Hash Stats:

Hares: Colonic Irrigation and Five Knuckle Shuffle
Marks for the Run: 9.0
Location: Colegio San Fransisco School Car Park in El Coto
Number of Hounds: 39
Visitors: Cardinal & Original Sin
Virgins: Swedish couple and 1 guy (Details not known)
Returners: Not Counted
Anniversarios:
45 - Hicken (Who he? ed.)
60 - Red Hot Chilli
115 - Aqua Sex
120 - 5 Knuckle
265 - Yogi
350 - Rub Her Turd
470 - Stiffany
690 - Mummies

Distance: around 8km Elevation Change: not so much Completion time: Over 2 hours

Hash Narrative:
Hot and windy, greeted the pack for the auspicious day. Our 1700th and AGM run, which, as the GM pointed out, made Mijas H3 the oldest Hash in the world actually starting in 329 AD. Running with the Romans must have been a lot of fun.

Unfortunately for the rest of the pack only Karma Chameleon and Sir Sparky {you old bastard) can support this story. No, it is not true. It was just a design error when printing on the much needed and appreciated Legionnaire style cap which was handed out prior to the run. So please don’t read too much into what is embroidered on the back flap of the commemorate day cap. We still are only 30 years old!!!

Next the GM got the AGM ceremonies out of the way and the new committee were brought into the circle, which looked just like the old committee!

We had 3 new virgins on the run which is good to see and two returners Cardinal & Original Sin

We started on tarmac and ran through El Coto urbanisation, the usual “Knitting groups” started to form and recipes were exchanged. Knowing the area well I ignored all false trails and headed off past the school towards Fuengirola town. At the first back check “Messi Farty” and myself found ourselves at the front of the pack. The next check had the pack doing a large loop but not Messi and I. Local knowledge is very handy sometimes. Off across the Mijas road where flour was spotted in the Fuengirola river (now bone dry).

On On and well in the front, passing all the homeless campers, the next check was up a dirt track towards Los Boliches. Half way up, looking back at the pack stretched out behind, a huge plume of smoke appeared and then 4 metre high flames!!! After consultation with the new Swedish hashers we were advised to call 112 “Emergency Services” this was accomplished after much confusion in English and Spanish but “Sandra Bollocks” took control and advised them of the exact location of the fire. Well done … within 5 minutes sirens could be heard and the fire brigade were in action.

This bit of spontaneous combustion brought the pack together. Then it was on to the next check in an industrial estate at the back of LB (what that? ed.). Looking far too sporty to be a hasher Cardinal Sin soon found the trail. Back on tarmac we headed towards LB. Across a busy intersection we found a dirt trail down into Los Pacos river bed ... the beer stop must be coming up soon!!!

An ankle breaking trail brought us out on the sea front promenade. Rub Her Turd being a smart arse stayed on the road running parallel and just sniggered at us stumbling in the riverbed. On left saw the pack meandering along the front adhering to the blue directional arrows on the pavement in accordance with “Government guidelines”. This was the first time I saw “Cabin boy” smile! (Reality check. Cabin boy, having followed Stiffany and Sperm aid out of the circle, soon found himself alone and wandered off kilometres in the opposite direction. ed.) A good kilometre along the front we came to the Fuengirola river again and signs for the “Beer stop” … about bloody time!!!

Pork pies and sausage rolls was the Hares saving grace: Shade under the bridge was much appreciated but On On was called, and we soon proceeded the full length of the Feria ground “Under ground”. I must admit I did find the quality of graffiti very inspiring, “Aqua Sex” was so engrossed in the art work she took a rather awful tumble, I can report there was no damage done to the walkway by the impact of her knees! Back in the fresh air and sunlight it was back home via El Corty English (as Kama calls the shop}. ON IN and into the arms of our Hares!! Well done, a lot of fun but too much tarmac, though the pork pies & sausage rolls made up for that.

Your Scribe
Sir Flakey

However … that was not the end the fun … our aging founder and life long Everton supporter (it's a cross he bears) scarpered to watch the match as soon as we returned and missed an extraordinary event. (How about that Liverpool side! ed.)

But re-wind … first to explain.
When the AGM Committee Meeting was called I (the GM)messaged everyone to ask if they wished to continue in their current role or retire from it. Colonic responed by saying that he would not be able to continue as RA , as he had been suffering with a serious illness for nine months! So I began the meeting with a tribute to him and thanked him, on behalf of the hash, for all his efforts over many years. Then the twat responded saying that it was just a wind up and that he was perfectly alright!

Well for the previous two weeks he had sat on the ice … but that really wasn't enough payback for such a prank. So … considering that it was the 1700 run and also the AGM run … something special was called for.

So, so the GM called for more ice …..and what do you know, French Erection had come with a bagfull! But then we need a receptical large enough to put all the ice in ….. and what do you know … Speed Bumps had brought a body Bag (she works in a Funeral Directors). So said miscreant was put in the ice full body bag as an utter, and final pay back for the biggest wind up in Mijas Hash history!!!

Your Second Scribe
Kindergarden

Next Run#1700

The 2020 AGM Run

Sunday 21 June 2020

17:00 hrs

(5 pm in old money)

Hares:
Colonic Irrigation
5 Knuckle Shuffle

Strictly only 20 Hashers per group.
Social Distancing Rules Still Apply

Circle: Colegio San Fransisco School Car Park in El Coto
Off Avenida de Mijas.

Navigation to the Circle: Google Maps link to the circle.
Lat. N 36°33'12.5" W Lon. -4°38'17.8"W

Directions: ***See navigation above***
From the A7 (Fuengirola) take BRexit 209 Las Lagunas. Enter roundabout and take the third BRexit Av. de Mijas. Go straight over the next 2 roundabouts and the entrance to the school car park will be on your right after approx 250 of your British yards! Flour on the road. No signs!

OnOn: The Palace of India near run start.

Navigation to The OnOn: Google Maps link to the OnOn.
Av. de Mijas, s/n, 29651
Las Lagunas de Mijas, Málaga
Phone: 952 473-961

OnOn Menu: Typical traditional British fare! Indian!
Usual 3 course meal with choice of Curry etc 1/2 bottle,

Price: €15.00.

Lost Soles or Info:
Phone: +680 323-495.