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RUN REPORTS 2012 (1241-1246)(See Hash History Page for Years 2010 and previous years)

RUN number 1246 - 8th April 2012

HARES - Just say when & Mummy


RUN number 1245 - 1st April 2012 - Centro Nordica

Scored 8.2
HARES - Colonic & 5-Knuckle Shuffle


RUN number 1244 - 25th March 2012 - Casa Gangplank

Scored 9
HARES - Gangplank & Yogi

Once again at Gang Planks Rio Grande run, same same but different, not a bad turnout as the day was windy and cold at the start but the sun came out and shone on the   29 happy hashers and almost as many dogs. Our one and only x gran mattress Stiff Funny called the circle, no GM or gms assistant turned up,  the   hash cash assistant she did arrive as she  was to eager and arrived before the  hhh signs were up and was lost for half hr.  The usual explanations were given in the circle  as we had 2 virgins Harriett's and 2 more hash hounds for our hound pack....   News bulletin we have 2  actors on the hash, Mr. (Brad Shit)? and    (George Mooney) something to do with  radio women's talk with our Harriet's, streaky, Stiff and sticky tart, and our radio Kaka presented, received a call from George very hairy George etc. trying to impersonate George but the Harriet's recognized our harsher yogi re named as George moony for the day???

Off to the compo, that was sooo nice after lots of tarmac runs lately!!! Good first half except for the last climb before the BS. Brandy and I straggled ,had to carry Brandy for a while he is not well this week but doing well for 15years of hashing!!!!

After the beer stop down we went to the river, Sweet and low was adamant not to wet her shoes, so lead astray about half a dozen hashers  through bushes and ditches, to a dead end so we all had to go back and cross the river, but we had to try we are the professional short cutters!!! The rest of the run not too exciting, never ending,  down the very rocky river bed and on in-

The circle was called and our Colonic RA cleansed us of our many sins committed on the run etc.  After all the advertising from Brad Shit about the on on on  we were eager to go and eat, and eat we did and eat, so much food, even the dogs had  a feast!!!!

Great afford and hard work as usual at Brad shits abode!!! 

the scribe




RUN number 1243 - 18th March 2012 - The St. Paddies Day Run

Scored 8.4

And so the Hash met for the St. Paddies Day run , located appropriately not far from a potato processing plant.

The GM , Septic Scrotum duly called the Circle,and there gathered and impressive array of well dressed, in green,some draped in the Tricolour, Leprechaun look alikes (note to self, Leprechaun means 'fairy' in Irish), twas a fine soite ta'b shaar !

One Russkie maiden (Marina) was hauled out for 'new shoes' and made to slurp from her slipper (we'd all like to see her slurp from something else I am sure)
A virgin (name escapes me) from St. Louis, Miss.(NB Wide Open) was introduced to all and sundry.

The Hares did their thing in the Circle with flour and the Hash was off...into a mixed terrain, some tarmac and some Campo.

After an uneventful meander uphill past Villas and barking, mad, out of control, wild dogs (substitute 'dogs' for 'Hashers'...?) the Field broke out into Campo and Of course it was not long before we encountered a 'check'that had the FRB's all screwed up,going hither and thither - lost, until that is a lone,forlorn figure in the shape of Knut was seen high a'top a'hill, giving a wave - or was it a one armed salute ?, ah nostalgia, those were the days eh... Oberleutnant Knut - and it was ON ON.

The next two memorable events were first, when 5 Mil was seen to be at the head of the Hash, 5 Mil, a FRB ?? t'b shaar, twas magic at work, and, the second when Septic Scrotum, on a steep slope turned and proffered a helping hand to the maiden behind him, - twas chivalry t'a b shaar.I could not see who 'she' was because I was following One Tit up the slope who was wearing spray-on leggings and believe me that leaves nothing to the imagination, what a craic !!

Aeroflaps found a snake - a dead one.Put It In was seen short cutting,but then so was every other Hasher (whats happened to Hash Discipline ?) Gang Plank was observed to be trying to chain up a tree trunk, weird; weird bloke.

The rest of the run was very good, a nice BS with some Irish concoction to qwench our thirst, Guiness and something.

And so on to the Circle, anniverserios were Dipstick (aka Rodney - The Cabin Boy) 15;Knut 30;Uncle Fester 35; Rubber Twat 70;Cradle Snatcher 100; Aphrodisiac 145; Kinderkartencop 305.

His Royal Anus (Who bares a remarkable resemblance to a real Leprechaun don't you think ?) stepped up to cleanse the sins of the Hash.

Squeezy Shit for being able to fly a large passenger jet but could not pass his driving test - just a little worrying, Semen Stains for grassing up Radio Ka Ka (that was 'grassing up' not 'knocking up' ?), all the Micks, Haggis Eaters, honory Welsh (Kindergarten claiming to have a Welsh name) and assorted mongrels were called in for a Down Down, trolley dolleys were called in Izzy In Yet, Pussy Galore, the Virgin and myself 'cause we look GAY ...????, others for a Down Down were all the well turned out Leprechauns (nice green beard Rubber Twat, so long as Collars and Cuffs dont match in this instance), Stiffanie pointed out that Blue had not eaten any chickens this Hash, but had rolled in the carcass of a dead goat...the Hash can be sureal at times. As it was also Mothers Day, all those who had given birth had a Down Down, Colonic included himself in that group !

There was one bizare moment when GangBang decided to drive, in her car, out of the Circle, during the Circle, which must be a first for the Hash, then she drove back into the Circle to tell Colonic she could not find the front door keys, never mind the front door Colonic, what about the Back Door !?

I did not make it to the ONON but am told by Mummies Boy that is was a CRACKER ! And so enough of the blarney,all that is left to say is

Breá ticéad fillte aonlae ar cíos cuir cogadh ar...On On .

Your Scribe Crystal Tits.

RUN number 1242 - 11th March 2012

Hares: Gang Bang Aeroflaps

After a reality check from 5Mill it was decided 7.7 for this run. 

Our GM first looked for new shoes and the only ones he could find were the sandals of Yogi so had to use them as a funnel. Visitors were introduced to us in the circle and the GM forgot to introduce us to the visitors. They had no idea who we were.

From the start of the run there was a hideous rumour that calling ARE YOU was ok but ONON was forbidden. I heard only 2 sinners using the blasphemous word but even our omnipresent RA did not divine who they were.

At the second check there was a lot of screaming from at least 20 checkstanders: “Areyou?” and “Areyouon?” Nobody responded.  After about fifteen minutes the pack swarmed back down hill towards the check just as the rest of the pack disappeared around a corner.  They were ON, we’d found the trail at last.

Up yet another hill.   Unfortunately at the summit we looked down and could see in the far distance some ‘FRBs’ deep inside the valley heading towards the Beer Stop.  Fortunately from their superior vantage point, the majority of the pack realised that they could take a short cut.   We did. A sin?

After the Beer Stop the pack had to scramble up a ‘Himalaya’ holding on to a drain pipe.  Some gentlemen hashers (5 Knuckles and Uncle Fester) helped the ladies and were quite rightly punished with a downdown for their unseemly conduct. The rest of the 5.6KM the run was uneventful as we ran or strolled Onin.


Disire  (Desire/Desiree?) 5, Dara 5, Issy 5, Just In 25, WunTit (One Tit?) 30, Sweet & Low 65, Pussy Galore 85, Colonic 190 (Yes he was there, but how many RUNS?) and finally Upyourbum 465 – get a life!


The GM found another pair of new shoes. Just Say When, thought she was being very clever when she put on her new shoes (a present from Mummy’s Boy) after the run.  However she was not clever enough, this was spotted by our eagle eyed GM who punished her on the spot.

Our GM made it clear that our Summer Camp was not our Summer Camp.   It is a anniversary celebration of the Malaga Hash which we could join/ or not.

Our RA took over and cleansed us of our Sins: Toxic - because he was colour coordinated, the 2 gentlemen hashers for their wandering hands, Russians because when One Russian drinks all Russian drinks and a lot more I can’t remember.

Finally our newly wed hashers were named. A couple of suggestions were ignored (including mine: Cryon Air – obviously not shitty enough).   Finally they were baptised hash style.  The memorable choices were, err, something like….mmmm! Squeezy Shit and Isi in Yet

The ONON not the best, maybe next time we’ll find some place else!

Your scribe,



RUN number 1241 - 4th March 2012

Daffa memorial run  

What a day this turned out to be, a year to the day when Daffa checked out too early. My watch was half an hour slow so I was late for tennis but played like a mad demon thrashing all comers. After Dipstick and I decided to have a Paella, this took and hour to make and 5 mins to eat, and made us late meeting Gangplank and kindergarden for the hash at Guaro. Hence my penance as scribe, even though Justin and others turned up much later. But who am I to question the Grand Mattress Pussy Galore. So it’s my duty to try and remember what actually happened on this eventful day.

Some Americans turned up, some visitors with and without facial hair, a pair of betty swallocks, some returnees with and without visible tattoos, and Daffas Mum & Dad. It was a mixed bag and a great turnout for Shaggadelic the brolly pincher of Los Boliches.  After a year of pondering who was low enough to take my brolly at Daffas funeral celebration, it turned out Shaggy took it because her and her four mates would have got wet leaving the do walking to the car. What about me! I had to get a taxi back to La Cala rather than the bus I had planned as the rain was pouring down like a monsoon. I could have bought 10 Umbrellas with that taxi fare.

Wide open got a 25 run badge to stick on her shorts, we all drank lots of beer and headed off into the campo. Haden and Chris Daffas parents joined me at the rear of the pack as we struggled to find the egg cups of the white stuff shaggy had supposedly used to lay the trail. Some how we all managed to find the beer and vodka jelly stop, except Haden and Chris ! Never mind shaggy shot off to find them in the car and we all ended back at the circle in one piece. Gangplank and I using the salty sea dog trick of short cutting using the moon and two beer cans for guidance.

Lots more beer was consumed during the extended circle where Colonic and an American in a kilt obsessed with his “line” gave out the punishment to we poor hashes foolish enough to have carried out a sin during or preceding the Hash. We lucky lads of Captain Crystal tits sailing crew got a good lashing of grog for jigging in his rigging and splicing the odd main brace.

First mate half Handsome Gangplank and cabin boy, a nice little maid Dipstick happy to accept our liquid punishment for fouling up on some mooring procedure down in Gib. What else went on is just a blur as virtually all the beer was consumed before the lucky ones headed over to Monda for what turned out to be one of the best On On’s yet. Salad and pil pil prawns and my second paella of the day washed down with lashing of wine and an odd beer from the bar. Speed bumps gave us all a flash of her undies doing and impromptu flamenco dance accompanied on the guitar buy some unknown chap with a beard, I reprised my song Theirs only one F in Daffa,  and Colonic carried on with lots more sing along songs and merriment until we were all hashed out. What a good crack, and something that should be repeated every year. On On Up Daffa my old mate,you would have loved it.

Oh The Brolly Pincher got about an 8+ for the run, but who gives a dam anyway as this will be a hard one to follow.

On On Your Hirsute Scribe mid shipman Yogi.