were suggested. It was clear that “Count” had to be one of them and by a noisy, if not democratic vote, he became “Count Picarso”.

The On On was excellent value and quality at Shakers bar in Benalmadena/Arroyo.

8.50 euros for a big Sunday lunch style meal … quite the best in a long time.

Your scribe



Run 1229, Hares Dipper & Gobbi

Run 1229,   11th December 2011

Rendezvous The Feria Ground, Fuengirola.

On a boring as usual, bright sunny, warm afternoon in paradise, at 5 pm’ish the Papa Noel, Santa hatted pack assembled at the feria ground.  As usual, I was suffering from premature ejaculation (I came early) and without any signs to guide the Alzheimer afflicted, spent half an hour standing by the centre arch awaiting the coming of others.  My wait was shortened by ‘Markita’  (sorry about the spelling) a second run hasher,  originally from Singapore.

The pack of around 40, motley hashers from practically all corners of the globe, with just one virgin (a male so we will pass quickly on) having been called to order were divided into five teams for what was to be an wholly unexpected, and I believe even unique treasure trail hash.   Team captains appointed and clue sheet in hand it was off in a scraggy group seaward.

The first point was a holy shrine to collect clues and pray that we all would survive our ordeal.  Unfortunate our captain, Yogi, was called from on high to make a solitary pilgrimage to the Salon de Varieties, and he  promptly pissed off !

Big Mac, having solved with one swift look, our first anagram also pissed off.  Nevertheless most of the pack sauntered on to retrieve other clues  and after, checking out the beach and harbour entrance,  counting fence posts all arrived thirsty at the Pacharan ‘beer stop’.

Refreshed, and slightly pissed, it was a shopping trip to Las Rampas, more clues and letters,  The Christmas main square, town hall, Macdonald’s (to remember the so early departed Big Mac from our team) then on on and up and over to a ‘Champers stop’ at El Cortes Ingles.   Completed clue sheets handed in, and finally ‘0n 0n’ with a ‘real hash trail’ back to form the circle.

A short’ish circle, rather strangely, observed from the privacy of her car by our Singaporean newcomer, during which yet another beautiful Russian fem was christened (sorry, by this time, alcoholic amnesia, I can’t recall her name) it was then off to a great on-on in a Spanish Recinto Ferial restaurante.

Great run and special thanks to the Hares for the three great ‘beer stops’ they personally provided.

                          Felices Navidades     El Cid



Run 1228, Hares Aphrodisiac & his loyal assistant One Tit.

Hello hashers, this is my first time as scribe, so being a true blue hasher I will try to rattle as many cages as possible so that I wont get asked again.

Hares scored a fantastic 8.9 for this eggstatic run which raised the bar.

41 hashers turned up at the little church near San Anton, Mijas Pueblo on a beautiful December afternoon and prepared for one of the best runs of the year .

False trails were encountered at all stages of the run due to the devious tactics of the Hares.

Hashers running in the right direction were as rare as hen’s teeth.

The beer stop was a festive treat of Dutch delights including spice cake, biscuits and mulled wine in a setting on a cliff top with views to die for.

As we climbed the steep hill on the second half, we heard car horns sounding and had to step aside to allow royalty to pass, yes Mindy and Sweet & Low were being driven back to the end of the run.

The tranquillity of the day would not last though, after the beer stop things started to go wrong, from now on this run will be referred to as the chicken run due to the untimely deaths of three cock chickens which were terminated by Streakys dog to the value of 100 Euros, so they must have been super cocks as they are only 4 Euros each in Liddel and that’s gutted & cleaned.

This event occurred on the second part of this fabulous hash set in the seductive surroundings of the Mijas campo, streaky could be heard screaming NO NO NO at her dog as it stalked the chicken pen, Kingergarden Cop & Uncle Fester were heard debating if she had ever used that word before in her life, disrespect, we will have to have a mass-debate about that one in the next circle.

The owner of the dead cocks (feathers ruffled) gave chase in his van (cock-o-van) and crowed his concerns with the GM, of course this was to be eggspected, his big cock was now limp.

The hashers congregated for a circle in the church yard but rumours were rife that the old bill was henroot so we all had to chicken-leg it to the bottle factory, it was like wacky races.

In the improvised circle, awards & credits were given to myself & Rusty twat, Cradle snatcher, Nipper, Pussy Galore, for accumulated runs .

Dipper 580 runs, Swiss Roll 280 (get a life)

The hash pecking orders dictate that if RA Colonic Irritation is missing in action as was the case, punishments will be shelled out by stand in RA Dipper who did an eggcellent job.

Streaky evaded punishment for the dog & chicken incident by spitting feathers and crying fowl – (its not my dog.)

Eggsactly, you cant make an omelette without breaking eggs.

There were a few good yokes in there, hope you got em all, Im off to get laid, --

On On

Hand written by Wooden Twat using a quill.


Run 1227 - Yogi & Marcus Skidius

I can’t believe it, I got done for New shoes with a tea bag!!!! I have not seen a tea bag for ages and then got 1! F%&in waterproof boots, I had to drink the lot, mmmmm nice!

40 odd hashers turned up for the wet SUITE and Naked run. Al were fully clothed including the Hares! Wet SUITE???? What was this I wondered? Do we have to pee on a sofa? Oh I think Yogi meant SUIT. Plonker, no spell check then!

Anyway, off we went going down the hill in La Cala through shit, snot and hair to the town only to come back up the river (wet) to the BS! Myself and 5 knuckle got a bit lost and got there 2nd and 3rd. Ha ha! Who said that it’s not a race.

Although the markings to the Run start were a bit dodgy to say the least, the 1st half was also the same. I did not do the 2nd bit as I was Babysitting ELVIS. All hashers arrived back safe anyway and as the temperature dropped the circle was called.


Marcus Skidious 10

Dogsy 625,458

Kindergaden Kop 290

Mummy’s Boy N340

Uncle Fester 20

And Yogi, Yogi, Bear 80

The run scored a 7.4 and only received 1 Hash shit from, yes you have guessed it Streaky, (Our very own Hash Shit)

The circle then was truly cleansed by my good self with a colonic whiskey irrigator and the down downs were….

Gang bang for  making me buy, collect, take to print, collect again arrange and pack the Habba in the car!

Yogi and Marcus Skidious for being Gay and sleeping together.

Russians for being commies.

Russians for talking and disrespect, as usual.

Tight ass because he wanted another beer and whiskey!

After which we all went to Dibleys for a Sunday Roast, nice!

Well done FATMAN and DOBBIN!

Your scribe, haberdashery, RA, Baby sitter,  Mystery run Hare, Xmas party organizer, Taxi driver and bank.

On on.



Run 1226 - Wide Open & Mummy

20 Nov 2011

Hares – Wide Open and Mummies Boy

Location – somewhere near Estepona


On this day of rain …rain …rain …constant, torrential, antediluvian - in deepest , remotest Estepona – no less than 22 intrepid hasher`s turned up for this watery adventure.

Any chance of following the original route, lost under a metre and a half of water, became impossible and so the run became “live”, with the pack chasing young, nubile Wide Open. Needless to say no-one caught her. Nevertheless we followed a good route to arrive at the beer stop to the sight of her young American friend soaking wet and covered from head to foot in flour. In the rain two bags had disintegrated and covered her whole frontage. In order to clean her up someone had found a hosepipe and doused her down. Subsequently the hare graciously provided some pretty “iffy” looking American style biscuits and cakes, along with some very welcome tequila.

On the second half we returned to our starting point, the Equestrian Centre where followed the circle. The run was awarded a mark of 8.4. Radio Caca had recently attempted an on-air Guiness world record, naming capital cities when given the country name. She managed 26 – the record being 50 – though this shortfall was due principally to the dilatory twat who only managed to ask her 26 questions in the minute! Well … that`s what she said! The RA organized a repeat performance with hasher`s calling out the names of countries for her to respond to. This was somewhat enlivened by Kindergarden who made a complete twat of himself by calling out the name of a city instead of a country.

The only anniversario was Seaman Stains who had done 25 runs. After numerous punishments (too numerous to mention) for our sins, our RA Colonic – who was on his usual fine form …we repaired to the Equestrian Centre for the On-On.

This was a classy place, with … HEATING! We enjoyed a great meal of salads, chips and barbequed meats. First class!

Your scribe