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RUN REPORTS 2011/2012(See Hash History Page for Years 2010 and previous years)

RUN number 1236 - 29th January 2012 - Coin


RUN number 1235 - 22nd January 2012 - La Cala

Hares: Stiffanny and Seamen stains.

So 30 odd of us finally found the Run site as signs were only put out 10 mins before! Then the sign to turn off was hidden and written in invisible ink on the back of a chameleon!

The main Hare was missing at the start of the run so the instructions were left to our Seamen Stains (Novis and first set run) to explain the markings with no Flour! Mmmm, yes well done there!

Anyway, off they all went up hill and down dale following a very well marked trail. There was also a WW trail that most of the Russians took!

The beer stop had to be moved due to an angry man who threatened to call the police on us! We moved the BS 40 meters and he was very happy!

Prawn Crackers, Hot Spring rolls, nuts at the Beer stop made it a great one.

The trail back was also quite challenging and well thought out but some bastards short cutted (including Me)

Back at the circle the run was given a lucky Chinese 8.

 Stiffy was Santa and had gifts for everyone including several bottles of Cava for us to enjoy! Sir Flakey missed a good one there!

Can¡¯t remember the Aniversarios, well Seamen was 1.

After the severe punishment in the circle (Freezing cold) we all went to the new WOK for a great ON ON ON. Fantastic!

Well done you 2 it was a great day.

Your Scribe,



RUN number 1234 - 15th January 2012 - Alhaurin

Hare: Big Mac Mark: 8.4

This Sunday we gathered at the parking lot of Venta la Morena. Only to be told, we could not stay there... So on to a empty plot next to the BP station at the same round about. After all had gathered we started with the opening circle. 38 hashers had shown up despite predicted rain. It looked like nice weather for a run anyway;)

GM Septic Scrotum set of with playing a tie break game with Eggshell Blond and myself to find out which of the late arrivals to the circle would be scribe. As my knee was stiff, I decided it would be easier to be scribe then to get down on the ground. Was not sure I would get up again... Then the GM continued with the introduction of 3 virgins, 2 friends of Uncle Fester and Sticky Tart and Seaman Stains ºdaughterº Next the hare warned us of the respectable length of the run providing much detail. I think he was scared to receive hash shit without the full disclosure...

So we set off on the first half of the run. Up, down, checking etc. Had all the signs of a hash run. Bit of confusion at one check as the tunnel was a false and it took a bit to decide to check the one right next to it! On on and up and down. Nice variation in the trail. Pack kept together well Beer Stop! Yes, long run if we are halfway now, but good so far!!! Some views and some nice fincas to see on the way.

Dogs nicely on the leash at the beer stop except for our chicken killer... Blue the rule does apply especially to you!!!! On on over a little tarmac. At least without traffic as some developers dream died on that hill some time ago. Up, down check etc. more of the same as we found on the first half. Bit rougher terrain for most, some sticking to some trails not laid by Big Mac. Pack still kept together well and all seem to find their way back to the cars. No blood or exhaustion signs so Big Mac can stop worrying about receiving Hash Shit this time.

Slowly getting colder as we start the circle. The GM called in the anniversaries:

5 Knuckle Shuffle 15 runs

Wide Open 20 runs

Jizzical Ferk 65 runs

Pussy Galore 80 runs

Shagadelic 170 runs

Swiss Roll 285 runs

5 Mill 300 runs received Badge!

Marks were given and resulted in a respectable average of 8.4. Well done Big Mac!

RA Clonk took over the circle and reported various sins and some fiction.With temperatures dropping a song with dance was inserted to warm up the pack. Much jumping, laughing and singing warmed us up enough to continue the circle. Clonk was at his best:)

There was a short drive and for some a walk to the Venta where we showed the staff why it is advantages for them to cut us a set menu deal... Food was good and fast despite some confusion amongst the waiters. Drinks went in well as usual. We had a very pleasant Sunday!

On On,

Sweet & Low

RUN number 1233 - 8th January 2012

Mark: HASH SHIT (24 out of 29 votes in case you didn't know)

Location: Stupa in Benalmadena (well, that was the lowest point anyway)


Marcus Skiddius 15

Yogi 85

Colonic 185

Gang Bang 190

Kindergarden Cop 295

Mummy's Boy 345

So, it was the first hash back after Xmas for many of us. So we expected a nice little stroll in Benalmadena to work off some of the excess food and drink consumed over the festive season. In fact Gang Bang had told the other Russians it will probably be a gentle town run. I don't think they are talking to her anymore...

Swiss Roll explained in the circle that they hadn't used much flour to set the run. So we all thought it was a disaster before it started. We were right. But not because of the lack of flour unfortunately.

But she did mention that there were two beer stops. This wasn't met with as much cheer as I initially expected. People obviously released that it meant that the run was LONG...

Up Your Bum kept saying that the run was nothing to do with her and that it was all Swiss Roll's doing. Does that mean she paid run fees like the rest of us then? Lol So we set off up the mountain, and climbed, and climbed, and climbed. Then we climbed some more. Stopped to take a breath every so often, and cursed Swiss Roll and Up Your Bum, and then climbed some more.

Swiss Roll was right, there wasn't much flour. But it didn't really matter as we were just following the trail...the ONLY trail, that led to the top of the mountain....and then the top of the second mountain, that was almost above the clouds!!!

Now, being a fit young thing myself, I didn't moan once, in fact I skipped up there singing songs and laughing all the way. But I was walking with Semen Stains, Uncle Fester, Mindy, and Five Mil. So I had to run between them giving mouth to mouth and the occasional chest pump. (Back in the circle Semen Stains, Uncle Fester, and Mindy were some of the very few people who actually gave a mark or two to the run. I imagine it must have been for my mouth to mouth :) ...therefore Five Mil must be gay!)

So we made it to the beer stop somewhere in the clouds, and there was some very nice mulled wine, made by Swiss Roll. She was obviously trying to secure a point or two. But there was no ice to ice them with at the circle, and no lemonade to make shandy with either. So the half point I was thinking of giving them was taken away.

The Russians and some others got a lift back down the hill, as the idea of doing anymore walking for some people was too much. I kind of wish I took the car too. I walked down with Semen Stains who was showing me how the Shephards called to each other in the mountains. Ask him the noise that they make if they've lost a sheep....It's funny. Clearly utter bollocks, but funny all the same.

We got to the second beer stop (if you can call it that) and all we found were Mindy and Psychadelic, who both had cramp. Not quite what we expected from a beer stop.

Then Kindergarden appeared to give them a lift. Apparently he set off with Mindy's cramped leg still hanging out of the car. He didn't stop as he couldn't understand a god damn word of what Mindy was saying. (Ask Colonic. I think he sounds more like Mindy than Mindy does..very funny) Kindergarden then came back again to pick up me and Semen Stains. We never did find that sheep.

The marking began and the bitches, sorry, I mean lady hashers, got a record 24 Hash Shits out of a possible 29. In fact about 5 of them came from people who hated it so much they left before the circle started!

Swiss Roll kept saying 'I never said it was a hash!' which was a bit confusing as I thought we were members of the Hash House Harriers. What do I know...I'm just a Radio Presenter.

Colonic told us about a lovely Christmas present he got from his neighbour Five Mil, a new chopping board that he made himself. I was rather impressed both by his craftmenship, and clearly friendship, to do such a nice thing. Until Colonic revealed that he hacked Stiffany's table to bits to create it!!!

Colonic also mentioned my California trip and the fact that I (apparently) was there shagging Psychadelic (who was actually in Florida) But we weren't shagging honest....he said we were making love :) Yogi's friend Rod is gonna get christened soon...his real name is Rodney so there are a few Only Fools and Horses names flying around. Me thinks the words Dipstick or Plonker will get in there somewhere.

The On On was another great feed at Shakers....would have got them a point maybe, but sadly the circle and marks had already been counted. Shame.


Radio Kaka

(oh and I though the climb had cured by jet lag, but they couldn't even get that right. Grrrrrr)




RUN number 1232 - 1st January 2012

Place: Benhavis area
Hares: Just Say When & Mummies Boy

On this first day of the year the traditional memorial run was set. As a special tribute to Veuve Clito a small group of us gathered at 11 AM. We went up the mountain at Monte Mayor to scatter part of her ashes there. It was a beautiful climb up to the ruins and gave us spectacular views. To avoid the run becoming a ball breaker Mummies Boy had decided not to include it in the run. Saved him from getting hash shit, I think!

At 12;30 we were back at the meeting point to greet the other hashers that had a bit of a lay in most likely... A disappointing turn up of only 13 hashers in all on this beautiful first day of the year for the Memorial run. We had a short circle with Pussy Galore as stand in Grand Mattress as both asst GM and Grand Mattress were hares.
Pussy Galore started the circle of with a down down for a misnomer, but soon got the hang of things. I made the mistake of giving even more comments than Big Mac so got appointed as scribe...Virgin Sam was welcomed and off we went on the run. I heard the first part was a bit of a climb. Judging by the long climb the car had to master to take us to the first beer stop, I am happy I opted to sit in it...

As we were enjoying the views and waiting for the pack to show up, there was a short discussion that resulted in moving the beer stop to a further point on the run, near some ruins of a burned out finca. Good choice as the views were spectacular. The beer stop went of with some ruins exploring and lots of drink. On we went on the run. We were warned that there was a split with exclamation mark on one arrow. That direction led onto an assault cause the SAS would be proud of! 4 brave hashers went that way. These were Dictaker, Virgin Sam, Pussy Galore and Count Picashole.

We went the other way and got to the beer stop at the reservoir. There we waited, and waited, and waited... A search party consisting of Big Mac, Markus Skidius and Just say When was sent of to find the 4 strays. Eventually they were found, having missed the turn of and so extending the assault cause a bit. They were wet up to and including the knees with the exception of the Count who had decided to sit down in the water at some point. Cloe, Pussy Galore´s dog had swam all she could but needed some lifting up some rocks at some point, ensuring the arm muscles of the hashers were equally trained during this exercise.

The in trail was a nice walk as soon as we found the correct trail. Looking around corners for flower does help when checking! We got back to the cars and had a nice circle with His Hairness Yogi standing in for RA. After we were all cleansed of our sins we went on to San Pedro for the on on.

We had a nice home cooked meal at Mummies Boy´s place with Just Say When and myself cooking for the pack. Around 8Pm all left after a very nice day!

Sweet & Low



RUN number 1231 - 25 Dec 2011

Hares Pussy Galore and Sweet & Low (and some great helpers;)

Location – Calahoda Xmas Run

In the Circle, the GM announced the following Anniversarios:

Septic Scrotum 200

Sticky Tart: 25

Itchy : 115

MARK: 9.2

После долгого пути  и сложных инструкций отмеченных на дороге мукой мы оказались на месте...25 ответственных хашевцев собрались на Рождество. Не долго думая, дорогуша RubHerTwat  предложила усугубить коньяку для согрева души, чем собственно собрала вокруг себя немало русского населения Хаша.

После недолгих собираний все выдвинулись в путь, нас ожидал долгий и изнурительный пробег.. и это я Вам скажу на Christmas. Через час мы оказались на первом Beer-Stop. Нас обвивал летний бриз с моря, прекрасный глинтвейн в руке и сосиски в тесте . После чего нас покинули ГАНГ БАНГ и RubHerTwat в погоне за удовольствиями ( видимо продолжение коньяка их интересовало больше) .  Нас осталось на двое меньше и мы по долгому пути проходя гольф поля и равнины оказались в тихом забытом временем месте на втором  Beer-Stop. После этого пройдя 2 часа нам оставалось только найти путь обратно, что не все сделали . Группа в темных купальника состоящих из Стрики, TwiskyPie, Putitin и Свис ролл обратила внимание на путь в обратную сторону и пришла в самом конце.. Все были встречены бурной продажей Магазина Хашевской Одежды организованного Ганг Банг и Робат Тват уже приготовленных к празднеству. Хаш был долгим , но приятным после чего остались хорошие воспоминания.

ОН-ОН был великолепным.. суп ушел быстрее всех.. видимо после прогулки все изрядно проголодались, настоящая индейка в сопровождении искусно приготовленных овощей и греви подошла с другой стороны. После вкушения пищи все было предоставлено поучаствовать в викторине, разбившись на 5 команд все слушали нашего нового  учителя Pussy Galore в очках с выражением вычитывавшую составленные вопросы с очень умным видом. В это время TwiskyPie принимал ежедневные часы дневного сна, чем всех порадовал. После все прошли в ливинг рум за десертами кристмас кейком, мороженным и новогодним тортом.

Отдельное спасибо Sweet in Low, за прием и размещение гостей...

В конце приходил Дед Мороз и раздавал всем настоящие хашевские подарки к Рождеству. Радость переполнила всех)))) Happy Christmas!!!!!!

Your Scribe