Run - 1850 - 9th April 2023 Easter Bunny Run

Mijas HHH

Run 1850

9 th April 2023

CIRCLE TIME:

3:30 pm (15:30 Hours)

CIRCLE LOCATION:

The hills and valleys just below OJEN and close to the Triple AAA

Animal Sanctuary of Marbella.

HARES: Just Say When (Queen of Trails……. although that may well soon be amended to “Queen of Fear”) and/ Mummy’s Boy (who had just one job to do, to which he abysmally

failed, and that to place the HHH signs out appropriately for us Hashers)

RUN REPORT:

As I am writing this report I am still picking out spikes, needles and

splinters from parts of my body I only expose in the shower. I will

return to this later. On yet another sunny spring day saw around 40

runners descend into the valley just off the Ojen road from Marbella

to take on the challenge of yet another Gwen run. Those in the know

should have observed her broken trail shoes and her faded and

scratched gaiters to realise this was heading for another Special

Forces assault course. Proceedings got off to their usual start with

the GM (Kindergarten Kop) introducing us to some Swedish visitors

and Irish virgins, “Strawberry Fart”, “Strawberry Football”, “Loop

Hole” and “Overdrive”. It then went south from there on in with the

GM informing the visitors to remember 3x Hash names and then

proceeding to blurt out several Hash names to our guests. One Down

Down in the bag.

The Hares were quickly called into the Circle to explain and lighten

our spirits by announcing not one but two Beer stops with one being

a Cava halt. Bribery to get better run points at the end is still rife in

Mijas I’m delighted to say. Queen of Fear (oh I mean Queen of Trails)

then at ballistic speed explained the flour and shredded paper signs

to look out for to an apathetic bunch eager to ascend the assault

course.

And that we did. In traditional fashion we all started a circular assent

of the first hill with the usual front running b’stads Bloody Pinocchio

and Salmonella Rushdie setting the pace to a more sedate Cabin Boy,

complete with trademark parasol, and Google Master Bates playing

sweeper. Under the scorching sun we ascended the hill, perilously

passing bee hives and gaining extra sun-tan from the radiation

emitted by the mobile masts that breasted each hill, to begin the

first of many perilous descents into the next valley. Those tailing

behind did have the advantage of seeing the front runners on trail

and thereby used their common and short cut, thus saving

themselves from certain death on one of many steep sections we

had to endure. So, nearly as a group we all made our way through

lovely cool wooded areas and dusty roads until we hit a valley that

appeared to have been cleared especially for our runners with most

of us believing Just Say When had advanced on her trails blazing

ways, progressing from secateurs and machete to Bulldozers and

JCBs. How sweet on her. So it was that with each runner helping each

other down the perilous trails we made the Beer stop. Refreshments

were accompanied by yet more bribery for good Circle points with

baked cakes and humus. The humus being especially for Rick O’Shea

to spread on his delicious fruit and nut cake. Clearly an Irish

speciality.

And so with all well imbibed and sugared up with cake the Hares

proceeded to push those wishing to complete the macho trail down

an innocent slope towards what would turn out to be one of the

most harrowing trail (and I say trail in its loosest definition) ever

conjured up by the “Queen of Fear”.

A note of seriousness is needed here. Whist the runners might wish

to partake of the macho challenge, it is beholding on the Hares to

ensure they educate them in what they will meet on route and, I

suggest, ensure those with inappropriate footwear are warned of the

difficulty of terrain to be encountered. A large group of us, me

included, encountered not so much a trail as a route that would

encompass tricky water ways, slippery rocks and a descent out of this

natural hell hole that can only be described as dangerous. Even the

accompanying dogs with four paws at times fell downwards; such

was the difficulty of getting foothold to clamber out of the valley.

Hashing is supposed to be fun. This was not and with our younger

hashers and a few experienced adults to boot experiencing fear and

in trepidation, knowing that one slip or fall would see them cascade

down into thorny and watery abyss NOT NICE.

Whilst those walkers who stayed behind had the delights of a very,

very short second leg, around the Hares cars and back for the Cava,

those survivors (role of honour to Garden Stool, Dogface, our lovely

Irish Strawberries and Rick O’Shea to name a few), who managed to

escape the Valley of Death, trudged their way back to the Beer stop

where Just Say When at least had the foresight to save a bottle of

Cava to calm jittery hands and bloodied legs, oh and one soaked

Muzzle-Im whose love of his life, “Fart Humper” (I mean

Speedbumps) tried to drown me at one such impossible stream

crossing. Fortunately all marking, false or not, were well laid and as

the sun was descending into the blue Mediterranean all were

reunited for a much delayed Circle.

The GM then went through the ritual of getting the visitors to name

three Hash names (already well remembered from the start fiasco).

It then came to individual markings and ah, assessment of the Run.

Obviously the score leaned to its usual diatribe of lovely well thought

out run, blah blah blah and obviously the Beer, Cava and delicious

cakes helped push the score to 9.6. Let this Scribe (as I was press-

ganged into it) says that scoring should be discounted considerably

by those who never finish the course, those who are only there to

enjoy the drinks and other foods on offer without one foot been run

in front of the other and those who don’t know how to score, only

going for 9.9 out of courtesy or embarrassment for not being the

Hare or mimicking other scores. Rant over.

Sir Flakey then took on the unusual mantle of RA and suitable Down

Downs were administered to the Hares (particularly for the cock up

with the HHH signage), Red Hot Chilli Pepper for not pronouncing her

English words correctly, for the Swedish contingent who could not

think of a suitable Swedish Hash song, to Rick O’Shea for attempting

to kill himself by cutting electrical cables, for being last week’s Scribe

and of course the ‘Humus’ episode, Google Master Bates for finishing

and me for reasons beyond my understanding. The GM finalised

proceedings with “get a life” down-downs for:

Blind Dick – 15 Runs

Garden Stools – 20 runs

Muzzel-Im – 80 runs

Just In Case – 275 runs

Salmonella Rushdie – 390 runs and top spot to/

Karma Chameleon – 550 runs and a hallowed badge for his Happy

coat.

With the Circle closed those who booked drove in convoy to the

Restaurant Venta el Barranco in Ojen where a delicious three course

and half bottle of wine was gladly consumed by a tired bunch of

Hashers, regaling over the events of that run and some vowing next

time Just Say When sets a run to bring, 1 st aid kit, compass, whistle,

flares, defibrillator, army boots, rations, snake-bite antidote,

crampons, a torch, rope, GPS phone etc etc.

YOUR HUMBLE SCRIBE:

Muzzle-Im

Check out this trail from @Wikiloc!
https://www.wikiloc.com/hiking-trails/mijas-h3-run-1850-marbella-131080535 (Mijas H3 run #1850 Marbella)