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RUN REPORTS 2013                                        

Run 1339 December 29th       Photos 1339   Hares: Uncle Fester & Seaman

Arrrived late so got landed with the run report.

Run Mark: 8.9! Only 15 and a dog turned up . It was a steep rocky trail but 2 beer stops and some Sticky tart tart.

Two new Scandy hashers turned up.

Didn´t make the on-on so can´t comment further.


Run 1338 December 22nd       Photos 1338   Hares: Mummy & Just say When

Run 1337 December 15th       Photos 1337   Hares: Shaggi and Sweet&Low



Starring The Wench from Wales Shagadelic as______SHAGGY

Flown in just for this role, breaking off from her tight schedule in the UK.

Hot on the success of her recent adaptation of Dr Proctor and the Bum Bandits and the Galic remake of -The Sheep Hunter- starring along side Robert Di rear now, the singing lothario from llanglollon on sea.

A traumatic epic of family and friends torn apart by the events of a pending foreign war set amongst the dramatic back drop of the port talbot steel works,the misty flocks of sheep high in the hills the way of relaxing before the impending tragedy unfolds.


            The Lollita from Luxemburg Sweet & Low as _____SPEEDBUMPS

Standing in due to a double booking of the popular Miss Bumps compeating in a Hippy "love in "on location in Coin

A successful starlet in her own right with casting globally over the last decade,Miss Low comes here with a new lease of life, after a life of stardom and addiction to fame,money and cigarettes. Sporting a trend setting stainless steel ecco friendly micro bubble pipe she slides effortly into this demanding lead, not shy of the lime light and eager and quite able to fill Miss Bumps shoes and sports bra.

Production by WIDE OPEN Inc of Midsummer Night Dream fame and recent winner of the 2012 Fuengirola Miss Erotic Tapas Crawl. Also nominated for- Spectacle Heaven- an eye fetish underground movie missed by the mainstream but achieving critical acclaim in C movie Fetish show annual review.

Direction by JUSTIN the Magnificent, Academy nominated for -Tapas and Dependency, a model Bi-Epic multi lingual slant of life on a shoe string,set amongst the corruption and chaos of the educational system in post crisis Madrid. This master of the narrative struck gold with his control of post traumatic Hash disorder following successful supporting roles and forays into familiar institutions.

THE SET  The Hills above El Rosario on a warm sunny day 15th Dec 2012. A backdrop of mountains and sea views with a familiar plot of the two starlets leading a mixed supporting cast a merry dance through the campo,trying where possible to disabled the plot and cause havoc, pain and misery. Some fun can be expected along the way along followed by an excellent chinees meal in The Hong Kong las Chapas. No chop sticks or Gays allowed on this film set, its not your normal chick flick. "only real men apply".

The Supporting Cast  not in order of appearance, size, colour, race or ability.

No liability for any miss interpretation of characters and any resemblance to those living or near to death shall be accepted by the film crew and any of its sister companies either solvent or in liquidation so help me God.

Dogs Bollocks   -           Easy Rider and The wild ones. Soon to star in the remake of

The Good the Bad and the Mushtash.


UP YOUR BUM  -  Back Door lovers -Clay Digging the Easy Way-Arse Bandits 3 and  many more submissive and supporting rolls without limits,an actress to be relied upon when the going gets shitty.

MUMMYS BOY -           Mad Max, Mad Max 2 -The Shinning, his bafta winning roll as the deranged caretaker in a remote hotel. Who will ever forget the  climatic ending with the axe through the bathroom door

   "here's Mommy"   

  4.275 stars The San Pedro Tribune


UNCLE FESTER            -           Addams Family one and two . A special note for his creative  casting in these roles.


CANUTE                                   -           Enemy at the Gates- Battle of the Bulge. a mature master of the epic war movie but always missing out on the final trophys. His                                                                  command of English is just a rummer like his sense of hummor.


JUST SAY WHEN          -           Cat on a Hot Tin Roof "unsuitable "the Campo and farrier

Qwen eight bells toll - "another slip up"  Everyday Dyslexia


STICKY TART   -           Domestic Goddess the Movie. The life,trials and tribulations of a    baking sensation post baby boom, Fanny Craddock and Johnny.


  "made my fingers go all sticky" Los Pacos cooking circle


ARROFLAPPS   -           From Russia with Love - Bolshovicks ate my Grandad- My friend   Mr Joeseph- and many more patriotic block busters from the motherland. A Red army favourite and takes her stage name from the State, like every body else. A Star at any post productionparty and proud to have attended 25 .


TEATOTAL                   -           R.A.D.A trained and broke a leg doing Shakespear, never really  recovered but a great thespian.


GANGPLANK               -           To catch a thief - Two flew over the Crows Nest, an Oscar nominated role as a schizophrenic salior cast adrift in a floating    psycho hospital. His main rolls have been carry on movies   throughout the late 50s and 60s playing an assortment of      blithering idiots. Crows Nest proved he had the talent all along  but no one knew how to find it.


  "outstanding" The Coin Chronicals 


  "will bring you to tears" My Handsome The Skipper Club Millendreath


BLOWN a SEAL            -           GI Jane- Head Gasket replacement. A Volvo Training film pre    2006 models replacing Head Gasket replacement A beginner  guide 1999-2005 all models. Her career is gathering pace after    showing how to get ahead of the crowd at the recent award    ceremony, Natural talent that's hard to miss,and would be a  shame if we did. Now on her 15th movie and more to come.


STREAKY                     -           The Merry Widow-The Postman Always Knocks Twice (before she   lets him in for his morning co-co)- How to recover from your tits   in the bacon       slicer- A Danish educational film made during the cold war period. And her most rewarding role in- Pigs may Fly     but not in my back yard,or how to shit on the Germans. Another   promotional film on animal husbandry the Danish way.



STREAK of PISS           -           Airplane, the inflatable doll  " a natural" Airstewards weekly

        Follow me to the bushes big boy -A nature lovers tale of fun and frolicking. A Ben Dover film -Whats that on your trolly - ARyanair promotional video for new starters. One of Mr O'lerys up  and coming cabin boys mincing up a plane near you.  


  "not to be missed"  Plane spotters monthly



SEAMEN STAINS         -           The Cruel Sea- A Night to Remember-The Posiden Adventure and not forgetting the long running serial Captain Pugwash where the  first stains appeared. I'ya a bonnie actor capable of getting a few  tricky roles and getting into the part and out again! no mean feet  when your 57 years in this business



LEFT BEHIND  -           Bangkok Babes like big boys- Asia Hot Spots for fun loving singles -Ladyboys 2 -27 - Give it some whip-.A Beginner guide to                                                               training at stud- Hit me Harder- The follow on getting the best out  of your Stable.


"an insight even Jilly Cooper missed" Spanking Mag


YOGI BEAR                  -           The Movie-A Yellowstone film. Now in supporting mode, has become lame with excessive use of picnic baskets and too many action roles over the summer. The Great Escape was his finest moment followed by -Don't look back luv- set around the canals of south yorkshire, while renovating an old property he getsflashed by a dwarf in a red coat ! now stop there.


                                                            ENJOY THE FILM AND DON'T FORGET THE POPCORN

                                                                                                NO GAYS ALLOWED


Review by Mr Y Bear of the Coin Chronicle incorporating Truss & Back support weekly        


Run 1336 December 8th       Photos 1336   Hares: Blown a seal & Alex WTFIA.

Greeting Hashers.

Vikingo here reporting to you all.


T Total 15, Seaman Stains 110, Up Your Bum 505, Desire 25, Colonic Irig 270, Pert Arse cc 105

Last Sunday was a real good day out. I think most of the Hashers enjoyed it hence the score 9.5 . As I said for me it was a lovely day and 2 beer stops is a real bonus ho ho ho ho.

Muppet and I where stupid enough to think that we can swing like Tarzan in the rope, amazingly not knowing that we both have done a similar stunt? It was a fairly easy run, very impressive views to the Istan Lake, we also had to go around Turtle lake. I think we were lucky with the weather, in the shade it was freezing tho!

After the Hash we went to Blown a seal and WhothefuckisAlex house. That was great , I as a Scandinavian went a bit mad on the snaps and got told of when I got home for being a drunk idiot. Food was good, we had a few songs and jokes. I loved it, but I had a serious hangover on Monday ho ho ho.

Run 1335 December 1st        Photos 1335    Hares: Streaky and Colonic Irrigation

Not a very warm day, but sunny enough to slip into that dainty red dress and make a way for the Feria Ground, I reckoned. Arriving there, it was rather disappointing to see that only another 15 Hashers or so had thought along the same lines.

Trying to make some money for Charity is a job that requires a large crowd, lots of noise and high visibility and this motley crew of shabby trannies was not going to hack it. One would have expected a bit more involvement in a good cause on the part of many regulars.

Fortunately, we were joined by a Gorilla, some Tranny Santas and two Hares in to-die-for dresses (although one of them should shave his legs next time..) which avoided a total fiasco. In fact, things turned out much better than expected, as both the Gorilla and one of the Tranny Santas turned out to be ace collectors! It was quite awesome to see how they both accosted young and old (even Lookie Lookie Men were not spared) and managed to fill their tins to the rim. Even more surprising if you consider that neither of them spoke more than two words of Spanish..

Stiff Fanny, for it was she, accompanied her hairy approach with all kinds of grunts that made no sense, but somehow sounded very convincing: “Una pooco caambio por Caduca, poar faboar!” Alex WhotheFuckisAlex, for it was he in the Santa outfit, did not want to be less: “Caambio, Pooco Caambio, please!”

I suppose it doesn't really matter what a 6 foot Santa or a Gorilla is trying to say to you – you just go for the wallet, don't you? Jane Goodall knew that all along and always carried some loose change in her banana bag.

The run was obviously a bit secondary, which was just as well as it seemed easier to find a Bin Laden on the pavement than any sign of chalk-marks. In fact, it was better to ignore the odd one we found (the chalk mark, not the Bin Laden's, they were put in the collection tins) as they always seemed to be on the wrong side of the road. If there were bars-a-plenty, the chalk-marks were next to the beach, if the bars were closed they were right in front of the deserted terraces.. In fact, the MHHH is not going to get a medal for planning ever, as next week is a Shopping Sunday and there would have been double the people in the streets. However, somebody needed to do it at some stage, so nothing but praise for the Hares in that respect.

Apart from taking the initiative to get this job done, the Hares also made sure the participants were well looked after with mulled wine and mince pies and actually passed a jolly day, both on the run and at the restaurant, which was cosy and yummy, so there! You missed it, you barstewards!

The circle was short and sweet – a generous 8.5 was awarded for the run, as generosity was the operative word for this occasion. Kindergarden Cop was called out for his run number 365 – obviously needs a life and Yours Truly was mentioned with 85 runs – must have a life, as he seems to have been around for ever in spite of such a measly number ...

In short, a good time was had by all and a small but dedicated representation of the Mijas HHH made sure we didn't end up with egg on our faces.

On on!

Just Moan In'

Run 1334 November 24th           Photos 1334    Hares: 1 Tit

В этот раз не было гостей из дружеских властей, ни новеньких.

Поэтому можно смело сказать, что атмосфера была семейная,

даже слегка интимная. Ну да это как всегда.

7.7 баллов в сумме, был оценен маршрут.

После обследования Михасовских холмов, горок и самой деревушки Михас.

Очень порадовали 2 пивные остановки.

Вернее одна оказалась не запланированная, мы просто

сделали набег на машину Джона, он по не опытности 

остановился, чтобы проконтролировать наш маршрут,

что дало мне лично возможность подзаправиться баночкой пива и 

проще дойти до основной остановки на отдых.

Когда не знаешь языка, на котором говорят основные участники

группы, ситуация выглядит иногда более комичной, если бы владел языком,

а так пьешь, улыбаешься... прикольно.


Сам маршрут был великолепен, мне вообще очень нравятся горы.

Единственный минус тяжеловато подыматься. Но если грамотно выбирать

маршрут, можно добраться до конечной точки лишь с легкой отдышкой.


А да, индийский ресторан.

Первый раз за историю моего посещения мы поужинали на 20 евро

и это был не праздничный ужин.

Проще говоря, решили с экономить и с экономили, Раза в 2 не 

подращитали с заказом.

Но ресторан классный.

А пачаран всех на бабки поставил.

Пачаран это любимый хашевсткий напиток, после еды.

Ненавижу Пачаран, у меня после него голова болит.


Если подвести итог, то каждые выходные, это небольшое приключение.


Run 1333 November 17th           Photos 1333    Hares: Justin & Gangbang

Aye, first these poor GET A LIFE lads and lassies who torture themselves and moan every Sunday were recognized as:-

Sir Flakey. 295

Gang Bang. 245

Dipper. 605

Wide Open. 75

As fair as I can recall, we coodny fun the start place as there were nae HHH signs onywhere an the Parkin spaces werny mony

Onywy we gang the gither and hud a wee ring efter geein the Cloggie lassie 4 euros, an a wee fella, gave a rousing speech and cracked a few jokies then the big Cloggie (Justin) sent us awaw Doon the road. (Mind ye the moaners did nae half gie him He'll furrit efter)....

Doon an Doon we a' went skirlin and breenjin until we cam tae a brig. This wiz the stop fur a bevvy. But nae drams only tins o ale and those crispy things made frame tatties.

Efter a wee bevvy we were telt tae gae up a cliff in a the dirt and mire. But better than the tarmacamdam. So up we a went, moanin and gaspin like pair wee coos. Wan wee lassie was fair gallopin ower the place. Wan said she was befuddled. I reckon she jist did nae hae a clue where she wis. Ony wye we persevered and efter a tunnel fair shat oorsels as there was a steep ben Doon a gulley. The brave wee dug Oscar Took the fair scunner and widney gaan yin step so he hid tae be howked on Colonics shoother.

Efter a that clert thru dub an mire Benalmadena cam in Sicht an a the fowks gethered tae pass judgment on that big Cloggy guy and that braw Russian lassie for a the purgatory they put us through.

The wee sassenach boss man hae forced me tae gie HASH SHIT or he wud gie me Sicht a doin that a wud he been black affronted. Onywy I gave HASH SHIT an ye shud a seen the fair dumfoonert face on they twa! The rest o the Hash gied them average 8.3 merks an a gied them a 5 jist tae keep their faces fae reekin!

The efternin wis guy cauld but soon we clawed oor way tae the bothie fur some drams and a fair skelp o some sonsi vittals.. We partook of some no bad wee claret an some roast sow wi they fancy chips. Efter a that a few we sangs an a wee puddin. Then time tae say. ITA ABRAW MOONLICHT NICHT THE NICHT SO AM AWAW HAME AND SEE YESE A NEXT SABBATH

Seaman Stains

Run 1332 November 10th           Photos 1332    Hares: Flakey & Stiff

Run 1331 November 3rd            Photos 1331    Hares: Dopper & Gibbi

Congratulations to all of these very sad people for wasting their many Sunday afternoons getting some fresh air and exercise:

Sticky tart 105 runs

Seaman stains 105 runs

Colonic 265

Karma chameleon 300

Wobbly Bob 430


A score of 8.73 was archived by Gobbi and Dipper.

It all started with a larger than normal circle this week, 26 lost soles risked life and limb (quite literally) in the pursuit of beer and crisps (Ohh and running of course).

With cock in hand and lots of merriment from our ring master Colonic the run begins.

All started well, up hills, thought campo, over trees and into the bush!

Then after only about 20 mins, it all starts to go wrong!

Where is the flour?

A couple of speck hear and there, but that's all.

Did the hares only use one bag or had the goats eaten it?

No, it was sabotage!

Scandal was in the air, who had been rubbing out the track?

Some said we had spy's from Malaga hash in our mist!

Then suddenly a traffic jam of runners!

"What's going on" we all cried?

Then the sound of gun fire!

Had a Malaga hash taken it one step to far this time?

Had "Colonic" finally shot "Gang bang"?

No it was the hunters, trying to stop the hashers and the hashers trying to stop the hunters.

Obviously the hunters won as they had guns.

But we had the last laugh as "Wobble Bob" and Colonic found the hunters cars and let all there tyres down.


We all laughed (as we run away very quickly)!

Then the best part of the run,

The beer stop was top notch!

Well done Gobbi and Dipper.

Beer,crisps,Cake,Champaign (well sparking wine).

All hashers take note please, that is how to do it!

Full of energy and excitement of who would be shot next.

We set of for the very short On In!

10 mins later we had made it.

A great On On as well, nice wine and BBQ.

So in summary a shit run!

But top beer stop and On On.

(Which lets be honest is the only reason we all go).

So well done to the hares, good job.

See you all soon.

Alex no name.


Run 1330 October 27th            Photos 1330    Hares: Colonic & Uncle Fester - Halloween

Anniversarios: Bollox Chops 10 – Willy Wanker’s Willy Warmer 220 – Tweetski Pie 100 – Kindergarden Cop 360 – Mummy’s Boy 415 – Swiss Roll 345

[can’t remember the mark but think it was somewhere around 8.5]

I have a confession to make: I don’t come very often. It may have something to do with the fact that I spend most of my time stuck in a coffin somewhere in deepest Transsylvania. I have now been in this unfortunate position for a few centuries, and it does make one stiff in all the wrong places. These days, it takes a congregation of unusually attractive blood- and cock-sucking vampiresses to raise me from the un-dead and elicit an appearance at that wonderful, horrifying, eccentric, spooky, mad and deliciously macabre brethren that is, the Mijas Hash House Harriers.

My expectations, among other things, were raised high as I mounted the coach (and several of its passengers) on Fuengirola’s Feria ground. Unfortunately, the Hares, in a rather crude attempt to fool the dimmer members of our cult, had misspelt this as “Ferrier” ground. Little did they know that “I Blew A Seal” and her blown seal (otherwise known as “Alex, Alex, WTF is Alex”) would take these instructions literally, to the point of looking for a ferry in Fuengirola port. Now, when I first met I Blew a Seal a few years back, she used to be blonde, and I can’t help feeling that a bit of peroxide penetrated her scalp and permanently blondified her brain....

Anyway, being complete at last, we set off on our mystery tour. Now, the last time I came on, and attended, a Halloween Mystery Hash, the destination was such a mystery that even our, admittedly Bulgarian, driver had no idea where we were going and spent two hours making us all violently sick by driving hither and thither on the mountainous roads somewhere beyond the nether regions of Riofrio. No such luck this time. It was a straight journey taking us to the particularly unexciting town of Rincуn de la Victoria, whence we were unceremoniously unloaded from the bus and, having been given some refreshments as well as a first exciting glimpse of PC Gangbang (more of her later), were invited to partake in the first leg of the Hash, which was – hold on to your seats – a guided tour, yes, I repeat: a GUIDED tour, for guided tourists, of the caves of Rincon de la Victoria.

Now do not get me wrong. I do appreciate caves as much as anyone, indeed I daresay that with my connections to the underworld I find caves perhaps a tad more exciting than the average mere mortal. I can think of a lot of things I could have done to some of our sexier witches in the dark recesses of my mind and the cave. But a GUIDED TOUR? For Hashers?! Parbleu. What is the world coming to. On the plus side, the markings were superb. On the minus side, they had not been set by the Hares. After 45 minutes of this sad excuse of a Hash, during which the only fun to be had was by scaring the Spanish tourists who had foolishly chosen the same time to visit the caves as us, and occasional groping in the dark, we were mercifully released back onto the parking place where we had left the bus, and told that it was time to have LUNCH. 45 minutes into this so-called Hash! Less than two hours after devouring churros con chocolate! And way before 1pm, which is the earliest time a member of the bloodsucking nobility like myself will begin to even contemplate the remote possibility of at some point in the not so distant future having lunch!

Having attacked our Lidl bocadillos with a distinct lack of appetite, it was finally time for part two of the Hash. Off we went, following the patchy marks of chalk and/or flour (which were no match for the professional markings provided by the tour guides at the cave), which basically led us straight down to the beach, and along the Paseo Maritimo, to every Hasher’s favourite, a dry, stony river bed. The sun was beating down on us mercilessly, and underneath our fancy capes, our curly wigs, our wicked robes, our pointy hats, we were all sweating like pigs. Thank God and Satan for the occasional sighting of bikini-clad, sunbathing young ladies on the beach who kept up our spirits. Semen Stains, cleverly disguised as a bloodstained surgeon, captured some of these stranded beauties with his eagle eye and camera for the benefit of absent Hashers. One of our sexy witches, whose name escapes me, had made a rather eccentric choice of footwear and began to suffer excruciating blisters, but was saved by some merciful strangers who supplied her with a packet of plasters. (Durex make very good plasters).

Having refreshed ourselves once again, it was time to set off up the river bed. Hoping we would find some relief, no matter of which kind, our hopes were cruelly let down as the Hares with their patchy markings forced us to trudge along, heads down, straight ahead, up the boring, dull, excruciating, dry, river bed. At one point, we were met by one of them, a chap called Colonic Irrigation, who had the impertinence to wear a cape and pretend he was one of my kind, bluntly telling us that basically, the Hash had ended and we could walk up to the On-In via the road (a 5 minute walk), or we could carry on up the riverbed like true Hashers, which would take us to the same place, but would take half an hour. As there was no way we could go off the riverbed, he had not even bothered to mark the trail! Call that a Hash!!! Up we marched, or should I say stumbled, over sticks and stones and dicks and bones, trying to ignore our misfortune and sore feet, and concentrating our minds on the debauchery and virgin’s blood to be had at the On On.

Now the time has come to elaborate a little on PC Gangbang. There are Halloween outfits and Halloween outfits, and I am not sure what is supposed to be scary about a sexy cop, but I assure you, I am not complaining. As I was trudging and stumbling up the river, I suddenly realised that this magnificent specimen of Law and Order was walking right in front of me. Legs clad in tight black stockings, body wrapped in the tightest and shortest of leather dresses, under which her pert behind twinkled invitingly as if to say, “Come on! Keep going! Follow me!” There are times even a Count of my stature needs some inspiration to keep up the......momentum, and I must confess I would not have made it to the climax without the welcome sight of PC Gangbang stroking her black baton. God and Satan bless the Russian police force (or should I say pleaseforce?)

Having finally arrived at the On-In, it was time to mark this disappointing excuse of a Hash. Inexplicably, most Hashers seemed to have been overcome by a sudden bout of amnesia (or had been bribed by the Hares), marks of 8 and 9 and even 9.9 were coming in left, right and centre, and the impertinent grins on our Hares’ faces just got wider and wider. Not even a reality check by our RA Wide Open, wielding her very impressive cockophone for maximum effect, and a harshly delivered verdict of “Hash SHIT” from yours truly, could dampen their enthusiasm. Having survived the officious part of the Circle, it was finally time for some fun, and we did excel at bobbing. Bobbing, even apple bobbing, is a most welcome pastime in any situation, but when the participants are generally female and clad in very revealing outfits, the joys of bobbing are multiplied by the factor of T’s & A’s on display, and the only dilemma for the observer is whether to take a frontal view (bird’s eye) or rear aspect (pole position). Having accurately positioned my pole, I enthusiastically cheered on PC Gangbang as she fished around for an elusive apple and delighted us with deep insights into her....personality.

Finally, it was time for dinner, even though the sun had not yet set, and lusty songs were performed with gusto by Wide Open, Semen Stains and a few others. Chicken was devoured, wine was guzzled, the cockophone was passed around and lit up in the dark, our hosts locked up their children, and we were just getting into the mood for some halloweeny debauchery, when it was announced that we had to mount not each other, but the coach, to take us back to Funkytown. Faces long with disappointment, pockets lined with spare bottles of alcohol, we clambered up, and our very nervous driver took off.

Now it must be said that the streets of Rincon de la Victoria are not made for large busses. Once again, the old adage that size DOES matter was proven to be true. (Trust me, I DO speak from experience.) If it is too big, it won’t fit in, and if it doesn’t fit in, you won’t get anywhere. Thus it was here. Our massive coach got stuck, worried neighbours fretting over their double-parked cars appeared in slippers and curlers and offered conflicting advice on which roads the bus should take, which it should avoid, whether it should try moving forwards, backwards or sideways, and if so, whether to the left or to the right, each suggestion heavily disputed by whoever’s car was parked on the opposite end of the bus. Finally, the combined efforts of Mummy’s Boy and an unknown bus driver, who appeared out of nowhere as our guardian angel, guided our nervous driver out of the tight maze of Rincon de la Victoria, and back on course towards the A7 and the Ferrier ground of Fuengirola, whence we boarded our hearses and, scattering into every direction like a flock of Transsylvanian bats, took off into the dark, chilly night, to spread more evil, lust and terror across the coast....

Yours dastardly,

Count Picasso


Run 1329 October 20th            Photos 1329    Hares: Just Say When + Mummy’s Boy

Runsite: Near Mijas Sports Centre, Quarry Road

Verdict: 8,5

 Great October weather and with the run site close to home, this scribe arrived early to find the hares, Uncle Fester and Streaky camped out on same run site, I used on a cold and rainy winter day some years ago.

The area is hilly, but we had been promised a flat run (well, almost flat), so instead of taking us up the road we went down the hill and found paper leading into the tunnel. Somewhat dark in there, and I overshot the F painted halfway through the tunnel and made it to the end before realizing that I had to turn back. The trails lead a bit further south before looping up through the sports complex and further up in the hills.  Flour had be bashed on trees and ground alike and this scribe had a funny feeling of wrong direction (in trail?) after losing the other runners and seeing flour on the backside of trees, which I was running against! 

Mummy’s Boy confirmed my assumptions, when I reached the upper quarry road and was told to head down the road, where I would meet Just Say When and at which point they had planned the BS.  Took the trail behind the BS and up the hills and got almost run over by a couple of bikers racing down the trail. The paper carried on over the hills and looped left down another biker trail till back on the road AGAIN meeting Mummy’s Boy and Karma Charmelion, pointing down to the same spot, I had just passed minutes earlier for BS.  Facing me on that same stretch were perplexed King Kanut and JustIn, utterly confused.

After the BS (beer stop) 5 of us followed the trail up in the hills whilst the bulk of the hashers went by car or tired legs down the road for the ON IN.

Just Say When had warned us to stay away from the beach?, what we did – but this did not save us from savage attacks from the bees and we got stung in the backside, on hands and arms.  The hares had made 2 very pointed arrows 50 m before the beehives leading straight through, and none of us noted the small dots on the left taking us on higher ground to avoid said beehives.!

The track over the hills was nice and shady, you just got to watch your feet and avoid the rocks and a possible fatal fall!  Ended up on the same quarry road just further down where we passed stragglers VKingo and Muffhead? (returners and adopted by Mijas H3)\

The circle started with the usual invitation for guests to enter the circle. This scribe took no notes and got no names, but noticed they were all Mummy’s Boys’ friends (didn’t know he had any), also that they all gave the lowest score for the run (friends?) They were all able to name 3 hashers.  Will we see them again?  Highly unlikely.


The high point of the circle was Colonic showing JustIn how to handle the sleeve.  We all remember and pay tribute to the Master of this game + who is not with us any more, but Colonic is an appreciated successor and did well, in fact so well teaching, that JustIn – after a few failures, did a remarkably good job in finishing the sleeve with hardly any spillage.  Good job.

Gang Bang’s ex Co-Hare friend had reached 5 runs and was properly named BRUSSIAN DUMP.  Shall not elaborate from where the name originated!

Colonic once again announced THE GREAT MYSTERY RUN for next Sunday with bus pickup from Fuengirola Feria Grounds at 1030 and last registration Thursday.

Streaky shall not be joining The Mystery Run as she is having a reunion with the girlie band in Copenhagen, and SperMaid and this scribe shall be in Wangkok so just wish you all a nice weekend.


That’s all folks.

So long


Run 1328 October 13th            Photos 1328    Hares: Kindagarten

First of all i would like to thank  Kindergarten for arranging a nice long evening run.

It was great to see everyone again at the hash after my 5 month's off due to working Sundays.

But now I'm back I plan to join in every week.

A score of 8.2 was well deserved.

The run started as usual with the circle, at which point Colonic requested the presence of any virgin's.

Surprised, my girlfriend stepped forward,

(especially after what we had done just half an hour before, which is why we where late).

Thank goodness he had "lost his cock".

So all he could do was stare at her breasts and welcome her and "Judy" in his special way.

Beer and crisps.

Then up the mountain it was quite a climb, but thank goodness it was at the start of the run or we might not have made it.

Then nice sweeping hills all the way to the beer stop.

I did not like the cross over boundary points though, to much jumping ditches and climbing embankments.

Nice to stop at kindergarten house for the beer stop, but disappointed there was no home cooked treats.

He could have done some baking or something the night before.ha ha!

Still lots more beer and crisps done the job.

Then on to the second half!

A nice flat long stretch over field and under bridges.

Stoping to pick some grapes was an unexpected treat.

Then to the home circle again, at which point Colonic had unfortunately found "His cock".

After lots of abuse in the dark (it's ok, my girlfriend is used to that).

We went to the "On,On".

A new restarant just opened and now hopefully closed.

I nice enough setting but all the food tasted like it had been cooked using a Bunsen burner! (paraffin isn't the best taste in the world).

Still, a good day had by all again.

See you soon people for more beer, crisps and running!

"Alex no name".

                Run 1327 October 6th            Photos 1327    Hares: The Wallyґs

                Run 1326 Sept 29th                 Photos 1326    Hares: Gangbang

                Run 1325 Sept 22nd                Photos 1325    Hares: Navigator & Desire

First off I would like to thank Blown A Seal for making me come, and she brought me to the run too.

Second, big thanks to Navigator and Desire for the trail.  It was of course.....


Shitty trail (It sucked

Actually not really.  All in all it scored a very strong 8.25 or somewhere about there, I just remember a lot of 8's and some 9's.....Not sure, mix in the beer with the hot sun and it makes doing math on the quick very difficult.   It was well laid (except the start), lots of obstacles, some thinking (always dangerous for hashers when they have to think), and fun in the sun with a run. 

As for the started off slow.  At first everyone was scattered like ants searching for dropped food at a picnic.  Once the trail was found it was ON!ON!  Up steep hills, down slippery slopes, under natural made tunnels.  There were cactus to dodge, thorns to avoid, and shig to fight through.   It was an adventure that I am even sure Indian Jones would have liked.  All it was missing was a volcano and some sacrificial virgins. 

Speaking of...big welcome to Miguel and Alex.  Many more returns, you have survived your first run and circle.  From here on out you will think about beer and want one every time you see someone running.  You will of course yell ON!ON! to them as you pass them, and from here on out before you begin to drink you will find yourselves singing a silly song in your head and laughing out loud.

Circle was as circle is, highly entertaining with lots of beer.....YUM!!!! BEER!!!!

There were some milestones.  Once again proving that not only do hashers not have a life but they drink too much in the process....not sure if the second part is a bad thing, but it makes the first part seem so much better...

Again, beer + sun = not remembering much.  There were 4 hashers that hit milestones.  Some were double digits and others 3 digits.  

In closing, it is always a great pleasure to run with the Mijas kennel.  I will be back for more, yes I am a glutton for punishment.

 On On Seaman Stains

Run 1324 Sept 15th                  Photos 1324    Hares: Up yer bum & Streaky

Well, this was going to be fun , I thought to myself!

Up Ya Bum’s Birthday and a HHH with a twist! What the twist was we had to wait and see.

So the old, old old old market ground at Aldi was the start. We were all told that we must do the on on as well as the run or Fuck off! Good choice. Of we jolly well trotted down to the river bed to be fronted with dead reptiles and alike!

After a long check back we ended up to the river and hashed on some 4 k to the eventual sign of BS and ON IN, well what a relief as I ran the lot and was Knackered by then anyway.

The twist was that we were all going bowling and was great!

After a shit Circle by the Twat GM we down downed everybody for almost everything.

Bowling, dancing and food was average, sorry no crap but what the hell it’s the hash and we love it.

Happy Birthday to UYB and well done Streaky for a great organized days HHH.

I want to have your baby’s or at least Mic your linges! ( sorry I’ve got lisdxyer and torrets)


Run 1323 Sept 8th                  Photos 1323    Hares:Lilo Lil & Steff

Run Report (TBA)

Run 1322 Sept 1st                   Photos 1322    Hares:Pussy and Sweet&Low

Run Report (TBA)

Run 1321 August 25th          Photos 1321            Hares:Colonic and Tweetski (No show)

As I was having a lift from  a super organised Pussy Galore, we arrived an hour before the run and then waited for the hares: Colonic and Tweetski Pie - but most importantly, the beer.
Soon after, Sticky Tart arrived commenting on my threadbare shorts and forcing me to purchase haberdashery. (I think Gang Bang has been giving her sales training)!
Tweetski Pie was too poorly to make the circle, even though we were 100 yards from his front door, so Colonic gallantly set the run alone.
Although we all thought we knew exactly where we were going, Colonic came up with an alternate route ad fooled us all. Apart from Just In that is, who never follows a trail and does his own thing anyway!
It was a pleasant relief that the rope that Colonic had placed earlier had not been stolen by the gypsies watching us and allowed us all to clamber down the hill. How that man could stand with a beer and watch his Mother In Law slide down a mountain on her backside I will never know!
En route to the second beer stop we were accompanied  by hundreds of goats and even Blue was a good boy and didnґt eat a single one!
Our Grand Mattress Wide Open has returned back from travels and paid us hundreds of dollars to rejoin the hash and teach us new songs.
Our RA Just In tried to rush the circle as time was pressing on and he had a romantic dinner booked with In The Kremlin, although they abandoned the idea and came to the On On - cocking up the numbers and managing to be served before everyone else without even ordering any food!! However, we had arrived slightly later because next weekґs hares Pussy Galore and Sweet and Low were resolving their domestic about fitting cooler boxes into cars - it was nearly dogs at 10 paces until I reminded them that it was dark, nearly midnight and that I was starving!
The run was awarded a well deserving 8.72
Anniversarios/Saddos: T Total 10 runs, Navigator 15 runs, Uncle Fester and Tweetski Pie 100 runs and Colonic 255 runs
Your scribette, One Tit

Run 1320 August 18th          Photos 1320             Hares:Uncle & Seamen

Scribe:             So much for offering worship to the RA’s balls!   Hi, you may remember me from productions such as ‘Maximus Clogiumdi Dancarrillius’ and ‘Warwickshire Bards’; I am currently working on my latest production “Smutty Shades of Grey”.  It’s an anthology of power, pressure and seriously big thrusts – the lead players is ‘9F’ – he’s clearly a 2-10 and has the biggest pair of cylinders a woman could ask for, lots of pulling power and a perfectly formed tender.   Stabled with a few likeminded, well-formed machines somewhere near Crewe, this railway locomotive personified the end of an era.   But let us not fall into the world of train spotting anoraks, bad coffee and video recordings at the end of platform 10; we have the joy of reporting another August Hash in the good company of MH3.

Hares:              I’d like to open with the thought that one of today’s Hares is also our dearly loved ‘Hare Raiser’, a man of understanding and knowledge about all matters hallowed and Hare like.   The Hares of the day were Seaman Stains and Uncle Fester.   The setting was at a good simple car park in clear view of the A-355, somewhere near km23, so obviously no HHH signs were needed to help the pack find the venue.   Lots of flour was promised and early warning given of some ‘near vertical’ sections of the run – no worries.

The Run:          Hummm, the pack was asked in an instance to engage with the high velocity machines traversing the A-355 – “petrol”.   Fortunately, and with the aid of symbolic ‘lolly-pops’, the pack crossed the high risk highway and into the pine forests.   With the thought that we were to traverse new grounds, the eager hasher’s followed the flour paralleling the carretera but after following numerous undulations, the wise one’s soon identified a theme and ran on the disused carretera.   Then another risk assessment time and back across the A-355.   Once all safe and accounted for, the pack then headed in country to the pine forests and the shaded areas of the deeper forest.   This was clearly an ‘Old Spice’ run (for those of an age that might remember what Old Spice, is /was / or even smelt like) – the pine forest was giving it’s all.   With flour placed at the promised 3m centres by Uncle Fester; Seaman Stains was clearly going to apply the knowledge gained from his recent viewing of ‘Red October’.   After every 50m the trail did and acute turn, and again, and again, and again.   With the play of the trees and flour laid on the basis of a sub-mariners avoidance tactic, the pack stayed close together and carefully negotiated the inner depths of the deep dark pine forest.   The On-On calls were needed and necessary.   With Navigator and Just Say When keeping the pack in true alignment, the BS was discovered on a forest path, dare I say without appropriate identification.   The lacking use of flour at the most needed times was soon forgiven as Sticky Tart had prepared the most delicious cake for the pack to enjoy – well done Sticky.   Now this is where life gets complex.   The trail after the BS was given a ‘Met Office’ red warning (Met being – Mad Expats on Tour).   So severe was the risk that there were the only two who decided to take the true trail, all but the noble two fool’s took the ‘W’ route home (W being – Wise in this rendition).   Mummy’s Boy and T-total were the day’s true champions but even then T-total did not take the full descent due to an excess pressure variance on a recently performed tooth operation.   Mummy’s Boy was the only hero of the day to tell the trail tail.   Meanwhile the Wise pack were following the guidance of two Hares who had not given due thought to the ‘W’s’, whomever they may be!!!   Seasoned hasher’s, FRB’s, and even people with clever running gadgets followed the track – to nowhere.   With an ever ascending track, and the Sun in their face: the pack realised that they had been duped.   The cars were downhill and to the East.   Navigator did the full emergency routine and set off along the route on the 11kV power lines.   With good fortune, and very little flour, all arrived safely to offer their appreciation to the Hares!!!


The Circle:       Gathered again to take thought on the day and recognise the joy around us, the GM gave good thought to our eco-friendly needs of giving good compression to cylindrical objects (beer cans) and squeezing the air out of anything plastic (water bottles).   Sticky Tart offered consideration on giving a second life to plastic items and it was with this that the early down-down’s were had.   Anniversaries were acknowledged (get a life – won’t you) and the run was a judged.   Although awarded 7.5 on average – the errant marking at key hash points was noted by many – indeed wild rumour even suggested that the Wise route had not even been checked out – how remiss to abandon the Wise ones in such a way?.   Indeed the highest scoring component of the 7.5 was ‘Sticky  Tart’s’ stunning contribution.   Notwithstanding, it was a good location, good hashing country, a good length run, and good timing for all to run in the daylight and enjoy the On-After, well done blokies.

RA’s cleansing:                        Cleansing was applied in liberal form to the hashers of the day and also recent wayward encounters.   Noted redemptions of the day were:  Navigator, Desire and Desirable – false calling Off-Flour;  Ginger Minge – running way, way, way too long without flour;  Gang-Bang & In the Kremlin – pro Gay Russians (with 3-D interpretations);  Streaky – Malaga Fiesta encounter (Taxi Driver grappling) [note: totally understandable as he / it had a Paco Raban ‘ad’ body to die for – and I’m not gay – I think!];  Uncle Fester – Malaga Fiesta encounter (fully dressed by Sticky Tart in long sleeved shirt and trousers).   The birthday boy “young Colonic” was brought to the high alter and duly blessed by the RA – the mixing of a well-proportioned cake set in a stylish hat with ‘hundreds and thousands’ and everything.   It was while trying to  bring forward the ingredients and understanding of cooking programmes that the RA became troubled in a fit of Misnomers “Natasha, Natasha, who the F is Natasha” [a la Alice – 1970’s sad pop song hit].   The cake mixed, baked and properly spread; Colonic was able to arise a blessed person.   It was also noted that Gang-Bang’s watching of ‘cooking programmes’ had been more effective (by results) than Colonics watching of ‘Babe-Station’ (by performance), if you follow the gist of the intonation, as I hope and know you do.

Uncle Fester survived the high risk misnomer Hare Raising calling, only to be trapped by Sticky Tart; here’s to Albert and Terry – Mr & Mrs Misnomer.

On After:         A good, well used Venta at 30km, beginning with ‘P’ – say no more.   The pack retired for good food and wine in good company.   Uncle Fester tried to gain a further point on the score for the day but no chance, the ballot boxes were sealed at 7.5.

On-On, Clog Dancer.   Best wishes to all and thank you for a great August.


Run 1319 August 11th          Photos 1319             Hares:Izzyin yet? and Jizzicle

Scribe:             Clog Dancer called to the scribery again; so much for a fair and impartial world.  I suspect that you dear readers will have to endure the tales of the trail again due to the fact that I forgot to mention in my write up of run 1318 that the RA offered a panoply of balls after run 1318 at the circle.  So, before going further I ought to say how wonderful the RA’s meat balls are / were and that the RA laid before us such a plentiful selection that the ladies were blushed to decide which ball to chew on.   So, anyway, that was run 1318; now to run 1319.

Hares:              Jizzical Ferk & Izzy in Yet.   Interesting setting up a sweet little road just after Mijas Golf.   Just off the urbanisation roads and to a ‘dog walking’ zone!   As we arrived at the venue Jizzical was clearing all the dog poo from the hallowed space later to become the circle of cleansing.   Streaky also bounded onto the scene and discovered a deep little hollow and tested her 4x4 capabilities, pleasingly Streaky was able to pull her off-side out of any predicament.   The deep little hollow was later to become the scene of many a misdemeanour.

The Run:          The pack was pleased to hear that the hares had set a nice little 4.7k run with a beer stop just after mid-way.   Seaman Stains allowed his New Shoes to be blessed and then the pack left at a little after 7pm (19:00 hrs ), the moon was already rising in the early evening sky.   Out into the near campo the trial was an early set of hill climbs and descents, with a smattering of thorns.   Just Say When was taking an easy day and left the Front Running (RFB’s) to Navigator, Desire & Desirable.   Soon the trail hit the urbanisation roads and a cunning switch to chalk marking (arrows).   This must have been the stage at which Stiff Fanny was unable to multi-task the trail codes and took to a free range trail that went to where Frank normally sets a beer stop when he has hared these areas.   Dear Stiff Fanny never returned to the true trail and was only seen again at the On-In to join us all for the circle – she even missed the true beer stop?   Back to the real trail and a few in’s and out’s around the urbanisation led to the beer stop which was set on the sun roof of Jizzical’s burrow; time for beer and sparkling wine  in celebration of Jizzical’s recent birthday.   It was also an opportunity for first aid as several ladies had sustained hashing scars from the thorns – TCP was administered and the whole ambiance change from an early evening soiree to Holby City.   Colonic was somewhat un-chuffed as he thought it was all smelling like a girls gym changing room.   Perhaps an interesting explanation for this vivid memory could have been gained but it was also about this time that Dogsy came over with a ‘panic attached’ as he had lost his stick!   The true saga was all happening one floor below as Jizzical needed to break into his own apartment and needed several sticks to get through / un-latch the window!   I’m just glad I stayed on the sun roof and had beers.   And so, off again and the trail darted and dashed around the urbanisations and back onto campo (dog walking zones).   Navigator remained the strong FRB although Sir Just-In took a late interest in leading the pack, perhaps there were more balls to be shared again?   More thorns and then even more thorns and the trail delivered the pack to the cars even though there was no ON-IN marked!!!   Perhaps the screams from many as they endured the last flagellation a la Opus Day was a sufficient indication to signify the end of the trail    Stiff Fanny re-joined the pack.

The Circle:       You will recall that ‘deep little hollow’ mentioned earlier, well this was to become a focal point for the circle – must be a throw back from ancient times when natural features were given greater significance due to circumstance and superstition.   With early consultancy advice from Clog Dancer, Colonic decided to start a new side line – Polar Piscina Inc.   Ice was duly filled into the lined hollow and the Circle commenced.  [ now although some thought the quantity of ice a little great – I can assure you that it was nowhere near as medically damaging as the 2ft x 1ft x 1ft ice blocks used in India and brought to the circle by the Ice Walla’s; although they did have friends who were Beer Walla’s and also other friends who were ‘take you home’ Walla’s – that made life all okay – but I digress ]

The hash business of the day was directed by the GM, partly from the icy hollow, and partly not!   Whilst Colonic relaxed in the icy depths the run was judged – slowly by some - and the overall average was given as 7.7.   There were some significant anniversaries and indeed there were two very special milestones; In the Kremlin @ 20 runs; Izzy in Yet @ 25 (and a special badge); Up Yer Bum @500 (and a swish blue Mijas inscribed jacket); Dipper @ 650 (and an inscribed Hawaiian shirt).   Dipper was first to enjoy a long therapy session in the icy hollow.

RA’s cleansing:                        Some 17 cleansing were to be performed but the night was setting and the bats were already in the evening sky.   Several hashers had the pleasure of deep cleansing and loss of circulation due to anal freezing.   Key offender’s benefitting from cleansing were:  Jizzical & Izzy – for Dog Training misbehaviour;  Kindergarten Cop – wrong day happy birthday’s!;  Colonic & In the Kremlin - pool poo (joint freezing of bodily parts);  [ a poem from Dipper interjected the proceedings to offer thoughts on frozen spunk ];  Streaky – match ‘blond’ collar and cuffs;  Uncle Fester – the forgetful one;  Stiff Fanny – reversing over the hash Ice-Box ( the icy hollow had its revenge );  Pussy Galore – pissed rent collector;  Seaman Stains – rear wash wipe & money laundering;  Jizzical - Birthday.   The proceedings were also enhanced by a few interspersed misnomers and miscellaneous misdemeanours, all were duly blessed and the circle closed.  

On After:         The Supermarket Restaurant at La Cala, excellent B-B-Q and good veggie option, a good time had by all once again.

On-On, Clog Dancer.


Run 1318 August 4th          Photos 1318                Hares:Sir Just In, In the Kremlin & Yurinator.

Scribe:             Warwickshire Bards (Spa H3) called to the pen again.

Run Start: Beatriz Hotel parking area next to the Castle.   Note that at the end of the last Hash Just-In promised a nice 5k run as it was going to be an 11am start and then the beach afterwards – Mad dogs and Madrilenians.   Clearly the Madrid “let’s run a marathon every week” hashers have a distance problem as well as running and drinking!

The new car park area caused a few problems for the late arrivals and although advised to get there for 10:30 a few of the regulars had to park as far away as the Miramar.   Streaky cleverly set up the beach pergola as base camp for the afternoon, Sticky Tart did an excellent job keeping guard and letting others take to the mid-day sun.

The Run:          What in the end turned out to be a 10.7k run started with the trail running along in front of the Beatriz (Spa H3 residencies) and to a cheeky check point that led the trail through a smugglers tunnel and into Club La Costa.   This was a stressful time for Just Say When as she was unable to deal with the maze and had to ask locals how to get out!   Then into the campo and behind the developments.   Several checks and a few ups and downs guided us along the trail, as we emerged from a thorny hill climb the option to take the big ‘W’ came upon the noble hashers.   Given the heat many were tempted but the Hare stood in front of the Wimps Way preventing all from passing – so it was that we all (almost all!) took to the Macho option.   With water getting low Streaky needed to let some of her outer garments fall by the wayside, others were heard to be crying for the Beer Stop, many were almost at the state of near exhaustion.   Then the ‘BS’ was seen - but not so easy - as the trail to the much needed beer was at the head of a hill going over recently planted cacti and alongside a very nice new green chain link fence (which was used by some as a handrail!).   As the hashers rested and took on much needed beers and oranges, the significance of the new fence became apparent as the house owners came to ‘swear’ at the hashers – and the hare.   In the end the group enjoyed a full Ј5 argument much to their pleasure whilst taking beers and waiting to take the final leg home.   From the BS a good trail mainly downhill took the hashers back into the urbanisations, over the N-340, and back to the ON-IN.   The trail was well set and lots of flour kept everyone well grouped and an enjoyable, if very long, run.

The Circle:       The GM took the circle but some of the hashers were struggling at this stage as they had completed the Malaga Hash the day before.   Something to do with betting, hot-tub, skinny dips and first flesh!   The run was scored at 7.6 although ‘hash-shit’ was demanded by one or two.

RA’s cleansing:                        Due to the exhausted state of the RA it was decided to undertake mutual cleansing and a round-robin RA session; key cleanings were as follows:  Mummy’s Boy – wearing 20 year old underpants and showing his willy;  Streaky / Just Say When – Costa Babe’s quotes;  One Tit / Just Say When – winning the hot-tub first flesh;  Uncle Fester – many many misnomers;  Most Mijas hashers for going on the Malaga Hash;  Jizzical Ferk – going dog training and trying to ignore the Malaga Hash.

On After:         To the Beach; a relaxing mellow sessions gently taking wine and enjoying the views.   Streaky prepared some sushi, pasta, and more wine arrived with the late arrival of Stiff Fanny – most timely.   A friendly masseuse did a roaring trade and the girls and boys all enjoyed a gentle rub and tickle.   This then led to the re-convening of the circle and two namings

Naming:           Colonic came upon the idea that perhaps our two younger hashers ought to be named before they embarked on their world travels.   And given the advantages / consequences of the Hash Masseuse names were given as follows:

Steffie  -           named ‘Stiffy’

Kasper -           named ‘I’ve Got A Stiffy’

On-on Clog-Dancer


Run 1317 July 28th           Photos 1317                 Hare:DogsyRun 1317 July 28th           Photos 1317                 Hare:Dogsy

Another extremely warm day in July, 27 people of various ages and nationalities all with a healthy sense of humor and old shoes, gathered for the weekly run in the Spanish compo. 
After a quick presentation of each HHH runner the two “virgins” had a good chance to remember each and every “Hash name” for every runner for after the run.
The run went fine. A small group of the tough runners chose to take the challenging path over rocks and hills and arrived to the beer-stop with both cuts and bruises.
The only shade provided on the run was from the back of a car at the beer stop and already occupied by three dogs. Of that reason the average score for the run was 7,7 and dorgi-style received several down -downs. First for her shade stilling “bastards” and later for her leaning sitting attempt on a car straticticly placed just next to the circle.  
It is worth to mention that:
 It was Boob Marleyґs run nr. 10, T. Turtleґs nr. 5, Gorbichovґs nr. 285, and Clog Dancers nr. 30.    
As it was the last run for “the horny gay zebra” also known as crap-foot he deserved a cake. A very delicious cake was well put together on the top of his head with all delicious ingredients such delicious cake should have. He did thank for the gesture with this poem: 
A drinking club with a running problem.
The problem is not really the running 
as itґs just a necessary evil in the race to the ON-IN.
Follow the coke and you’ll find a cold one next to the skin,
and if youґre unlucky, something even colder where the sun is not seen.
The problem is mostly running out beer and obscenities for the ear.
With a pack of pleasure hungry hounds showing up every Sunday for a round
of heatstroke madness, sweaty asses and  lukewarm piss to quench the thirst, 
because what could be worse than actually enjoying a down - down? 

A social club with a shouting problem.
Take colonic here, a bad case of tourettess
Making sure every virgin never forgets   
Their first encounter with the club that took their virginity, 
put it on ice and made them think twice about ever again wearing new shoes.
But once you get past the initial soreness in the behind, it’s all a matter of good times   
The weekly dose of self-castigation crude entertainment and utmost elation 
Unless your things get nicked while youґre out getting pissed, 
leaving you with just a kilt and a dime but that’s a story for another time. 

A walking club with a cumming problem.
Whether you come too soon or too late, or missing another run having to wait 
for a ride and ending up sticking your pecker in the nearest bag of flour you can find. 
From Crapfoot it’s over and out, Iґm off getting off in other circles. 
Sticking my toes in new piles of dung and giving the zebra an occasional gangbang just for the fun
The ON – ON went on to the late evenings and rumor has it that the dear Colonic,
succeeded in describing the waitress breast as: “a photo – finish of a zeppelin case. 

Run 1316 July 21st           Photos 1316                 Hares:Knockout  and Mummy's Boy


Ok, so Pol Pot was probably a Hasher as well; he distrusted anyone with an education and put anyone wearing glasses into a concentration camp without any further ado. So there is nothing original about Cambodians meting out punishment to fellow Hashers. However, torture evolves and people learn new tricks, so our very own Kampuchean Hashers had a treat prepared: going up a 90% gradient under 45є C... Eat your heart out Pol!

Joking aside, I know there are many Mad Dogs and a few Englishmen on this run, but it is really time people started to think about “adapting” the runs during the Summer. The sun does its worst as of noon, burning the living daylights out of us pale-faces and the hottest time of day is between 2 and 5 p.m. If you can't set a run outside these hours, then at least make sure your run has some shade along the way. This is strictly for the FWIW-department, of course.

So, the run: Starting from the palatial abode of Mermaid and Two Pies (his name has another 8 or 9 words, but a very efficient Dogsie already changed the website around, so I can't find the complete name anywhere..) it started off well enough – going down. But, as our old friend Newton claimed: “What goes up, must come!” so it came as no surprise that we spent the next hour climbing some local Everest or other with that old copper barsteward relentlessly beating down on us. The only thing that prevented a massacre, was the 10 kilos of oranges waiting for us at the top, which Colonic gratefully devoured. Fortunately there was a second bag hidden in the car, so the rest of us got a few slices too.

Once the pack was revived (i.e. brought back from the dead) it was a relatively short second half of the trail that brought us back to the car-park.

I think this would have been an excellent run somewhere in mid-winter, preferably with a snow-storm and hail incorporated, but funnily enough the run was awarded an 8.999. A masochist club with a running problem we have indeed become.

The circle:

We were feasted on the usual “Colonic Show”, with lots of humorous repartee and truckloads of fine and sophisticated wit. However, out of nowhere, a serious competitor emerged: Mary/Christina/Magdalena or whatever her real name was. A guest staying with Mermaid and Two Pies and therefore contractually obliged to take part in the Hash, actually managed to “out-talk” Clonk without the slightest effort. I immediately offered to stand down as R.A. and let her take over, but my proposal was lost in the stream of consciousness that emanated continuously from between her perpetually parted lips. Pity.

Virgins: We had two lovely young Danish ladies in our midst, Ida and Lina. They had met Crapfoot (yes, him again!) somewhere in Fuengirola and had told him of their plight: they were staying with Ida's 80-year-old grandmother and they were dying for a change of atmosphere. Going somewhere exciting, a place full of young hunks throwing admiring glances at their nubile bodies, a place where it was all “happening”. So, Crapfoot recommended the Hash...

I must admit that even though the average age of attending Hashers resembles that of the aforementioned grandmother, they did get their share of admiring glances. Seaman Staines immediately took them under his wing and made sure they felt loved throughout the Hash. I suspect he thinks that “harass” is really two words...

Milestones: Crapfoot 10 runs (and 12 Danish girls)

                    Seaman Staines 95 runs (and minus 15 girls)

                   Uncle Fester 95 runs

                   Colonic Irritation 250 runs

                   Mummy's Boy 405 runs

Salad days: Sticky Tart spent the whole Saturday making a lovely salad for the beach, while Festa just prepared a Spam Butty drenched in Salad Cream – “all this green stuff can't be good for ya”. Once settled on their towel, right in front of Nikki Beach, Sticky opened the tupper and then proceeded to throw the entire salad on the sand. “Well, at least the crabs got fed” the R.A. commented. “No, they didn't” replied the G.M. “It didn't fall in Festa's lap, did it?”

Car-Category: On the Madrid Hash people get pulled out for getting a new car, as this happens only once in a blue moon (they're mostly English teachers, so no spondulicks to throw around). On this Hash, people change their cars with the regularity of clockwork, as they are all ex-pat tax dodgers, so it usually goes unnoticed. Colonic, however, does deserve a mention as he changes cars more often than his underwear. Or so I thought, until yesterday, when he gave me a lift in his new motah. No sooner had we got in the car, when he decided to offload the most disgusting fart I have ever smelled. Thick wafts of putrified gas filled the car and soon found their way into the exhaust pipe. Two scooters trailing the car instantly veered off into the other lane and were immediately obliterated by a truck, while several pedestrians collapsed onto the pavement. His underwear simply evaporated and he is now looking for yet another car. 

We then sat down for a venerable buffet, accompanied by barrels of wine and plenty of good cheer. It's amazing how easy it is to make people forget how they had been brought to the brink of death just hours earlier; you can do what you want with Hashers, as long as you provide the right amount of grub and plonk afterwards.

On on!

Just in

Run 1315 July 14th           Photos 1315                Hares:Just say When and Mummy's Boy

The Hindley & Brady of hashing, Just say When and Mummy's Boy cooked up some flimsy story to Mermaid this was a gentle stroll in the park. She got lured in like the rest of us.

Most of you made a decision to steer well clear. Stick by the pool, have lunch on the beach, laze around on your yachts and avoid being ambushed by a too long, too hard, too hot hash. Well actually 2 hashes, 'cos that's what it felt like.

The innocent victims on this fateful Sunday went as follows - 

Streaky Seaman Stains Colonic Irrigation Crapfoot A Virgin Mindy Dogsy Up Yer Bum Uncle Fester

Mark (as yet unchristened) and me Shaggy (very happy to see my hash family)

Then the late comers - Knockout, Mermaid & Kanute

Bonny & Clyde, Sundance & Cassidy (call them what you will, twats mostly) were awarded a mark of 9.1 for executing their dastardly deed in the hills, mountains and valleys of Ojen under a ravaging heat. So it was 9 for Gwen and 0.1 for MB.

This was how it started. Usual confusion to find the circle. The promise of 2 beer stops AND a cava stop. Jaysus, 3 stops should have been further warning not to set out on the trail. But no, like blind men in a brothel off we went, all jolly and enthusiastic. Instant confusion on the markings.  Till someone found the trail up out of the village and around the side of the mountain. Cooled by fig trees and and old roman viaduct to the delight of us hashers.  Oscar (hash dog) ran off, being attacked by pitbulls and suchlike. 

More confusion on the trail with "On On!" cries echoing round the valley, nobody knew where they were coming from - up down left or right?  So like inebriated ants we marched in all directions. Streaky and Up yer Bum somewhere below, tiny bright figures in the sunlight heading back for the village after a good 5kms and still no sign of the first beer stop. Dogsy double backed. The rest of us now dazed and bewildered got back to the village to wonder if we'd actually missed all the stops. It seemed not.

The murderous pair were waiting in the shade with tins of Mahou and Cruzcampo behind the very cars that got us to the hash. What?!! 

The virgin hasher who seemed to have more brains than the rest of us, found her own way on flour and was cool in the shade, beer in hand.  Then low and behold, out of nowhere the returners from Cambodia, Knockout Two Pies Neptune and Mermaid made their appearance and then another - Kanooot, came marching up.  

Off we set again, in an upwardly direction (read vertical climb) out the side of the mountain in the glare of the afternoon sun. Mermaid began to think of ways to kill the evil duo for torturing us with yet another 5km and still with no end in sight. At last we got hurled up to the top in the shade of the trees for the 2nd Beer Stop. 

Crisps devoured off we went again, upwards. 

Then finally the descent. I was so delirious I ran it and went straight past the trail to the river and cava stop... instead seeing only another hill to climb. By this time like a hallucinogenic skier going backwards I managed the final climb by zig zagging my way up.

And found no one at the cars. No cava, hashers or beer, so set off again for the village. Another finally. Finally the Hares bundled the knackered, deluded hashers in to cars to drag them the last 500 meters up the steep hill. Ok not ALL of them. Just those that would have otherwise needed paramedics at the top.

Hoorah! for the circle.

With Colonic officiating as GM & RA he appointed a round robin of down downs. So we all had to make up accusations, and extract revenge of each other for the day's misdemeanors, needless to say the Hares got a fair few slurps.

All ended well in a sumptuous menu del dia (the usual shit) for 10 euros and chance to be near my hash family again.

ON ON ! Shagadelic.

Run 1314 - Hare 5-Mil July 7th

Waiting for photos and report.

Run 1312/13 Summer Campout Weekend June 28th-30th Photos 1312/1313 (Waiting)

Run Number 1313  

Summer Camp Out hairy Dog run,

Sunday June 30th 2013

Ok I know it’s a tad late!!!

After having walked five kilometres in the early morning searching for Willy Wankers new toupee Molly, who was later found to have been having a leisurely breakfast of sausages, bacon and eggs  in cabin number 8  we finally packed up our tent and headed for the car park outside of the camp site.

Pretty much everyone made it despite the previous evening’s festivities, and after a brief circle we headed of up the road, it was like groundhog day, as we headed up exactly the same road that we had used the previous day, just not quite so windy, and after a couple of kilometres, I was really starting to think that we were doing the same run backwards. However, as we reached the top of the sand dune, I could see the front runners, heading off into the wind rather than going with it.

Trying to run was futile even for the Iron Men amongst us the wind was so strong so instead we just wandered along the beach for a bit of sand blasting, and exfoliation, the dogs on the other had seemed to have a great time swimming around in the water, oblivious to the wind and sand.

Ten minutes later after crossing the road we reached the beer stop, with welcome cava, a short stop and then off we went again this time heading into the fields and with  lot more shelter had an enjoyable stroll through the cows and bulls and bull shit, nerves were a little rattled upon approach but the cows soon realised that there was nothing to worry about and went back to their feasting.

As we neared the cars I could see that some front running bastards were already back , strange I thought as I thought I was the front running bastard. Hang on I don’t recognise that car parked so close to mine its door was scratching my paint work. What is going on, Keeping calm, I grabbed my car keys from the pot and ran over, took one look and knew they were breaking into our car. I was Just in time. And as they jumped in the car and drove off I did have the foresight to write down the license plate. 8318BZM dark blue Peugeot 608 look out for it. 

Five minutes later, and they would have had the lot, phones, money, passports, credit cards. Mr Mohammed Jolley and Mrs Fatima Drewery ( Moflakey and Fattiffanny). Would have been joining the EU.  Fortunately we still have our identities and only a knackered lock on the car.

The circle was started, even Toxic Bollox turned up, and many down downs where given for misdemeanours over the weekend, I have not got a clue what the mark was but it must have been at least at 8.5 just for getting out of bed and laying it, so well done hares, a special thanks to Sweet and Low for the organising.

Your very late Scribe




Otro Camping de Verano superado.

Otra vez mas se reъnen los Hashers para celebrar el Campamento de Verano con el Logo “Estate Tranquilo y Sigue Acampando” (її??) y esta vez con mas sed de cerveza fresca reciйn salida de latas (para cambiar).  No sй el nъmero pero unos 50 incluyendo a algunos FRB de Rota con algъn que otro “Vaquero”.

La situaciуn inmejorable, El Camping De Punta Paloma, En Tarifa, en una zona semi salvaje imitando la personalidad de todos los que atendieron este evento.

Llegada al Camping, nos reciben con calurosos abrazos y luego para comer caсas de bambъ con una pasta pegajosa que se deberнa de enrollar en la caсa y ponerla al fuego, con Salchichas de bote… y para bajarlas deliciosa cerveza, vinos de tres colores y patatas de bolsa… destaca la crisis econуmica… jajaja

Radio Caca nos ofreciу una ronda de preguntas para destacar nuestro conocimiento local y “Hashuno” en el que los resultados no los escuchamos ni la mitad ya que no habнa premio.

Despuйs de mucho bla bla bla, jajaja y glъ glъ glъ, algunos se retiraron temprano a dormir la mona, los que nos quedamos de pie cerramos el camping en la cabaсa de Stiff le Cock eyed, Mark y Speed Bumps, acompaсados de Toxic Bollocks, Yogui y otros que no recuerdo.  Algunos a porrazos como Sir Flakey que se rompiу los morros buscando a Stif Fanny por todo el camping mientras ella se escondнa en las duchas femeninas lavбndose lo que su nombre representa.

Al dнa siguiente, saliу el sol y la resacaJ.

El desayuno muy nutritivo bacуn con salchichas, champiсones, huevos fritos, aspirina y “aguachirri” de cafй у Tй y a las 4 horas un almuerzo estilo bufet antes de la carrera.  Los Hashers repartidos en diferentes frentes, los de las ZzZzZ, otros con sus amigos caninos y otros remojбndose en la piscina.

La carrera comienza con una sъper noticia en el cнrculo 2 “beer stops” guauuuu, el escenario la montaсa llena de pinchos, para cambiar, y a atravesar arbustos a pelo Ўvalla tela!  Salieron los de rota “follaos” dividiendo el grupo en dos ya que las tortugas cojas de atrбs no les veнan el culo ni por asomo.  El primer Beer Stom surgiу sin ningъn acontecimiento especial a parte de las tonterнas de siempre, nos sirvieron naranjas fresquitas, patatitas (la misma mierda de siempre).  Los FRB salieron sin encontrarse con el culo del grupo.  Corrieron como el viento de un pedo por los pinares y arenales del camino.  El segundo Beer Stop, nos vimos de escбndalo ya que el calor apretaba como sus muertos.  Al salir de el perro de Pussy Galore decidiу atropellar a un todo terreno, en los que todos pensamos que deberнan llevar a los coches con correa… ЎЎЎЎVaya susto!!!! Pobre coche!!!

La tercera parte de la carrera fue “soplada” por el viento de la playa siguiendo la llegada triunfal de los FRBs quienes tuvieron que tomarse las uvas mientras esperaban la llegada del resto del grupo.

El cнrculo fue monumental con Colonic Irrigation Imitando a “Bad-Man” y su asistente Robin “mini-me” quiйn le robу parte del atuendo para satisfacer su lado fetiche.

Los down-downs caнan como moscas, las sentadas en el hielo dejaron el hielo hecho un asco en el que se vio piel y caretos.  Muchos fueron castigados sin compasiуn.  Tres Hashers Radio CaCa, Stiff le Cock eyed y Speed Bumps recibieron unas pulseras con sus nombres otorgadas por Shagadelic ЎЎЎGracias guapa!!!. 

La cena fue servida con un arroz muy rico y con vestimentas de extraterrestres de los 70.  Al final de la noche como siempre terminamos con la caja el flamenco y bailes a lo loco.

Al dнa siguiente se repiten las doble-resacas aspirinas por un tubo y algunos que llegaron al desayuno mientras otros estaban en coma etнlico.

No todos llegaron a la carrera ya que algunos se les quedaron las sabanas pegadas en el culo.  La carrera de la resaca resulto en una procesiуn de la semana santa con paso de trono; en el Beer-Stop nos refrescaron con Cava para la sed.  El fin de semana concluyу en un casi robo del trasto de Stiff Fanny y Flakey en el que dejaron 50€ de limosna por pena.  El cнrculo fue sentado en el que se demostrу la destreza del “sleeve” manejado con la ventolera.  

Los aniversarios fueron los siguientes:

Uncle Fester 90

Fizzycal Ferk 120

Colonic Irrigation 245

Kindergarden Cop 350

ЎSabeis quй!....їno tenйis nada mejor quй hacer? 

Bueno un gran down down, Sleeve y Ice para Golden Cascade que se ha escabullido por la cara de hacer el escrito jejeje… anda andaaaaaa…

Pues a lo dicho y“colorнn, colorado, el fin de semana de acampada se ha acabado”  

Fueron felices y comieron mierdices ….. drink it down down down down….



Run 1311  at the feria ground Fuengirola   Photos 1311

It ainґt half hot mum run

Hares Colonic “in the pith hat “irrigation

Uncle “not in a pith hat “fester

A fine bunch of fresh faced hashers turned out on a fine afternoon to be faced with colonic (don Estell) lookalike in a pith hat, keeping the natives at bay and keeping his head cool for a mixed run of tarmac and campo aided by the unflappable uncle fester.

Three new faces including my hairy son Alex (known to his friends as chewy) from star wars fame. Two finish/Danish Belgium hashers with names that I donґt remember but I do remember they had crapfoot feet things on.

Gorbychof was a front running competitive runner showing off her new Hip, wow did she fly and her boobs bounced along with every step.

Dipper as stand in GM was very vacant and so off the boil he fell foul a few times including not knowing hashers names, real names not withstanding he rightly deserved a few down downs later on.

Not much to report on the run as it was long enough with a nice beer/dog shit cake stop in Los Boliches. Fancy colonic falling foul with the slip of comparing a sticky tart creation with some canine pavement poop, not one to be crossed with that sticky! As RA for the day didnґt miss the chance of punishing our foul mouthed pith hated hare. Along with a few other down downs our piss pourer swiss roll was doing her best to keep the circle rehydrated with lashings of beer.

As an alternative run to Router/ Rotor rat assed away run it worked well and a good time was had by all.

The on on was a local eatery with great food as a warm up for the San Jaun beach party well done boys and a healthy 7.222222222222222222222222 score

On On



Mad dogs and the English men, women and others gathered in the forest behind La Caсada    Shopping centre .

The time was changed to 4pm to help with the heat of the sun unfortunately it was still very hot , but we set off knowing we were in the shade of the trees ,

after two very good checks the path opened  out and guess what  there was no shade .

Stll we battled on knowing the streams and cool water pools were just around the  next corner ,did I say the hares were stiff fanny and wide open ,yes you’ve guessed it ,it was a few more hills, checks and corners before we reached the first beer stop and after a short while we set off again and found a well marked trail leading to another

“Cava stop” and cake. Oh  and  Happy birthday wide open and who was the other person I forget and we passed Simon whats his name s Villa ,oh it must be my age .

Back at the circle our GM brought in the returners and then let the pack loose but allowing us all the chance of being R;A  the circle closed and off to the Argentinian .

Well done girls must have been a high mark but cant remember that either

ON ON    5 mil

Run 1309 HARES: Crapfoot and Sticky Tart.
        PHOTOS 1309

Location: El Faro

Sunday 9th June 2013

I arrived in time to the meeting, although, I couldn`t see any hashes at place, only cars were there, but the laugh from Golden Cascade indicate me, that the circle was a mile above the parking place. I run with desperation toward it, but it was to later, to avoid the duty of write the Run Report.

The Run begins with as many hashes you could see in the photo, Sorry,I donґt remember how many, and some run other walk and other walking and romming , so I did, to the BS, where Stiky Tart was waiting for us with a magnificent Apple cake and Cava for our thirst, UpYer Bump was very happy for the easy track.
The second half was longer and the amount of dogs have had the most enjoyable bath at the Fontana de Trevi under the control of the owners, I was jealous for not having four legs to have a bath without see as a mad woman.
At the Circle directing from our Wide Open start with the punctuation of the Hares 8.35???
The Virgins, a couple of Norway Johny Walker and Sol no remembering the name of 5mil
and Up Yer Bump was changing for harse, or it was ass??????.
Non anniversary to celebrate, but some Birthdays, and some returners was calling to the circle,the owners of dogs, Pussy Galore three dogs, Seaman Staines Oscar, Golden CascadeLucky, Physical Jerk Sonmer, I miss other two dogs.

It was to early for me to go at the ON ON and I dont like China Food.
Anyway Well done Stiky Tart and Crapfoot, Thank you for being so brave.
Your scriber .   
Swiss Roll

Run No. 1308, Sunday 2nd June-  PHOTOS 1308 TBA

At La Cala Feria Ground

Hares – Yogi and Friend from UK

The hares planned a game of rounders on the beach at the beer stop. However the beach turned out to be too crowded and quick re-think was required. As it was, the hash went inland through the now lovely and warm campo.

In marking the run the hare encountered an impenetrable bank of prickly, gorse bushes and therefore retraced his steps to mark a CB. However the flower beyond the CB remained visible and two of the groups finest hashers – Rubber Her Turd and Kindergarden Cop – followed this trail to become completely lost and detached from the rest of the hashers!

We all eventually, and by circuitous routes, ended up at the Beer Stop … and thereafter continued on to the second half.

What marked this hash out and made it different was the game of rounders that then followed. With scant regard for the rules and a significant level of confusion as to how the game should be played … it was all great fun! Poor performances were punished by down downs which kept the piss pourer, Swiss Roll, very busy.

The circle then followed. After the recent AGM, the new GM, Clonic, began. I’ve never known a GM do so many down downs! And some considerable time later he introduced Just In, the new RA For his first (official) stint in the office.

Anniversarios were –Cradle Snatcher 130 Fuck Norris- 55 Sticky Tart -85

Muppet, Vikingo – 5Pussy Galore – 115Seaman Staines – 90Dipstick – 30Stiffany – 275

An excellent On On followed at The Captain’s Table, subsidised by pensioner and birthday boy Yogi.

Your Scribe


Run No. 1307, Sunday 26th May-  PHOTOS 1307


Hares: Rubher Turd & Sperm Aid, aka the walking wounded.

Mark: 7.6

Anniversarios: Mummy's Boy 400, Streaky 275, Lilo Lil 95, Kanut 55, Desire 15

Thirty Three runners gathered on this hot and sunny Sunday at the Torremuelle Picnic Area to be regaled by our new GM, Colonic. After being advised of a few rules

from the new committee - dogs on leads at the start and no dogs in the circle at the end of the run and all Hashers should sign a disclaimer should injuries occur - the

run set off through the park.

It wasn't long before the dogs had their heads in someones picnic hamper and to confront the natives even more Pussy Galore told one confused dog lover that his

dearly beloved mutt should be on a lead whilst her three were roaming freely! Something to do with the interpretation of "under control" apparently. Meanwhile our two

virgins of the day were nowhere to be seen. They had apparently gone back for their fags under the guidance of an experienced, one run hasher and thought that they 

would easily make up the 5 minutes or so. Little did they understand!!

It wasn't long before we hit tarmac, but at least we knew we would have substantial cakes at the beer stop as little flour had been used on the trail. ON and ON and

ever upwards until we were within reach of the Stupa and now the flour had been supplemented with chalk. Red chalk, yellow chalk, blue chalk, green chalk anything

bar visible chalk! Nevertheless and despite certain front runners trying to gain a lead by not admitting they were on trail, we persevered and made it to the beer stop.

No cakes but some biscuity things and the hope of more flour on the in trail.

Straight down the tarmac hill to the beach, up onto the carretera and continue all the way we had driven two hours earlier to the run site.

The circle convened, anniversarios were noted and took their down downs, but where were the Virgins and the new Hasher? Eventually they wandered in, just in time

for the markings! The Virgins declined to stay but Maria, the new Hasher, gave her version of events, not having seen any other Hashers and having eventually made

it to the beer stop only to see the beer wagon drive past them and away - Hash Shit didn't nearly describe how she / they felt. The scibe deducted a mark each for

an unimaginative run (much the same run and mistakes as done previously), too much hot tarmac giving people sore feet, erratic marking and the lack of checks,

particularly on the in trail, but that was just his view and others showed more sympathy to the ailing hares and awarded an overall 7.6.

Comments were made about the amount of dog shit on the run, but the Arch Dikin graphically pointed out by the use of his baseball bat that Golden Cascades,Lucky had laid down enough turd, equivalent to his big bat, to make the rest irrelevant.

The ON ON at the Hares lovely home and immaculate gardens greatly increased the score. Sore feet were bathed in the pool Good wine flowed and the revelry 

went on into the night.

ON ON your scribe, Mummy's Boy


Run 1306 - 19th May -  PHOTOS 1306-missing

Mummy’s Boy - Pension Me Off Run

Benhavis been there done that before run with a twist. The scramble down a cliff on your arse addition, causing minor cuts and bruising to most of the pack. New hashers included my long lost Daughter Helen, last seen hashing in Yorkshire fifteen years ago when she stunned me with a pre austerity pint down down, this she quaffed in less than 6 seconds. Pleased to see my early cot feeding technique’s was not lost on her. Other virgins also appeared from the Rotory club, Helens friend and even a home grown Spanish women. Wow what a turn out for the Rotund veteran hasher from San Pedro. 65 and not ready to hang up his running shoes just yet. A hand out from Austerity hit UK pension fund winging its way to Spain along with the winter fuel allowance to top up his meagre red wine voucher exchange scheme, a new measure from Mr Osbourne to reduce strain on the UK tax payers by converting pension credits into Red Wine for ex pats now unable to claim for a spouse living abroad. Not only does this reduce red tape but it benefits the struggling wine growers in Spain by providing a home market that, in Mummy’s Boys case will keep a Spanish Family in work for the next 20 years in growing, harvesting and bottling the grapes needed to keep this boy going.

He avoided the inevitable punishment in the circle by having the excuse he had to help the chef. His recipe for the beer stop “cake” may have been a yummy boy creation but, as soon as it saw a knife it collapsed into a heap of mangled ingredients that needed firm fingers to re constitute it into anything edible. (Poor sticky tart taking stick for something not her fault) the price you pay for being our resident Tart producer. Not a good omen for we brave enough to risk his major creations back at the ranch.

After a few merry moments in the circle with Wide open and some American folk from back home, Justin now in charge of cleansing our sins, a few beers were handed out to a lot of Danish hashers drafted in from the homeland to gloat at winning some poxy song contest the night before. After we all joined in with the sing along and more beers for Justin, Yogi, Sweet and low and uncle Fester for spending far too much time on Sundays walking around the Campo.

At the close we headed back in convoy for our culinary delights of the san Pedro Bistro in the sky. With lots of helpers and hangers on our Pensioners supper turned out to be a Hash gut busting extravaganza! All 20 plus hashers fed to bursting and still plenty left to feed all the homeless in Andalucнa for the next 40 days and nights wandering in the wilderness. Well done that man! And all who gave a hand in the background.

On On On on ON


A very Bloated Yogi, soon to start the San Pedro 60 day swimsuit diet. A little help from his friends on TRE could help all who consumed more trifle than you could shake a stick at!, a boost from Radio Kaka every morning to get us out there and work it all off is what we all need now.


Run 1305 - 12th May -  PHOTOS 1305



Sunday 12th of May 2013: an auspicious day, Spring had finally returned to the Costa and everyone was looking forward to the post-AGM run with enthusiasm. What could possibly go wrong so late in the year?

Well, the weather, for example. And the hares.

The weather down below was unexceptional, but reasonably sunny and dry. Up at the Refugio, though, it’s thick mist, drizzling and about 6 degrees. To make matters worse, some dickhead arranges for the AGM to be at 2 PM and the run at 3 PM. Consequently, having finalized mismanagement business by 2:20 PM, everyone was waiting around for 40 minutes freezing their butts off. But it wasn't all bad, some of the assembled multitude had umbrellas and wet weather jackets. Smug bastards. Your Scribe, needless to say, had not.

Having waited, pointlessly, sodden and frozen, for no one else to turn up, the pack set off in desultory fashion at 3pm. There were no front runners as such, but when I say that your Scribe was amongst the front walkers, you will have a good idea of the quality of the pack.

Off we went through the mist, the cloud condensing upon us as we walked. Our breaths were heaving in the rarified atmosphere. Golden Cathscades were, anyway.

The route took the front walkers up the road, and after a kilometre or so, we were temporarily bemused by the lack of the rain-sodden flour (though it must be said that it had not thitherto been generously spread). So we carried on undeterred and soon picked up the odd smattering of flour again. This led us onward, ever onward, all the way along the main track to the Marbella viewpoint – sadly we could not see more than 10 m in any direction, but it was a nice thought – followed by a long, long check back to the Beerstop. Imagine our surprise (not to mention delight) when it transpired that the patch of missing flour meant that we had omitted 3 km of the Hares’ carefully laid trail– yippee! The Hares were not desperately amused, however. Wankers. Get a life.

This teeny contretemps notwithstanding, the second half was much more impressive: zigzagging us through some areas which I don't think I've been to before (although, as I’ve said, you could actually see Jack Shit). Exquisite, the beautiful spring flowers were rimed with mountain dew. Some of the flora had clearly been there since the dawn of time and constituted magnificent dinosaur fodder in their day. The misty airs lent a surreal quality to the walk, deadening sound and vision, and heightening the senses of smell and taste (and there rests the case for the Defence, my Lord).

A sinuous undulating path adjoining a babbling brook led us back to the Circle and welcome beer, delicious lemon drizzle cake, nobly provided by Sticky Tart, and a circle grandly presided over by the outgoing RAnus, his Yoginess. The highlight of the circle, for your Scribe, at least, was Streaky impaling herself on upon his person during the proceedings, at which point his concentration began to waver. PS please excuse the shaky typing.

Eventually, all good things come to an end (no Freudian innuendo here please) and so it was with the soggy Circle, whereupon many repaired to a local hostelry, where I'm sure a good time (and probably food poisoning, if your Scribes’ previous visits there are anything to go by) was had by all.

All thanks to the Hares for a Magnificent Effort, awarded a worthy 8/10.


Your Scribe,



Run 1304 - 5th May -  PHOTOS 1304

Some 30 odd hashers attended the “Dutch Orange New King” run on what seemed to me the first day of summer!

It would have been 1 more if I hadn’t forgotten to pick up CRAPFOOT (sorry mate, I feel terrible)

Our Hares, Sweet & Low and Aphrodisiac treated us to a typical flat run in a place that could only be described as BALLBREAKING!

The run started in somewhere near Gibraltar and went UP and UP and UP and UP and UP and UP and UP and UP and down a bit then UP and UP again to the little chapel at the top of Calahonda where everyone thought the beer stop was going to be! But on the run then went DOWN and DOWN and DOWN and DOWN to the beer stop just over the AP7 some hashers actually burst into tears.

There was talk of ICE, punishment, castration, raping and general abuse until we saw the Orange liqueur and a massive orange sponge cake.

We all agreed that this was the best thing so far.

The Run went  DOWN and DOWN and DOWN and DOWN to the cars (That we could see for miles before we got there!) where everyone slowly arrived back swearing and cursing. One person Constantine, got lost and went back to the beer stop but was collected by 2 sweet fornicators and returned to us.

The circle began with a lot of different scores from HS to 9 points but ended up at 7.9!

Some hashers returned from Asia with a chicken farm,  Asian Hash t shirts and Asian clap but swore to Dipstick and Gang Plank that my lips were sealed. (I didn’t tell them I was the scribe J) We were then treated to a visit by Lady Di, Prince William and Margret Thatcher look a likes! What they have to do with the Dutch King run, I have no idea!

Also a game with a Japanese girl and a blindfold took place and she was treated to try and eat cake from a string! Riveting stuff?

Well done Ploughed Mary, Assoil! (Jap for well done)

Lots of Down Downs by his Worthless, Yogi then off to the Chinks for what was very nice food indeed!

Well done you Hollanders peeps!

Ik dacht dat de dag was echt stront, maar ik hou van jullie allebei. Oh, en de taart. Dikke kus.




Run 1303 - 28th April -  PHOTOS 1303

The Pink Run

Ok, I admit, it has taken us 1300 runs to come out of the proverbial closet, butt better late than never, right?

All it took really, was Kindergarden Cop (K.C. for short; Ooh darling, do you remember those hot and sweaty Miami Nights when we used to dance to him and his Sunshine Band.. “Make a little love, get down tonight..” Boy, and did you get down!) to convoke all the suppressed and the frustrated to his “Running through the Flowers Run” for us to show our true nature!

First out was Yogi Bear, dressed entirely in Pink, for the occasion.

Isn't it funny how you don't realize the symbolism of certain Hash names until it hits you in the face! I mean, here we thought we had a completely straight running group, part of the dominant and oppressive hetero establishment and we never put 2 and 2 together... We have a “Bear” as an R.A. (Ready Arse?), “Colonic Irrigation” as a rent-a-clown, “Up your Bum” (never without a sausage, even while traveling on the bus), “Cradle Snatcher”, “Mummy's Boy”, “Just In”, “Markus Skidius”, “Tight Arse” (sorely missed, with the accent on “sorely”), etc., etc. the list is endless.

I can be so thick sometimes, and not only where it matters!

Butt, I am getting a head of myself.. first, there was a run. Prancing through the flowers, thick and heavy clouds hanging over head, we made our way through the fields, all the time trying to quell the visions of young shepherd boys with their flock. “Pastoral” doesn't even cum close to describe to feeling of utmost elation that got hold of my groin...

Butt, where were we? So, we went backwards and forwards, resembling a heavy thrust, throbbing with excitement and trying to get to the place where we would be able to get the much required relief for our needy throats. Once there, we had to witness the only unpleasant incident of the day: A Dutchman fighting with a pack of dogs over a handful of crisps... there is nothing as tight as a Cloggie (oohh, on second thoughts!). Then, it was back to where we came from, which sounds quite simple really, butt believe it or not, half the Hash managed to get there by a different route – I suppose it's representative of our rebellious nature; we do not like to follow the path that society has set out for us.

As it was Brass Monkey's, the circle was kept short, even though the significance of the run did require something a bit longer (oohh!).

As I mentioned, our Bear lead the cumming out Ceremony, encouraging all of us to follow his brave example.

In between, there was some official business, dealt with by our esteemed “Stand In Grand Mattress” Wide Open:

Return Knees: too many to mention, butt there were one or two hunks visibly chuffed to bits about partaking in today's jolly parade.

Milestones: Seaman Staines (oohh..) has cum 85 times, Aphrodisiac (not much of a looker, but he does like it doggy style) 185, Colonic Irrigation (no comment) 240, Swiss Roll 330.

She also mentioned the Rota (Yes, my boys, do take care, it can get torn..) Hash organizing a fabulous and absolutely out-of-sight away weekend for the 21st of June. There will be Marines, need I say more?!

Then it was the turn of the Bear

Christening: Boob Marley. Aileen No Name, will hence be known as “Boob Bamako Timbuktu Marley”, or something like that.

Confessions: He told us all about the Pink Party he went to the night before. As many Hashers show the Donkey Sheet to their kids as soon as it rolls off the press, I will not go into detail here.

Then, we had a brief appearance of the “Stand In By Your Man R.A.”

First, there was the “Just Phone In (to say I love you all)” category:

Some of the Hashers had been on the piss the night before and there were several phone incidents.

Flakey, with a phone resembling a 36 inch screen, with more buttons than a pretty girl's bra, had to make an actual phone-call. So, he borrowed Just In's 1985 Nokia to do so.

Stiff Fanny, who has had an iPhone 7S for the past 18 months, discovered the “off-button” last night.

Colonic Irrigation ( he is a bit of a Show Queen, preferable to a Bear, but not nearly as good as a Twinks), having phoned 7 Roosian boys, asking them to join the party at the “Colonic Bar”, suddenly discovered his phone had died and spontaneously burst out crying when he realized we had decided to move on to a restaurant at 12.00 pm, before the boys got there. He ordered 6 Jaegermeister and a iPhone Charger at the bar of the restaurant, as soon as we got there. The waitress confirmed that they had the Jaegermeister, butt that they couldn't help him with the Charger. “Oh, and by the way, why are you drinking 6 Jaegermeister?” “To celebrate my first blow job!” “Oh, in that case, I will invite you to a 7th!” No, don't worry love”, Colonic replied, “If the six Jaegermeister don't get rid of the taste, nothing will!” He eventually had to go back to the bar, to get his boys to join us. I must say that Roosians have a certain “Ya Nje Snaju Sto”, when I get a chance I will look into them a bit more.

After last week's revelation that Kindergarden Cop is still sticking to his dreadfully passй hetero/macho pursual of the opposite sex ( no offense sisters!), but is using the most dreadful chat-up lines to try and get his rocks off (“Hi, you seem to have put on 10 kilos since I last saw you!”), the assistant R.A. decided to investigate. Over the years, there have been many dainty little girls that came to check out the Hash, were instantly sought out by K.C. and never returned... It took all of the R.A.'s investigative powers to track some of them down – most of them had changed their phone numbers or even moved house - but he managed to speak to some of them. Here is a brief summary of his findings:

Olga No Name, formerly of Fuengirola, now living in Melbourne, Australia, when asked what K.C. had said to her upon arriving to the Hash, declared: “He just sort of sidled up to me and whispered: “Hi, the voices in my head told me to go and talk to you..!”

Susan N.N. , formerly of Mijas, now residing in Kamchatka, said: “he seemed alright at first, but then he said: “I know Klingon and tonight I'm going to Klingon to you!”.

Bertha N.N., formerly of Coin, now declaring her abode to be Anchorage, Alaska said: “ He bought me a Pacharan, which was kinda nice, but then he blurted out: “Screw me if I'm wrong, but you want to kiss me, don't you?”

Finally, Genevieve N.N. ex-resident of Marbella, now a crew member of the Soviet Space Station orbitting the earth, remembered him saying: “You'll do!”.

We then postponed to the restaurateur's establishment – the decoration was sooo last century! - where we feasted on lettuce and pig. K.C. (“get down, get down, get down... tonight!”) invited us all to coffee and Pacharan, which was very generous indeed. A good time was had by all, darlings!

Just Stickit In


Run 1302 - 21st April -  PHOTOS 1302

Hares: Speed Bumps and Up Yer Bum

Mark: 8.3

Navigator - 10 runs

Just In – 60 runs

Streaky – 270 runs

Up Yer Bum – 495 runs

Kindergarten Cop – 340 runs

We arrived in El Faro and could not see any hash signs. Thankfully Golden Cascade arrived nursing a hangover and pointed at the signs chalked onto the road surface. The pack was small but beautifully formed despite comments to the contrary by Kindergarten Cop. The run was well marked. There were a couple of long checks which we grumbled about but they had the effect of keeping the pack together (except for KC) and forcing the check standers to do some work for a change. The weather was glorious, the sun shone and we were cooled by a gentle breeze as we made our way through a beautiful area carpeted with wild flowers in a myriad of colours. A short circle was followed by an On On at Silks. Unfortunately the relatively small number of people attending resulted in a little tension with the disappointed hosts. Thank goodness there are still eateries on the coast which understand that you gradually build a good reputation by providing service with a smile. Well done hares, you did a great job.

On On

Cradle Snatcher

Run 1301 - 14th April -  PHOTOS 1301

Scribe: My name is Maximus Clogiumdi Dancarrillius; husband to a Las Chicas da Paniague GM; father to two horrors of the Guadiaro HHH; loyal servant, RA and GM to the Spa HHH; and I will enjoy my hashing in this life or the next, On-On.

Hares: Sir Just In & Gang Bang. Beatriz Hotel parking area next to the Sohail Castle.

Weather: Sunny and clear skies, a slight breeze to the south a good visibility. Sailing boats could be seen in the Bay and a warm early Summer Sunday was clearly going to be enjoyed by many.

The Run: The hare of the dog run would always be a tricky challenge for some, a bit like the clocks going forward. This was so for the MCCCI run as 13:00hrs, 11:13hrs, run 13:01, and 13th / 14th day of the month were all intertwined into a complex dynamic - more commonly recognised as a late start and missing hashers. The most onerous dichotomy was that of a late dray and no beers (should have been iced!). However once assembled, photo taken, dog poo collected; the merry group set off up the castle hill soon to encounter the trappings and challenges of a Fuengirola Sunday.

A noble group of early front running bastards dodged the Sunday promenade of skate boards, buggies and bikes to find the route over the bridge and along the river bank only to come upon a dog show! Now this is where I may need to assure readers that this is a figurative narrative of the early events of the day, I am aware that the more keen purveyors of English usage such as our friend Colonic may on occasions interpret such a happening as something more to do with the outpouring of cum and certain ladies of the night that are perhaps a little ‘weathered’. ( I will use the reference to such a corruption of understanding as a Colonification later in the write-up ). Anyway, back to the trail. At this stage I was in FRB mode and so hope that the remainder of the pack traversed the 500 dogs without issue – no reports of lost dogs, inappropriate behaviour, gaining of nasty diseases or the like were recorded. Over the weir and the trial was found leading out of the town to the nearby hills – more hills! It was at this stage that the FRB’s and pack began to gain some concern over the wisdom of giving the horn to Lick-Um. Albeit that the gross abuse was duly dealt with in the circle it was no consolation to the hashers within close proximity whose ears were starting to ring as if they were trapped in the towers at Notre Dame. Onward and upward the trail moved into the campo hinterland and the check-point prior to the Beer Stop proved a decisive transition from Urbanisation to Campo.

Although the BS was found in good time at about 35 minutes into the trail and most hashers were able to gain the benefit of Cava, crisps and a recovery moment; there were however a few stragglers bringing up the rear of the pack that failed to achieve the pleasures of the BS due to gross hashing oversight. ( Colonification - as I am sure that four fingers, kit-kat, and a range of other annul challenges might come to mind when bringing up the rear ) The sub-pack of five were led by Sir Flakey and although the horn was always sounding and you could almost see the BS from the previous check-point, the sub-pack took a left and wandered towards the ‘F’ indicating that the trail was false! Undeterred; Sir Flakey was in high spirits and must have seen the ‘F’ as an omen of good fortune. The ‘F’ must perhaps stand for “Flakey’s route, or Favoured route, or even Famous Five route. And so with the confidence of ‘F’ being a special sign from the hashing Gods and ignoring the experience of 1300 previous runs; Sir Flakey and Friends stayed left, missed the BS and were only seen again much later sitting outside a Venta looking like a stabling of railway engines on the Island of Sodor outside their engine shed; one Tank, one Mogul, one Atlantic, one Pacific and a Prairie – I will leave it open to guess who might be whom!

From the BS early checking out by Yogi and Uncle Fester got the pack underway and some good near town campo hills made for an excellent hang-over run. The herbs and flowers had benefitted from the March rains and running through the natural beauty and aroma brought pleasure to all – however this was sadly overshadowed by some ‘picking’ by wayward hash visitors. Eventually the trail led down towards the N340 and a confused ‘split-trail’ was the last challenge for the hashers to overcome. Thereupon the trail moved past the Island of Sodor where ‘Sir Flakey and Friends’ were stabled and taking on “water”; up and over the N340, then onto the beach front and past the hotel for the ON-IN.

The Circle: Technical matters confirmed the trail score at 8.7 ( out of 10 – scores out of 13 were a once only special for the 1300th ); and a trail distance according to Lick-Um of 8.07kM. Swiss Roll on Beers.

RA’s cleansing: Lick-Um was iced for gross horn abuse – good choice. Boo-Boo for arriving at 13:01. Sir Flakey and Friends for passing the ‘F’. 5 Mil for being forgetful (again! ). PJ for bring Radio Ca-Ca back to the hash. All Americans for being American. No Germans present as Hr Shitler had gained visas for them yesterday to go to Brazil.

Games: Hail Geyser, the noted son of the famous Caesar, Colonicus Rectal letmeinyour anus, took pleasure in holding games in honour of the MCCCI Mijas Hash. Challenges were put to many in basic Latin pronunciation, and many were put to the sword. Such was the paucity of competence that much taking of beers, down-downs, and punishments were needed. It was only Gangus Bangus that succeeded in taking the pleasure of ‘four-fingers’ from the mighty Hail Geyser.

Following the introductory games the true challenge of the day was to be staged – the honour of the inter-hash challenge. Now it was at this point I recalled earlier challenges against Mijas as a Guadiaro hasher in the last century - on occasions such as the Saddam Buster Run, when life was simple, men didn’t wear pink, and only pressed wild flowers in private. The games were manly and involved drinking beer, eating whole oranges, whole onions and whole bread rolls. It was only the women that had to lick, suck and show lost virtues. How the Costa has changed. ( and by the way - Guadiaro won ). Anyway to modern times. Team HHH Mijas was represented by Yogi and Boo-Boo; the challengers were Team HHH Aberdeen led by Muff-Diver and supported by [ Lucy – need hash name ]. Although the objective of the game was the same – pop the condom, Hail Geyser had set some traps for the visitors. Team Mijas benefited from the power house of a full Yogi thrust onto a backing Boo-Boo, whilst Team Aberdeen displayed distracting attributes as demonstrated by a black poker-dot fully laden maximum bounce Bravissimo special. Needless to say the double reciprocating motion of a Bravissimo special in harmonic union with Muff-Diver gave much pleasing to the crowd but the game needed to be won! Although the Team Aberdeen’s condom got bigger, and bigger, and bigger; the gentle increase in pressure from the counter acting reciprocating motion ( all the way to the serial number ) did not achieve the ‘pop’ needed to win the game. Meantime the Bears of Mijas started with great difficulty; clearly Boo-Boo was apprehensive of a Yogi in full flight and Yogi just couldn’t find the hole, but Boo-Boo came good and backed onto a full Yogi thrust that sent the rubber into shreds across the park. Mijas were the winners. Bravissimo oscillations ceased 5 minutes later.

Naming: Yesterday’s virgin ‘PJ’ was taken under the guidance of Hail Geyser and through the delegated authorities given unto him from the RA, PJ was named as “BJ-by-a-DJ”.

On After: An excellent meal at La Luna with birthday cake, singing and entertainment by Ken and Barbie. Tits were begat and the boys were duly pleased.

Maximus Clogiumdi Dancarrillius; 15th April 2013.

Run 1300 - 13th April -  PHOTOS 1300

Friday night  - 12th April -  PHOTOS Friday

Run 1299 - 6th April -  PHOTOS 1299

Hare – Pussy & Fizzical

Scribe for Run 1299 @ Torremolinos

Hares Pussy Galore with three Dogs and Jizical ferk with one Dog

Now known as “The Four Dogs Run”

A familiar area well used by the locals for entertaining and trying to make the most noise, our fourteen strong gaggle of hashers blending quietly into the surroundings as we meandered our way along the trail, followed and often led by a sweeper looking very like Pussy galore. A ploy used to get maximum exercise for the aforementioned Four Dogs.

A fine outing to stretch ones legs and breathe in the fresh air of Torremolinos and the N340 which was never far away, a long tunnel and concrete steps led us down to a welcoming beer stop. At this point my back was killing me and I needed to sit down. This I did with a Sin beer and a bag of yummy crisps that had only a few broken bits left in the bottom of the bag. That was my sin! And why I am the Scribe. Thank you Colonic it’s just what I needed to be doing after a long day hacking through Dipsticks lawn up here in the Monastery, I have green hands and feet and I have no recollection of facts and figures regarding the run.

Hang on I will ring up sweet and low she normally has a handle on things, drinking only 5 star Coke she keeps a clear head! HEAD who said Head? “And it was good” said in a smooth contented tone as the song goes, and so eloquently sung by Justin are stand in hash choirmaster whenever he hears those four letters. H. E. A. D. I’m sure there is a new song in there somewhere, hidden in a garden shed with a one eyed snake looking out of the window, or something like that.

I wouldn’t know up here with the Cats, Dogs and Chickens in the Campo, but the phone works and sweet and low as predicted knew the score 8.7. And she confessed to forgetting the anniversary arse oil list at the run and suffered another slug of 5 Star coke for her forgetfulness.

The Run memories are flooding back and the sight of Gangbang and Ruskie Pushkie staggering in to the circle all late coming and debt ridden brightened up our day. Shitonya shitonya shitonya comes to mind! Oh what a gay day, a fun circle followed with myself keeping cool as Ahbdula Mustaffa Mooney, scaring Steaky with the treat of a moon if she got out of hand! Hand who said Hand?

We all had a down down for being good or foolish, nothing bad and nothing sinful, no ice and no arm, that’s not a bad thing some times and even the Four Dogs had a good day.

A great On On in a local restaurant kept open just for us. More food, more Wine and only a short hop skip and a jump back to the Monastery.

A great pre lube

Roll on the 1300th run weekend.

Fuengirola look out !

The Rev George Mooney has spoken.

Here ends todays lesson.

Your sleepy


Run 1298 - 31st March -  PHOTOS 1298

Hare – Yogi

Run 1297 - 24th March -  PHOTOS 1297

Hares – Upyerbum, Swiss Roll and Crapfoot

Run 1296 - 17th March -  PHOTOS 1296


Run 1295 - 10th March -  PHOTOS 1295

Hares – Sweet and Low and Arlene

Location – English International College (Marbella)

A day with heavy rain alternating with sunshine, had the hares laying the Run in the most atrocious conditions during the morning.

It was mud, mud, and then water. Not surprisingly, there was frequently little to be seen of the flour. Though after all the rain, the flowers were at their most beautiful!

The Run was ingeniously laid and of a length. At one point in heavy rain there was the most beautiful rainbow.

After the beer stop confusion reigned as Rap Foot, our new hasher from Denmark thought a check marking was an F … “because that’s how they are back home.” …So a Danish F is an X!

This perhaps accounted for the reason why Kindergarden missed an F (and had the hash lost for 20 minutes) because what appeared to him as simply a blob of flour – was in fact a Dutch F … and therefore not understandable to an Englishman!

Thereafter in the circle, the run was awarded a good 8.9.

Anniversarios were … Yogi - 125 and Gang bang - 225

The circle was graced with 2 RA’s, since Yogi the official RA arrived a little late, Colonic in his absence got started early with the snitches.

 After standing in dog shit at the beer Stop our Danish import Rapfoot was re-named, most appropriately, Crap Foot.

The On-On was at nearby Mozaic restaurant. A quality place with some really good wine … all for 15 euros.




Run 1294 - 3rd March -  PHOTOS 1294


8.6 for Gangbang and Pert Arse Can’t Cook’s stand in.

Run Site – Refugio de Juanar on the Ojen Road

Having not hashed or written a report for a while I had to scribble some notes on the day or else I’d forget everything that happened from getting out of bed to knowing when I should catch the plane back.

Yes, it’s took a week of searching (make that 10 days) and I still can’t find my notes, so here goes… there was a hash., It was good. There was flour and beer and we laughed.

Ok, let me regress…nope, still can’t remember , Christ Daffa could have given you a better description

“right you bunch of degenerate, welsh wasting, beer swillin, leek missing numpties, next time I wanna see more Daffadils, more flags, more dragons, more tits, more asses, more down downs for all you that forgot St David’s Day is my day and I’m watching you!’

I’m up in the bar with Mis Management of the Great Hash in the Sky. Veueve Clitot is here, wrecked, the wine flows endlessly and the beer cold & plentiful, Sir Roy is with the old boys, looking at my plans for sweeping changes and more technology round here ;-)

Looking down i see my mucker’s Stiffany and Jolley and Clonk, Yogi Bear, Just say Gwen, Kinder, Streaky, Sweet n Low and a good to see some new faces, using the word new loosely.

Watching the circle called, Gangbang and the Russian, set out the gist of what hashing is to a couple of visitors and my old mate Kieranne.

So you set off, scattered in all directions till Gangbang pointed out the flour to the woods. From there you were chasing checks, checking, checking back and generally having a great time, no mountain climbing or reveens but plenty to keep you together for a stroll and a beer and some good views under the clouds (yeah the ones we looked down from). The front runners doing the work for you and finding the beer stop less than a handful of kms in to the park. Off you set, from where I sat, in a vertical line back to the the circle in minutes.

Yogi, or Pope BendiDic or was it Cardinal Sin either way, he got Kierrane Sexual Health nurse of the hash christened StifflaCockeye, after weighing up how many warts uncle fester has on his todger. Good work SLC – think I’d have christened you StifflaTodger, STD for short.

Ahhh Shaggy, you took plenty of down downs and about time too. Get some more down yer girl.

Gangbang pointed you all to the ON ON and I note the wine was good, the food above par and you all had a great time.

Same time next year then, I’m off to watch Fender and his band now. Veuve? Yep mine’s a pint darling.”

Daffadildo for Shaggy

Run 1293 - 24th February -       PHOTOS 1293

Hares: Dogsy & Mary Hinge

Dogsyś Birthday Run-Elveria-24th February. scored 8.8

Stiff Fanny opened proceedings with a masterful (should that be mistressful for the PC brigade?) observation that,I, the scribe was wearing New Shoes.Well spotted but then it was you that had me in last week for being Soleless.

With virgins Toni and Jordan introduced we set off ,at a brisk pace into the barren,fire raised,campo along trails that could have been easily traversed by a mountain bike.What a surprise Dogsy.
Nevertheless an interesting mix of too much tarmac and some genuine going (apologies to last weeks scribe)
 All in all Dogsy managed to set a hash record for setting the complete trail on less than one bag of floor.

At the Beer Stop Mary hinge had set out her table to seduce us poor hashers into giving Dogsy more points than he deserved,with Man(!)cake (possibly contaminated with woman?) Served with Crystal Champagne at 80€ a bottle(or was it Cava at 80c?)-Note to Hash cash-check the receipts.

Nipper was heard to remark at the Beer Stop no more jumpingЁand took a lift to the finish.HMV looked disconsolate; a double whammy as he had crushed his horn cresting the rise to the BS-very painful.

Strolling into the finish Streaky and Gangbang were observed sneaking off for a pee.Why is it women always go in pairs?
I think I have finally realised why-when you are squatting down,holding your knees ,you need some help to pull your knickers to one side----It was like an Archimedes moment-Лuretha!

Yogi then took the circle with the usual innane comments,however ,like him ,I was struck by the thought of two Jordans.
Indeed a pair of Jordans-which brought back fond(le) memories,or was it mammories,of nestling down between two silicone pillows--дlthough I still  prefer the real thing.

The circle degenerated,as usual,into finding a name for Jordan jr. and after the usual inuendo settled on Harvey Smallpair (Harvey?)
Meanwhile Semen Stains dog had an Oscar performance on both of Dippers legs,to such good effect that he will never need cortizone  injections in either knee.

Blues owner was also summoned to the circle for teaching the dog to grag food from the hashers ,rather than feeding it.

Nipper awarded Five Mille custody ot The Spanish StickЁ resplendant in its orange condom.

Wл then departed to the Captains Cabin for a joyful ON ON graciously subsidised by Dogsy,nice one Birthday Boy.

ON ON Sir Sparky.

Run 1292 - 17th February -       PHOTOS 1292

Hares: Colonic & Uncle Fester

Combining the EU Processed meat and Findus Handicap steaks

Location-Twiskypies racetrack Torrablanca.

Description-another stand in short notice run in familiar terrain.

Conditions- Dry firm to hard with no fences or water jumps

Runners- Pre retirement (out to lasagne) handicap for over three year olds.

Race stewards

Colonic Irritation. An executive member of the Jockey club of Russia, known to have jumped the high ones in his day and been for the high jump on a number of occasions. Now languishing in southern Spain for tax avoidance purposes, his experience in all things equestrian is limited to dressing up as Lester Pigot and a liking for the riding crop, administered liberally before breakfast while chewing on bucket full of oats.

Uncle Festering on the other hand is the world-renowned senior Tie-qwan-do trainer for strays at the local cat rescue centre. Any claim to being or ever having any knowledge of anything horsy must be taken as pure balderdash. He has never sat on a horse or ever watched an episode of Bonanza.

Mr Ed is nothing to him nor is the Lone Ranger, unquestionably the best qualifications to adjudicate in any dispute following any mishaps during the course of the run set by themselves.  

The Runners and betting

 Big Mack 3-1. Firm favourite after winning at Ayr on home turf last week, on fine form after illness and a great comeback at Blanco Blanco when he came 2nd to “don’t say Gwen”, a young filly now trained under the “mummy’s Boy” stables in San Pedro. She is a little temperamental but one to watch over the coming season.  Big Mack is a legend, not withstanding the recent dope test that proved without drought he drinks like a fish and is hung, well like a horse!

Justin 5-1 (withdrawn) Was the house wives choice after a firm showing here last year, will be performing at Javea over the weekend, one who leads from the front but has a tendency to go off the rails when given his Head! who said head?

Stiffany 5-2 Another filly with a mixed background and a number of trainers before coming good under the Jolly stables, won a number of outings last year and is well known to perform well on hard ground, could come unstuck this time out.

Sir Flakey 7-2 Potentially a top three place for this champ of the Asian circuits, back on familiar turf after a season of night meetings resulting in a record purse for his trainer and stable mate Stiffany. Not disturbed by the crowd, if he finds a space he has the capacity to open his legs and show his class. 

Masterbates 9-1 Returning here after weak results in the northern circuit, he continues to show promise as a Thor-a-bread (it’s a Scandinavian joke) and is well known for pulling one out of the bag when least expected. He can never be underestimated.

Elena 100-1 Showing promise but unproven over this distance, in the same stable as “Masterbates” so anything is possible, looks like a future punt after more outings. Could be an outside bet if you read the signs, definitely one to shadow.  

Dogs Bollocks 10-1 Not his preferred ground but has experience, the many courses in his career have never fazed this fiery fighter, has legs that will run to the end and is no stranger at coming from behind.  

Gangbang 10-1 A little tuff going this time may cause her problems, not so lucky last time out as the weather was not in her favour, showed promise as a yearling but has never shown her true form. Still a little hampered in the stables but has potential to perform well at any outing. 

UYB 12-1 A strong contender and mixed feelings for this cross breed, has done well here before, but now showing signs of wear. She may find the going hard and has been known to pull up short in the past, does well on her home ground, this one could be a jump too far.

Glogdancer 12-1 A flying visit from this heavyweight who is no slouch when it comes to the rough, looking a little slow amongst the competition here. He is international and can mix with the best but has no recent form. A surprise result here last year so no ruling him out this time.

Gardner 13-1. Wayward and uncontrollable, good when pointed in the right direction. Trained in the north of England so will find conditions here suitable. Her temperamental nature could be a winner. Showed plenty of promise at Ojen a few years ago.

HMV 15-1. Another visitor on familiar ground has performed well in the past on all types of course and venues. Not expected to win here today but will put on a great show. Worth an each way bet.

Nipper 20-1. Handicapped and running best with blinkers, this will be no picnic here at Torrablanca. Needs controlling in the starting gate but runs well in a straight line, the firm going could unsettle her ride but works well under the whip.

Sir Sparky 12-1.  Always up with the front and never one to give in, a winner over many courses and looking good this time out. Can show a clean pair of heels when shod correctly, a handicap that may slow him at the fences this time out. My choice of the outsiders.

5 Mil 14-1.  A rare showing for this northern stallion. Keeps his form by running away from the new “findus if you can ” training regime. Not one for the pot yet, has lots left in his legs, and forelocks. This grey stud is one for the fillies, not fillings for Findus.

Sweet & Low 9-1.  Recovery from time out last year has led to some surprising results, always in the money and one to check on at meetings, a leader but often slow from the start. Has hidden talents that may show this time when called to perform. If past form is anything to go by, look out for the smoke when she gets into the right gear.

Arlene 20-1 Breaking in a saddle has its disappointments, a successful career abroad has proved a challenge for her first season, no stranger to biting the bit, being from the same trainer as Sweet & Low, so potential for a finish is high with this proven track record.  Reigning in this experience could prove to be a winner.

Aphrodisiack 15-1. A little under the weather today after a disappointing show at La Cala last week. Could be a contender when taking previous positions into consideration. Won by a neck at Mijas a few weeks ago, May have to concede and rest for another day. A true professional, not one to forget.

Cradle snacher 18-1. Also hampered after a stewards enquiry at la Cala last week, unable to do her best on this outing, but well known for producing strong results in harsh conditions. Best in her class and could come up trumps at any time.

Marcus Skid 7-2. From an established Irish stable, this able contender made a creamy head start to the season, by riding the Guinness 5000 guinea novice hurdles in Dublin, and winning by a long nose. His move to the continent has been less than successful with only a handful of outings under his belt, non-of that has put him in the top three. A near miss at a Funengirola night meeting caused his trainer to do a rethink and a return to Irish shores rather than a winter season on the Asian circuits could be his next move. Don’t rule him out for next year.

Sticky Tart 15-1.  Performs well under hot conditions and can mix it with the best on the coast. Has a tendency to stick with the bunch, but can come up with pleasing results. Piped at the post a few times last season but can make the most of the prevailing conditions and rise to any occasion. Not a slim chance of a top position but will give a feel good factor to every race.

Yogi Bear 25-1. Long in the leg and even longer in the tooth, this abused animal should have been made into burgers years ago. Better limping than galloping, still with an outside chance of shocking the field with his nimble gate and athletic prowess, if the going is rough he has been known to slide through the field as others fall, not for the fainthearted but a winner when you least expect.

The race went as predicted and we all had another great day.

I got to dress as a tart and take the piss out of you all.

The stewards got a vote of 7.9

The post race venue was roast dinner or Fish & Chips all for $10

How can anybody say Hashing is boring and no fun.

Your all winners

On On

Yogi    your Scribe and feeling cheeky RA


Mijas Hash House Halliels
Lun 1291 - Feb 10th - Chinese New Yeal Lun  - Photos(waiting for them)

Hales: Nek Tai (Stiff Fanny) & Kum Dlip (Seaman Staines)

Ah so.. it was the Annuar Lun to cereblate the Chinese New Yeal; the Yeal of the Snake!
Accolding to our Lerigious Advisol, Wun Fat Gai (Yogi Beal), the Chinese Calendel does not collespond to the Blitish One. In Blitain, they ale not doing the yeal of the Snake, they ale cereblating the Yeal of the Holse!
Aftel digging up the man who was famous fol shouting “My kingdom fol a holse!”, it tulns out that his elstwhire kingdom is suffeling a selious sulprus of equines! Ah.. so much so that they have stalted to think of new uses fol them : Lasagna with rots of cheese to Mascalpone, Firry con Calne, etc. Even the veggie bulgels now have Uniquoln in them... Supelmalkets ale competing: Tesco HolseBulgels, My Ridr Pony (arso avairabre in Chinese Bazals undel the imitation bland name “Tai Ni Po Ni”). Foltunatery, anyone who has been eating holsemeat is in a stabre condition..

Anyway, the lun: we gatheled neal a gorf coulse in Ra Cara, a bit wealy to take palt in a lun set by a combination of a hale that rikes assaurt coulses (Nek Tai) and one that has not yet discoveled the pulpose of a check-point (Kum Dlip). The stalt was not plomising.. against arr odds, thele was a check-point light at the beginning and the pack got tholoughry confused. A seemingry herpfur Cum Dlip sent the puzzred flont-lunnels up a steep hirr, whele they found they had been misread, sorry misred, ah whatever.. think I wirr use the Googre Chinese-Engrish Tlanrator flom hele on, arthough it is not faurtress, of coulse...

Coming back down, we (Youls Tluly being a flont lunnel, of coulse) followed the pack again, only to find they wele going up the same hill some fifty metles fulthel. Thank you Cum Dlip!
Aftel that, thele wele some mole hills (no, not mole hills, but mole hills... effing Googre; I give up!) and then a livel. A livel that seemed to go on folevel and evel until we finally leached the beel stop (dlinking Chailman Mahoe beel only, of coulse!) , with a little help and guidance from Blue, the wondel dog*.

Thele was anothel stop, just a bit further, to indulge in some Chinese Cava and Foltune Cookies. Stlange Foltune Cookies I must say.. mine said “You will make it with pelsevelance!” The type of thing I tell my fliends when they ale stluggling in hospital, not over some Chinese Lice Wine at the end of a big Chow Mein..

After some 10 kms, we letulned to the cal palk and had the Cilcle, led by Gei Ping Sum Ting (Wide Open). There was much talk of a “Singles Night”, where many Hashels gatheled to find a bettel half. Imagine a line-up of Ai No Pai (Gangprank), Wun Fat Gai, Kum Dlip and other assolted liquorice all in search of a bit of fun. Some of them wore green necklaces (Vanilla), others Red (Strictly Catcher), Blue (Pitcher, butt ok, if you insist..), Purple (S&M) or whatever other colour of the pelvelted lainbow you can think of. It all sounded vely exciting at filst, but when we plobed a bit deepel, the only thing they did that night was to see who could best imitate a chicken! Bit of a cock-up, if you ask me.

Talking of Vanilla, there was something going on between Mao Mao Mao (Pussy Galore) and Bo Dee Lee Wan King (Physical Jerk). Apparently, Bo Dee Lee had hooked up with Kum Dlip's girlfriend from the weekend before. She was still disappointed at the fact that Kum Dlip had fallen asleep on the job and she was loaling to go! All this took place in the flat next door to one of Mao Mao Mao's clients and the smell of Vanilla pelmeated the whole neighboulhood. Ah.. so much so that Maoі was overwhelmed by it while sneaking out at dawn and.. or something like that – next time I'll take a note pad, plomise!
Thele was nearly a Lin Chin too! Nek Tai had oldeled a meeting for the 1300 Lun and then buggeled off to Balcerona, reaving Hu Flung Dung? (Coronic Illigation) to solt things out.

Letuln Knees: Aftel 3 yeals, we saw the rong-awaited letuln of Han Don Dong (Master Bates). Wun Fat Gai was heard reminiscing about the times he and Han Don Dong had spent naked in the sauna up in Sweden, but I had lost the will to live at that stage. I am sure it had been wonderful.

To sum up: a gleat lun, with lots of goodies, Cava and cold Chairman Mahoe beer. We all enjoyed it and now looking folwald to Javea next weekend!

* Of coulse, Blue was not the only “wonder dog” on that Hash, there were some 38 others, all of them equally wonderful; I wouldn't want to upset any dog-owners. Come to think of it, why don't we celebrate the Korean New Year next time, followed by a traditional Korean meal?

On on!

Just In

p.s. I tried to translate my name on Googre, but as it's short for “OMG, I can't take all of that!” “But I'm only Just In” my computer crashed...

Run 1290 - 3rd February -       PHOTOS 1290

Hares: Aphrodisiac and Just say when

Run 1289 - 27th January -       PHOTOS 1289

Hares: Uncle Fester & Seaman Stains

Run 1288 - 20th January -      See below report for photos

Hares: Colonic & Just in

Stand in hares and hash heroes Colonic Irrigation and Just In chose your scribe’s backyard as the venue for this week’s run. The Costa del Sol had been battered by storms the previous 48 hours but our heroes braved the elements and no doubt fortified by brandy laced hot chocolate they set a very decent trail of 5.33km approximately (though there is not a lot of approximation in two decimal places) The Mismanagement Committee were notable by their absence so by popular demands Big Mac was voted in as temporary on probation GM. In a generous gesture designed to win friends Big Mac volunteered as scribe also. The circle having been formed the GM dealt with the virgins of which there was one - Kenny, a young slip of a lad, definitely East European in appearance, but able to speak English almost without an accent. The hares explained the run with the usual excuses the weather, early start after late night, and standing in for a disgraced 5 mil. Then, a mere 15 minutes late we set off.

Several runners admired and pointed out the landmark feature of the water tower disguised as a castle atop the hill never suspecting that the trail would lead us there. And of course just like the Grand Old Duke of York the pack was marched up and again down. Kenny and Alex, a second time hasher after a long gap, and with whom he came, were taking the running part all too seriously and showing off. Just Say When, as usual set a blistering pace with Big Mac, now recovered from pneumonia and several kilos lighter, in pursuit. Kindergarden Cop, fresh from a visit to the Nursery was also and FRB as was Marcus Skiddius. Some cunning checks confused and scattered the front runners and allowed the pack to catch up. However a handy gap opened up and the beer stop was in sight. Suitably refreshed the runners took the high road while the walkers ambled along the low road, but almost got there before! In a sign of a well laid run both walkers and runners finished within minutes of each other.

After some mingling Big Mac then convened the circle. Returners were welcomed back and chastised for their absence. Anniversarios abounded. Marcus Skiddius had clocked 25 and got his badge; Sticky Tart reached 70, and there were two more sad bastards in the hundreds. The virgin was severely reprimanded for running with competitive intent and finally Uncle Fester’s new shoes were baptised. He had aggressively refused to mark this tradition the previous week and was suitably contrite. The run was generally appreciated with marks ranging from hash shit form hash shit through average 5 from Tight Arse and high 9s from a few misguided hashers. Mummy’s Boy, swift as ever with the math (nearly as good as Radio Kaka’s date on a quiz show on the telly the previous night), assigned the average mark of 8.1 while the rest of the pack stood back in amazement as his skill (has anyone actually checked his result?)

Yogi then took over the circle as RA and meted out a bunch of punishments to all and sundry. This would have been a good time for a scribe to have made notes rather than relying on failing memory. Whist there were misdemeanours both on and off run there had been nothing especially noteworthy or jokeworthy. Yogi had donned some strange footwear, rather clownish and which caused him to walk as if on hot coals, and he also sported had a kiss me quick hat or some American equivalent ostensibly to commemorate some global events this week. Several of us did not realise he was in fancy dress such is his normal dress sense.

The GM again took control and next week’s hares gave scant details of the start point near the Venta on the Marbella-Ojen road near the turn off to El Refugio. Time 1500hrs. Scottish Theme (Rabbie Burns) courtesy of Semen Staines and Uncle Fester. The gourmet society then retreated to La Boma to partake of the On On.

Big Mac

Run 1287 - 13th January -       PHOTOS 1287

Hares: Pussy & Marcus


Run 1286 - 6th January           PHOTOS 1286

Hares: Stiffy & Flakey

 Memorial Run for Veuve Clito  Daffadildo  Fender Bender Limp Toed Sloth Trigger    Sir Roy Rogers  Lanka Wanka

ON: 6th Jan @ Cerrado del Aguila

MARK: 9.105, just so there is no argument!

ANNIVERSARIOS: Dogs Bollox 640, Mummy’s Boy 385, Golden Cascade 290, Stiff Fanny 260, Colonic Irrigation 225

Twenty Two Hashers congregated at the Fuengirola Crematorium, on this glorious sunny afternoon in January for the first run of the year – the Traditional memorial run for fallen Hashers.

The ArchDickin, Colonic Irrigation, led a very fitting Remembrance Service for our late departed Brothers and Sisters ending with a single rendition of the Hash Hymn.

Solemnly the cortege of Hash vehicles left the Crematorium at funereal pace to re assemble at the run site, just beneath the large Cerrado del Aguila sign.

Uplifted the Hash got into full swing. Look alikes were nominated to stand in for and wear photo’s on their chests of the late departed, in order these were – Streaky, Tight Arse, Jizzical Furk, Aphrodisiac, Up Ya Bum, Karma Chameleon and Yogi Bare.

Their being no virgins or visitors the Hares gave basic instructions and after photo’s of the departed and of the Hash, we were off.

Familiar, but none the less rewarding territory, out by El Chapparal, via a water hole, otherwise described as a Swim Stop on narrow twisty, sometimes prickly paths. Well marked and numerous falsies and on towards La Cala for the Cava Stop. Pink Cava and special Three Kings creamy cake with presents inside, definitely worth an extra point, which wasn’t missed by the Hares, after all Spain is a land of bribery. Cake all gone and getting ready to go and we realize Lanka Wanka is missing, hoot the horn, cry ON ON loudly and finally Yogi comes into site, no cake for the bear but a mincemeat pie or two are found.

Off we go again, straight into a check. Nobody is duped, we can all see the Cerrado del Aguila sign and know the way back is up the hill and then follow the ridges to the run site. A short second “half” with no diversions and we are back.

The Circle is called, returners are flagellated, the five Anniversarios exalted – must be something of a record, five Hashers with 1800 runs between them! The Hares are suitably praised and awarded 9.1, the highest mark of the year so far  (also the lowest!) and setting a high benchmark for the year to come. Another record is broken, this time for meanness, two of our Harriets not only went for a 3 euro menu del dia -3 courses, bread and a drink! – but they shared it and by all accounts didn’t even leave a tip.The antics of Up Ya Bum are legendary, but have you hit hard times Streaky? I am sure some of our male Hashers will gladly help you out! By the way for the rest of you cheapskates it’s called Bar Nuevo in Fuengirola and they have threatened an ON ON there! Finally Yogi, our RA, orders a large round of beers, for all Hashers who did not join in the New Years Day swim. That was everybody bar himself and Marcus Skidius, silly arses, there again the Hash is daft enough to adopt the idea as an annual Tradition?

Circle closed, we headed in convoy to the Captains Cabin where roast dinner awaited at a more normal 11.50 euro’s including the usual half a bottle and as if that wasn’t enough the Pacharan flowed and flowed and….Do I owe anybody?

ON ON your scribe, MUMMY’S BOY