Run 1672 - 22 Dec 2019
Hash Stats:
Hares: Stiffany and Sir Flakey.
Marks for the Run: Mysteriously not recorded – see text below - Could be 10.2
Location: Parque Natural, Fuengirola.
Number of Hounds: 31
Visitors: I-hop.
Virgins: Cees
Returners: None
Anniversaries: Uncle Fester: 285, Gang Bang: 330, Salmonella Rushdie: 330, Stiffanny: 455, Mummy’s Boy: 675.
Hash Narrative:
The Christmas Run
Fabulous Weather, lovely park, great company – what could possibly go wrong this week? I thought to myself as the taxi dropped me off by mistake outside Miramar, on the wrong side of the river and 1Km from the run site. As events were to turn out, that was the least of the cock-ups to happen that day
An uneventful start with a briefing the no-one ever listens to, and then off along the river-bed, following Sir Flakey and Stiffannie’s trademark mini arrows, produced by their Delux mark 7 blobomatic machine. You could see how the river had burst it’s banks earlier in the week. Flotsam, jetsam and used condoms littered the grass.
“A short run with a slight gradient in it, even Mummy’s boy could do it” was Sir Flakey’s description. Of course, we all know that when he describes his runs, he lies like a discounted watch bought from a Chinese shop. I do remember going through a gate being politely held open for the hashers to come through. It was then slammed shut and securely locked before Mummy’s Boy could get there. No blame there really, as Mummy’s Boys time to complete any run can only be recorded using a calendar. Somehow though, at any Beer Stop he manages to materialise first. Strange that.
The run itself was so-so. Considering the location, the hares did a good job of keeping us off main roads and the seemingly endless “slight gradient” took us to the top of a hill with panoramic views and the first of the 2 Cava stops. Personally, I hate Cava with a vengeance but I’m just weird, and there’s always a cold box of beer not far away, so mustn’t grumble. Mince pies, mulled wine and stollen to warm the cockles too. I can’t remember who I was chatting to but it must have been an interesting conversation because suddenly I realised that we were all alone and the runners had long since left.
I hitched a lift with the honest intention of getting dropped off with the runners en-route, but before I knew it, we were at the Castillo and the second Cava stop loomed ahead. Hey Ho, tuck in. There was an interesting guy there who had just emerged from the chilly sea, having swum from Calahonda, as apparently he does every day (why?!!!). After spending 10 minutes telling anyone who would listen that he was on a keto diet, he then got stuck into the hash supply of stollen. “Just an aberration” he mumbled through a mouthful of pure carbohydrate. His wife was sitting in the car waiting for him and I noticed he was careful to keep his back to her.
The circle was just a short distance away in the leafy shade of the park. Very idyllic and peaceful – at least until the circle got going. The circle was ably run by Moronic which let me nicely off the hook. He tried to shut me up with multiple down-downs. Doesn’t work, does it?
After the down-downs for the huge number of anniversaries, he took the short cut of asking just a selected few to score the run. It’s notable that when Sir Flakey supplied me with the scribe’s sheet, the run score was absent. Either he forgot to record it or he just didn’t like the result. So, for the record, I will state here that it was a 7.2 bolstered by 1 point for the double Cava stop bringing it up to 8.2. If only the food at the on-on could be counted it would have come to 10.2.
Now we get to the truly exciting bit! We all know that Kama Chamaeleon likes a bit of variety with the ladies, but Golden Cascade apparently refuses to wear a nurse’s outfit at home. According to her, there’s just no space left in the wardrobe amongst the other outfits and paraphernalia, bought as a job lot from Anne Summers.
So, Kama Chamaeleon resorted to tripping over a pair of dogs in order to break his leg and get admitted to hospital where he spent two days and sleepless night flirting with nurses and trying to grab their Speed Bumps until he got discharged with a note for bad conduct.
Notably, in the only photo to be taken of him in his hospital bed, he’s grinning from ear to ear. Anyway, it all turned out OK though, no dogs got hurt in the stunt. Golden Cascade is now being punished by having to push him around in a wheelchair for the next 5 weeks.
You know Golden Cascade, it would have been easier just to have given in and bought a nurses outfit. You can get them online you know, Sandpaper Sally did, so they even do them in children’s sizes. Oh, and by the way, it just so happens that we’ve last week installed a long wheelchair ramp in time for New Years eve. It starts at our top terrace and ends at the pool.
So Golden Cascade, all you have to do is “accidentally” lose your grip on the handles at the top of the ramp and Kama Chameleon will be taking an impromptu swim. Currently the pool is at 34 deg C but if you like, I can turn the heating off now and it should be about 17 deg by New Years Eve. That will really give him something to grumble about 😊
I remember being given a lift to the On-on in Colonic’s turbocharged V12 Mercedes Benz penis extension. The bonnet was so long it arrived at El Brujos’ 5 minutes before the rest of the car. You know what cars like that say about their owners….
The food at that restaurant is probably the best hash nosh available anywhere in the world. It’s just amazing. There was wine too. And a bit more wine. And, er, a bit more wine. Christmas pud was washed down with wine. Then there was Pacharan, the tase of which had to be banished with a glass of wine. And yes, I was the last to leave. Whilst waiting for the taxi I decided to have a glass of wine.
If anyone’s read this far – you clearly have no life, and therefore you’re invited to New Year’s Eve at the building site, which is all that remains of Knob’s End. Some bastard has nicked our entire kitchen and all we’ve got left is paper plates. So apart from the traditional bottle and sack of cash and gold ingots, please bring a small dish of something - preferably finger food. Space heaters will be on and after we’ve fished out Kama Chamaeleon, we’ll see if we can get the pool temperature up around 34 deg C again.
On! On to 2020!
Rob le Knob
Next Run #1672
The Christmas Santa Run
Sunday 22 Dec 2019
15:00 hrs sharp.
Help Your Hares!
Scroll down to confirm your attendance and dining preferences using our online form.
Hares: Stiffany and Sir Flakey
VISITING AND NEED DIRECTIONS OR A LIFT - E-MAIL US
Circle: Parque Natural, Fuengirola
Navigation to The Circle:Google Maps link to the circle.
Latitude N 36.5293418°, Longitude W–4.6293400°
Directions: ***See navigation above***
Near junction 208A off the N340 (A7).
The car park just off the round-a-bout under the N-340 (A-7) which goes to the Centro Commercial Miramar shopping centre.
It is turn off 208A on the N340. There will be H-H-H sign at the entrance to the car park.
Note: ALL Hashers must turn out in ¨Santa Costumes" (Please - or be iced)
It is a fun run. Only one slight gradient and not too long.
There will be a few Drink stops. Mulled wine, Stollen cake, Mince pies, Whiskey! (None of this healthy crap).
See you there: Hares: Ho Ho Ho Stiffanny & On On On Sir Flakey.
CLICK TO DOWNLOAD RUN 1672 FLYER
OnOn: Restaurante El Brujo
Calle las Codornices, 10, 29651 Las Lagunas de Mijas
Tel: 952 47 97 46
Navigation to The OnOn:Google Maps link to the OnOn.
Special OnOn Menu:Please we would ask ALL attending the OnOn to bring a wee present (Max €5.00) for a “Secret Santa”.
Your hares have arranged a Christmas feast to remember.
Your meal includes a complimentary glass of Cava on arrival, one half bottle of wine. Plus! a complimentary Pacharan, Baileys or Brandy.
Choose your course options from the dropdown menu. One submission per hasher please.