Run - 1852 - 23rd April 2023 St. George's Day Run

Apr 24

Written By 5KS

Date: 23/04/2023

Hares: Golden Cascade & Pussy Gallore

Lunatics: 34

Virgins: Nadine & Steve

The hottest run of the year so far? You know why?... because it's feckin too hot out there.

Hashers are the most eco friendly people on the planet, nearly. Which I´ll come back to.

The St Georges day mob assembled in a well known gathering spot for hashers. Somewhere at the back of Mijas Campo... over that bridge... you know the one, just up from the golden triangle of Dippers, Sir F & Stiffany and Aquasex.

A fair few even managed a bit of patriotism towards the saint of battle, somehow appropriate for a hash. Not that St George actually wore a red and white striped nylon wig.

Most of us thought it would be a tried and tested route, and it was. Through Guantanemo tactics, the 2 Harriettes managed to convince us that it was virgin territory.

We set off in the usual manner, a straggle of enthusiasts, followed by the delusional and insane into the dry dusty campo. If there was a hill to be found, the hares found it and if there was a tunnel or dry river bed, they found that too. The route had the full complement of flour, chalk and shredded paper - which tells you where in the campo and urbanization the trail meandered.

Dazed and confused, most of us found the first beer stop. Arriving parched and exhausted like survivors of a zombie armageddon film. Some half minds never made it...

The rest of us set out for the next stop, intent on getting to the cava to slug all that semi sec down our necks.

Fortunately, at last we found the missing hashers. They weren't hacked up in the campo, like dried figs, but alive and well under the shade of the bamboo reeds, scoffing English jam and scone or scons- You say potato and I say tomato...

Exiting out of the final trail back to the circle was not for the faint hearted. There was a stretcher on standby for 5knuckle and STTI had her ligitation lawyer on speed dial, but eventually everyone made it back.

The highlight had to be the circle presided over by the very regal Saint George himself. Though he had enough chainmail on to sink a ship. He'd have been cooler locking himself in a shipping container.

Liberal amounts of sunfactor were handed out and I began to wonder about how long it will be before we all go to hell in an earth scorched handcart.

Down downs were dished out to the anniversarios:

STTI 60

WTO Slutch or Switch? 80

Sherie? Steve? 10 (whose handwriting is this?)

RubbherTurd 410

Google Masterbates 195 - though to be fair we may never see him again... He's probably on his way to Sudan in his audi now.

While I was baking in the spring heat, I did some wondering ... so far we humans have heated up the planet, destroyed 97% of the ecosystem and show no sign of finding any life on Mars. This is it. There's no planet B.

Anyway back to the circle....which was loud, funny and as always, beer soaked. The highlights for me were many, but I was made to sit on ice, so I froze my ass off; which went to my brain or was it the down-downs?

Sir Flakey had to sit on ice. Rick o Shea did. From Behind got his ass froze.

The Golden Pussy team got a very respectable 9.2 something, bolstered by the well laid out table at the cava stop.

The virgins Steve and Anna couldn't escape either. I think it's another first, 2 christenings on their first foray with the hashers.

Colonic Irrigation aka Saint George could not hold back... they were dually wetted and named....

Steve George and The Dragon

More pageantry and hilarity ensued, as it does when there's 2 beer stops and an ice cold sit down circle.

Speaking of ice, here are some facts...did you know.... that's the same block of down down ice you've been sitting on now for a long long time....Clonk refreezes them, just like the polar ones every winter... only the ice caps aren't refreezing. The polar ice caps are melting faster than hashers can run.

Global Temperature Is Rising. ...

The Ocean Is Getting Warmer. ...

The Ice Sheets Are Shrinking. ...

Glaciers Are Retreating. ...

Snow Cover Is Decreasing. ...

Sea Level Is Rising. ...

Arctic Sea Ice Is Declining. ...

Extreme Events Are Increasing in Frequency.

Remember when we hashers consumed single use plastic like it was fast fashion? Thank god we are getting our act together, now if we can do away with the plastic altogether, we might just win the race to net zero... or at least lead the way on the Costa del Sol.

So next time you hash; ditch the cheap small bottle of water. It's costing you a whole lot more than you think.

Get your own permanent refillable one.

ON ON to the next el Scorchio hash.

Shaggy !