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RUN REPORTS 2014(See Hash History Page for Years 2013 and previous years)

Run Number 1184 - Sunday 6th Feb - Chinese New Year

Hare: Stiffanny & Flakey


Run Number 1183 - Sunday 30thJan- Elviria Hash Wedding

Hare: Dipper & Gobbi

To compensate for my lateness for the run start I will be early with my Hash Trash submission.

The reason I was late was of course entirely the fault of the hares, Dipper and Gobbichov.  I will admit that I was a little tight for time thanks to the exhaust pipe on my car falling off. However,  trying to read several chapters of directions – one-sided ones at that for pitched at geriatric runners approaching from Fuengirola, while avoiding an accident proved too much for me  and having tried every exit off the Elvira interchange I was about to give up when I spotted a secret passageway which eventually led me to the run start.

Although a mere 25 minutes late I was shocked to find that the pack had left. In fact there was no one to be seen nor any sign of the trail start.  I could here the hash horn blowing in the distance so I set off as the crow flies toward it. I stumbled across Physical Jerk front running as usual.  The trail was exceptionally scenic and the weather crisp. The hares had composed a fabulous trail with zig zagged the densely forested countryside with multi choice marked routes from the checks.  This caused some consternation for the back markers, particularly where the FRBs had failed to rub out the false trails. The beer stop was nicely situated and brandy and nibbles were on offer in addition to the usual fare.  I was greeted with some surprise.  At some point the hares twigged that a few hashers were missing in action and a frantic phone call failed to locate them.  Just as we were about to summon the emergency services Yogi and his troupe appeared on the horizon.

The second half was equally delightful with conventional checks. The finale was a foot wetting river crossing which caused some grumbling.  The circle was duly convened, returners feted, anniverarios pilloried and the triumph of the hares acknowledged with a score of 8.5 with a standard deviation of 8.4.

The RA then took centre stage and picked on a few hapless hashers whose only sin had been to talk freely.  Sceptic was awarded the sleeve for failing to deliver a Hash Trash, a crime he vehemently denied to no avail. He improvised with a more flexible sleeve but was thwarted by Tweetskie Pie’s use of an umbrella, an old Russian trick he learned in the KGB.

It was time for a naming. Rusty twat (?)’s husband who allegedly works in Russia showed up with a piece of wood that he had found which bore a remarkable resemblance to a female lower torso (some imagination required!). Colonic reeled of his suggestions – which failed to fire the imagination of the circle. Rumpy stumpy was a close runner up to Wooden twat. The hash name also inspired a rendition of Wooden Heart by none other than Elvis – the original one that is.

Finally, a hash wedding to celebrate. The RA is of course empowered to conduct such events. The happy ? couple (only tying the knot for tax/visa reasons I heard) were none other than our two hares.  It must have been love during the trail laying.  The ceremony was duly conducted and the traditional rice showered upon Mr & Mrs Dipper.  The circle then disintegrated.


Run Number 1182 - Sunday 23rd Jan- Guaro Birthday Run

Hare: Daffadildo 

It all started at 10 am With me sat in the four wheel drive and Willy Wanka trying to jump me. I mean trying to jump start the truck

the Hares Willy w and Dafadildo thought it would be a good idea to have a four wheeler for the wet hills. and were they ever wet!

Got car started and off WW went to Guaro to help Daffy,

Five hours later the pack shuffled together to the start of what must have been the wettest hash ever in the foot hills of Guaro.

The promise of three beer stops filled us with hope.

22 hashers set off around the streets filled with dog shit and flour, it was everywhere , not a nice mix, then on to a bit of shiggy , into a very slippery tunnel and on up to the first stop, with vodka jellies, we also found out that a very well hidden bottle of cava was at the beginning of the tunnel. so well hidden we all missed it !!  

A well blobbed trail led us on to the next stop of beer ,crips  and cake. by then we were all soaked to the skin, despite an assortment of wetsuits and brollies!!

On up into the clouds through thickets and mud and more rain to find the old truck waiting again not daring to switch the engine off the hares were waiting with Cava and chocolate.but some of us saw the cars and the promise of Gangplanks warm glue wine had us scrabbling down to the finish.

We couldnt' resist the pull of the fire, which Gang Plank made as if by magic in the rain, he must have been a boy scout in his past life ,and as we assembled around in our steaming wet gear the cold was forgotten and the circle began. A score of about 8 was awarded

The usual stuff ,anniversarios ,,virgins consisting of Tightarse,s sister Astrid and her Husband Hans from Hamster dam !!!They loved the scenery despite the fact that you could see no further than yer nose,  Dipper announced he was going to make an honest woman out of Gobbi and bought her a ring to prove it.he even bought his Sister along to witness the promise.

The right honourable R anus Colonic and his master of ceremonies Mummies Boy took up the offer of a warm place to hold the rest of the circle at Brave farts house, so of we all raced to get the best parking spaces then a disorganised second half of the circle continued.Brave Fart sat at his bar while every one else stripped off and dried out. 

We celebrated Daffies Birthday and Colonic made a very explosive cake on his head, the sparks flew and blew up to cover the patio with sweet corn,                                        after we made as much mess as possible we went went to the bar for the on on.

A huge selection of Tapas each. ONE bottle of wine each, Curry or Paella followed by Flan and Pacharan,most excellent..All for ten Euros.

The un satisfied dribbled back to Brave Farts, We lost Willy Wanka and found out he had been run over whilst trying to find his way back to the fun, turned out he was stood out side the door on the phone doing a bit of attention seeking!

We all had a great time and dried out eventually.

The evening ended with yours truly sat in the truck while Willy Wanka cornered an unsuspecting Spaniard and got him to hook up and jump start the car again. He thought he could freewheel down the back streets and start it that way, until he ran out of down hills and the road started to go up again.

The moral of this story is : make sure your Batteries are well charged before you go on a Hash.

On On Willy Wankas Willy Warmer xx


Run Number 1181 - Sunday 16th Jan- El Rosario Upwards

Hares: Yogi and Sweet and Low 

Sunday 16th of January dawned bright and clear, not too hot. Your Scribe arrived late, Gobby's fault as usual, but your pussy-whipped Scribe gets to do the Donkey Sheet anyway ‘cos Gobby claims she can't speak English, and besides she gives me a blow job instead. Hmmm, now where was I?

So, the Motley Crew assembled by the Big Tunnel and after a few words of wisdom from his Holiness Mummy's Boy, off we set up the hill to a split Trail then a first fateful check under the Holm Oak tree. We search down, we search up, we search forwards, we search backwards, we do it all again, we phone for instructions: "left by the Oak tree" comes the response. Yeah, right! After finally sussing that the F at the top of a very long false Trail was in fact supposed to be a CB, the pack set off across deepest campo.Down, then up, and more up. Sadly for the hares, however, the oak tree incident, and the long spaces between blobs, had contrived adversely to affect the pack psychologically; had -- as it were -- sapped their confidence in the hares' judgment.

This was a great pity, as in fact the remainder of the Trail was in general well marked, if perhaps a tad long. Certainly the countryside was magnificent, with sweeping panoramas enabling the centre of the elongated pack to see two diametrically opposed white dots in the distance: one, Physical Jerk, that front running bastard, about 3 km away down in some distant valley, but at least on flour; and the other, Gangplank, about 3 km away in completely the opposite direction, fighting through thickets and shiggy, having failed spectacularly to double-guess the route after running through a check back (he eventually slunk back to the cars like a whipped cur) (pussies, curs -- what else can I whip while I'm at it?). It should be added at this stage that Elephant Arse had himself been topographically challenged by this time and had limped home without passing the beer stop. Perhaps he and Gangplank should be given a refund on their run fee? Then again, perhaps not. 

Large swathes of the pack had by this time decided that short cutting was the better part of valour, the net effect being that only four or five true hashers finally did the full run whilst the rest of us slunk into the beer stop chastened and embarrassed. Yeah, right, in your dreams Yogi and Sweet and Low. "Hash shit!"

An uneventful remaining third -- except in so far, as Your Scribe was horrified to note, that this section of the run impinged directly upon the route selected by him for the run two Sundays hence -- took us back to the circle where Your Scribe was privileged to bore the arse off everybody for half an hour before we repaired to an excellent seafront restaurant where the magnificent sunset provided an appropriate aperitif for the classy grub.

The hares were awarded a miserly four marks for their undoubted effort: if only we had eaten first, this would have indubitably been higher.

Your unerringly accurate Scribe, Dipper

3-Kings No: 1180  Sunday 9th January

HARE: Fuck Norris - Marks: 7

Blessed with a Cold but dry afternoon,  set off to the hash in El faro, arriving to a roundabout  to see a lot of confusion as to actually where we were all supposed to  be meeting  as the hare had disappeared…. down some hole maybe…..

Lots of dogs and a some runners turned up for a well marked run across very well know countryside, think that I must have walked and ridden every step of it at least 100 times…

Great surprise of the day, even to himself was Two Pies who turned up for a quick run before flying back out to Antigua, we had a good chat about my family out there so if this is  a bit vague sorry  was talking too much… Nothing new there…

GM was Mummies boy and RA was Sir Sparky and both did a great job of not going on tooooo long, there were some anniversarios ME at 45 runs Veuve at 75 and Mummies boy at 300 I cant remember the  other one sorry and have no pictures to remind me.

Highlight of the circle was when Veuve Clitot had an extra Christmas pressie that she wanted to give away as didn’t fit her.. lovely tiny black diamante G -string that was promptly given too Streak of piss.

 After we had been cleansed of our sins, we moved off in convoy to” EL”Carltons bar for an English Buffet supper which was very different from the regular… Sunday Roast..washed down with half decent red wine.. well done

Pussy Galore

More Photos


New Year run, No: 1179  Sunday 2nd January

HARE: Gangplank

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