Hash Scribe: Clog Dancer
HEREIN follow the ramblings of a Guadiaro Hasher, deemed fit and of sound mind and body to record the events and circumstance surrounding the Mijas Hash House Harries 1642th run, all as set on and around the outskirts of Alhaurin el Grande.

Hares: In the singular, there was only one Hare - Kannot Kan (KK). What a good man, having stepped to the fore and offered to set the hash, he was also excellently supported by the superb logistics ‘specials ops unit’ of the Swiss army – Swiss Roll.

The Run: As one might expect – and probably most MH3 Hasher would foresee, the Annual Alhaurin ‘Kannot Kan’ Hash was set from the geodetic starting point of prescribed Eastings and Northings, as delineated by a large ‘X’ in the middle of the field. The slightly later start of 16:30 ensured that most Hashers arrived in good time, indeed some were unfairly chastised in the Circle (see later) for being in good time to prepare for what was foreseen to be a challenging run over the 30th Anniversary ‘Ball Breaker ‘ Mountain terrain. With forthright vigour and confidence, KK offered to the pack the markings of the day; i.e.: blobs, ‘CBs’, etc. What should have been a not too difficult introduction (given that there were no Virgins, Visitors nor Riff-Raff), became a slightly protracted preamble. ‘F’ not meaning False Trail but ‘F-Off’ – you are on the 30th Bull Breaker trail! Also the subtle introduction of on an ‘Arrow’ to signify the true trail (not 3 blobs and On-ON) caused anxiety in the pack.

With On-ON called; the Hashers set off into the unknown. With blue skies above, a gentle westerly breeze and a comfortable air temperature of 29C, the pack headed into the pine forests, wooded trails and river beds of the trail ahead. KK had set a challenging trail and had taken into consideration the diversity of the MH3 pack; a main trail and a Wimps Way (WW) to the first Beer Stop, then a main trail and a WW to the second Beer Stop, plus an OFS (Old Farts Stroll) trail to the 2nd Beer Stop – All corners were covered – Good Man.

The setting was perfect and the main trail headed into the pine forested craggy terrain. KK had set ‘extra blobby blobs’ in the forested area and this helped significantly. With scratches to arms, legs and face; the pack embraced the challenge of the first leg to BS No.1. During the these early stages, a Guadiaro Harriet was called to apply first aid to Salmonella Rushdie (SR) and then – as if gifted from above - Beer was in sight and the necessary anaesthetics imbibed. Onwards from BS No.1, the ‘W’ trail; was perhaps seen as the ‘Wise’ trail rather than the Walkers/Wimps Way, and many took the opportunity to enjoy the woodland trails.

Notwithstanding the wisdom of many, four numpties took the main trail onwards and upwards to the heavens above Mijas. The main pack enjoyed the trail along and downwards through a river gorge and eventually finding BS No.2. Indeed, Muzzle-Im was so taken by the geological formations, caves and rock formations that he decided to take a time out and set up a tourist information office on the trail for those who might be interested.

Upon reaching BS No.2 the pack were horrified to discover that there were ‘No Crisps’. What? No Crisps? Poor KK, having set a magnificent rail, addressed in plenty the primary needs of every Hasher (Beer), was his down fall to become apparent for the want of crisps! At this juncture, the timely arrival of two (of the four) main trail Hashers at BS No. 2 brought forward tales of, Bigfoot, Beasties, and strange happening in the forest. ‘Just say When’ had gone native in the trees and was running ‘off flour’!!! Ye Gods, with the aid of modern technology the truth was apparent, SR called to say he was within 500m of the Mijas Summit and ‘Just say When’ was going for the final accent. What, not on flour, not on trail, indeed totally off trail, the main MH3 pack were in disbelief and so stressed that there was only one course of action, back to base camp and beers a.s.a.p.

Returning to the comfort of the geodetically positioned Hash Circle, all parties comforted each other as they awaited the return of the lost ‘two’. Then, there in the distance, the silhouette of the two harriers brought comfort; however this was only short lived as it became apparent that Just say When had indeed, gone off trail and far worse, had short-cut most of the second half to get back to the circle before sun set!

The Circle: Repositioned from the ‘geodetic setting’, the Circle was held in the shade of several almond trees, to which the pack was much relieved. Kindergarten Cop performed the duties of GM and SR was RA for the day. Key matters were;

Anniversaries: All hashers on the day were blessed with an anniversary; noted parties for 25 runs were - Red Hot Chilli, Cabin Boy and Kannot Kan, with Mummy’s Boy achieving the exceptional goal of 650 runs.

Scoring of the run brought out the diversity of the pack. There were those who ‘loved it’, giving scores of 9 and above – indeed Speed Bumps was iced for offering an overly generous 9.999! Whereas walking down the bumpy river bed brought out the softies some harsh underscoring. After all views were taken, an average of ‘8’ was recorded.

RA’s cleansing: Cleansing was applied in liberal form to the hashers of the day. Kannot Kan provided the traditional ice block and Red Hot Chilli was first to enjoy, long arias were performed allowing the true benefit of the ‘iced’ experience to penetrate. Speed Bumps was iced for bringing two heavy weights (FB and M-I) and cruelty to her car, whilst KK took centre stage and gave renditions of numerous Asian Hash favourites ‘on ice’. Muzzle-Im was blessed with sharing the ice with ‘Just say When’ – the ice melted at an exceptional rate as the pair took their due punishments – indeed Just say When had achieved an amazing tally of sins that the pack were stunned by the enormity of the blessing needed from the RA. Finally and in recognition of the recent Pride week, the GM offered a final blessing to the LGBT look-a-likes.

On After: Held in Alhaurin somewhere ………………...

On-On, Clog Dancer.

Circle: Alhaurin el Grande
Plot at corner of Camino de Ardalejos (La Chichara) and Camino Foresta

Directions:
A): Coming from Fuengirola / coastal area: Get onto the A-7053 and head north to the BP / Venta Los Morenos roundabout, turning along the A-387 into Alhaurin el Grande.

Coming from Mijas: follow the A-387 past the BP / VLM roundabout and into Alhaurin.

At the edge of Alhaurin, there is a small roundabout: take the first exit, going up the hill and follow this road (A-404) for about 1.7 km crossing all roundabouts straight ahead. On your right you will see Parque de la Libertad, and at the end of the road a sharp turn right and left into a narrow lane: follow this to the end, round a sharp right turn and to a junction. Follow the road round to the left, past ‘Chicavilla’, and continue along the camino Ardalejos another 1.7 km to the end. Turn right at the junction of camino Forestal and then immediately left, past the basura, and you will see the runsite on the right.

(B): Coming from Alhaurin de la Torre: follow the A-404 past Lauro Golf. 1.4 km after the Lauro Golf roundabout is a left turn (with basura) onto a country road. Follow this road about 1.7 km to the runsite.

(C): Coming from the north of Alhaurin: after coming through the town, head out along the A-404 (calle Gerald Brenan) past La Peñita: on your left after the BP station and the roundabout you will see a small parking area, behind which is the Frog and Toad Pub,. Directly opposite the F&T is a country road called camino Cañada de las Palomas: follow this road to the top, and turn left onto the camino Ardalejos, proceeding to the runsite as detailed above.

Kannot Kan special hash signage will be posted at various places as seen below: