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RUN REPORTS 2015        (See Hash History Page for Years 2013 and previous years)

RUN 1446 27th DECEMBER 2015     

Hares: Sweet & Low and Yogi

Christmas run.

I was late for the Hash due to my good deed of the day, picking up "Quicksand" who got the Mijas bus schedule wrong! But as we say on the hash "you can't leave your buddies behind" Oooops that should increase the number of gay Hashers!

Being Christmas it is a very spiritual time for me so I would firstly like to related what happened at the weekend prior to getting to the Sunday Hash. Saturday night I was just about to got to bed, so that I would be fit, and full of beans for the run the next day, when for some reason I just flicked the TV remote to the "Adult channel" well the next thing I know it's 3.30am in the morning and used box of Kleenex next to the sofa!,, off to bed exhausted. I awoke again at 6.00am with a strange feeling to attend the morning mass at the local church, by 7.00am I was in a pew listening to the sermon!

Getting back home feeling invigorated, I changed into my hash attire for the Sunday run!!!!!!!

My question to you all ------------------- do you think I am changing to a "Porn again Christian?"

The run: As stated Quicksand and myself arrived late, but after a briefing with the Sweet & Low we headed off in the direction of the shortly departed pack, the group were about to head off trail down some bank to a soggy dog poo ridden overgrown path, it was actually not a bad trail and took us around the only wooded area of Cala Honda ! I made my way to front of the pack being fit and spiritually reformed passing Mummies Boy, Elephant arse and Lee Marvin who were taking the senior citizens route, on reaching the Beer stop one could see that there was a good turn out, the Streaky family were out in force, the Russia mob, and visiting (returners ) from Glasgow, Yogi got us started on the second half of the run taking us down to the beach side boardwalk, where he has reported to the Authorities for laying a suspicious substance? Being a good citizen I have passed on all the information to the police that may see this devious person incarcerated for some considerable time!

Finding ourselves back at Sweet & Lows abode a vote of a "great run" was bestowed to her and Yogi, the circle was followed by a 3 course meal and vino supplied by the Hares,

Well done Hares, great day out.

On on and God bless

YMWW Sir Flakey.

 

RUN 1445 THE CHRISTMAS HASH 20th DECEMBER 2015     

Well since the stupid Hare (JUSTIN CASE) forgot to have the LOST SOULS telephone number posted in the Run Directions I became very lost in the mountains of Mijas and eventually arrived at the Circle as the penultimate (AERO FLAPS behind me)   to be told I had to be the SCRIBE so you will all be sorry you asked me.    HERE IT IS: -

LA CARRERA DE NAVIDAD DEL 20 DE DICIEMBRE 2015   1445

Bueno desde que la estupida lievre (JUSTIN CASE) ha olvidado de poner el numero de telefono para la gente tonta como yo que no encuentra el camino  y perdida en los montañas de Mijas, aunque llegue la penultima ya que (AERO FLAPS) venia detras de mi y me han vuelto a pedir el relato del recorrido.. Y AQUI VA

JUST SAY WHEN did something bad and earned a down down for disrespect. I don’t know what

JUST SAY WHEN  hizo algo que ofendio y consigio una cerveza y no se porque.

GOLDEN CASCADE was sexily dressed in a fabulous red kit THAT had to be the best costume but a Hunky Russian was watching her bending down…. naughty boy…. Hope he was suitably stiffened for that

GOLDEN CASCADE iba demasiado sexy con ese vestido rojo envidiada por todas pero ese Ruso buenorro estaba mirando por debajo de su falda……vaya chico malo…..seguramente le gusto la vista

FLAKEY  (NOT SIR FLAKEY) had a down down, I believe, for a small dog climbing over his car seat and doing I know not what… but punishable!

FLAKEY (NOT SIR FLAKY) tuvo que tomar una cerveza yo creo que, porque un perrillo se subio al asiento de su coche e hizo no se que…pero  le valio una sancion!

MUMMYS BOY claims to have passed a Police Breathalyzer after drinking two bottles of wine and registering 0.01… BELIEVE IT OR NOT… punishment for lying!!!!!!

MUMMYS BOY affirma que paso un control de alcoolemia despues de haberse bebido dos botellas de vino y solo marcaba 0.01 …..  CREE TE LO O NO!!  una Sancion  por mentir !!

JUSTIN CASE claims not to have liked dogs on the Hash so who cares?

JUSTIN CASE no le gusta los perros en el HASH  y que le importa eso?

PUSSY GALORE wore a red bin bag so was called the BAG LADY

MEGASOREARSE had something in his car like a Christmas tree

MEGASOREARSE’s  wife dog peed in the keypot so he was down downed for that

PUSSY GALORE llevaba una bolsa de basura roja y le pusimos “la señora del bolso”

MEGASOREARSE tenia algo en su coche parecido a un arbol de navidad

El perro de la señora de MEGASOREARSE hizo pipi en la caja de las llaves, una cerveza por eso

JUSTIN CASE, as the hare, forgot to lay any CHECK BACKS. …Silly boy

JUSTIN CASE como  lievre, olvido de marcar los CHECK BACKS “tonto”

BEST OUTFIT COMPETITION: -

BEST GRANDMA………STREAKY

BEST BAG MOTHER. PUSSY GALORE

HORNIEST CHRISTMAS FAIRY… GOLDEN CASCADE

BEST VIRGIN.  ESME, granddaughter of STREAKY

MEJOR DISFRAZ DE COMPETITION

MEJOR ABUELA………….STREAKY

MEJOR BOLSO DE SEÑORA…     …… PUSSY GALORE

MEJOR ATUENDO DE NAVIDAD………GOLDEN CASCADE

MEJOR VIRGEN ……ESME NIETA DE STREAKY

JIZZICAL FIRK still wants to know why HAPPY ENDING was able to buy a labeled Hash jacket for 100 euro

JIZZICAL FIRK aun quiere saber porque HAPPY ENDING compro la chaquetta parcheada de “HASH BADGES” por 100 euro

SWISS ROLL acting as PISS POURER put the flowers she had gathered into the last of the drinking water so nobody had any to drink…just as well it was not beer

SWISS ROLL  actuando como “PISS POURER”  con la ultima botella de agua rego las flores asi que nadie pudo beber mas…..mejor que no fuese cerveza

JIZZICAL FIRK and MARCUS SKIDIUS were punished for fouling the trail!!

JIZZICAL FIRK  y MARCUS SKIDIUS se castigo por ensuciar el camino

ASIA QUICKSAND had an enormous fascination for all kinds of shit, horse, dog and goat.  YOGI had to explain the ins and outs of it so she earned the label (COPROPHILLIA)….  Whilst explaining the finer points of some excellent horseshit by poking it with his stick, he was left talking to himself and approached by PERT ARSE CANT COOK who appreciated YOGIS lecture much to his embarrassment.

ASIA QUICKSAND tenia mucho interes  en  todo tipos de mierda, ( de caballo,pero y cabra.)  YOGI pinchando  una mierda de caballo y hablando del tema, pensando que QUICKSAND seguia ahi, pronto se encontro con PERT ARSE CANT COOK muy interesada por cierto  pero el muy cortado  

SADDLE FLAPS was given the FUCK OFF treatment as she is not coming back but off to another part of the HASH WORLD so we all say GET TO FUCK AND DON’T COME BACK THEN

SADDLE FLAPS recibio el adios (FUCK OFF) porque se fue a otro lugar para hacer  EL HASH asi que todos juntos le dijimos “VETE A TOMAR POR CULO Y NO VUELVAS”

After the circle broke up all the HASH HOUSE HARRIERS made their way down to the PARRIPOLLO Restaurant on the Mijas Road for the ON ON  Probably around 30 happy Hashers were there to enjoy a very good meal of Salad, Deep Fried Egg plant, Fried eggs and Chips then delicious BBQ Chicken Chunks all washed down with Coca Cola and wine.

Despues del circulo cada cual se fue por su lado  y fuimos al restaurant PARRIPOLLO en la carretera de Mijas. Eramos alrededor de trenta hashers, difrutamos de una Buena cena:  enslada, huevos y berenjenas  fritas , barbacoa de pollo con Coca Cola y vino para beber

So convivial was the atmosphere that DIPPER, encouraged by GORBACHOV, soon burst into song.   SEMEN STAINS followed with a local song then FLAKY and DIPPER performed the Barnacle Bill the Sailor to enormous hilarity.    Congratulations to them.

Poor old JUSTIN CASE (the hare) really blew it by when asking at the bar for Pacharan was informed there was NONE so he quickly slipped across the road to LIDL to find it closed so he lost brownie points in a big way

By the way, the run earned 8.79               HAPPY ENDING

Hubo un ambiente muy agradable con DIPPER

 

junto a GORBACHOV quienes empezaron a cantar

 

les siguio SEMEN STAINS con una cancion local

 

entonces FLAKY y DIPPER tuvieron exito con

 

BARNACLE BILL THE SAILOR muy gracioso.

 

Felicitaciones para ellos

 

Pobre lievre de JUSTIN CASE, por mucho que pidiera

 

PACHARAN no hubo nada asi que fue corriendo a

 

 comprarlo al LIDL pero estaba cerrado.  Un punto menos para el.

 

A pesar de todo acumularon 8.79 pts

HAPPY ENDING   

 

Run Number 1444- 13th December 2015

The Whopper in the film set run (the Russian Pussy Run)

Hare

Big Mac (hamburger) suffering but alive and well enough to set an extensive trail through the hills ,more runners loops to suit all athletic standards with plenty of walkers and a few runners turning up to do him proud.

The Whopper, or Hamburger depending on your preference  had stood in at short notice to give us a long run! Pussy the Red Barron had to do the beer run etc but the compromise worked out well, even the weather held out being dry but turning cold later for the circle.

This is traditionally the Xmas Bash recovery run and the turnout was excellent, shame the same effort wasn't shown at the Tamissa Golf as again we struggled to fill four tables with xmas party animals.

Some like Gerry Can flying in from some far distant shore to find himself sat next to a very dandy looking Gangplank in a fetching Red number fresh in from the four euro rack at Cudeca. Shame they had nothing to talk about,jet lag and brain fade are a sorry sight for even my sore eye's. I had driven across the length of spain from freezing fog in the north to 19 deg c in Coin and was still semi hypo from the non stop journey. I had the pleasure of sitting between a fire extinguisher and the vacant seat of stifffanny(her presence still being felt from the sanctuary of the Lions club)

The food was the normal Xmas stuffing and the entertainment far from it! French Erection minus Fork Handles sticking out of her head tried to wow us with her belly dancing,last year we were all in shock, this time I felt it needed spicing up a little and joined her for a portion of Yorkshire style Beer Belly Dancing . Having no formal training but master of improvisation I exposed my ample Belly,encouraged by the clapping crowd I even exposed a little Bear's Arse to complement French Erections exposed flesh. It caused a laugh or two and dragged me from my semi conscious state,as did the "check out the scotsman impersonator" performing a highland number in a tartan skirt doesn't make you a scott!. Seaman Staines in normal attire didn't require any skirt lifting to check his credentials,but the spanish dancer friend of Swiss Roll had more than just myself curious of his true colours.

Another impromptu moment and I was on my back sliding along the dance floor and able to confirm all our thoughts ,This man was a fake Scott!

If speedo made   then they had a market here,go faster wangers made for prancing ,a pair of Budgie carriers !

The highlight of the nights entertainment being our GM Jizikle Ferk dressed as that Euro Song Contest winner with the beard,was he from Sweden or Israel?? didn't matter as he had us all around his fingers as he/she slid between the tables singing his sultry song with a hashy twist, well done that Thing? 

Flakey did a bit of stand up telling scouser tales from old and I felt the empty chair next to me move, as Stiffanny gave him encouragement from the lion's club pen.

By far the best all night was Izzy inyet doing the flamenco with the gay waiter,what a pair of movers and a great way to finish our xmas ball.

Well done all the team involved in organization,with special thanks to the school trophy's loaned for this occasion, so every outstanding hasher could,at least be presented with a token of their appreciation for contribution to the success of the Mijas Hash House Harriers. Best shortcutting Hare going to Mummy s Boy for the second year running now,and Im sure for a number of years to come.

That's my boy and one to follow if you fancy an easy ride,just what I needed on the last day of my course of Antibiotics for a chest infection brought over from the UK. How those legs keep moving is something we could all learn from,but Karma Chameleon has met his match here,first to the beer stop was the goal but we had to settle for 5th and 6th as Jizikle was showing a clean pair of heels to Reimus the Lithuanian brought on his first run by Ruskie Puskie. Not one for being last and I expect a Baltic Front Running Bastard in the making. Justin and the other Baltic Flyer Fuckademas or whatever he is called romping passed Mummy's boy and myself just before the Beer Stop, manned by the Pink Baron and Gangplank taking it easy on his first run out post Malaga Hospital forced sleepover.

Izzy inyet came in soon after and was over the moon she was up with the FRB's, all that flamenco is obviously good hash training!

We collected Gangplank and headed back to the circle via some more excellent marking by our hare Big Whopper !

By the time the pack had returned it was getting cool in the Hills above Coin. I had four layers on and was still feeling the chill, a welcome hug from Ruskie Puskie took off the edge but it still felt chilly round the nether regions. Masterbates fresh from his epic drive from Sweden was insisting on punishing us all with terrible Eurotrash umpah dross music throbbing from his little BMW convertible, the RA Flakey soon put a stop to that shite! "shut the Swedish wank music off"or words to that effect and the woods where silent again.

Some poor hashers had to endure down downs of cold beer for not being there last week(me included)  having done X amount of runs ,some entitling them to a badge of merit,but only one between two so causing a rush to claim the said badge . Saddle bags (or is it Flaps)? being the winner and sadly on her last but one hash with us before moving to Birmingham UK . Good luck there as the accent is one of the worst ever.

Reimus was called in as all virgins are to check it was hard enough etc ,when asked who he had come with his reply was classic Hash speak, "Russian Pussy" was the reply pointing at his girlfriend Ruskie Puskie , her dimples receded a little more into her cheeks as she frowned at his reply.

The score tally well up gave Mr Whopper a grand 8.9 for his stirling effort. The on on was las Morenas by the BP Garage with a warm welcoming fire and hearty food to warm us through.

till the next time

The Rev George Mooney Retired also answers to Yogi 

 

Run Number 1443- 6th December 2015 - Verifuckus & Swiss roll

Run 1443-Photos

Run Number 1442- 29th November 2015 - Pussy Galour & 1-tit

Birthday-Quiz-Mega-Fs Run
 

Another beautiful sunny late autumn afternoon...actually ideal for an interesting and challenging "Mother Nature Trail"...
However the birthday girl and her seasoned co-bunny adviser had something even
more "challenging " organised...to make this town run at least an interesting one...
which it was...
A lot of effort was put in to familiarise the hashers with numerous streets, corners
and small hidden parks...a quite different perspective for us, who normally see those parts from behind a steering wheel...
To make matters even more difficult and to get a really good insight knowledge of
the town, an uncountable high number of Xs, Fs and CBs were added...and
to make this maze even more confusing, answers - to the handed out questionnaire - had to be found and noted...like for spec. sights, monuments, animals, car wash
outlets a.s.o.
The time consuming 'check breaking' and 'fact gathering' tasks spread the pack
fairly out...however at the Cava and BS always reunited...and arrived more or less together back at the cars...
A fast setting sun and dropping mercury accelerated a well managed and lively entertaining circle by GM and the other well known masters of the art...the hares
efforts were awarded with 7.4 points...the anniversaries got their well earned badges...
price for the winner of the quiz with quite some questions raised...and other ceremonies, all of course with the obligatory down downs...and then the highlight
of the day...not forgotten, but reserved as the finale...the birthday cake for the
birthday girl...and how eager the master baker and all his helpers were to add and
mix all the ingredients and to knead the dough...what a messy cake...congratulations
to the birthday girl how she took it...but by then it was already pitch dark and cold enough to close the circle and to retreat to the restaurant. Thanks!

 

This link is our Facebook page. Photos here. https://www.facebook.com/groups/MijasHHH/?fref=ts

Run Number 1441- 22nd November 2015 - Izzy

Run Number 1440- 15th November 2015 - 5 Mil

Mijas Run 1440 Sunday 15th November 2015

Hare :-Five Mil

A lovely sunny afternoon left home 3.30pm to go to the run plenty of time as it appeared it was only 5 minutes away from home, arrived 40 minutes later, Having gone around in ever increasing circles to find the venue a trend that continued throughout and so yours truly inherited the honour as this week´s scribe.

Being late I did miss a fair amount of what had taken place in the opening circle, however I was there in time for the minutes silence that was observed in remembrance of those who lost their lives in Paris last Friday

The run was mainly through side roads dry river bed, grass and dirt tracks and I think it was about 8 to 10 kilometres. In the main a very flat trail that had several twists and turns with false trails conflicting checks and check backs. 

At the beer stop it was good to see the virgins from last week had made it for their first drink having disappeared for the entire run last week.

The run having been completed the circle was convened and the GM welcomed the two visitors from the City of London Hash “Sir Hump A Lot” and a friend.

The WM asked everyone to comment and score the run

Comments  made were:-

 Poor signage to the run.

Conflicting signs on the trail. Checks and Check Backs leading to confusion as to the direction to take, those following behind the front runners were even more confused by the way the signs had been altered.

Shortage of flour etc

It was a runners run

The final score being 7.1

Anniversaries for the following hashers:-

Mega Sore Arse           10 runs

Master Bates              35 runs

Aphrodisiac               210 runs

Up Your Bum            580 runs

RA took over the circle accompanied by his funky chicken and continued in his own inimitable way to invite fellow hashers into the circle for a number of reasons to pay penance for their follies.

GM returned to close the circle.

Scribe:- Mega Sore Arse

 

 

Run Number 1439- 8th November 2015 - Dogsy & Mary

Run Number 1438- 1st November 2015 - Dipper

Run Number 1437- 25th Oct 2015 Run Number 1437- 25th Oct 2015

“Hashers and harriettes went up the hill to find a big long falsie, they nearly broke their Crown and then came tumbling down after”

Most of this summarises what happened in Gangbang´s and UYB´s run. We were promised no falsies, no checkbacks and an easy run. Needless to say that was all a big big lie and when the trail started to head up to Swissy´s beerstop, some hashers including myself decided to take a much flatter and alternative route.  Soon after we arrived to the beer stop, where Gobbichov was pouring some blackcurrant vodka which was actually very nice. Soon after Mummy´s boy appeared having done his own route on the road as usual.

The FRB´s arrived to the beer stop cursing seeing that a whole bunch of hashers had decided  to avoid the “scenic route”. It was even made worse when the lazy hashers made jokes and then French erection said she loved the climb.

Several people were punished for their weekly sins. I can only remember I got punished for having a rant in IKEA as the thing I wanted to buy did not match with the aisle I was in…just only to realize I was looking at the example!

I have heard the Italian restaurant was excellent and that everybody enjoyed a lovely meal

On on

Your scribe

Izzy in yet

 

Run Number 1436 - 18th Oct 2015 Kindergarten

Finca Antonio, Carraterra de Mijas

Kindergarten Cop & French Erection

Last to pay Guest fees so got pinpointed as the Scribe for the run. Bugger! That means I might actually have to pay attention to the same old BS at the circle. Rather than just do my usual – day dream (I’m not admitting to ADHD), drink beer, maybe some vino if there are any on offer, munch on crisps and doritos when the bag makes a pass again my way, laugh on cue (when everyone else is laughing) ‘til its time to go (for the much awaited OnOn <yay!>).

Maybe I’ll actually take some notes.

The Run

The run started well enough with an up hill trot. Then down hill, then up hill again. Then up, up, up, then down, down down, then up, around, then down, down up, up, up , down, up, up down,down up. That might have been a check. Maybe there were a couple more. Now up, up and up. -Beer stop at an abandoned dilapidated old graffiti filled finca, groovy as the fashionably dressed hare manning the BS. Also another interesting abandoned finca nearby a tower. We are told to go around and avoid the men with guns – Next,  Down, down, up, down, Off Paper, up, up, down, up, up , UP, UP, UP. Second Beer Stop. Now DOWN, DOWN, DOWN, Up, Up, Down, Turn, Down, Level ground -> ON IN Home. Despite all the old farts out there with the wonky knees and old war injuries worthy of purple hearts - complaining about too many  hills, not enuf paper/checks and alternate easy trails for the infirmed - it was actually, A Jolly Good Run Indeed, with lots of great views, and much more deserving of the overall 7.7 points given later at the circle. My 5th Run with MijasH3, and the coolest weather wise, a welcome change to the last 4 very hot and sunny runs, be it Cloudy With A Chance of Screwballs.

Circle

GM calls in MoreIn, our only virgin this run. What do you think, More in? She reckoned she was not getting it Long nor Hard enough. Whilst in the background, Pussy Galore does it doggy style in her car. Em, no, Pussy Galore’s dogs do it doggy style in her car. Er wait, was it the Pussy or the Doggy?

Returnees – Karma Chameleon, Golden Cascade, Gang Bang, Brian, Wooden Twat

Anniversarios – Saddle Flaps 25, Just In 155, Yogi Bear 170, Karma Chameleon 340, Swiss Roll 430 – Is this what it all life comes down to in Andalucia?

Run rating – More like run ranting. There were a few 5s and some 7s, 8s and some 9s, lots of complaints and some compliments, and so an overall 7.7.

Thin strips of recycled shredded paper was used by the environmentally friendly hares. GM deemed it shitty a shitty run, and Just Saying Gwen said that there was not enough paper to make it more visible, but remarked, “I saw a lot of li’l peppers stuff’d in ‘oles”.

Still say it was a good run!

RA charges

-Sir Flakey is complimented on his excellent parallel parking technique, no wheel turning required. Just go up and over the curb. Be sure to be driving a 4X4.

-Quicksand was called in for swinging dogs away with a stick.

-$5060.21 has been raised for Cudeca at the Red Dress Run. More hashers are brought in and punished for wearing their Red Dresses or not wearing their red dresses. I can’t remember which, but there were a lot of guys in the circle. Just In tries to get away with it by insisting that the oversized red tee shirt with zig-zaggedy scissor-cuts at the hem he wore at the RDR and in the circle then, is a dress.

-Drop In guests given a down down – Messy Farny, Frilly Knickers, Joanne the Virgin, and I-Cant-Remember-Me-Name-Jane

(Note: Flakey, Malfunction and I skipped the OnOn, so we could head to dinner with Stiffany, but we got waylaid by the DropIn guests who then forced on us  copious amounts of vino at their house after the circle, and then some. My very scribbly circle notes suffered a dunking so I its gotten harder to read. So herein lies what I could retrieve from my very blur notes)

-there was something mentioned about the Rugby and there were many sorry asses. Down Down to all of them.

-Down down to Two Pies for mistaking Yogi for a harriet.

-Alzheimers award given to Doo-Doo-Dinky-Sore-Arse (I think  they said it was his name), for forgetting his name. Or was it Do-you-think-he-saw-us? Do-you-sink-this-sore-arse? Dew-ewe-fink-kiss-walrus? Do you…?

-Down down to Pussy Galore for bringing lazy dogs to the circle.

- For Sir Flakey, Gang plank and Yogi Bear: There’s a lot of money  spent on research on erectile dysfunction and not enough on Alzheimers. What’s the point of inventing Viagra without the pill to cure  Alzheimers, be it momentarily. You can get a hard on anytime with Viagra, but what’s the point when you cant remember what to do with it?

-Sir Flakey and King Cnut for not having the good presence of mind of looking under a parked car for the arrows thus going off trail. Note for Next time: Do not forget to look under the car. More money to alzheimers research please.

-KingCnut, Golden Cascade suspiciously having colds at the same time – both must have been kissing Karma Chameleon.

-Swiss Roll and Very Fuckus – for being cheapskates… (can’t read the rest of my what I wrote)

-GM for being a disgrace to modern men. Not being metrosexual at all for not being able to sew properly.

-Gang Plank got a down down – cant remember what he was in for,

-DooDooDinkySoreUs is called back in and renamed Mega Sore Arse. Someone thinks we should revise the Black Hole Theory now. ‘Have you been there?’

AOB

Malfunction steps in circle with big gash on shin. Claims he fell over when he overheard Pushy Galore say, “I can feel a prick between my thigh”, as he was Coming up Behind her.

Yogi Bear calls More In in. Also claims he overheard her say, “I’m going to slide down on my arse,” when he closed in behind her.

Karma Chameleon confesses that he used to be an alcoholic and since he’s switched to drinking brake fluid he can’t stop.

The End

Quicksand

Run Number 1435 - 11th Oct 2015 _ Red Dress Run

And so after a weekend of merriment, Friday Night Pub Crawl, Saturday Malaga Run and Dinner and lots of alcohol (don't know which one came first), the Red Dress Run brings this three day marathon to a close.
Someone upstairs was looking down on us because as we started the run, the rain stopped as the red swarm of dresses took over Los Boliches and Fuengirola through the Feria  for the afternoon, bringing joy and emptying pockets everywhere in aid of Cudeca Hospice.
All of the women looked elegant in their red dresses and most of the men looked ridiculous in theirs (apart from Conchita of course) but nobody cared as people were wanting their photo with the one that looked the most convincing Tranny (mainly me worryingly so). With many Cudeca stops and Song Checks the pack of red dresses was kept together, Puff the magic Dragon made his mark with many new songs.. Allowing many to shake their bootie, upside down brolleys were even used to collect donations from people hanging out on their balconies looking at the show we were putting on, a feast for their eyes.

Back at the circle we had an Auction, selling, hash trainers and two marvellous Red hash dresses hand made by our very own WWWW  including bids by telephone from America  we raised 415 euros..Pussy Galore brought back presents from her last trip and in true Rota style, our American  hashers  showed us more than their naval base but at least kept us abreast of their whereabouts and had the balls to do so !! And secured the lot..


 

A great finale was held at La Luna Restaurant with such massive yorkshire puddings not much else that could fit on the plate!!! A raffle was held, then many more songs and dancing lead by Puff,  Beau Giste, One tit  and Squeeze my tits..  a great time was had by one and all raising a total of 4560.21euros. An amazing effort from all involved and a big thank you from the patients and staff at Cudeca Hospice. Without fundraising events like this, Cudeca simply wouldn't exist. Thank you all.

Not Yet and Pussy Galore aka the Pink Baron.

For Carlos White 
Fundraiser
Cudeca Hospice

 

 Run Number 1434 - 4th Oct 2015

Run Number 1433 - 27th Sept 2015

Hares Li lo, Eggshell and stiffany (with hangover)

The Cocks in the Campo Run

Why cock shorts were handed out to certain male attendees is beyond me, and to most female hashers whos eyes didnt know where to look!

The run was to celebrate Li Lo Lills 60th birthday and to raise awareness of breast cancer, also to raise money for Egg Shell Blonds Algerian bank scam.

The old familier faces and a few new climed the hill by Mijas Golf following the best HHH signs I have seen. Bright red on a white back ground even my pilot for the day Sir Sparky and navigator HMV could spot at 100 mtrs. We had unknown to each other booked the same Hotel in down town Fuengirola. I was trying to recover from a 2500mile motorcycle blast across northern Spain and down Portugal and they were on the last night of a month long exodus back to the home turf of Southern Spain.

The sight of Two pies and Flakey with semi errect rubber cocks poking rom blue checkered shorts was our greeting to this hill top gathering. Li Lo insisted we kitted out with the same as part of the "theme" as some female hashers had pink police hats on, was it  the cock police? who knows.

Egg shell deciding to wear his shorts on his head to prove to us all what a Dick head he really is!

As the gathering crowd mingled the GM jisikle Ferk called us all to order and form a circle I was stunned to be stood next to a rather voluptuous Blown a seal, who was so happy to be 19 weeks pregnant . Not half as happy as we all were to see her blossoming out all over.

Then we were away dicks dangling in the sunshine. we soon split up into our various packs to follow the flour marked trail, willy wanker and I bringing up the rear!

The Beer stop was full of thirsty hashers being replenished with ample refreshments, Up your bum was in the perfect position to give my rubber extension a close inspection, our difference in high tempting her to drink from the fountain.

Away we went to the Tinto Verano stop complete with sticky tarts and stuff, more calories for my expanding waist line. Oh the joys of Hashing!

We old farts managed to blag a short cut and the end was soon in sight.

The hot weather prompted the GM to introduce a Rotate to the right by three steps between punishments, down downs and other such frolockings. The germans gaining special attention due to the recent VW emissions scandal and anyone owning a vehicle with VW underpinings.

Egg shells new "holiday Car" being a 10mtr long Audi Q7.99567333 recuring getting the dick head down down for replacing his BMW holiday car for one from such a cheap skate company as VW.

Aniversarios being

 Brown skid  - 15 (feels like a lot more)

One tit -75 (feels like a lot less)

King Canute - 95 (could be alot more)

Jisikle Ferk - 185 (should be alot more)

uncle fester -185 (is more or less)

HMV  - 150 (understandably a lot less)

The RA Justin cleaned our souls and called all the Hard on boys into the circle to perform the dick swing compertition judged by ???? a woman hasher!

Aphrodisiac the cool duchman used to hanging loose won by a short head! Who said Head?

Two pies confessed to taking a pee with the wronge dick and wetting his pants.

Mummys boy just enjoyed dangling

Fakey had a hard on by watching Blown a seal adjusting her tee shirt

I had two on and no body spotted either of them.

Sir Sparky inserted a stick in his to provide a little support.

More songs and mayhem

Blown a seal had confessed that Alex WTF is Alex had been concered about the cost of having a baby,the price of nappies being his major concern. they both checked out at the local super market and seing the price dived straight in. I suported their desision by saying the price of milk wouldn't be a problem, my coment the RA pulled us both in for a down down, one I was pleased to accept.

more moves to the right and a few Goriller down downs to waist time before the On On

The scorring was a complete fix as bribes had been dished out from Egg Shells off shore Algerian slush fund to ensure a fitting and proper score for the hash, 9.567333 recuring

well done Li Lo Egg and stiff(with less of a Hangover)

The On On at La Luna was a sellout success as this was also from Egg shells Algerian scam fund.

Li Lo made an emotional speech on surviving cancer and how important capturing life is, and how lucky she is to have such a great bunch of hashing friends,two false boobs and a new tummy.

Even the normal tight bastards contributing to her increasing collection for cancer charity BRA,started when in the UK celibrating her 60th birthday,one milestone she feels so lucky to have achieved. Even my impromtu back scuttling during her speach could not distract her from her heart felt rendition on the importance of funding to help change peoples lives.

well done Li lo (she never felt a thing) hope Egg shell can perform better than me.

Another great but slightly hazy day

obervations

some get bigger and some get smaller, some go grey and some go balder, some grow a beard and some shave,some stay the same but thats Ok .

We are all hashers and we don't care, I can't spell but only Justin will tell me. (i can't find the spell check)

its whats inside thats matters.

On On

Yogi Bear

 

Run Number 1432 - 20th Sept 2015

Run Number 1431 - 13th Sept 2015

Run Number 1430 - 6th Sept 2015 - Hares: Just in

School girls in the mist run

21 hashers met up near the Mijas quarry on a misty September morning in tartan skirts, braces and geeky glasses. Our GM thought it was another perfect excuse to fulfil his feminine side and looked like a brunette Britney Spears gone wrong. We had a virgin called Clive and we were told later that he is Community Chest´s husband. Off we went into the woods skiving school and looking for the tuck shop beer stop. As the first part was uphill, the hashers at the end of the pack, had a very good view of some harriet´s legs. Fortunately the trail was quite flat and not up towards the quarry and it would have been a run with amazing views if it had not been for the mist. The tuck shop beer stop had gummy bears and liquorice, yum!

Down the hill, we got a bit lost as there was hardly any flour, but we managed to get to the second beer stop, where we realized Mummy´s boy was missing! Certain harriets and their dogs decided to do a bit of cheating and go straight to the cars. At the circle our virgin passed his name test with flying colours and was rewarded with a down down. The run was awarded an 8.4, with hashers highlighting the amazing views.

The on on was in Just in´s local restaurant, with promise of pacharán for his birthday.

Your scribe

Izzy in yet

 

Run Number 1429 - 30th August 2015 - Hares: Golden Cascade and Speedbumps

A great Run - awarded prestigious HASHSHIT for outstanding haring abilities

We turned up behind the Mijas Hotel at 4pm and I, who lived nearest, duly arriveed last so am doing this write up.

But that is fine as this is exactly my sort of hash involving...

  • Trails I have never done before in the area I live

  • Some real challenges to get the blood going

  • Copious amounts of beer at 2 beer stops

  • Greta meal in my local restaurant (even though some swine ate my fish!)

  • Exclusive “scribe only” trail on the mountain side

  • Two stunning harriettes who promosed certain earhgly pleasures if this write up pleased them!! (I can dream can’t I?)

At the start of the run we had a minute’s silence for a harriette sadly deceased and we had one virgin so we duly said all our names for the test later 

The trail initially passed through parts of Mijas we are all familiar with before heading past La Fuente restaurant and heading for the hills. At this point it got interesting! We took a goat track over a concrete bridge and headed higher – not an easy trail. Eventually this led to a CheckBack but I guessed we were heading for the church in the hills and went up not down. This took me, after a bit of a scramble, to a good path with floor on it.

I turned left and met another hasher heading towards me. This was confusing and we both thought we were on the right trail going the right way. It took a lot of questioning of the hares to work out it was a false trail from the church that I had found by going higher instead of back – but one of the nicest trials on the run.

Anyway we then got to the church, went ever higher and the less enthusiastic brethren rather sensibly turned back. We finally got to the quarry with the first beer stop a little further on. After that the return to the car park was fairly uneventful albeit with another beer stop by the bull ring.

The details of the circle now elude me as do the anniversarios as I have lost the piece of paper, but I doubt anyone cares.

The award of HASHSHIT was a clear conspiracy by the GM but as it is clearly an award for excellence in this case I think we can forgive him.

Good meal at La Fuente and then to bed.

All the best,

John - +34 603 580 575

 

Run Number 1427 - 16th August 2015 - Hares: Saddleflaps & Stiffanny

At 12 noon a circle of about 32 eager Hashers gathered at a place called Urbanizacions opp St Anthonys Collage, controlled by Grand Mattress Pussy Galore.The Hares were Saddleflaps and Stiffanny who fooled us into thinking we were in for and afternoon of fun and Jollity !

Turned out to be the usual madness in killer heat that only mad dogs and Hashers will endure. 

After the photo call by Aeroflaps we set off in pursuit of the flour trail, which led us down to the dry riverbed of Entrerrios, we instantly lost the trail and almost gave up ,when the voice of Just Say When was heard, On On was called and off we went along the riverbed and up into La Cala hills. We followed Knut and a well laid trail of flour,  after what seemed forever we were beginning to wilt and it must have been 5 ks into the trail we hit the first beerstop. Horray ,,                                                             

Onto someones back garden to a lovely cool pool and drinks with Cheesy pastries and scones , Streaky was overheard telling an innocent harriet that she had cooked them !.Half an hour on we were hurried on to the trail cos the owners wanted their house back.  half the pack obeyed the other half begged for lifts from various hashers who can only do the hash by car these days due to old age, wobbly legs and weak hearts, must be down to the amount of beer consumed over the years.

The brave runners , walkers, crawlers (, except Elephant Arse who gave up and went home.) made another  trek down to the riverbed ,the up and over a very charred and sooty hill, to drop down to the road and on to another poolstop in a private complex , there was a sign saying ;Residents only; but we ignored that in true hash style.

Waiting for us was a barrel of ice cold Daquaries and crisps we had a lovely cool swim and relaxed til the stragglers caught up.

We set off for the final 10 minutes of the trail and finished back where we started.

Circle was called by P Galore, who quite rightly punished the hares for setting such a long run. The pack awarded the Hares a well deserved 8.75 for effort and down downs were taken.

Some thought the trail had been set on horseback,so picture this, A staggering horse carrying two Harriets , 28 kilos of flour , a survival kit of two bottles of wine for Stiffanny, half a litre of water for co Hare to share with horse, a packed lunch of rejects from the baking tray and Sat nav, haring around the campo throwing white powder all over the place.!!!

Anniversarios were,Streaky 360, who confessed to Julliana that she did not make the pastries , it was Stiffany .I think she was worriying the baking may fall on her in the future, so she came clean.

Karma Cameleon 335

Knockout two pies 255

Sweet n low 230

Knut 90

Dipper took the circle and cleansed us of our sins with  plenty of beer, Streaky for lying though her cheesyness, Hashers who held Umberellas under the sun, Returners, only one, Me. ,,,Mummies boy forgot the hash table.

Ian , Just Say When,s Nephew was seen doing pressups, not satisfied with just coming in from a 10 k run.

Jullianna was bribed with a picture worth mega bucks from the skip. Ben who came with his Dad Steve was our youngest virgin, he was given a beer for thinking he was out with the Old folks from a local nursing home. 

Can,t remember anymore.

Kim our Harriet of ten runs was Christened, Community Chest.


 

Aeroflaps did a great job of official photographer and moviemaker.

Stiffanny and Saddleflaps just about got away with not being iced or sleeved  for nearly killing us all.


 

27 made it to the On On at California Express for Greek Salad followed by half a chicken and chips with wine and Pacharans.

Dipper Serenaded Saddleflaps with a slightly altered song and amused all onlookers and listeners.

On On WWWW.

Run Number 1426 - 9th August 2015 - Hares: Mummy & JSW

Arriving late just for a change.
Photo done of we go I seemed to be accompanied by the Kremlins news agency in the form of Aeroflaps  making a film on a stick. Highly entertaining especially when we hit the shiggy. After what sounded like a lot of swearing in Russian we made it out of the woods, not without casualty though in the form of Kim who fell into a log pile lost her shoe and sustained her first hashing injury.
The pain and suffering was soon forgotten though and the foraging began grapes and figs I bet the locals love us...
Beer stop in site in a lovely shaded area, but it was soon ruined by some local who insisted that we were in her parking space. Mummies Boy decided to remove her door handle in retaliation and the fifty euros it cost him was well spent,  miserable woman.
Second half was interesting with a climb out of the river bed aided by a well placed rope, unfortunately Pussy  Galore Aka the Red Baron had omitted to train her dog to climb ropes so that was fun to watch, then with most of us being chased off yet another irate woman's land it was a highly eventful second half. Still if you will set your trail through a road that quite clearly states No Entry, what do you expect! However, with a bit of hashy know how we worked out that the trail had been sabotaged and ignoring the woman ran on through . making it back to the cars without being arrested.
In all a great trail with mixed reviews, lots of effort went into a tricky trail. Should have been given higher marks but a hash shit and a 2 brought a possible 9.5 back to earth.
We had some anniversarios but I lost the piece of paper.
I remember Karma Chameleon telling a couple of jokes but I can't  remember them. Bit rubbish  at this scribe business. Sorry.
Anyway the day was rounded of well with Sticky Tart and I eating Kindergartens  Pork and Chips Sharing Ribs and downing a bottle of Vino Sol,  Excellent day thanks to the hare. S
On on your scribe
Stiffanny

 

Run Number 1425 - 2nd August 2015

Run Number 1424 - 26 July 2015

WELL  AFTER GOING CRAZY TRYING TO FIND THE START OF THE RUN IN ALHAURIN EL GRANDE BECAUSE OF LACK OF INFORMATION I EVENTUALLY ARRIVED LATE AT THE CIRCLE OF 24 MAD PERSONS TO BE TOLD I WAS TO WRITE THE RUN REPORT AS I WAS THE LAST IN THE CIRCLE.  BUT AERO FLAPS AND HER LOVER ARRIVED AFTER ME SO WHY WAS SHE NOT TOLD TO WRITE THIS.

ANYWAY THE RUN WAS VERY HOT AND THE COUNTRY VIEWS WERE BEAUTIFUL.  THE TRAIL WAS VERY STEEP AT TIMES AND SORE ON THE FEET

ALTHOUGH IT WAS EVENING AND SWEATY THE TRAIL WAS SO BADLY MARKED THAT EIGHT OF US BACK MARKERS LOST THE TRAIL AFTER THE BEER STOP.   ONE YOUNG LAD FOUND THE HIDDEN TINTO DE VERANO, BEER AND WATER WHICH WE ALL THOUGHT WAS VERY SMART AND WE WERE VERY HAPPY.

A NATURAL SPRING PROVIDED US HOT RUNNERS WITH A WELCOME DRINK AND NOBODY FELL INTO THE WATER WHICH WAS A MIRACLE

AT THE FINAL CIRCLE THE HARES WERE AWARDED 9.5 WHICH IS RIDICULOUS WHEN YOU THINK HALF THE RUNNERS WERE LOST DUE TO BAD TRAIL MARKING

THREE  POOR SILLY HASHERS WERE RECOGNISED FOR THEIR ATTENDANCES AS ANNIVERSARIOS :-

COLONIC IRRIGATION (FRESH FROM FUCKIT) HAS 310 RUNS  (“GET A LIFE”)

HAPPY ENDING HAS DONE 10 RUNS

KNOCK OUT TWO PIES HAS 250 RUNS AND A PATCH (GET A LIFE)


 

_______________

BIEN ,DESPUЙS de volverme loca tratando de encontrar el inicio de la carrera en Alhaurнn el Grande, DEBIDO A LA FALTA DE INFORMACIУN (pienso yo) , finalmente llegue tarde al CНRCULO DE 24 PERSONAS locas.

Dicho  esto me mandan  escribir el INFORME RUN POR SER LA ULTIMA EN LLEGAR AL CНRCULO , aunque AERO FLAPS Y SU AMIGO llegaron despuйs de mi, quizбs ELLA  debiу ESCRIBIR ESTO.

Pero en fin ,el RUN estuvo muy bien , muy caluroso pero las vistas y el paisaje eran maravillosos. El sendero fue duro en algunos tramos ,a veces con dolor de pies.
 

El camino estaba mal marcado y ocho de nosotros PERDIMOS LA RUTA DESPUЙS DE LA PARADA DE LA CERVEZA. Habнa que encontrar una botella  grande de agua escondida entre las rocas ; fue un chico Joven quien la

encontrу y despuйs descubrieron el  tinto de verano y la cerveza .Pensamos que era muy inteligente y todos tan contentos.

Los caminantes que venнan acalorados  y sedientos por beber cerveza, tinto de verano y otros refrescos no se dieron cuenta de un manantial natural que proporcionaba  agua fresca como copa de bienvenida.

EN EL CНRCULO DEL FINAL ,Las liebres otorgaron 9,5, lo cual es ridнculo ,pensбndolo  bien, La mitad de los CORREDORES se perdieron por no seсalizar como es debido el camino -

TRES POBRES TONTOS Hashers FUERON RECONOCIDOS POR SUS ANIVERSARIOS.

La irrigaciуn colonial (FRESCO DE fuckit) TIENE 310 carreras ("GET A LIFE")

FINAL FELIZ HA HECHO 10 carreras

ELIMINE AL DOS PIES TIENE 250 carreras y un programa (GET A LIFE)

 

Run Number 1423 - 19 July 2015

Hares El Cid and Ginger Minge assisted by BandAid

Get this out of the way before I forget to do it. ..
Exciting start with Sir Flakey and I turning up nice and early for once only to be greeted with where's the Hash haberdashery ..We have visitors! !
Fortunately as the run site was close to home I handed  the dogs to Sir Flakey and set off home to get the clothing that was just waiting to be sold ,  only to get a panic call telling me to hurry back immediately as my stupid dog had slipped it's lead and decided to try and  follow me home.. I found it running up and down the main road  about 50 metres from the run site she jumped in the car  and we rushed home got said haberdashery and still back in time to sell a pile of stuff before  the  circle. .
The run...
I got lost so cannot comment on the first  half but I had a nice walk around town. Eventually caught up just as the pack were leaving the first beer stop so after a very swift beer took  a short cut to the second beer stop just in time to catch up again. Then a walk back dodging  the traffic.
Marks I thought we were not giving them anymore but I think it was about an 8.4.
The circle was led  by Dogsy and a stand up comedian  called  Chronic Irritation  who had just returned from a sabbatical in Thailand. He cleansed us of our sins and promised to return again soon!!
All in all a great run and wonderful to see some old friends and hashers who have not been seen for a while. And of course  not to mention our American cousins  visiting.
On on
Your scribe
Stiffanny
 

Run Number 1422 - 12 July 2015

Hares – Dogsy & Mary Hinge

 

Points 8.3/10. Nice curry on-on. Awaiting report.

 

Run Number 1421

5 July 2015

Hares – Stiffany and Sir Flakey

At Casa Stiff/Flakey

Around 36 people turned out for what was to be an outstanding hash – indeed a pool hash!

The Circle began on the rough ground outside the house and the hash then started with a long check back down the gully. We thence continued for quite a good way on tarmac and campo until we came to the first beer/pool stop – one of Flakey`s villas. This was perfect, a great cooler down in the water, then drinking beer in the shade Already at this point I had voted it “Run of the Year”! (Hey I`m stuck with scribing so you have to suffer my opinions!) The second third of the Run, which was quite a long stretch, then continued. Next we came to a “lolly stop” under the shade of an old algorobo tree, (most necessary in 33 degree heat). Then, after a short way we came to the second full beer/pool stop at the house of Dipper. Into the pool … shangrilar! There followed some high jinks with a garden hose, though French Erection put it to an altogether better use as a shower though in actual fact, as a concealment for a pee! Thence another stretch to the house and pool of Pia for the third (and a half) stop of the Run. Lots of acrobatics in the pool here, with various and different women attempting to stand on Ronan`s shoulders, with varying and differing degrees of success. Little did he realize the scope of his responsibilities when he took on the job! Then it was a short walk back to where we began.

There followed a chillout period with Stiffany serving mojitos.

Then, a most original circle - sitting round the pool with the GM and then RA in the water. Of course any hashers brought into the circle necessarily had to swim, a difficult task whilst holding a cup of beer. Anniversarios were Kim -5 Runs, French Erection 40 runs and Mummies Boy 366 runs. Dogsy was iced! An extremely difficult task in a pool. A block of ice was produced and he had to do his best to sit on it. (He had been given a dinghy by Justin and then had promptly tried to sell – on facebook for all, including Justin, to see!)

Then an excellent meal of salads and potatoes with beefsteak barbecued by Flakey, and of course, all the wine you could drink!

It was quite the best hash that I have ever been on … but was only awarded a little over 9 in the circle! Three pool stops a lolly stop, mojitos, a circle round the pool and a party with beefsteak … just what do you guys want!?

Your Scribe

Kindergarden

 

RUN No. 1420 -
Summer is definitely here. Back to running in plus 30 degrees, sweaty cleavages and sweaty cracks and that’s before we’ve even started. A fine turnout of 32 including visitors from Madrid (ASH and La Constitucion), Rota (Big O and Shit Scared) and returners from Denmark (Stiffy and I’ve got a Stiffy) set off into familiar campo round the back of Los Pacos.

It wasn’t long before we left the tarmac and headed down into a dry riverbed, making our way through amazing bamboo tunnels. We were however, sharing the trail with big creatures with horns on their head (head? Who said head?..). As far as I’m concerned, these are called bulls, whether they’ve got tits or not, they are called bulls. And I don’t like bulls, so at the next check I headed up, past more bulls, out of the riverbed where we picked up the trail again.

The hares had kindly laid a macho and wimps split. The macho trail headed uphill and into more campo before heading down through an abandoned building site to the beerstop. I can only surmise that Mummy’s Boy had been up to his “I know where we’re going” trick again as he and several other wimps failed to make it to the beer stop.

The second half was, unfortunately, a bit of a cock up. Leaving the beer stop on the wimps out trail we thought we had picked up the correct in trail, only to discover we were going round in circles on the wimps out trail. Confused? Yep, so were we. “Look for the goats” someone said, “The trail goes past the goats”. Flour was found and we traipsed off only to realise we were doing the wimps trail in reverse. Thoroughly stumped a collective decision was made to head back to the cars.

The circle started with the hares being called in. The run was marked from 5’s and 6’s up to 9’s and an overall average of 7.1 was awarded. A good run that might have scored better if it wasn’t for the second half confusion. Well done hares! Sir Flakey as RA punished many for their sins, we had a renaming, we had an almost naming, anniversarios were announced:

Uncle Fester 180 Swiss Roll 420 Stiffany 340 Sir Flakey 500

And then we all headed home, or to the on on on for fish and chips and an argument about how much we should be paying!

Don’t forget- the weekend of the 10th and 11th October is The Mijas HHH Red Dress Run. A full weekend is being planned, in collaboration with Malaga HHH to raise money for Cudeca.

ON ON

Jizzical Ferk

RUN No. 1419 -
HARES: Dipper & Gobbi

LOCATION: Entrerrios

ANNIVERSARIO'S: Smooski 20 Mary Hinge 40 Izzi in yet 70 Aeroflaps 90 Lilo Lil 120 Eggshell Blond 120 Justin 145 Spermaid 240

Waiting for the report.
 

ON ON  Your Scribe, Up yer Bum


 

RUN NO. 1415 May 31st

Torremolinos ,Los Pinares to be exact.


18 Mijas hashers, vigins, and visiters gathered on a very hot last day of May.


 A small happy group at the start, but that didnt last for long,

confucion  no markingto be found, harrietes worried ,  that it could be another Swiss Roll killer run like the one to the  antenas From the Stupa in |Benalmadena ,about 750 meter climb in the heat of the day , where 

25 hashers voted for hash shit,. pobably a world record in hashing votes

for a hash shit, and well deserved it was, UYB. Swillsroll held on to this distiction for over 2 years !!!!  must be another record in the hashing world!!

It turned out the run was  not as long as we feared, but  it was the heat  and  the long climb that  the few hariets,

 Gobby , Spermade ,Marion Spanish virgen and Up yers after bitching to no end and almost fainting and cursing the hairs, were rescued by 2 Germans , Rubbher Turd and King  Kanut or should I say led us astray,   sure didnt take  much of convincing,

   we almost run and skipped  back on the same trail down to the cars...

little did we  know that the beer stop was very close, in a beautiful area with a water spring, shade and cold beer waiting for the hashers...so we missed the best part, after the hard climbe we were so close 

I guess that is my life story lately,  first experience of being led astray was with K, Hearma Chamelion, he

always knew the short cuts, and always claimed he has done the run before,who am I to argue with that!!/

 my next leader to short cutting was Mummy's boy he taught me

 well,  always managed to do long cutting  as he also is  another expert on the area we hash...

 now I am on my next leadership and guide to short cutting,, RubHerTurd with confirmation from King kanut ,both were so convincing that it was much to difficult for  us the harriet's to do the last bit to the first beer stop....we believed them and totally, if its to hard for these hard core, expert harsher we better not do it !!!

When we arrived   back to the cars Appy Ending came to the rescue, and drove us to the second beer stop for nice quiche and cake plus cold Cider, so all is  forgiven and forgotten as it should be on a hash run .....The circle was short and sweet by his RAnes Dipper who couldn't wait to get away to entertain his and Gobbys visitors Jane virgen no more and her boyfriend Breathe in  returner,


​ Dipper the RA was trying to test   the hashers that are so intellectual and wordily about  the 7 deadly sins , we did guess a bout 3, so the frustrated RA gave up on us and just cleansed us of our sins,   the high intellectual moment was scrapped, so   trail fouling was next ,our GM was given a beer for his new car, he was adamant that  new cars don't have ashtrays so the beer was not served in the ashtray ,another  tradishion gone!!! 

Didn't make it to the on on on so this is all folks.

your scribe Up Yer Bum

MH3 RUN NO. 1414 May 24th

Good evening Mijas hashers, this is Izzy in yet calling. I will be scribing yesterdayґs run and giving you the votes of the professional jury.
Yogi Bear and Elephantґs arse did their run near St. Anthonyґs college. 44 hashers gathered with the promise of a well-marked and civilised run. Our new GM, Conchi…..ermmm Jizzical Ferk welcomed to the circle two new hashers: Ian and Helen.
We set off with some technical problems, as Rubher Turd picked the in trail, but then the pack managed to find the proper trail. We soon lost our most senior hashers plus the virgins, being led astray by Mummyґs boy with his famous word “I know where the beer stop is”. I am not sure if they actually made it to the beer stop and if they tasted Sticky tartґs chocolate and raspberry brownie.
The second half was more tarmac than campo with little chance for the pack to keep together, so the FRBs just rushed back to get some beer.
Back in the circle a professional jury marked the run, giving some average marks. Hashers are difficult to please and letґs see what happens when Swiss roll sends us up again to the antennae on top of Mijas mountain. Loads of aniversarios from Mermaid with 70 runs to Mummyґs Boy with 480 runs…get a life!
Dipper called Jizzical Ferk as pictures of him as Conchita Wurst had appeared on social media alongside with Freddy Mercury. Kindergarten cop was asked to explain why he loves dried out old things, unfortunately French Erection was not there to help clear this subject. Sum dum chick drank from the RAs cock as a farewell present as she is heading back to HK.
The directions to the Curry house by Elephantґs arse were priceless. We had a lovely Indian meal with plenty of food and very nice wine!

DONKEYSHEET:   MH3 RUN NO. 1411 May 3rd

HARES: just say gwen & pussy galore

The Virgin's Hermitage, Coin 

Well, what could your scribe possibly say but "hash shit"! 

A steaming hot Sunday afternoon found 30+ hashes gathering in the depths of beyond. From all over the world they came, even from furthest flung Boise, Idaho. The sensible few, realising providentially that the mere combination of these two hares was likely to spell disaster, conveniently decided not to run. The rest of us suckers, including your humble scribe, did. Big mistake. 

Your scribe is unable to report in detail on the run, because the combination of sunstroke and that happy capacity of the human mind to blank out traumatic experiences have rendered the event a dim blur. Picture though, if you will, endless gratuitous shiggy, up down, up down, up down, up down, on and on and on and on under a stifling sun. Your scribe was at one point seriously concerned that Elephant Arse was about to cash in his chips and join the illustrious ranks of our  deceased hashers slurping ambr(osia) nectar and throwing bread rolls at that great On On in the Sky. 

Pleasant enough countryside, indeed, in moderation, but Moderation had fucked off and left the rest of us to slog on unaided.  

Hares, oh Hares, whyfor doest this unto us, your Hashy brethren? Hadst you no inkling of the  testicular cleaving nature of your undertaking? When even an exhausted Jizzical Ferk expresses wonderment that half the pack finished at all, is there no lesson to be drawn? Your scribe rests his case. 

One thing simply not lacking, however, was the hares' evident zeal and dedication in recceing and laying this awesome if overambitious trail. Special mention, too, must go to JSG for trekking an inordinately heavy rucksack an extra 3 or 4 tough kilometres to the Cava Stop in an attempt to alleviate our communal anguish. And the Trail was very well laid. 

And so it was that all this was taken into account in the Circle, where the run was generally well received (by most), and the hares thanked in the traditional fashion. This was only fair, as it turned out that  they had organised a very enjoyable On On at a local Venta which rounded off the day nicely. 

Finally, your scribe must make mention of 1. our two visitors from Dayton, Ohio, who fortunately for them, did not do the run; unfortunately for us, however, this left them free to drink all the beer and quaff copious amounts of wine at the on on.  Make a note to stock up with extra beer if they return.. And 2. that dickhead Aphrodisiac, who by colossal stupidity left us without beers for an age at the end of the run. Ice the bastard!

POI : For those of you who missed the inside of the beautiful Virgin's chapel near the run start apparently only open during the month of May your most obsequious of scribes attaches this picture for your edification..

Your scribe, Dipper.                 

RUN #1408 -  SUNDAY, 12 APRIL ґ15

 

GENTLE DOWNHILL TRAIL, WILD FLOWERS, VISITORS & A REALLY BIG LOAD OF GOOD FOOD.

 

In my mind, the above summarizes the afternoon and evening of a hashing event emanating above and behind La Cala.

  • Sir Sparky, assisted by his host of the prior evening…and co-hare, Gangplank, hared a rather well marked, gentle, easy, downhill, Ёall-the-wayЁ…to the BS, trail,  which described that way was a charming load of Limey Bull Shit. 

  • The Spring wild flowers were out in stunning force in certain patches of the trail and  paralyzed many of our split tails who just had to stop dead on-trail to pick some and/or take pics. Collection methods varied from Stiffy stuffing as many as she quickly could in her jacket pocket, to Sum-Dumb-Chicґs more deliberate technique, which would eventually win her Best Nature Destruction Floral Arrangement recognition. 

  • ЁOld TimersЁ know that competitive hash running is a No! No! 

             Notable, because she is a notable old timer, was Just-Say-When who came thundering in the last 15 meters in a futile attempt to reach               the cars in front of a cute, young number who probably had just a bit more in her legs than JSW.

  • It was good to see LIKKUM, our China Tour companion of last year. He was the only other Yank on the hash that afternoon. (Your modest scribe was the other.) I sat next to him at dinner that evening. Good, Lord! He eats even more than Mummyґs Boy! He still wonґt tell me his real name.  If there is a professional hasher anyway in the World I canґt imagine he/she is as hash-active as LIKKUM.

  • Trail Blocked by our Circle, and reluctant to walk through it, was a Finnish couple who were accosted in a friendly manner by GM Just-In and stayed with the Circle long enough to hopefully interest them in joining us next week. Good to have some new blood. The last Finn we had; one that I can clearly remember, because she was clearly memorable, was Zoomie. Lots of stories there!

  • The Sunday meal at the Market Restaurant in La Calla was outstanding. Very good & plentiful, nice service and good value. 

Many thanks to Sparky and Gangplank for arranging a very pleasant afternoon and evening.

 

CBOO, (Cheers, Beers and On! On!)

EA

The Sunday meal at the Market Restaurant in La Calla was outstanding. Great food, nice service and good value. 

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Run 1407 - April 5th - Gangplank  Photos 1407 

 

Run 1403 - March 8th

 

Atalaya Macora

Hare – Mummies Boy/ Just Say When

The Run began 3.5 K down a track, deep in pretty well virgin territory. Certainly the circle was in a location that we have never started from before. There was an excellent turnout of around thirty hashers.

The Run began with a check – never a good start – but improved from then on. We were soon in deep campo and remote  from civilization.  It was a most pleasant Run.

Most of us made the first beer stop, though not everyone, and the second, cava stop was missed principally by the group on the Macho Run.

Haberdashery, making its appearance after a long absence, did very well … one hasher (myself) actually buying no less than five items. (Cost me a fortune! Though I did subsequently get to take the haberdashery for “safe keeping” for the coming week ….. so perhaps it won`t work out so expensive after all!)

The circle was taken by our GM, Justin and by the stand-in RA, Flakey. It was remarkable for his usual good humour and also for the large number of anniversaries. At that point there were more in the circle than out of it.

The On-On was at the nearby Venta los Rios and we arrived to find food and wine already on the tables!

Your scribe

French Erection

 Run 1401 February 22nd

Hares: Blown a Seal & Alex, Alex who the F is Alex

Location: The Golden Mile

Advertised as a Campo Run this was the Run of the Four Palaces along the Golden Mile, someone say Campo?

Set with small chalk arrows and occasional flour / paper we soon realised our one and only front runner, Just Say When would be separated from the five sightseer's. Yes despite lovely weather, the combination of being miles from home!! and the Javea weekend had reduced the pack to just six.


 

Despite minimalistic marking we knew that something was up when the Beer Wagon was parked alongside a new, top of the range Maserati, on the Paseo by Victor's Beach and we were drinking Anna de Cordinuie Cava, Bloody Mary's and Gin and Tonics. Accompanied by Danish Tapa's and live Music from the Beach Bar, bribery or what?


 

Sure enough the second half confirmed that the run had not only been set late that morning but it had also been recce'd at the same time. Lots of dead ends had obviously been found and much of the time we did not know if we were coming or going, the markings going in the opposite direction! I thought Americans and Business Women knew all about the 6 p's. Fortunately the scribe knew his way home but how many falsies the front runner found we will never know.


 

The circle was deemed unnecessary either due to a lack of mismanagement or probably due to the rumours that Hash Shit might be looking for a new position. Plenty of beer for next weeks run and a possible refund for the Pack?


 

Finally and for a first in many a year, there was a 100% attendance at the ON ON, albeit only eight persons and at a location nobody, including the scribe (perhaps with good reason), had heard of - the Chiriinguito Perejil, just 100 meters from the start of the Marbella to Puerto Banus tunnel. Totally hidden away in the Campo, ah! that's whats meant by a Campo Run! Unfortunately what was promoted as "cheap as chips" and "no need to negotiate" meant paying 15 euro's for a glass of gazpacho and a few cubes of chicken (no chips) washed down with 3/8ths of a bottle of wine.


 

ON ON and a fond farewell to the two Hares, who we love really and gave us tourists a nice afternoon out and who are now off to Chile to continue their adventures.


 

Your Scribe, Mummy's Boy

 

Run 1400 February 15th

The Hares; One Pussy – Tit Galore

Valentines Tantrums and Tiara’s Run

Calahonda Mijas Costa

Or was it

The Momentary Lapse of Reason Run

After last week’s poor show of hands, cars full of hashers choked the roads leading to Calahonda. The scent of a FREE TEE SHIRT had them coming out in droves.

I was accompanied by a rejuvenated Gangplank, more ready than ever to achieve maximum return from his 4 Euro hash fee. Dressed curiously as an aged Bag Lady and supported by his trusty stick we set off in the GM Mobil. Justin chuntering and continuously defending his position “its not a Red Dress Run” chunter chunter “why are you dressed as a Tart”?

I explained that’s its just tradition for me, once a year, to inflate the false boobs and don my wig and red dress. Irrespective of what the committee had decided, or what the Hare’s had advertised on the web site. More chuntering from Justin, long lingering looks from passing motorists. Gangplank non- committal and feeling ready to hash after such a long lay off even if he was wearing a dress.

Assuring our driver we would change to “normal hash gear” for the return trip made Justin relax a little, as the fear of explanation to the traffic police why he was a taxi for transvestites became less likely.

Dogs Bollocks made a late call as we where passing on the N340, our agitated driver was in no mood to swing back to pick him up, probably fearing the unwanted attention we where attracting may attract the eyes of the law.

Soon we arrived at the Hash start to see the two Hares dressed as Flamenco Dancers and Jizical Ferk also in a red racy little number. More chuntering from Justin as we embraced our fellow hashers, most dressed as “normal Hashers” with a little show of Red, the official Hash line as we where all to receive a commemorative Tee Shirt.

 Stiffany was eagerly distributing these in a mad scramble to find a shirt that fits everybody, Mummy’s Boy and myself claiming the only two XXX Fat Bastard shirts in an eye catching yellow with a Love Heart on the front.

Everyone was in a happy joyous Valentine Day state of mind. Embracing exchanging best wishes, greeting old friends. Like Five Mil, on his first outing of the year, looking very suspect in an obvious 80’s track suite, as worn by the late paedophile James Savile OBE, but happy to be alongside fellow enthusiasts for the trail.

Pussy, known to give hashers what they think they want. Predictably long and challenging with a few surprises along the way.

The First surprise, being the stand off between Justin (its Not a Red Dress Run) and One Pussy. “It’s my Hash I can do what I want”.   “Well get on with it then, you know best” as Justin refused to start the circle, he was obviously not happy with Pussy, and she adamant to have the Hash she wanted. The stand off continued as we waited for someone to take charge, then Uncle Fester stepped up to the plate.

“Welcome to run 1400, are hares today are” etc and in stepped our gorgeous Hares to explain the run, what to expect along the way and the use of flour etc. They managed to exclude the need for climbing gear and a torch, expecting a sense of humour each hasher is known to posses as all that was needed to complete the trail unscathed.

This most managed to do with only a few refusing at the first obstacle, a corrugated iron lined tunnel that only the brave, or those with more than 2 Vodka jellies from the Beer/Cava stop would attempt. I was last through with mud on my knees to prove how low ours hares had stooped in laying this trail. We had been lulled into a false sense of well being along the new beach boardwalk but those of us who know the Hare’s, can expect the unexpected on a Pussy Run. 

The checks, being Hearts on this Love theme trail made for some interesting guesswork on my behalf to find the true direction of the trail. When reunited at the next Beer/Cava stop with the pack I managed another Beer and Nurofen before being dragged to my feet and pointed in the direction of the next tunnel.  This one I could pass through erect, nothing to do with sexual arousal but my stature. Aided by the fading light from a few glowing tea lights and Aphrodisiac’s phone App we managed to avoid the obstacles of metal reinforcing bars, uneven flooring and hidden rocks. Obvious a Risk Assessment had not been carried out, and my report will be forwarded to the Spanish equivalent of the HSE for the appropriate action to be taken against our reckless Hares.     

The pain was not over, we needed climbing skills to ascend to the road level after clearing the obstacles in the river bed. This resulted in a few more of our less able hashers to take the long route around this titillating little teaser. My recent 3 kilo weight loss enabling me to traverse this with some sort of dignity, my split red dress squeezed over my ample pneumatic bust adding a little difficulty to this tricky climb.

Once back on tarmac we soon arrived back at the circle eager to strip off our sweaty attire and dress in more fitting and warm clothes as the evening sun started to chill the air. Where was Justin?  Had he been eaten in the Tunnel of Doom? Had he found a hidden bottomless pit? Concern spread around the huddle of weary hashers. Some who shall not be named for legal reasons showed less concern for the fate of our lost GM but, just as we all thought he would never return he suddenly arrived in the nick of time to change and start the circle in fine form. Maybe his near death experience out on the Pussy trail had jogged his senesces. His momentary loss of reason was cast aside and we celebrated a few anniversaries of distinction for services to Hashing. Boob Marley 10 runs, the Dog Marley 69 runs. Should buy a stronger lead!

UYB showing genuine emotion as she accepted a photo of the late Hash Hound Brandy.  Areoflapps had a birthday. “Hashy Birthday to You” was sung with gusto from the group as we all joined in accepting our down downs for stupidity and all things Hashy from the RA Sir Flakey.

I was let off lightly with just the one for reference to being stuck in a tunnel/loo and of course Gangplank always fair game for a Down Down got the final call. Minus his much loved Prostate that had given him fine service over many years. Gangplank who is well known for indiscriminately peeing on the trail, five feet from the assembled circle, up against Kindergarten Cops car, in the nearest bush or in fact anywhere was fair game and a must for the RA's attention. Flakey stuffed a plastic bag over his nether region and asked the circle if anyone else had a plastic bag on his or her dick to step forward. This reference directed at Gangplank, who after all these years of outdoor ablutions had finally been upgraded to indoor plumbing, his catheter strapped to his left leg being the legacy from his recent 7hour operation to extract his worn out and much loved Prostrate.

Proud as punch of his new plumbing attachment he proceeded to demonstrate the draining procedure by opening the tap in front of the startled circle, causing a damp steaming pool in the circle. Sticky Tart must have been mortified! The look on Putitin’s face! Classic Gangplank as only he could do and get away with. Brilliant!  Score of 8.6 revised to 6.8 by the GM, applying Rule One,but still a great Hash.

The remaining beer was given to returnee’s, which was most of the circle! Who had to manoeuvre around the wet part of the circle thanks to Gangplanks over flowing plumbing.

And then came another example of acute lack of reason when no volunteers came forward to take the Beer etc, next weeks Hares weren’t present and a solution had to be found to accommodate the Hash Stash till it could be retrieved. The obvious solution as Sweet and low lived by the circle was that she store it, as I suggested, only to be shot down by a clearly unhappy bunny at the thought of such a idea. “I don’t have room in my shed, and its winter I can’t leave it outside”. There is no frost here I thought but I decided to leave the powers at be to sort it out and left for the On On as navigator for Elephant arse, and Swiss Roll as Co pilot. We made it in one piece to the restaurant just around the corner.

I dread to think how next weeks Hares will find all the Beer and Coolers as they will be scattered all over the Costa, some I believe Sweet did take into custody, with the others being gathered by various Hashers, not attending Javea next week. Catastrophic and good luck to next weeks Hare’s, as I will be slumming it with a few others in Javea.

The meal at Dona Lola was superb, the wine excellent and I managed a pee without getting stranded for 45 mins. Pussy even handed out prizes. Jizical Ferk for best dressed Male! and yours truly for best Female! What a result and a heart shaped chocolate lollipop to take to bed. Worth the effort of blowing up my bust.

On On and forever On

Bless stupidity, loss of reasoning, being pig headed, loss of loved ones and above all the loss of precious body parts, without all this Hashing would be boring.

Let it always continue.

Yogi Bear  Aka The Right Reverend George Mooney retired          

 

Run 1399 February 8th - Photos 1399

THE LAST TEN STANDING RUN

We will fight them on the beaches

Hares Sweet & Low(miss hypo) and Swiss Roll(on a roll)

Guadamar flight path nature reserve and Landing Ground Malaga Airport, Spain

The Cast of this tale of Fear and loathing in the Dunes was brought together by a pestilence ripping through the Hashing Clans on the coast. A bug so fiendish and cunning it lays asunder the most hardy of our Hardy Group of Hard ashing Hashing Hard Harrier and Harriretts. Mummys Boy & Just say When being noted absentees. Big Mack had thrown a sicky. Stiffany was bitten by a Horse fly, Colonic had some excuse of being laid up abroad etc etc What has become of this once thriving Band of Brothers ?

The Last Ten Standing being our trusty Hares and;

Justin - our Tobberlone loving Hug a Hasher GM from Dutch ancestry

Yogi – The Multitasking stand in - RA, Hash Flash, Bog Cleaner and Scribe. Yorkshire Hash Rt.

Flakey – A Twat in a Hat, Irish born Evertonian dog walker.

Kindergarden Cop – Another Yorkshire Born and Out of his depth, wading through the surf.

French Erection – Does what it says on the Tin, its French and it gets hard!

Pussy Galore ­- Canine lover with some Doggy Belgium history.

One Tit – Lancastrian Red Rose with some Spanish Red in her veins

Last one standing - Up Your Bum – the Polish/Canadian, built to survive whatever Hashing throws at her. Even in grief from loosing Brandy the original Hash Hound and drowning in a sea of lost souls, she makes it through to Hash another day.

Virgin terrain may have be the cause, or was it Hashitus striking at the core of our prime Harriers failing to attend this fine winter afternoon. Who knows? but only the Brave conquer their fears and Hash where no Hasher has hashed before. And live to Hash triumphant knowing that;

Never, in the field of Hashing, has so much been owed to so few.

We will never surrender, we will Hash on the Beaches, in the Fields, on the landing grounds

As long as we have Hashing in our Hearts we will Hash.

It felt like we needed the Dunkirk spirit, as we retreated down the wind swept beach, with planes swooping overhead, floundering in the surf and struggling to put one foot in front of the other. I had to dig into my reserve rations to find the energy to keep site of the pack. But knowing they would wait at the checks to regroup I trudged on hart filled knowing I wouldn’t be left behind and stranded on the beach.

How wrong I was! The Dunkirk Sprit was long gone like the pack, even the Last one standing was no where to be seen. No longer hampered by the short legs of Brandy RIP, UYB had left me for dead on the landing ground, left to the mercy of the elements. A pack of dogs tried seeing me off but my Hash training kicked in when needed and my fast reaction and instincts saved my skin. (I phoned Sweet and Low for emergency avoidance co-ordinates)  All beach obstacles avoided my next rendezvous was to make contact with the pack at the Beer stop. This was at a location by the dunes and manned by a brave Patriot code name Swiss Roll. Not your normal covert under cover agent, but one disguised as a mobile beer seller in a camouflaged local beer truck, big enough to transport a Giraffe with its secret folding roof compartment. Lucky for me she had chosen to leave the Giraffe at home as not to draw attention to her self. A swift draught later and with no site of the remaining pack, I was recruited to replace the absent Giraffe for the return trip to the Hash Landing site known as the circle. This had been marked with a discarded toilet for those Hash Paratroops who cared to drop in. No one had done so and I was pleased to be re united with half of my hardy troupe of Hashers. I thought I had been left to my own devices, but it seams four of the pack had decided to head inland to avoid the mine fields and packs of dogs. This was a strange strategy as no trail markings showed an inland route to the beer wagon.

When they discovered the error of their ways they retraced the route back to the loo circle avoiding Dogs, Mines and Beer! Strange people. Some say Swiss Roll is crackers but she knows her Bears from her Giraffes and managed to have a beer or two.

The circle was fast and furious as we all needed heat! Layers of clothes appeared from nowhere, kit bags ripped apart in the frenzy to keep warm. Hugging was allowed but rejected as too personnel by one neutral nation representative, not to be mentioned in dispatchers but a great server of beer, as long as its not Heineken, or Grolsh.

Every one had a charge to give a down down for the usual stupidity one faces in every day hashing.

The only one of note being a toast to Brandy Rip, the late Hash Hound and only friend of UYB who really has to get a life, her total hash count easily ahead of the total hash count of the remaining eight standing. Her partner and joint holder of Hash Shit being excluded from this comparison on fears of litigation claims for character deformation or claims of persecution from hash officials.

It really was a great day out.

The on on was at a beach side cafй specialising in Fish, of all things to serve with the waves crashing over your shoulder. Not easy to tempt Sweet & Low to the virtues of sea life, she of course chose the cheapest hamburger of the house washed down with coke. You can take the Luxenburger out of CallaHonda but you can’t take the burger out of her.

We never surrendered and some say “this was our finest hour”

Sir Winston Spencer Yogi Churchill

Run 1398 February 1st - Hares - Big Mac and Just say when

A Hash Fairy Tale Run 1398 Sunday 1 February

Once upon a time a bunch of animals gathered on the side of a hill. One of them, a Ram dotted up in

a funny kind of skirt, had been observing the adjoining hill on the other side of the valley for years

and had finally decided that the grass was greener there. So, he put all of them in a circle and

exclaimed: “I have decided that we shall move to yonder pastures and graze on its lush turf!”

“But, how will we find our way?” the Purple Swiss Chocolate Cow mooed, while looking very

worried and confused.

“Don't worry” said the Ram, “I have sent out my daughter Gretel to lay a trail of rocks, so that we

can find our way easily!”

And so the whole herd set off, with a mixture of anxiety and excitement. How could they have

known that things would not turn out as expected...? You see children, what had happened was that

Gretel had not quite followed the Ram's instructions. She had taken one look at the pile of rocks and

had thought “I'll 'ave these for me garden!” and had then loaded them on the back of her friend

Hansel's motorbike..

Instead of the rocks, she had decided that breadcrumbs (well, the raw material for them anyway)

would do the trick just fine, but unfortunately she hadn't thought of the pack of wolves that always

follow the herd around. Wolves that eat anything they find on the ground: crisps, chocolate cake or

even the odd toe. Breadcrumbs were no challenge for them at all and before the herd had set off

they had quickly devoured most of them.

So, the cows, the bull and a whole bunch of headless chickens got thoroughly lost even before they

made it to the first hill. On top of that, the few that did reach the intended destination soon started a

heated discussion. “This grass is not greener!” “Look at that next hill, any fool can see that the grass

there is at least 50 shades greener than this one!”

And off they went again.. scrambling for the next hill, expecting more luck this time. However,

before they were even halfway there, they suddenly saw a rather strange house... a house made

entirely of food and drink! A welcome sight after such an effort, so all of them rushed towards the

little house and started tearing off the cans and munchies. Well, not all of them... some of the

animals stood back with a disappointed look on their face. “Where is the chocolate cake?” “Where

are the flavoured chips?” “What is this Lidl soda doing here?” “This is not the like the story my

mother used the read me!”

Then, out of the tiny door a small, but commanding figure emerged.. “Oo iz neebling on my leetle

'ouse?” All the animals scuttled as one, making off for the hills as fast as their paws and hooves

would carry them. Well, almost all of them.. Nursery Rhyme Cop, a graceful gazelle did not react

fast enough and was dragged inside. Rumour has it that he is now locked inside a cage where the

Wicked Witch of the North is now trying to put some meat on his bones... fat chance of that ever

happening! I can't shake the feeling, however, that this is exactly what he wanted to happen, judging

by his ear-to-ear smile as she locked him up and threw away the key.

Meanwhile, the pack or herd or assorted liquorice or whatever name this Wild Bunch should go by,

had made it to the next hill, only to have yet another argument.. “But what about that hill, over

there?” the Sweaty Hippo exclaimed. And off they went again...

Then, an imposing tower emerged from the mist and from atop a long tail of blond hair hung down..

it was Rapunzel! “Come on, come on, climb my hair without a stair!” she whispered with the

sweetest of voices, but the animals all ignored her. They ran on to what they thought was the

greenest hill they had ever seen and left the blonde in the tower. Poor blonde, she never saw the

elevator...

Then, much to their suprise, the animals suddenly found themselves back where they had started –

they had come full circle!

And the moral of the story is... Don't forget to appoint a scribe or you will be writing a lot of Bull

yourself.

On on! Just in

 

Run 1397 January 25th - Hares - Desire and Navigator

Run 1396 January 18th - Hares - Jizzicle and Izzinyet

To tribute to the Holocaust victims in the 70th anniversary Auschwitz liberation,I will write my report in German oder " Switzerdeuscht".

 

Ich war rechtzeit am Treffpunt und anderen kamen erst nach mir an.
 

Wegen starken regen wurden wir, "per comboy" an einen asfaltieren plaz versetzt.

Zuerst rannen wir auf asfalt, dann durchs gras un durqueren ein fluss.

Got sei dank, fand der BS unter einer Brucke statt, inclusive mit leckeren Cake.

Als wir bein ON IN ankamen, war ich vуlich durchnдsst.Ging zum auto un musse mich bis und mit auf die unterhosen unziehen, daher kan ich zu spдt zum zierkel.

Die Hare bekamen ausgezeichnete puntuazion.Alle anderen notizen wuerden mir leider von regen verschwommen.

Ein "lebe hoch" an die Hare.

Das restarant wurde speziel fьr uns geoffnet und zun hцhepunkt, nebst kamimfeuer gab es Glьhwein. Von innen und aussen wieder aufgewдrmt. Happy endЎЎ 

                                                  Euere Schriffstellerin    

                                                                                   On on Swiss Roll 

 

Run 1395 January 11th

On a beautiful winters day with temperatures in excess of 25deg the hares Stiffanny, Flakey, and Stiffita had chosen well. Entrerrios a few km inland from La Cala is a perfect location with plenty of undulating campo, rivers, tunnels and trails!
The circle was convened with Stiffanny explaining we were about to embark on a simple run with no false trails or check backs, only checks. It was noted it couldn’t be that simple as two of the hares were missing, presumably lost on the trail!
After the appearance of the missing pair the secrets of the trail began to unfold.

This was far from a “simple trail” as there was a B.S a C.C.S and two B.Bs W.T.F?
Well a B.S beer stop we all know and love, a C.C.S turned out to be a Cake and Cava stop, things are getting better! But two B.Bs that’s a ball breaker in my book, well it turned out to be the politically correct term for Women and Wimps (sorry wimps no offence!) B.B is now a “Blue Badge” so what’s the old B.B a T.T (testicle twister)? Oh that’s no good it’s sexist.. After welcoming a newcomer called Steve?? From the U.K it was time to check numbers for the On-On.
Using the new method of asking hashers to raise there hands who aren’t there and not going then who are there but not going eliminating the ones who just heard fooood and put there hands up then applying a diophantine equation, it was done, simples!

After a quick group pic from hash flash off we went. The front runners took off and with mouths going faster than legs the rest followed. As the gap widened we listened out for the customary call of On-On but nothing was heard!

Aphrodisiac took an early tumble which was lucky for me as I now had an excuse to lag behind! After doing every check we headed down a river looking for the trail followed by Mummy’s Boy and Yogi who complained that no one had rubbed out the checks. At this point marks had become few and far between. The trail was good and varied with plenty of prickly gorse, checks, rivers, mad campo dogs and other obstructions. There was of course the customary “Flake’s tunnel” fortunately in this one we could nearly stand up and see light!! Later on Yogi and Mummy’s Boy took a short cut back to the cars but we found the trail and soldiered on. After lagging behind we then suffered the indignation of being taken by car for the last 1k to the beer stop. After greetings of where the F#‪#‎K‬ have you been, we where back on trail.

Suitably refreshed we carried on to the next oasis in the campo the C.C.S (Cava and Cake Stop) here we were greeted by Stiffanny who was not a happy hare. Blue the chicken chasing wolf had lost his way, a bit like Everton Football Club who he was named after.

From here it was a couple of KMs back to the cars passing Flakey on the way, who had now found the mutt and all was well. The circle was convened with the usual misdemeanours and down downs. The run was measured at 11.5Km and given the thumbs up. The circle was closed and off we went to the On-On at a Restaurant called El Brujo. This was probely the best food I have had at a hash On-On. Well done hares Stiffanny, Flakey, and Stiffita aka Steff, Frank and Alia…

Scribe Egg Shell Blonde.
 

Run 1394 January 4th

Hare  - Dogsy  Photos 1394       

The memorial run.

Nice turnout for a beautiful day of about 35 hashers. The run start - The crematorium. The list of the hashers in the onon land is getting a bit long for my liking. After a speech and finding look a like to give a down-down beer to we all set off..

Then we went left. Then we went right. Up the hill and down again. A check here and a check there. Didn't keep the pack together but there you go.

Somebody behind me was doing an awful lot of complaining " this is so f.....g long - where is the beer stop, is dogsy trying to kill us all"

Colonic just get on with it..

Beer stop was nice with cava. We were just missing the cake. The cake Uncle Fester was told 10 times not to forget. And then he forgot it..

Excitement when we got back to the crematorium. Police everywhere.

(No disrespect) there was a funeral. But that meant it probably wasn't a good idea to have the circle there. Singing rude songs and drinking beer.

Never mind we just had to go somewhere else, and some clever person decided - lets go to the car park next to the mosque. And so we did.

We sang and laughed and had a few beers. Colonic was funny as ever. Last run with us for 3 month he promised us. Of to Thailand. Who wants to go there.!!!!!!! ( see you in March )

I can't remember the anniversary hashers even I might have been one. So ask Sweet and Low if its that important to you.

Good turnout for the onon.

ON-ON Streaky

Run 1393 December 28th 2014 -  Photos 1393 (tba)

Hares: Just Say When(again) and Sweet&Low

Another sunny day on the Costa Del Sol. What could JSW do now after losing all the Danish group the previous week? Well, she actually managed to lose a couple of hashers but that was their fault for believing Mummies Boy when he said as usual "I know a short cut".

It was familiar territory starting from the Football pitch in La Cala. A  figure of 8 run with 4.5 Kms on the first half up hill and down the Eucalyptus alley that we know so well. Beer stop provided a very welcome hot mulled wine with lots of citrus supplied by JSW from her orchard.

The second half was on the other side of the road ans was about 4 Kms. long managing to find a stream to wade thru though not as deep as her previous weeks river.

Nice to have Colonic back from his escapades in Thailand (50 Euros or Iґll show the photos of the night in Soy Cowboy). Run scored about 8.5

On-on was a good fish restaurant on the beach in La Cala. Most of us fitted in well as it was the local "Hogar del pensionistas"

Photos on Facebook as I donґt receive them by email any more.

On-on

Dogsy

Run 1392 December 21st 2014 -  Photos 1392 (tba)

The XMAS FAIRY RUN

It was Christmas day in the workhouse

The rain was snowing fast

And a bear footed girl with clogs on

Stood dancing on the grass

Enough of this joviality, little Bob Scratch–it was playing merrily under the shade of an unlit Christmas tree, not enough money in the meter to power the illuminations, not enough cheer and good will to fill his hungry belly. Counting money for Ebon Geezer a scrooge of man, so full of his own importance, living on his own in Scrooge towers overlooking the ocean in down town Fuengirola. So tight was he that even the happy hour prices couldn’t tempt him out for some festive cheer. BOGOF was the only sound when anyone dare to knock on his door. He sat indoors by a small fire waiting for the Boxing day sale, but then three ghosts came by to call. The first one known as Past, a little over dressed in Hippy gear and sporting a trendy beard of the time, a waft of earthy substances drifting from his flowery outfit. OOOOO Ebon Geezer I am the ghost of Christmas Past. Do you remember smoking pot and dancing naked around a smouldering cauldron of fresh road kill, those were Heady days of excess and exuberance. OOO  yes I do and it was Good etc etc who said head?

Then, as soon as you could say Boo to a Goose, Past was gone. Future turned up wearing what could only be described as a fruity little number, consisting of a number of what on the surface looked like elastic bands arranged to provide some form of modesty to dress up this nice piece of mutton.

OOOO I am the Ghost of Christmas Future, and I’m not to be sniffed at, you too can be like me trawling around all the disco bars trying to pull a young one and destined never to succeed. An eternal hell as each time you check the mirror another piece has fallen off. OOOOO Shiiiitt thought Ebon that sounds like worse than a Mummys boy run in the Campo!

Then just like magic the ghost of Christmas present appeared wearing a little angle outfit and with a very deep voice said, welcome to run number 1392. It was worse than Ebon could have ever imagined, the ghost of Christmas Present was MUMMY BOY. This is reality and Bob Scratch-it was just a dream.

The terrain around Coin, far far far in the campo was the setting for this Christmas Run, all attendees knowing what our Christmas Fairy is capable of had some slight trepidation for the coming Yuletide event, even as we set off I realised it was going to be a cracker!  Both Dipper and myself were left by the pack as we returned to the cars to retain something we thought we had left. Its old age and insanity creeping up on us. I never really saw any of the pack only old Indian signs left by Dipper to keep me on trail. Thank god for the beer stop and King Canute who had saved me the last mulled wine. Who said they have no sense of humbug. What a feast of stuff stuff and more stuff washed down with Cava.

Next thing we know we are off, like hare’s out of a trap the pack is charging off into the unknown leaving me munching on my stuff!  The sniff of a river had our Christmas Fairy gloating in the punishment he was about to deliver on our pack. Not known for pussy trails he had as expected laid the bloody trail up the river. Not wanting to be left awash I back tracked but still managed to get lost!

 Wooden Twat in the Rusty Twat Motor turned up to rescue me, who said chivalry is dying.

 Back at the circle and the Danes had gone missing, Blown a Seals entire family away with the Fairy trail. Alex WTFIA didn’t appear to be showing any concern for his missing loved ones, “they are in good hands “ meaning she would bring here family home. Which she did and a fine circle following the reuniting of the Seals.

Who knows or cares what his worshipfullness got hares to drink a down down, all I know is I had at least two. Good show. A few Danes got to drink a tea bag, well done Alex WTFIA for standing in as I think BAS got the worse deal early on with new shoes.

If there was an aniversario the numbers were too high to remember

All good clean festive fun.

Nice meal at the BOMA

YOGUS BEARASE   

 

Run 1391 December 14th 2014 -  Photos 1391 (tba)

Hares: Alex wtfia & Blown a seal

MIJAS HASH HOUSE HARRIERS XMAS BALL RECOVERY RUN 

A DASH THROUGH THE DUNES

In the Year 1391 Five Thousand Jews in Malaga never made it home for Tea

In the Year 2014  Mijas Hash Run 1391 nearly drowned 25 fair runners on the Beach.

Andys Beach bar at Cabapino tried to kill eleven cold and damp hashers with “death by fish” a local custom of force feeding customers not ordering Chicken. Anyone not in pain was either not trying, or had slipped the healthy looking beach cats their meal when the waiter was distracted forcing another helping of soup down my neck.

So the On On was good ! Very very good.

So what about the Run

Alex Alex who the F::k is Alex and Blowing a Gale on a Seal, took the storm by the horns and laid a trail for runners and whimps using international and inter galactic markings of many colours.

They made excuses at the start saying they had misgivings about the markings, some under statement that was somehow forgotten as we muddled are way around the trail. Some more muddled and puddled than others.

 I was following Mummys Boy,who is quickly over taking Karma Car-meal-ion as Hash know it all on trails past, his expert knowledge of all things hashing, even to how and why the trail will go as it most certainly did, up this gully and down this path is a knack that takes the un predictability out of our Sunday afternoon excursion into the unknown.

Elephant Arse as always has a knack for taking the most direct route, Americans are used to driving on long straight roads and when he saw one he was away, head down and arms swaying with the determination of a long distance speed walker. Totally oblivious of passing trucks and buses on the N340 I had to raise my voice and call him back on safety grounds. This way, just follow that man with the funny walk and ski poles, he looks like he knows where he is going.

 The beer stop was a stollen stop with warm wine with glue in it, funny customs these Germans, who says they have no sense of humbug. And its nearly Xmas who would have thought it.

Can’t remember anything else I’ve been asleep, I know we was dead lucky not to be drowned.

It was a cracker and Blown a Head Gasket turned up too, chip off the old block that young Seal.

Alex’s Dad was otherwise engaged.

This was the recovery run from the Xmas Ball and set early so our hares could don their tights and head off to the Ballet in Marbella , just think it was an excuse for Alex to wear a Cod Piece ! The spare  fish at the On On  would have made a nice Whale Piece ! 

Can anybody remember the Ball? It was a load of mince pies if you ask me. Was I really sat next to Gerry Can when the ”dumb chick” table was over flowing!   I noticed EGG–I got my arse on this seat SHELL- fuck the Germans I’m from Liverpool – BLOND managed poll position, just the sniff of an oriental brings out the true gentleman in any man.  I’m sure everyone had a great night even if the musical chairs at the outset, was a little out of order. I’m sure everyone had a Ball.

On On

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Yogus Bearicus Maximus

Run 1390 December 7th 2014 -  Photos 1390

Hares: Sweet&low/ Jerry Can

Run 1389 November 30th 2014 -  Photos 1389

Hares: Seaman Stains

Somewhere in Alhaurin.

At 3 PM we gathered for a afternoon in the country side. The weather was surprisingly good and so was the mood all around. Hares Uncle Fester, Sticky Tart, Streaky and Seaman Stains (also host) met us outside the gates of Seaman Stains estate! I was appointed scribe as my duties as Hash Cash stopped me from joining the circle before the rest. This report will be short though as I need several hours if not days to update/calculate the hare runs as nobody has done that for the past 4 years… Also preparing for Sundays run and doing the accounting so a full hash week, but not the fun stuff!

We set off on a nice Sunday stroll going down, down, down down down. There were some letters on the ground and I ended up strolling along the easy way. The Beer Stop was easily found and enjoyed. Took some time for the last hashers to arrive so we had a fairly long rest. Might have been planned as we certainly now set off on the serious part of the run!

Up we went and up and up and up and a bid more up. Crossing rivers, climbing walls and sneaking through shaggy all the way (ok, most of the way) Started to feel like a real Hash there! All made it back up the mountain where we were now allowed through the gates and onto Seaman Stains estate!

Just the fore court though as that was the place for the circle. The 2 virgins were tested for their memory and failed miserably. The aniversarios were called in with Badge and Mug for Izzy in Yet who did 50 runs. People were rewarded, punished and cleansed of their sins and the circle ended as the sun set.

The ON On was a great dinner cooked by Sticky Tart and Streaky and all enjoyed the hospitality shown by Seaman Stains.

ON ON

Sweet & Low

 

Run 1388 November 23rd 2014 -  Photos 1388 (waiting)

On arrival at a beautiful spot near the Rio Grande and noticing the stream, thinking to myself I should of brought spare shoes!! Pussy Galore notices Simon had no hash attire, to this he replies ''Dad hasn't washed it'' So in true Hash style straight to the RA and grassed up, then Kinder garden Cop grasses himself up. Hares Willy Wanker and his Warmer start the run and we he...ad up the mountain and up and up, after a long climb we reach the summit, and head back down, but no that wasn't enough for them, so they send us up another one. At least this one had the beer stop at the top, great views and cold beer.Then back down and paddling through the stream twice we make it to the ON IN. Strand in RA Sir Flaky has notice Simon has a whipping app on his phone, well he uses it on me all the time as he thinks I'm Pussy whipped for some reason, on this note Simon is called in to be christened, the choice of Daddy's Boy or Whip it Out, Whip it out won and out came the beer and flour. I'm pulled in for drinking beer like true Hasher and given more beer after that it's a bit blurred, great run and good time had by all

Sweaty scrotum

 Run 1387 November 16th 2014 - (Scorpio Run) Photos 1387 (waiting)

Hares: Flakey and Stiffanny

Location: Fuengirola Campo de Feria

The preamble

A fine day for the last Beach Party of 2014!  As hashers assembled we were handed out shirts that emphasised our body parts. Several hashers were heard to say that they looked better in their standard garb, but I doubt it. Alex Alex who the f**k is Alex opted for a girl’s body – now that was an improvement. Stand in GM, Alex Alex who the f**k is Alex took control of the circle and did a great job – remember that come next May. The hares promised us an A to B run, but this seemed a bit odd as no effort was made to collect our run bags for transportation to the B point.

The Run

Talking to Flakey in some tapas bar Friday night I was promised campo and that I’d be surprised. Well, we got an interesting mix of blacktop and ‘urban’ campo, without going into the campo proper. After about 20 minutes we spotted Flakey (looking rather sheepish and not acknowledging us) trying to park up at a petrol station and being moved on by the attendant – no scouse loiterers here thank you very much! About 30 minutes later we arrived back at the petrol station – obviously the surprise! The long loop from the petrol station spread out the pack and hsashers arrived at the beach in dribs and drabs – strutting their stuff down the paseo maritimo. All in all it was a typical Flakey trail – I banged my head in a tunnel, poked an eye out on bamboo, and seemed to go uphill more than downhill.

The Beach Party

After a dubious bit of tapas, on on round the corner to enjoy Stiff’s lovely cocktails and sausage rolls. Volley ball ensued and the guys beat the girls – and rightly so!

The Circle

Having arrived at the B point, some 20 metres from the A point, we circled up and the hares were commended for their trail. A rather tubby brown-clad Winnie the Pooh lookalike then took control of the circle and punished ‘sinners’ by making them drink a shot of beer – this sinning business sounds good. I can’t really remember what he said and didn’t take notes because I only got the job of scribe after he’d finished (maybe the stand-in GM needs a bit more practice). 

The Haremeister then complained that 26 people (I assume all of them hashers) had looked at her post about needing hares for December and not one of them had volunteered – this was untrue as I had already been battered into agreeing to do one of them. The volunteers were made to sit on the ice!!

The On On

The 100% turnout (34 of us) panicked Stiffanny – she’d advised the Italian about 15-20. However, they squeezed us all in and served up the nosh – the thinnest escallop I’ve ever seen and pretty average vino blanco. But it was subsidised by the hares, so mustn’t complain (well not too much). I was dragged away by my driver just as colonic started to sing – a good time to go!

OnOn

JerryCan   

 

Run 1386 November 9th 2014 -  Photos 1386 (waiting)

Run 1385 November 2nd 2014 -  Photos 1385 (waiting)

Run 1384 October 26th 2014 -  Photos 1384 (waiting)

Run 1383 October 19th 2014 -  Photos 1383 (waiting)

Run 1382 October 12th 2014 -  Photos 1382 (waiting)

Thanks to my yappy black dog I have the joy of being scribe for the Run  1383 set just behind la cala de Mijas..

 After torrential rains most of the morning it was with much in trepidation  that many of us ventured out..

 But the sun decided to shine and 26 waterproofed hashers turned up for was the illegal Russian Golf Run set of blobs of …… very little as it had been washed away.

After greeting our new virgin Molly from Norway via the Orkney Islands, who kept bursting into song with a sweet Gallic voice, .we all set off with enthusiastic energy to follow the nearly none existent trail.. .lots of confusion with arrows pointing the true direction so we thought, only to find a F***ing “F”…Further down…. 

Then after having to make a few phone calls and clonk ( I’m sure in the know ;-) he was again leading the pack, we arrived at the golf course  7th Green which we had to circumnavigate not easy with three dogs, most of us stayed on the buggy path, except our Norwegians friends who risked life and limb, trying to out run me, ran straight across the green itself…tut tut no competitive running you two!!

We then all got to the swollen river due to all this rain..some smart hashers tried to walk along the road.. But no our hares were not having this , after hunting for a long time we eventually found the trail and our virgin  and visitors  much to their dismay realised that yes they would have to get their feet very wet..

If this was not enough,  our poor Virgin then stared in dismay at the steep hill…. beer wine and yes vodka shots all in sight miles up the wet slippery slop.. We all stood at the top and thought well that’s another virgin we’ve lost…!!!

After all the complaining and under current threat of hash shit.. The hares had chosen a suitable tree to shelter us from another shower and with Russian bread, meat pate with Vodka shots Some having a lot more than other Up yur Bum !!  humor was restored and the view marvelled at..

The second half was very short but a good run in.. Across more swollen rivers..

 Excellent run.. And they scored 2 thumbs up with the best beer stop of the year..

We circled up GM called our virgin in to see if she could recall any names.. Elephant arse got renamed elephant nose..  !!!

 We then sang Sticky Tart Hashy Birthday

 there was one anniversary.. But as I lost the paper I can’t remember who..

 The RA dressed in Monks robes then took over to cleanse us of our sins.. He produced his cracked Ice and said if anyone was to talk in his circle  they would have to sit on it.. 

Up yur Bum.. After her many vodka Shots was being very Vocal..

 And me being blond asked her to be quiet and was caught by the RA and had to sit on the Ice, which I cleverly parted and sat on the equally wet ground..Only then to become entangled in the RA’S clothing and other un mentionable tackle hidden below!!

After coming back up for air..

Tea Total my arse was called in for being a over zealous accountant that couldn’t even remember that he had paid for the 25th Anniversary hash, so decided to pay again at a higher Price..!!

 We honest hash cashiers decided to give him back the 65 euros and keep 20euros  for his stupidity, but then in good will all was returned to him..

Im sure there were many other sins… But after the shock of de flowering the RA… I have totally forgotten..

The On On was a raucous  affair at the local Chinese 

Pussy Galore

 

Run 1381 October 5th 2014 -  Photos 1381 (waiting)

Run 1380 Sept 28th 72014 -  Photos 1380 Hares: Dogs Bollox and Uncle Fester

Saturday night party  Sept 27th   Photos

Run 1379 Sept 27th 72014 -   Photos 1379 Hares: Two Pies K.O. Neptune, RubHerTurd and King Kanute

Friday night pub crawl  Sept 26th   Photos Hares: Colonic Irrigation, Pussy Galore and Just In

EVERY CLOUD HAS A SILVER LINING! 

Report of the Mijas Hash House Harriers 25th Anniversary weekend

Ah... Sunny Spain! Marvelous land of sun, sand, sea and sex; don't you just luv it!

The Mijas Hash Committee had deliberated long and hard on the most suitable date for this epic event. They had looked at the stars and the position of the planets, they had acquired the Fuengirola's Fisherman's Almanac and had even hired a local witch to read the entrails of a Malaga sardine. Result: One of the two founders of the Hash (Sir Flakey) away in Thailand (supposedly working) and the heaviest rains and thunderstorms in the area for the last two years. Great Mismanagement indeed!

Now, trying to describe all that happened throughout the weekend would cover dozens of pages and life's too short (there is another Hash to attend tomorrow, you know), so I'll try and limit myself to an outline of the events and a few of the saucier anecdotes. Disclaimer: if you can remember too much about the weekend, then you obviously weren't enjoying yourself enough, so don't blame me if you cannot recall any of the events described underneath.

Friday 26 September - Pub crawl

Hares: Colonic Irrigation, Pussy Galore and Just In

No expense or effort had been spared to make everyone feel warmly welcome upon their arrival to the Fuengirola Beach Hotel. Sweet and Low, Stiff Eater, Stiff Fanny, Streaky (aka Stakey) , Pussy Galore, Sticky Tart, IzzyInYet and a host of other enthusiastic 'voluntolds' were handing out their goodies and their cinnamon to all and sundry, eagerly taking down names and phone numbers and kissing more cheeks than a Soviet party leader on tour. They did such a good job that, at first, nobody wanted to leave the hotel bar and go on the pub-crawl cum puzzle tour that the Hares had so painstakingly laid out for them. We had been negotiating for weeks with 6 bars around the town for some bargain tapas and drinks and the only thing needed now was to get everyone going in groups of 10-15 to maximize our deal.

We tried many tactics, such as having Yogi Bear show his butt, or even (and this is against the Geneva Convention...) having Gang Plank sing his Corny Fisherman's Songs, but it was useless. Finally, some bright light told the bar staff to stop serving drinks and lo and behold, the whole crowd piled out as one man. All heading towards the first bar at the same time and all ignoring the trail that was supposed to show them the only glimpse of the beach that weekend.

The rest of the evening, as you can imagine, was total chaos.. and great fun, of course. We had 5 Mil competing with the Chester Hash on who could fall over hardest at the end of the evening – and as in every war, there were no winners. As I said, if you can remember anything... so Psychedelic sent us an email the following Monday to say he had just recalled that he had left his camera in the bog of Poges bar, nuf said.

Run 1379 - Saturday 27 Sept.

Hares: Two Pies K.O. Neptune, RubHerTurd and King Kanute

The best laid trails of mice and men... Same story really; having recced the trail for weeks, planning to take us through beautiful riverbeds, forests and a waterfall that would have Niagara green with envy, the Hares became painfully aware of two things

on the eve of the run: the authorities were not going to give us permission to take two tour coaches along a piddly goat trail leading to the end of the run and it was going to piss it down at a rate of 40 mm/m2 per hour..

Plan B then consisted of taking us down a mountain to the river and then back up again. If it hadn't been for the sausage rolls provided by Uncle Fester and Sticky Tart (there were lovely, you should try some yourself next time!) we would not have made it back up, for sure.

Circle:

First there was a brief section of official business. The 2 lovely virgins that were bold enough to join us for the weekend were tested on how many of the 108 Hash names they remembered. As you can imagine, with mixed results. Spare a thought for your poor assistant GM though, who had to keep a straight face while introducing them in return; one of them called “UnderDown” and the other one called “Fry” - pronounced “Free”. I refrained from calling out “we have a free virgin!” to avoid stampedes- At this rate, Hash Handles are going to be totally superfluous.

The Hares were awarded an “excellent” for their run – one is willing to bestow whatever accolades on the hares after surviving a hill like that.

Then, there was also a list of 'Anniversarios' as long as our two Hash Sleeves put together; sad f**kers all of them, and then it was on to the inimitable show of our esteemed R.A. Colonic Irrigation!

Dressed in his finest Guardia Civil outfit he was let loose on the circle to cleanse many of their sins:

Sweepstakes: A lot of money is being bet on this Hash on who is the next one to get that Perpetual Down Down in the Sky. Favourite at the moment is Karma Kameleon ( 2:1), followed closely by Elephant Ass (3:2) and Gangplank (4:1). The R.A. was very upset however, at RubHerTurd, who had gone off to run with the Batavia Hash and then got himself bitten by a viper.. Fortunately, it all came to nothing and the kitty is still full. The R.A. , who is a Jack of all trades, then handed out some cards for the nearest William Hill (“Oh, me and Bill go back a long way..”).

Birthday Cake: as is customary on the Mijas Hash, we celebrate birthdays by preparing a cake in the circle and this was not going to be an exception. Sir El Pulpo, one of the two founders of the Mijas Hash was called out for this honour. And what a lovely cake it was! There was flour, of course, but also mayonnaise, ketchup, hundreds and thousands and 25 eggs, all lovingly mixed and beat by our R.A.The candles were lit and the birthday song was sung. We all had to poke a tear from our eye, it was very moving.

As you can imagine, Colonic went on for another 3 hours, but fortunately he lost his notes, so I can save you all that. Well done Clonk (the circle, I mean, not losing your notes)!

After all that, it was off to the hotel to change for the big dinner later on that night; and what a change it was: a horde of muddy and sweaty savages emerged as a glittering assembly of classy party-goers. Mind you, this was not obvious for all of them at first, some of the gang were hiding their silver-ware in the most unexpected places – Rat WASS and Donkey Punch taking the biscuit in that department.

There was cava, there was food (eventually..) and there was a show that would have the manager of 'Escandalo' (our local gentlemen's club) rush to the fore with an open-ended contract in hand. Please see Aeroflaps' award winning video for details (youtube, Cannes, etc.) I have no idea what happened after that. It seems that Radio Kaka and Underdown then went on to paint the town silver, leaving an out-of-breath BJ from a DJ tucked up with his teddy bear at the hotel. Oh, and Comes Occasionally, the Spa Harriette from Hungary and the only Harriette I have ever seen  able to keep a wine glass standing on her forehead while lying on her back  - if she could do the same with a beer mug she would indeed be the ideal partner  -

felt like a swim after shaking her Turkish belly so vigorously at the party. However, the Fuengi Beach Hotel keeps some strict rules on pool-times: 9.00 am to 9.00 pm, so no chance for a glossy Moldavian Harriette to cool down a bit so late at night. This didn't deter our Romanian danseuse though and with great prowess she jumped over the fence and into the pool. She told us how, after a few rounds of brisk exercise , she started to feel it was time for a bit of relaxing sex and got out of the pool, trying to make her way up to her room, where her partner was lying in wait. Unfortunately, she was stopped by the security guard just before she found her way back...

“Did you get past him then?” our R.A. enquired, when he was told the story. “Yes”, she replied in her husky Albanian accent, “eeveentjually...”.

Run 1380 - Sunday 28 Sept.

Hares: Dogs Bollox and Uncle Fester

So, by now everything that could have gone wrong had gone wrong, right? Wrong!

Sunday's run was yet another fine example of Mijas HHH's talent for mismanagement. Taking us up to the picturesque village of, yes, you've guessed it: Mijas (some people had been wondering where we got our name from) and then running straight past it without as much as a glance over our shoulders – you would have been mad to look anywhere but straight at your feet in order to keep your balance on an imaginary path hewed out from a mud-slide on a 90 degree gradient – all the way down to where we expected the beer stop to be. Some 10 km's later, however, we were starting to wonder where this beer stop was exactly. Turns out that this day was the start of the Fuengirola Feria and the 'Romeria de la Virgen de la Something or Other' and that all the roads were blocked with horses and carts and wagons and 'la madre que las pariу' (the mother that bore them, basically) and that

the hares had been forced to have the beer stop next to the end of the run...

The Hares did have the foresight to warn Golden Cascade of all this, but she is an honourary blonde and did not tell anyone.  On top of that, the first group of walkers never saw the beer stop and the second group of walkers went via Marbella, so it was not a good example of keeping the pack together, but who cares.

The Circle

Two Pies, etc. started the circle and invited everyone from the committee in to have a drink. Colonic Irrigation then took over and invited everyone into the circle for a drink. There were a lot of horses and dogs, oh yes, and many flies! If anyone remembers anything else, please send your recollections on a postcard to the Mijas HHH, care of Stiff Fanny – one of the driving forces of the weekend.

Then it was off to Ringo's, the fine beverage establishment located right next to Fuengi's gypsy camp. Many a Hash meal has been had here and none of them have ever suffered from a dull moment. We had handbags, wallets and even dogs removed by cunning and admirable sleight of hand, so it was anyone's guess at to what or maybe even who was going to get missing today..

The first surprise we got was that the waitress, although newly hired, was actually quite familiar with the Hash. She had been to a Hash set in Marbella a few months earlier and had made  Colonic Irrigation break his own record for cheesing off newcomers – when asked a few questions by our esteemed R.A. in the welcoming circle, she had left in a huff even before the run started!

Then, Dipper got all of us singing and holding up chairs in lieu of bagpipes and a great time was had by all.

After all this merriment and high jinks, I asked the Russian waitress mentioned earlier, if she wasn't sorry not to have become a member of our group. Didn't she think this bunch of depraved, drooling, foul-mouthed simpletons was a nice group to be part of. She looked me deeply in the eyes with the most Slavic of looks and softly but determinedly said “Njet!”

Just Recover In'

*these were the official dates. Pussy Galore, Not in the Mood Today (my arse!), Sweaty Bollocks and Zulu Boy were last seen inaugurating the Feria of Fuengirola on Friday 3 October – I'll keep you posted on their movements as the week progresses.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Run 1375 Sept 15th 2014 - Hares:   Colonic & Uncle Fester Photos 1375 (waiting)

LOCATION:    Torreblanca, Rancho de la Paz, Twetski’s area

 GM Knockout Neptune appointed “There is nothing like a Dane” as scribe. It was good for a change not to be abused for being a German – made my day!

 34 Hashers including 2 visitors from Phuket Hash, several dogs and Elvis came for this “Back To School” run seeing the Hares smartly dressed up in their very old school uniforms. Still very warm temperatures, so the Hares very cleverly laid a not too long run with a shady beer stop.

Alas, a bit short on paper and chalk, so half the runners arrived quite late for refreshments, claiming that some FRBs had erased an important marking, sending them in the wrong direction! What a shame!

 The circle was led by the GM who made some announcements about the Silver Jubilee week-end warning the Hashers that more volunteers were going to be needed to help with various tasks. He also called for Hares for the next couple of months!

Mad “Australian” Hatters were called for a DD. The truth is that they were called only because GM wanted to sing “All Australians are born illegitimate”.

Then it was time to call on the ANIVERSARIOS: GangBang: 160  Alex Alex who the F is Alex:  125  RubHerTurd: 140

The voting produced a GOOD RUN.

GM announced that he will leave us in 6 weeks to return to Cambodia, so he needed his photo taken with the school girls of Mijas Hash, as a proof to re-enter Phnom Penh Hash.

Immediately hereafter the circle sang F off you C and decided to do this for the next 6 weeks till he finally Fs off!

 Colonic was called to do  RA even though he was a hare, so he decided to do it differently. He ditched out the first DD to Aeroflaps for her flaps and then it just went on and on and on.

 The OnOnOn was at Nirvana Indian Restaurant. Plenty of food. Excellent lamb curry, but I found the chicken very dry and tasteless.

On-on Spermaid

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Run 1374 Sept 8th 2014 - Hares: Blown a seal & AAWTFIA  Photos 1374

Run 1373 Sept 1st 2014 - Hares: Stiff & Sir Flakey  Photos 1373

Run 1372 August 24th 2014 - Hares: Knockout & Mermaid  Photos 1372

So yet another 12 noon mad dogs and Englishmen run!

Arriving on time for a change with GB in tow at Knockout and Mermaid’s gaff.

The circle was formed and the instructions were revealed, purposely as we had virgins again.

“All four is on the left”

KO said

“ so if you see four on the right, you are going the wrong way!”

So off we trotted and straight away the Hairs had been kind and set 2 runs to the BS. Macho (Fuck them up and put some flour in the right) and the wimps (3 mile trot to the BS and some great views!

At the BS we lost Blown a Seal due to a navigation and bra strap problem. 2nd half was great too and we all ended up back at 2PKON’s gaff all safe.

The circle was called and the hair was given an “ Excellent” for the run but hosed down for messing up the markings.

Christenings 2 “Carpet Burns” our new German hasher who complained about her knees all day and Averill “Over the Hill” as she wore an “ I Ran the world Tshirt from 1986 but said to me that she didn’t think she could run anymore  due to an aging issue!

Lots of fun and games in the circle. EXCEPT when Stiff decided to give me a birthday cake!!! See photos for details!

All 20 odd hashers stayed for the home cooked ON ON of Lasagne, Garlic Bread, Meat, Caviar, Champagne and Truffles. All fantastic washed down with a bottle each! God I was smashed!!

Well done, Your XXXX and current GM-ship and Mermaid, fantastic!

 

ON ON Colonic.

Run 1371 August 17th 2014 -  Photos 1371-tba 

Run 1370 August 10th 2014 - Pussy Galore Photos 1370 

Run 1369 August 3rd 2014 - Hares: Jizzical/Sweet&Low Photos 1369 

Run 1368 July 27th 2014 - Hares: Stiff Photos 1368 

It was a brisk Sunday morning, well at least it was noon, close enough, when the hashers gathered for a day of running, consuming beverages and frolicking in the ever shrinking swimming pools.

After the circle, we got things started, we were told it would be just a short hop to the beer stop.  By short hop, it meant quite literally over the valley and through the woods, and then back over the valley, through some more woods, over one more valley, because why not, and then down the street and on to the first beer stop/pool. Some of us got lost, and some of us were almost assaulted because their doggies wee'd on the wall, which apparently can cause a structure to crumble if done so.  The water was cool, the beer was cold and there was much rejoicing.  Especially when the lost souls finally made their way, as we were all leaving, timing as they say, is everything.

ON ON to the next beer stop/pool. We navigated the streets with the precision of a surgeon, a drunk one, operating on a what they think is a human heart, but turns out to be your privates.  Giving a whole new meaning to take it in your hand Mrs. Murphy.  As we slowly worked our way through the streets we found the next stop.  Ah, another nice cool pool to wash away the heat and re-energize everyone.

Once again, through the woods, no valleys this time, just woods, and lots of them.  The last of the hashers, those daring enough to spit on the grave of the women and wimps trail, worked their way through narrow squeezes, up hills, down steep roads, around fences and finally ON IN, and once again there was MUCH REJOICING!!! 

As we all gathered around the kiddie pool for circle, which thanks goodness this was the last stop.  I get the feeling the next pool would have been a puddle in the mud the way they kept shrinking.  There were some people that have no life and reached 1,000,000 runs.  Maybe not that many, but my pen was waterlogged and the paper was a bit soggy at this point.  Julius Caesar made an appearance and all hashers were properly renamed, so on to you Julius I giveth the name, Enormous Penisicus He Wishescus.  After a fun circle with many soggy down downs it was ON AFTER time.  

The hashers dined on steaks and potatoes.  Many bottles of cava, wine and cans of beer were sacrificed as a tribute to the host of the feast.  As the day wore on the party continued with dancing and good times prevailed.  

Your truly,

Alex, Alex Who the Fuck is Alex

 Run 1367 July 20th 2014 - Hares: Alex & Blown a seal

Run 1366 July 13th 2014 - Photos 1366 

Hares: Chronic Irritation and Just in

Location: Couldn’t tell it was all Black

I had a feeling it would be a short run as we had to get back in time for the world Cup final, but to use a second hand run as well!!

There were actually three Mijas Hashers who set this run, so our thanks went out to Pussy Galore who had set a great run the day before in exactly the same area for the Malaga Hash. Most of the flour had already been laid which gave plenty of time for our hares Just In and Colonic to reccee the restaurant really well, and an excellent job they did of that..

As to the run itself, Obviously Colonic and Gang Bang had stopped on the way back from the campout, and decided enough was enough and they needed more holiday time, so would try and set fire to their place of work. Unfortunately it failed miserably, and they only managed to scorch a bit of campo at the back of Club la Costa.  However, it made for a great run area, somewhat surreal as it was like running in Lanzarote, and I half expected the nearby volcano to blow. That’s the flat hill that was also burnt beyond recognition.  Anyway we set off of at a very slow pace as it was sooo hot, and tooo black we were soon covered in dust, and by the time we reached the beer stop most of us looked like chimney sweeps.

It was a prickly start to the second half, and then a climb back through the vast blackness, down to the road and on in.

The run was awarded very good, visitors and returners dealt with accordingly, down downs handed out to Pussy Galore for her excellent run the day before, the hares for doing a second hand run. Just In was berated for being a miserable twat at the Camping weekend and sleeping in his car by Aeroflaps, this was  kindly interpreted by Gang Bang, who then gave her own down down to Colonic for being a bad boy and lying to her, saying he was out with Just In when he was actually up to no good, getting horribly drunk with his mates, you naughty boy Colonic you need a good spanking!

Circle was closed and off we went to the excellent restaurant the hares had obviously spent most of the afternoon in. Had a terrific meal and watched the footie.  Great day and many thanks to the hares for doing the run at such short notice.

On On

Your scribe

Stiffanny

 

Run 1364/5 June 27th-29th

Campout Weekend   Photos

 

Run 1362 June 22nd - Hares - Stiffanny/ Streaky

The venue for todays run was Entrerrios some 10 to 12 km inland, surprisingly this attracted a presentable group of 30 or so hashers. Usually anything more than 2 km from Fuengirola beachfront prompts excuses for non attendance on  having to iron their handkerchiefs or take the cat for a walk, or cutting their toenails or similar.

The GM took hold of the motley gathering by requesting that those present might wish to tear themselves away from their riveting conversations and join the hash circle to avail themselves of information regarding the trail. To commence proceedings two virgins Kieran and someone I cannot remember from Cork introduced themselves to anybody that might have been slightly interested, and were suitably introduced likewise.

The hares, Stiffany and Streaky entered the circle and regaled the now restless mob with promises of a run resplendent in diversity offering canyoning, swimming in rapids and cliff diving as well as having a saunter through the foothills of Andalucia. What was more interesting was the offer of not one but two beer stops where thirsty hashers could look forward to quenching their thirst with Cola light, water, and non alcoholic beer courtesy of the Andalucian authorities zero tolerance policy on the roads.

So full of anticipation we all headed off into the Campo following the trail through rough undergrowth tearing at our legs, over the boulders of a stream bed, up and over top of an adjacent hill to the first beer stop 20 minutes after starting.

No wonder we were having two beer stops. The more astute hashers realised that if you followed the actual mountain camino you could avoid all the crappy terrain and arrive fully refreshed at the aforementioned beer stop.

Suitably revived we headed out once again and were soon met with alternatives of a wimps trail, or for the more adventurous the extreme sport of Stiffany / Streaky hashing. Once again surprisingly most people took the latter alternative and ventured into the river gorge where we had to traverse along a narrow concrete ledge, which in winter would be over a raging torrent, but in summer it  exposed a one metre drop onto a pile of rocks. The swimming area was soon passed with no one taking the option of a swim due to it being cool for the time of year and also blowing a hooley. Of the river bed and a long scrabble up a never ending hill took us to a tarmac road, which in turn led us to another beer stop which looked remarkably similar to the one we had recently left.

Revived with a few non alcoholic beverages we hit the trail again and wended our way back to the our vehicles and were treated to some superb views of the foothills which represent the hinterland of the Costa del Sol

In the circle Stiffany and Streaky were awarded an excellent run in the latest manner of scoring, Colonic was his irreverent and politically incorrect self and for those who went to the On On copious quantities of food were the reward for the afternoons exercise

On On

Knockout Neptune

 

Run 1361 June 15th - Hares - 5-Mil/Uncle Fester

Run 1360 June 8th - Hares - 2-Pies/Mermaid

Run 1359 June 1st - Hares - Dipper, Golden Cascade

Where – Mijas Campo, Arroyo los Pylones

Whilst out laying trail in the morning ... a hare’s worst nightmare occurred!

It rained … no it didn’t rain, it was a tropical downpour akin to a mini-hurricane.

I know, I watched it throughout the morning. The lightening was spectacular – a triple strike at one point as it settled over Fuengirola.

So … when we arrived at the appointed hour it was pretty obvious to most of us that there would be little in the way of trail laid.  And so it was.

Thus we were guided by our hares – first Dipper, then Golden Cascade – around the Run.

It was a good run … 9. something k … over great campo – (but then Mijas campo always is great!)

Back at the circle there were lots of aniversarios … most of which I can’t remember, having not received a note … but, oh yes it’s coming back to me … Kindergarden Cop, 380 runs - a fine upstanding (on the occasion) young man.

Justin deputised as RA and did a good job indeed, German beer swilling lout that he is! (Private joke.)

We thus repaired to the 19 Hole, now renamed Sol Y Sombra for a decent meal, if somewhat slowly served.

Kindergarden

Run 1358 May 25th - Hares - ?

Run 1357 May 18th - Hares - Mummy and Just say when.

Well Mummy’s birthday has come around again.
Assisted by JSW he is another year older and still going ON ON!
A great turn out this week of 25 odd and a prompt start at 1600 hrs. I was late so I’m the scribe!
A fairly long run with a beer stop and cava cake stop too! Luvly jubbly.
Some great area that crossed the Malaga runs 2 weeks ago. So a little confusion following paper for a while but we all ended up at the right place. The Final 3rd of the run was my favourite as MB insisted that I travel back in the car so that he didn’t get lost! Hum, hum. Gang Bang actually arrive late and got a bit lost but unfortunately caught us up.
The Circle then took place with our 2PKN kicking things off and forgetting to score the run! Points of 8.9 were given and well deserved too. Great job hares.
The only downer was that that non PC RA bloke came back after 2 years and took the rise out of everybody. Well at least he didn’t mention the war, Germans, Polish occupation, gas chambers, gays or Muslims………………em well maybe once! Then off to a nice ON ON ON at the Blue Bar with a nice meal and sustained patch Aran , Kin spell check!

ON ON CLONK!  

Run 1356 May 11th - Hares - Colonic & Justin

Run 1355 May 4th - Hares - Blown a seal/Alex,Alex WTFIA

Run 1354 April 27th - Hares - Stiffanny and Spermaid

The St. Georges Day Run.

Iґve been landed with the job of scribe cos I unfortunately trod on a rat masquerading as a small dog.

Perfect weather brought out about 25 hashers for a run in the Entrerrios area. Stiffґs reputation for ball-busters has everyone trembling except for the FRBґs looking forward to a long run. She didnґt let us down. Well marked in an Asian way (no falsies but flour every 3 metres) she had us going every which way but loose even up to a shrine about 1000 metres above sea-level.

The views were probably magnificent but unfortunately nobody could see them as the ground was rocky and uneven and twisted ankles were a very real possibility.

The first half was 4.4 Kms. so a very welcome beer stop was provided - cake, more cake and lots of cava (I knew I hashed for a reason).

The second half was easier - just 2.2 Kms. making this a medium length run in Stiffґs eyes.

The run scored a commendable 8.6. It would have been higher but Lee Marvin from the "other" hash only scored it a 4 for setting a dangerous run.

Most hashers were wearing red and white except for Just-in who decided St. George was playing in defence for Barcelona.

Splendid on-on in a new venta with lots of BBQ food and lashings of vino. Well done hares.

On-on

Dogsy

Run 1353 April 20th          Photos 1353 (TBA) 

Run 1352 April 13th          Photos 1352 (TBA) 

Run 1351 April 6th          Photos 1351 (TBA)  -Hares - Colonic & Justin

HIT and RUN Hash  

Streaky navigating and Stiff at the wheel dashing to the hash after a great nights sleep without Flakey snoring in her ear. It was always going to end in tears. And it did before even leaving home when a nifty reversing maneuver resulted in some collateral damage to a neighbour car. Not even time to check or report the incident before heading to El Higeuron campo to join the Hash. It was all worth it at Two pies Knockout Neptune had decided to join us from Cambodia. Almost as far as us returning from China!

Colonic and Justin being our hares and GM & RA respectively so Two Pies stood is as GM and the Beijing Bear as RA. A little rusty and still jet lagged Two Pies had to do some quick thinking to keep the circle ticking along, sticky who? Blown a What? of course lots of things have happened in his three year absence, uncle who? Airoflaps! all knew to are man from Guaro looking well if not a little grey, but then who am I to talk. We discovered with the help of visiting Trailer Trash that time is flying faster than we all imagined, it was six years since we were pushing Two pies around in a wheelbarrow on his 60th birthday, I remembered Trailer being there and Daffa the mad man drinking out of a drain pipe, no wonder his demise came sooner than expected. Some old faces in the circle must have made Two Pies feel at home,UYB and our The Mad Swiss piss pourer but to name a few, even 5mil sporting his now familiar Barnyard Cribbins look beardy thing came to support our troop on this fine April Sunday Afternoon. 25 and not a cloud in the sky.  Off we went, up a bit down a bit, through a bit and over a bit before coming down a bit to the beer stop, then more of the same with a bit more through over and down before getting to the end which was of course the start!  Hashing is so complicated no wonder people get lost, but not today, the only mishap being myself falling over my own feet and grazing the back of my hand. I needed a few helping hands to bet me back on my feet as I'm not as nimble as I was 20 years ago when I took up this Hashing stuff.

The anniversaries always has Mummys  Boy in there, this time for some ridiculous number of triple figures, has the man got nothing better to do with his life? Now he is living above "Just say When" as Just Good Friends he could spend his time doing charitable work or helping out on the land, San Pedros yearly red wine quotas will be severely dented these coming months, but I'm sure some other local bar will be glad of its new customer, and if he gets lonely the Knocking shop is only around the corner..

On to more serious stuff like the marks for the run, some how with the weather boosting what was an average run the score came to a 8.3 Gangplank making a speech about reality was a little hard for some people to absorb and even with the GMs mark of 3 the score was a little above average, well done you Hares.

Back in the circle as RA was perfect for me as I had a few snippets of life on the road in China to share with our fellow hashers. 

My imported Chinese drinking pot from Hainen would be put to some serious use today. I failed in a 1.2ltr drinking competition by 45seconds to a Kiwi who just chucked it back up again ! spillage or what!  Stiff was the first to try and its wide and full lips giving our China Tour leader a little difficulty in maintaining flow without spillage. Well done and now the new custodian of the said vessel.

Rubher turd had to be punished for all his remarks about spermaid, talking too much about nothing is what most women do, making him carry 23 ks of extra baggage of hash mugs was also worthy of a drink from the oriental pot, Dipper keen to keep stealing ice to cool his beer from the Hash potty was another candidate for the pot ,this time with LOTS of ICE, that kept him cool. It was turning out to be a winner sticking that in my suitcase with all my dirty knickers, well its clean now.  Gangplank had to be on the list of drinkers as I had a string of misgivings that any one would have warranted a down down. He took it well as normal when I explained I had taken a pair of Walkie Talkies to China so I wouldnґt loose him. He was out looking for strays and I catching up on zzz when the call came through "yogi I'm outside and the room key won't work, can you let me in" "OK" I replied and went to open the hotel room door. I should have known he would''t be there, "can you here me Clive I'm outside the room and your not here"     "oh F--k" was the reply. He turned up a few minutes later having been in a completely different Block, not even the wrong floor. How I got him around China for two weeks without a major incident was luck on my part, Big Bhudda must have been looking down on me.. 

Most of the down downs had the China link in some way, weak links are an excuse to bring someone into the circle and Bodecia (thats what Gangplank thinks Blown a seal )is called with Two pies for owning stray dogs and and GP for hunting them is an example. My mind was running to link Trailer Trash to Mummys Boy but for some reason I missed the moment as is what happens in the heat of the moment.      Obama once said "you can put lipstick on a Pig----- "or lycra but I will leave you to work that one out.

Have fun everyone and I may see you at the campout or it will be our 25th at the end of September.

The On On was great, to eat Non Chinese food was bliss ,Blue got fed with leftovers as did GP and I the following night with our carry out.

 

On On On On

The Beijing Bear (yogi)  

    

Run 1351 March 23rd     Photos 1351 - Hares:Pussy Galore and Not in the mood

Run 1349 March 9th     Photos 1349 - Benalmadena (Hares:Swiss & Sticky Tart)

Run 1348 March 2nd     Photos 1348 - La Cala

 

Run 1347 February 23rd     Just-in       Photos 1347 (TBA)  

 

Run 1346 February 16th     Sweet and low       Photos 1346 (TBA)  

At English International College

The Valentines Run

Sweet and Low was the late notice/stand-in hare for this Run. She organized  ... or should I say dis-organized this right old cock-up of a Run. Well it wasn’t that bad, ultimately receiving a score of 7.8, but we all seemed to do it backwards …. in various different ways. This was because of a point where the In and Out trails were too close to each other. A Run of good length, though I would say that the beginning from this starting point is becoming a little predictable … following largely the same route into the campo through the tunnel.

Desperate to recover her position, the beer stop the hare had eating us eating Valentines cake (baked by herself) as well as chocolate covered strawberries and an apple cake.

We then set off backwards doing the first part of the Run, second.

There was no RA for the circle, so it was organized on the basis of guerilla down/downs …. and went very well. There were a lot of anniversarios –

Wide Open – 80   (Is that all … she seems to have been around for ages … she’s certainly a big impact on this, our hash! Cocky little foreigner!)

Pussy Galore (Pussy? … Doggy would be more appropriate!)

Sweet and Low (SWEET!!???)

Swiss Roll (Well … Spanish Roll just doesn’t sound right)

Kindergarden Cop (What a fine upstanding man!)

Up Yer Bum (More like talks out of her bum!)

Afterwards we went to the Hong Kong restaurant in Las Chapas for a really quite decent meal, (considering the general quality of Chinese restuarants here on the coast.)

Your scribe

Kindergarden

 

 

Run 1345 February 9th     Mummy & Justsaywhen       Photos 1345  

Enterrios

What else to do on a rainy day, go Hashing of course!

I was late hence being lumbered with the run sheet. However, I was made to promise that I would not let Sir Flakey anywhere near it as we did not want to upset anymore of our hares!!

Anyway I was really late 3.00 pm when I finally left home, it was pissing down with rain, I had forgotten any spare clothes or shoes, but had thrown on Stiffitas one size too small ankle length wellies. I had the Chicken murdering Dog in the back of the hashmobile, so felt reasonably unprepared….

I turned off as told at km4 and followed the  HHH signs to the run site expecting everyone to have already left, but no a small band of the Elite, the Heroic, Valiant, Foolhardy, Brave, and Stupid, Hashers who despite the weather still turned up to support the extreme effort the hares had made.

I was still on the phone trying to explain to Sir Flakey to bring me spare clothes to the ON ON  when my passenger door was opened by Sweet and Low, and I was accosted by a wet slimy brown thing that threw itself straight through the car and out the other side managing to cover both the car and myself in mud great start, thanks FBI

Anyway, Dogsy, the honourable GM soon got us started, and photo taken to record this momentous event, off we went in wet pursuit.

A long check back that I managed to avoid as a wee stop had to be made and Mummies Boy sent me on a short cut that took me straight to the sweeper (Just say When) strangely  though only with Sweet and low.  They were check standing, so I offered to check it out down the river bed, and off we went, I knew it was the right direction as the Chicken Killer was hot on the scent. 

It was wet, very wet torrential rain, and the river had obviously risen about 30 centimetres since the trail had been laid, as you could see the water lapping around the remains of the flour. At the first river crossing, I could see a few large stepping stones that had created a nice dam, still visible just under the water and I decided to try and stay dry after all I had wellies on…Mistake number two, the first being to turn up when it is pissing down with no dry clothes. I went flying the first stone was loose, I face planted into the torrential river which was so deep from the damming I had to swim to the side.  Looking back expecting someone there to help me up, I realised I was on my own, great, no one saw the splash. The Chicken killing dog rescued me and we continued on our way.

We were so wet by then that nothing mattered other than just getting to the beer stop, and so we continued downstream at a good pace, crossing the river, which meandered around until a final bend in the river revealed the beer Stop, It didn’t offer much comfort, the rain was still pouring down, and my dreams of hot wine being heated on a nice fire, undercover, did not come true.  Just a wet car, a wet Sweet and Low and an even wetter Mummies Boy greeted me. It seemed ages before the rest of the pack came in. The Sweeper had lost them! But soon the most fashion conscious set of hashers I have ever seen came into sight, Just say when, fetchingly clad in a pair of pants and a pink woolly hat and a bin bag.  Blown a Seal, who was now starting to look like one,  Dogsy, wearing some kind of new protective footwear, the plastic bag. Kindergarten Cop looking like Red Riding Hood and Gorbals who despite the rain was following JSW fashion sense and going for the short pants look.

A few swift cold beers, JSW remembered the sausage rolls and it all started to look a bit rosier, especially when we were given a short route home. I was off, front swimming my way back and managed to get home before I turned completely blue.

The GM made a wise decision to have the circle under cover at the Venta and we all managed to squeeze under cover for a short circle, The Hares were awarded a well-deserved 9, not so much for a great trail, but for their sterling efforts in providing a fun run in extreme conditions. We can still look forward to the great trail we were promised another week.

Our new RA Sweet and Low dished up a few punishments, Blown a Seal for having a guerrilla dog, not only did FBI do the dirt in my car, but also had to be retrieved from some poor Spanish woman’s house where she had been caught breaking and entering.  Me for being stupid and not bringing and dry clothes or shoes on the wettest day of the year so far, me for making the perfect dive with no one looking, Kindergarten for being in love and being nominated to do the romantic bit for next week’s Valentines run. The Sweeper ,JSW for managing to lose the pack. And by now we knew the bad news for Flakey, which was good news for Mummies Boy, The mighty Everton had conceded a goal to Tottenham and so I was the look alike for being a bad loser.

The ON ON was just a few steps away, and after emptying the wellies, and being lent a pair of slippers, a log fire, and Sir Flakey finally turning up with dry clothes for me, all was well.

 Great food with lashings wine followed by Pacharan  and good company.

Many thanks to the hares.

Your Scribe

Stiffanny

 

Run 1344 February 2nd     Yogi & Stiffanny                        Photos 1344  

Chinese New Yer Lun 1344

Year of The Horse.

 

At 3 PM 22 Hashers gathered at the Great inner Circle of great wisdom ,where Yingtong Yogi and his co hare Singwing Stiff Flanny showed us how to follow the many signs that will lead us to the Golden Treasure, that only true Hashers can find.

We travelled many miles over mountains , through deep Valleys encountering great perils along the way.

With great bravery and determination we found the treasure and enjoyed free flowing beer .As we went on again with the wind in our hair and the sun on our faces, dragging our weary feet along the trail we came upon more refreshments in the form of Beer , Cava , and Carrot cake.it was guarded by a vicious beast snapping and snarling with fierce intent,but it was over powered and peace reigned.

Rilly Ranka came of age and he now has the power only men of great goodness and old age can posses.

We followed the hashing hounds who were on the trail of the hares who had left many clues,to the on in and a circle of many strangely dressed, eastern looking people , led by the leader Ride Open , she was cruel and punished many people with her amber nectar poured by Sriss Roll,

Ride open had with her two high priests who also dished out punishments. One  victim was Linda who was christend Not in the Mood.

Yingtong Yogi  looked more like Obi one Kanobi and he had the force with him  when he drove the car belonging to Gangprank and just missed driving into a big ravine and nearly writing it off .!!

Singwing Stiff flanny and Yingtong Yogi were awarded a score of 8.459 for their very great efforts and wonderful trail.

Aniversarios


 

Pingpong Pia  305

Jin gling Just in 90

Flingflang Flakey 475


 

14 went to the Wok to eat and enjoyed many wonderful things.It was a bit pricey but all you can eat till you bust

Ah so

Rilly Rankas Rilly Rarmer.

 

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Run 1343 January 26th     Seaman Stains & Uncle Fester.   Photos 1343  (Burns night run)

The run directions seemed easy enough, but these two have a history of setting crap runs, and an unquenchable desire to get “Hash Shit”, they did not disappoint, I along with numerous other hasher failed in spotting the “post-it” size “Hash signs” to the start of the run !!! I was 20 minutes late, hence the dubious task of writing about the imminent “Hash Shit” event.

A small but quality pack turned out on this glorious afternoon, perfect weather for hashing! Two new hashers turned up, He ex Brunei hasher and his lovely partner ex “Mount a Negro” Hash in the Caribbean, both are teachers from the International school in Benalmadena, so I hope they are not put off by the efforts of the want-to-be Hash shiters!! “Swiss Roll” was back from her holiday Down under, and she had brought a Spanish lady friend, “Upper yer Bum” was there knowing there was free food at the beer stop and Whiskey!! “Pussy Gallour” and her Lesbian friend (B&B) who nearly got named!!!! Added some beauty to the circle and not forgetting Uncle Festers son!! But more of him later.

The run started near the little shrine at the back of Calahonda, from here we ran all the way down to the Beer stop! I think there was one “Check” but I did not see it. Surely a few checks and split trails would have made this a not too bad a run, but NO! these two were still trying for “Hash Shit”! The Beer stop (Not marked!!) was a good length as compared to their normal 1.5 Kl, “Seaman Stains” was looking the part of a Glaswegian hooker in his skirt, dishing out Haggis and tatties with lashing of Scottish whiskey, for desert “Sticky tart” had made a lovely carrot cake, the whiskey went on that also! After our fill of the food and drink it was off along the tarmac road until were we found were “Uncle Fester” had kindly placed a plastic plank for us to scale over a barbed wire fence, lucky for me I had knickers under my kilt, otherwise thoughts of more offspring could have been out of the window!! The trail then carried on back to the trail we came out on!! Cunning stunts! Another masterly move to try and gain the “Hash shit” we followed this back over the motorway and into the campo, the big arrows pointing right was clear enough for most of the pack, except for U-Y-B who was still seeing double after abusing the hospitality of our Scottish friend and the free whiskey carried straight on and on and on until she came to the shrine!!!!

For the rest of us from the beer stop there was no “Checks” “splits”, “Check backs” Nader!!!! Just on up till we reached the cars!!

The Circle was called and “Mummy’s Boy” did the formalities, of the missing GM, the run scoring started with “Just say when” was the lass pissed or something???? Great run, could have done with more checks!!! Bloody one check!! There could have done with being more !!! Eeeee by gum, the lass has lost it!!

The marks continued with “Ooooo I loved it” 9.9, They must be F````````ing nuts!!!!! I felt sorry for our new hashers, who in farness only gave it 6.0.  For me I complemented them on the fantastic weather and the free grub and gave a generous 2.0. I think they ended up with an unbelievable 7.0.

I was asked to stand in for RA, and wanting to wind “Uncle Fester” even more, I agreed, with good spirit “Uncle Fester” took the sleeve-ing well, and the Down Downs were dished out equally for various misdemeanours, no hash attire, weeing on the trail! We also had a naming “Uncle Fester” lad was brought in, and a drunken “UYB” came up with some obscure story about shagging “Elephant arse” in the dark or something like that !! anyway, he was duly named “Elephant cum” which he appeared to like, mentioning we was going to use it on his painting & Decorating business cards!! 

Circle closed, we proceed to Johnny’s bar for a roast dinner, which was very nice indeed.

On On, Your most worthless.

Sir Flakey.                       

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Run 1342 January 19th       Photos 1342     At La Trocha Coin 

Hare - Gangplank

A pleasant stroll through the lanes of the campo de Coin on a trail that had been limited by the torrential rain that descended on the area both the day before and overnight.  A cold wind was blowing on the high ground, but once we got down to the river it was quite warm. The run then went along the river to Gangplanks house for the beer stop. And what a beer stop!  A table groaning with food – quiche, potato wedges, his own pecan nuts and so much more! 

The pack eventually set off and went back down towards the river before climbing back up to La Trocha for the circle. The run received a mark of 8.7 … two virgins attended and the anniversaries were -

Aeroflaps – 30 Yogi – 145 Gang Bang – 250 Mummies Boy – 425

fterwards we went to Venta Las Palmeras for a three course meal … with, of course pasaran.

Your scribe

Kindergarden

Run 1341 January 12th       Photos 1341


Hares: Sticky Tart and Just Say When
I'm up to my ears in work, so this will have to be a short one – much in the tradition now set by
Gangplank, who managed to submit a 4-word report on last week's run.
It was certainly a glorious day; while following a convoy of Sunday drivers on my way to the run
site, I kept myself entertained by arduously studying the thermometer in my car. It went from 18є C
to 19є, up to 20є for about 15 minutes and then back to 18є, where it stayed for the rest of the 2
hours it took me to arrive to the car park, great fun!
The run was glorious too – a new site, at least for me – with an enormous variety of terrain and
surprising twists and turns all along. We crossed rivers, scaled rock-faces, absailed back down and
made our way round wild boars in the process. There were two beer-stops where we were feasted
on Cava, Quiche, Sticky Cake and even some beer. Great stuff Hares and a well-deserved 9.36!
Circle:
Get a life: King Canute65 , Just Say When130 and Seaman Staines115 runs.
Visually impaired: Wide Open, now having full access to her wardrobe again, after her airline had
waylaid her panties and stuff, decided to really colour-coordinate for this run: an orange shirt, blue
trousers, red and green socks and a purple handbag. She looked as pretty as a Pollock picture.
King Canute taking the whole pack some 3 clicks back claiming there was no flour anywhere to be
seen. When others went to look along the same road they saw enough white stuff to give Elton John
and David Bowie a simultaneousorgasm, so we gave Canutea white stick (kindly donated by
Gangplank) and moved on. Gangbang fondling Wooden Twat's buttocks, mistaking him for her
darling Clonk. I'm not sure if we should believe her story as Wooden Twatis at least 1.60 tall, has
muscles and is reasonably good-looking (for a Hasher)..
Dereliction of duties: The Hash horn, so incredibly vital for the slow-cummers, was carried
bravely and swiftly through the jungle, roaring rivers and along steep cliffs by Just In, who then
passed it on to Gangplankat the first beer-stop. How Gangplankhad appeared at the beer-stop
before anyone else remains a mystery, but what is certain is that he then sneakily slipped the horn
into Mummy's Boy's car for the remainder of the run.
After this brief but highly entertaining circle, we then postponed to a new Hash gourmet restaurant
where we feasted on snails, tripe, fish headsoup and other delicacies, all washed down with
Chateaux Painstripper Soixant Neuf. Frankly, I quite enjoyed the meal, even though I was sitting
next to Colonic, a Hasher that has brought slurping into a new dimension. I felt quite safe, knowing
that I wouldn't have to face (maybe not the best verb..) the consequences of his rather spicy snails
later on that night.
On on!
Justo Dentro

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Run 1340 January 5th       Photos 1340