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RUN REPORTS 2012 (1271-1280)(See Hash History Page for Years 2010 and previous years)

Run 1280 - 25th November - El Coto

Well what a day for a nice flat run in open spaces to celebrate Harvest Festival!

The Sceptics call it “Thanks giving”. You know pumpkin pie and corn bread, Turkey and English Sunday roast.

 The run started well, well it started anyway with the smallest check and false in the world. Colonic. Cradle and Afro went out on the in trail, it was that close together! Uphill we went Lost Bravefart who turned back after about a click. The first obstacle we encountered was a closed gate so all and sundry went under or over to The beer stop. Pumpkin bread (Tasted like one of Sticky tarts carrot cakes to me) and Vodka, nice.

Well F%*K me, the way in was a killer that Afro had done a few weeks ago through prickles and cow shit bee hives and mega back breaking ups and downs.

Arriving back at the start the hares were awarded some points between Hash Shit and 9 by a virgin, The circle then took place and people were awarded and punished for……em can’t remember now. Ascot to Mouth for wearing a kilt too short as we could all see his turkey neck!

Official naming  of Maple Tart, Spotted Tits and Organ Stops were ordained by the RA George Moony, AKA Yogi.

The On ON was one of the best recently at La Luna with traditional Turkey and English Sunday roast.

Much singing was done by all with songs like

Barnicle Bill the sailor

Bum titty

Saddle sniffing (my fave)

Well done Ascot to mouth and Wide Open. Happy Harvest Festival!

ON ON Clonk oops, I mean Gang Bang.


Run 1279 - 18th November - El Coto

             Well I have been nominated to do the scribe for the run, but as I did not do the run I can only do the start,middle and a bit at the end.
Another hasher said they would be the scribe for the actual run but as we had such a good time at the on-on I have forgotten who it was.

It was quite a good turnout considering the rain, 32 I think. Stiffany marked the first half &Sir Flakey the second half.  
At the beer stop the hashers came in wet but full of praise for the first half.  The Hares supplied plenty of Champers and food,and then Sir Flakey went off to mark 2nd half as the rain had washed the flour away.

Excellent on on with Yogi dressed the part as a snorkeler with mask and flippers. SIr Flakey was presented with a cake for his 60th birthday. There was plenty of down downs and drinks before we headed off to the on on which was excellent and enjoyed by all.

    Cheers. Mindy

Mindy was awarded the honour of scribe, but  he did,nt do the run,and by Tuesday after few large glasses of rather good wine I some how agreed to be step in scribe. 

Don,t know how many turned up, it must have been about thirty, unbelievable !!  we drove through Thunder and Lightning  and torrential rain storms to get there , Willy Wanka mumbling about how we must be mad !

Armed with our umbrella,s and wet weather gear ,, namely wetsuits snorkels flippers , blankets etc, get the picture ?

It was going to be a  wet one, Flakey ( the Birthday Scorpio Boy ) was the joint hare with his Stiffanny. How very Brave and with short notice.

He  talked us through the various trials , trails and markings , eg one river was full of Sharks there was another full of Phiranas, many more with leaches, spiders  and electric eels. !!!

Stiffanny had been washed away on a sea of mud while she gallantly tried to refresh the flour trail,

The Circle was photographed for evidence of who was at the start. ( in case we lost a few )

Virgins were made to sign a disclaimer and name a proxy.

We set off up a hill only to go down to the first river , arghh wet feet at the start, it was ok not too cold and we dodged the sharks then made our way up another hill to come back down to the same river to wade

through the phiranas. We crossed that river about 5 times and lost the will to save our souls and legs and surrendered to the soakings.

The markings were clear and dry (amazing), we were glad of the front runners who checked out the trails.

 On through a few more rivers and rat infested bogs.

The leaches had been eaten by something much bigger  !!! turns out it was Yogi, he looked just like one.! he obviously had just had a big feed as he was all big black and round.

On up past Rabid dogs snapping and snarling for blood, and on to the beer stop,  a wet one , it was raining by then , but ,the Cava was flowing and Stiffanny had returned to reassure the pack that it was,nt much further and take our orders for dinner.

Brollies aloft we made our way from the beer stop over good Campo, on through undergrowth and beat our way past poisonous thorns ripping at our bare legs and inflicting deadly bacteria into our wounds.

 after what seemed an eternity we stumbled on through a raging torrent. battling against the fast flow of the river of death, into the dark tunnel,, infested with spiders and snakes..., fangs ready to sink into our well softened flesh,, on through the slithering mud and bug infested grime to find the; On In, delivering us back to the insanity on the Circle.

Turns out we all loved it and the Hares were awarded 9.999999 for a very well set and marked trail or trial !

Wide Open called order and dealt out down downs for all the  Returners (,there were many) foulers, Virgins, Anniversarios, etc.

Yogi our RA, Joined us in his deep sea diving gear and cleansed us of our sins,and demonstrated how to walk in flippers, or rather not !

As the light faded we made our way to La Luna to a wonderful open fire and Cava , where we all enjoyed Small soups, nice roasts and yummy puddings followed by a cheese plate with Pacharans, courtesy of Flakey the Birthday Boy,and Stiffanny,There were three namings at the On On,, Organstopps,,Mapletart,,and Tittycum,,they need to be repeated so that copious amounts of flour and beer can be used, we sang our way in to the night and drank ourselves into oblivion.

Well done Stiff and Flakey.


On On WWWW.xxxx


Run 1278 - 11th November - Barranco Negro

Hares: Just Say When & Mummy's Boy
Mark: 9.2

The day dawned clear and cool after a week of continuous rain. Mummy's Boy And Just Say When, the hares, had reset most of the run due to the previous nights 
rain. Twenty One Mijas Hash House Harriers felt brave enough to run the gauntlet of raging white water torrents and sliding down hills covered in mud as laid by the Hares famous for creating "interesting" hashes.   
After a quick circle led by the Grand Mattress Pussy Galore, the Bastards of the Front Running Variety. set off slipping and 
sliding down the valley towards the river below. The Wimps led by Semen Stains and Mindy were transported to their special start by the able and very necessary Land Rover of Mummy's Boy. Off went the Wimps on a lovely stroll gently downhill to the Phoenician Baths and the Beer Stop to be met by the Hares and Elephant Arse and very nice stollen cake,Mindy said "Look at the big black clouds, could be rain". I Semen said "no, the forecast is for a nice day" at which point the heavens opened and not only rain but hail lashed down.The Wimps set off, as the main pack arrived, with instructions to keep the river always on the right side. So led by Semen Stains the Wimps headed off on the well marked trail along the hillside around the ruin until caught up by those Fast Bastards who kept losing themselves by missing the marks, arrows, split trails, 
and checks, but the Wimps ploughed ever onward at a steady cold wet pace.  The bastards were very underdressedfor the prevailing conditions so much so that the tee shirt and shorts  worn by Juzzical and Kindergarten were causing greatdiscomfort and much whining as it began to dawn that their cars and dry clothes were 8 km away in the opposite direction. To make matters worse Golden Cascadehad borrowed Just Say Whens jacket with her car keys so she had no car to join Mummy's Boy taking the drivers up the road to collect the cars. Meantime Jizzical had rescued a St Bernard dog stuck in a fence and Pussy Galore found all the cold and wet
 almost a tear jerker. Sticky Tart was also upset with the weather, however the Irish Canadians dressed in theirwhite ghastly cycle capes thought it all very funny as did most of the wimps.Yogi  had gotten lost
 admiring the scenery so much he lost track both of time and space. Gangplank decided the trail was going in completely wrong direction and that the cars were back up the hill and found himself going up to the main road where he reckoned he would find the cars eventually.Elephant arse and Glyn sat in Elephants car with the heating running full blast.  Justincase was taken back to his car with Mindy, Semen and Jizzical 
who was Hash Flash as Semen has had his third robbery and cannot send pictures without his computer. 
Lilo Lil thought the whole thing ridiculous. The Hare (mummy's boy)  decided the circle would be 
held at the Venta del Rio which was just around the corner and where there was a huge BBQ fire.
Fire lit and  thirteen hungry and cold and wet hashers gathered round to moan about the awful, horrible run. 
However when asked for marks the hashers commended the work of the hares, the excellant views and run through fire torn Barranco Blanco and the amazing growth of the
bamboo to a height of 2 meters so much so the hares received three marks of 9.9 including one from Swiss Roll, the Hash Shit and one 9.8 and but for one moaner, higher than an overall 9.2 would have been achieved. 
The ON ON was excellent.  Salads, then lentil soup and callos, for those who could manage it all, followed by BBQ chicken, sausages, pork chops and pork cheeks  with
mountains of excellent home made chips.
Aphrodisiac became happier as the red wine flowed like the rivers we had just crossed and even Swiss Roll raised a few laughs. 
The Irish Canadians had to be led back to Nueva Andalucia by Semen as they had no idea where they were, just lost in the mountains.
ON ON Seman Stains



 Run 1277 - 4th November - La Cala

The bonfire fireworks extravaganza run,

Hares Sir Flake and Stiffany at Playa Marina near El Faro in the deep south of Spain.

Some how we missed the rain and the run was dry and about the right length according to Doggsy mobile distance app on his smart phone. Rubber turd had a sick note from Doctor Mengler not to abuse his failing body, so Sir Flake took on the task of laying a trail with the Fudge fuelled Fanny in tow. And what a pleasant trail it was, even Elephant Arse made the second half, no balls broken and we all stayed dry apart from Kindergarden who in attempting a water jump realised at the last second he wasn't going to clear the small lake he had chosen to leap over. and it was deeper than he had expected.

Very good indeed gromit.

The circle was the usual excuse for punishing mishaps during and prior to the run. I managed the most Down Downs for missing Nora's (misnomers) especially with Ken & Tra oh shit,  Karma & Golden cascade and who's that cat burglar Rod oh Shit Dipstick ! Will get the hang of it after a few weeks back in the saddle. I blame Gangplank for leading me astray, did I say Gangplank, see I'm getting it now. our GM for the day was Eyes Wideopen now she is wearing no specks after laser treatment, still wearing shades as she needs to have something hanging from her ears. (the new German hasher by the sound of things) The score was a staggering 8.9357 and the finale firework display was a sight to behold. Two damp squid Golden whatsits and the curry house Indian Ocane was calling. Chicken Jalfrazie ?  No had that last time ! Tried something that was hot and salty just like the Fudge !

On On

The Rev George Moony (Yogi)


Run 1276 - 28th Oct - Mystery Run

From: J. In

To: G. Writa

Date: 28 October

Hi Ghosty, my main man!

How's it hanging dude? Listen, I need a favour: I was kinda hassled into writing a report for these weirdos I sometimes hang out with on a Sunday, but I'm up to my neck in work. Could you invent some story? It doesn't have to have any bearing on what really happened, it never does anyway. Here are some notes:

- Bus from Fair Ground Fuengirola. Morning after clocks have been turned back, so probably people arriving an hour early. Halloween Theme, so some Harriettes using the excuse to bring out their favourite, well-polished broomsticks. Other dismal disguises expected. Normally rains on these mystery tours or as cold as a witch's tit (well, not all witches have cold tits, I discovered, but that aside), as it's Dipper who's setting it. He had some help from GobbieChov, Putitin and Tweetsky Pie, so give it some kind of Roosian angle as well. Run was your typical Everest style climb and descent, freezing our nuts off at the picnic and then dinner at some dungeons (not kidding you man!) where we feasted on Cornish Fisherman Songs (still not kidding...) and some “Spring Chicken” (I reckon that was about the season it had come to its sticky end. Ok, so now maybe I'm kidding, it was probably early Summer) and drank the place out of wine. Oh, and there were some Milestones:

Putitin 140 runs, Seaman Staines 60, Jizzical Ferk 95 and Karma Chameleon 280. Can you do anything with that?

Warning: this email may contain confidential information, if it has been sent to you in error, please delete immediately and then eat your hard drive.


From: G. Writa

To: J. In

Date: 6 November

Hi Just!

Will this do?

Mijas Hash House Harriers Hallowe'en Mystery Run

A strange and eerie day was lurking. A day when Darkness would be allowed to suddenly extend its stranglehold over the already severely weakened day-light. Simultaneously, millions of hands would heed its call and turn the fragile hands of clocks and watches at their whim, thus allowing Darkness to prevail once again.

Meanwhile, in the centre of town, in a square that had once seen revelry, mirth and joy but was now abandoned and vacuous, dozens of ghouls, vampires, witches and other creatures of the underworld were gathering together. Leaving behind a trail of gooey slime and sloppy gunk, they crawled forwards and leered at their surroundings, trying to distinguish the big chariot of hell that would take them to their as yet unknown destination. Obstacles toward this were rife: a splendorous chariot sent down from above, filled with faithful soldiers of the Salvation Army was standing between them and their own pitch-black vehicle of doom. A battle ensued, lasting for what seemed eternity and ending with the ignomous defeat of the Lord's troops; they knew when souls were truly lost and when hope was best abandoned. These creatures were not only vile and repugnant, they were Hashers! May the Lord have mercy..

Now, the Chariot took off, spewing fire and brimstone from its hideous rear, making its way Yes, where would this journey of dread lead to? Many of the spooks were laying bets and wagering their souls upon their final destination. Pathetic creatures indeed! Do they not know that there is only one destination for all in this life?

Eventually they arrived at their terminus: the 1000 fountains of sorrow! Awaited by a Phollically Challenged Phantom and his Black Widow, the motley crew of vampires, ghouls, etc. were now being prepared for the last stretch of their road to damnation. And off they went, carried forward by brooms, or just floating on thin air, all headed (and some even beheaded) into the same bleak distance, hoping to find, if not solace and peace for their damned souls, at least a ham & cheese sandwich to still their eternal craving.

Two hours later, the scant survivors of this tortuous trek, then gathered into a Satanic Triangle and started to dish out chastisement and correction to those still standing. The most frightening moment was where they brought out “The Undead”: Hashers Without a Life, who come out every Sunday to look for fresh brains to suck on. However, instead of bereaving their sorry fate, they actually hand out mugs, badges and other paraphernalia as garlands of merit. Unbelievable...

An eternity later, when everyone was well and truly frozen, the whole ghastly lot postponed to a nearby Inn. Located on what was formerly the perilous highway crossing the Sierra towards the exotic and mysterious town of Granada, this Inn had seen more violence and crime than a thousand tales could tell. Unrivaled tales, until this fated day, when a bunch of Hashers was seen descending upon it; their capes and cloaks unable to hide their evil intentions: to fully and violently deplete the stock of Vino Collapso that was lying in wait for them inside.

The owner did manage to lock some of them, the most weakened ones no doubt, inside the dungeon, but the onslaught soon got the better of him and all he could do was to try and placate them with the only thing that would pacify them at that stage: Flesh. By fortune, he remembered a cage full of fowl that had been brought to the Inn on that last and faithful journey of the horse and carriage all those centuries ago. He called for Igor and ordered him to heat up the cauldrons immediately.

The blood-thirsty crowd, now slightly appeased, then sat down and started listening to the Bald Phantom, singing his endless repertoire of bawdy ditties (rhymes with ??) for want of nothing better to do. The mood was improving slowly, in fact, the atmosphere was almost congenial now that most of the Vino had beeno drunko. Igor then served what turned out to be the biggest mystery of the day: the food! This resulted in most of those present shifting their attention to their plate and starting to wonder how to separate this mummified flesh from the bone. But this moment of quiet contemplation was only a brief respite from the horror prevailing throughout the day. Suddenly a frightful apparition of a drowned (obviously Cornish) fisherman appeared, making terrible wailing noises, emanating from the depths of his bowels and rivaling with the haunting sounds that well up from the ocean's bottomless pits. Everyone's hair was standing on end and even the skin on the carcass of whatever poor creature had been laid to rest upon the plates was seen to contract instantly. Were they not to be spared even this kind of horror? What sins had their poor souls committed for this punishment to be meted out so ruthlessly?

The 2 or 3 survivors that were rescued from the ruins of the Inn, were later questioned by Police in a vain attempt to reconstruct some of the events of the day. The only one not rendered mute, as well as totally unhinged, was noted to have said: “Da, da, Bolshoiye Hashki!”

Warning: this email contains confidential and utterly useless information. If it reached you in error, you have possibly lost the will to live by now. We sincerely apologize for the inconvenience – not!



 Run 1275 - 21st Oct - Calahonda Hills 

Sat in a cheapo Moroccan Internet cafe in Coin with Gangplank in an adjacent booth cursing and swearing about doing the hash scribe. He is a complete buffoon when it comes to using technology. Some my say not just using technology, however if he fails, which he most likely will the Hash will loose an important part of its weekly input and we will all miss out on the wisdom from the lips of one of our most experienced Hashers.

Now that would be a shame. Come on Gangplank sort it out boy.

He has just given in as its all coming up is Arabic on his keyboard.

OK Run 1275 up the hill a long way in Calahonda.

 Gm Miss specks 2012, Wideopen keeping us all in check with her mid west charm and winning smile. approx 20 wind blown Hashers set off over the chard landscape in pursuit of flour. only a few found it and even less the old Fiat 500 left along the trail. the Beer stop was full of sticky tart stuff and the normal drinks.

Pussy Galore having lived "everywhere" knew the campo like the back of her hand and was the first one back behind me Yogi,who bowed out after the first hill and found the on in trail very tempting indeed.

The wind blown circle was cooling down fast, Mustaffa Mooney just back from his holiday to the uk had brought the cold weather with him on his throbbing motorbike which he was clearly still suffering from with no feeling from the waist down. I need to take more Pils like Karma and the other 7 a day and above boys.

Pussy got her 100 run badge and a down down for Doggy shite along with lots of other Hashers for Stirling service to the Hash, unfortunately I can´t understand Gangplanks notes, he is just sat looking into the far yonder wondering how, and why ?

who gives a shite anyway

On On

Yogi stand in scribe for Gangplank


Run 1274 - 14th Oct - Sierra Gorda

  Hare Kindergarten Cop

It was hot for autumn at the country side, 25 Hashes reached Coin, of which 4 Canadian and 4 Swedes.
After the presentation of 2 virgins, the run started with the promise of a "flat course",but then we went up, up, and climbed up until we arrive at the Summit of Sierra Gorda where we enjoyed one of the  most breathtaking views of Malaga and county of Guadalhorce, to have the BS.
The second half of the run, climb again another hill to follow down cliffs and marching in flowers, as it were spring time, we arrive to the ON IN, some with scratches from brambles, but all of us glad that we did a so long run.
The circle was short because there was not anniversary to celebrate, our Hare obtain 7 points. Well done, mate.
Only 11 appeared at the Venta Miralmonte, where we had a nice time and god food.
See you again at the Mystery Run, sorry will miss the next Sunday since I will be in Madrid.
Swiss Roll


Run 1273 - 7th Oct


Run 1272 - 30th Sept

La Cala


A gentle walk (for most of us) in lovely Autumn sunshine, around the town and along the beach. Since I was talking most of the way, I can tell you little of the Run.

Afterwards the GM gave various down downs, followed by Colonic and thereafter a selection of individual hashers – a good idea I thought – each one passing the horn onto the next one.

The Run was awarded a score of 8.65 …and thereafter we repaired to the Captain’s Table to take our repast ….pretty good fare … and followed by passarans!



Run 1271

This is described for run number 1271 dictated on my iPhone especially for old you Hession Unfortunately this stupid Japanese American device does not speak the Queen's English so you have to decide it as we go. The run to a place just new cooling and was extremely Higley lots of cops and lots of town The head is big Mac and kingdom come you did a fantastic job and go and 8.73 Maulk for the wrong

H was very long indeed and lots of people moving really badly, I Hite loan heels and hold his hand so Jerendon hashes too. The downtowns kind Fost and furious with you standing alright colonic irrigation chastising everyone and giving them lots of beers.

Well done guys Virginia territory loved it!

On on


Sent from my stupid iPhone